Dorian - Embracing Misophonia: Dorian's Journey

S2 E14 - 7/29/2020
In this episode, Adeel converses with Dorian about her struggles and experiences with misophonia, which were prominently shared in a touching Instagram story, driving a significant reaction that encouraged others to speak out. Dorian, currently relocating from San Diego to St. Petersburg, initially discovered her severe reaction to specific sounds following the death of her grandfather and a stressful school environment. Her triggers have progressively expanded from chewing noises to visual cues like pencil tapping. Despite the challenges, Dorian has sought coping strategies such as avoiding specific situations and using earplugs during family gatherings. Discovery of the misophonia community and research online affirmed her experiences, and while she has never sought official diagnosis, this recognition provided significant relief and understanding. Dorian, who considers herself introverted, reflects on how misophonia might have shaped her personality from a young age. In closing, she emphasizes embracing and owning misophonia, advocating for open discussions to further awareness and research towards understanding this condition better.


Adeel [0:01]: Welcome to the Misophonia podcast. This is season two, episode 14. My name is Adeel Ahmad and I have Misophonia. This week, I'm excited to share my conversation with Dorian. Some of you may be familiar with Dorian after she posted a beautiful raw Instagram story where she talked about her Misophonia publicly for the first time. It got a great reaction and hopefully inspired others to speak out and share their experiences. I immediately wanted to get her on the show, and we were able to finally chat a couple months ago. I'll also have her Instagram in the show notes if you want to give her a follow. A couple quick notes, just a reminder that the Misophonia Association Convention is happening this year online on October 8th. They've posted more speakers on their website, so please check it out and register if you want to hear some great talks about the latest research, treatment, community building, and coping advice. I'll be talking about this podcast and the community that's been building around it. Link in the show notes or just Google Misophonia Association. And one last thing, I want to give a shout out to 621 311 Apparel, a new clothing line co-founded by Kirsten, back from episode 5 of season 1. Everything available on this site features anti-racist messaging to let people express themselves through their apparel. You can find a link to the shop in the show notes or on And remember, if you're at a business owned by a misophone or employs misophones, please let me know. You can go to and click the add button. And this is one way we can all help support each other. All right. Now, here's my conversation with Dorian. Dorian, welcome. Welcome to the podcast.

Dorian [1:51]: Thank you.

Adeel [1:52]: So as people know, you know, you should like to just kind of hear kind of where you're located and kind of what you do.

Dorian [1:59]: So right now I'm living in San Diego, California. We're actually getting ready to move back to St. Petersburg, Florida, which we were living like a year ago. So things are wild because we're going to be moving in July. And, you know, we don't know what's going to be going on with the virus at that point. So it will be interesting.

Adeel [2:22]: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's interesting on many, many points. And I was kind of first made aware of you by the, I think, the Instagram story, a series of Instagram stories or posts that you made about Miss Funny, which was awesome. It was like raw. It was about your personal experience. And I think a lot of people noticed. Maybe do you want to kind of start with kind of what made you want to do that?

Dorian [2:51]: yeah so oddly enough i found you and and i got super inspired by you know you talking to people and having them open up about it and i thought that was really fun and i was like you know what i kind of want to you know share my experience uh because there's a lot of people that i know and that follow me and in my personal life that don't know because i don't bring it up unless there's a reason to normally uh so i don't know i was very inspired and so i like just like put on my camera and was like okay go and like i didn't edit it at all and like started crying here and there and it was really funny but yeah perfect yeah it was great and i think a lot of people yeah a lot of people noticed it and we're i'm sure we're inspired too um

Adeel [3:41]: And yeah, it was a while because I don't remember everything you mentioned in it. But do you want to maybe go back to kind of early days for Dorian and where this kind of started?

Dorian [3:51]: Oh, man. Okay. Yeah. So originally, I'm from Louisiana. So my mom and I moved out to Atlanta, Georgia when I was 10. And then we left. My grandpa was still living there. And then a couple of my other family members were still living there. But then... One Thanksgiving after we had moved, you know, my grandpa passed away on Thanksgiving and we found out about it because my brother was still living in Louisiana and he found out about it. My grandpa's neighbor had like found him because in Louisiana, no one locks their doors. So he just like went inside because he didn't notice my grandpa out. Yeah. So we went down to Louisiana. Everything was good. Well, you know. for going to the funeral. And then, no misophonia, I actually bought a pack of gum on the day of his funeral and passed out gum to my entire rope. So it makes me wonder, you know, because that was my first trigger, but I wasn't triggered at the funeral. And then I got back from Thanksgiving break, my first day back at school. I remember I walked into a math classroom, which is my least favorite subject. I'm not very good at math. I sat down at my desk. Everything was still fine. And all of a sudden, she passes out this pop quiz, like, first day back from... thanksgiving break and i'm like whoa like i was not expecting that and then the guy next to me started chewing gum and i noticed it like immediately and it it kind of feels like um like the twilight series like how edward describes his vampire hearing is like supersonic and it's like really abrupt and like you can hear everything and like that's kind of how it felt for me like out of nowhere super loud like the volume got turned up on the earth and like It was awful. That was the worst.

Adeel [5:54]: And what age was that again?

Dorian [5:56]: Eleven.

Adeel [5:57]: Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, this is not the first person I've interviewed, actually, who can associate the beginning of their misophonia with a passing of a grandparent. That's interesting. I mean, yeah, I guess there are a lot of stress factors involved around that time for you. yeah it yeah i mean like my grandpa passed and then the math test it was a lot of stress like all at once for my little 11 year old body and that age yeah that age anyways um and so okay so then you go home and maybe i know maybe not that day necessarily but right from that point on um did did you start noticing it in other places sounds like yeah yeah from that point on um

Dorian [6:44]: You know, I don't remember what happened that day or anything, but I couldn't eat at the dinner table with my mom anymore.

Adeel [6:51]: So it was like night and day pretty much.

Dorian [6:53]: Oh, yeah.

Adeel [6:54]: Yeah.

Dorian [6:55]: And back then, my mom was working a lot of night shifts anyway. So we never really had to eat dinner together because, you know, I would normally just feed myself and then... You know, that was kind of it. But any time where like we went out to eat or anything, it was torture because I had no idea that earplugs existed. Yeah. Yeah. Like had no idea. And then so in school it was torture because kids were constantly chewing gum. And then I started having visual triggers pretty soon after with pencils.

Adeel [7:32]: and like tapping and like if they were like twiddling like their pencil or if they were like shaking their leg or their foot it was yeah it was almost at the same time that it started up wow so everything just started to hit all at once like all the usual triggers came kind of at once yeah how did you just this must have been overwhelming how did you start to react you know at home and at school

Dorian [7:56]: So at school, I had pretty long hair at the time. So I would like, you know, kind of cover my face, like head down to my desk, unless I had to look up at the teacher for some reason. So I wasn't learning very much back then, like, because I was constantly worried about seeing a trigger or hearing a trigger. And then it was so bad. We used to have quiet reading time in literature class. and i loved to read like that wasn't the problem problem was i knew it was going to be super quiet in there and people were going to make noises and and uh we were sat together in a group of five at the time um and so we had quiet reading group of five people at my table and i remember not being able to focus at all because they would take out their candy and their lollipops and the teachers wouldn't say anything you know i'm like we're not supposed to be eating in class but you know they're like taking them out and i guess it's quite enough where the teachers couldn't hear the rappers but like i could hear the rappers you know because i'm like focused in on it and then it would I would take my palms and, like, squeeze them on the side of my head, like, as hard as I could. And, like, it would hurt, and I would cry. And my teachers would be like, why are you crying? And, like, I couldn't explain it because I didn't know what was happening myself. I just thought I was... I just thought that I was annoying. Like, I thought I was being too critical and that, you know, the people that were, like, making these noises, I thought that I had, like, a personal issue with them. And I didn't realize that it was because of...

Adeel [9:38]: the noises they would make um i didn't realize um and so i thought i just hated that person and i couldn't explain to my teacher oh well i hate her you know so yeah did any of your teachers kind of like uh put two and two together and just realize that hey maybe you're just you're being just heavily distracted by sounds for some reason maybe i should move you oh okay

Dorian [10:01]: No, so I ended up catching on like later in later years where I would make sure to sit like in the back corner of the classroom. And then at least one of my ears would be free. You know, like I would have one ear that wasn't being bothered by any noise. And then my other ear would just have to suffer a little bit. But at least I could still participate.

Adeel [10:25]: Yeah.

Dorian [10:26]: Because the schools that I went to, the teachers always allowed us to pick our seats on the first day. And I would just bolt to the corner.

Adeel [10:35]: Yeah.

Dorian [10:36]: Just like, this is my seat. Like, no one can sit here.

Adeel [10:39]: Right. Um, and what about at home? Uh, how, how did you, how are you doing with it there?

Dorian [10:46]: Uh, I would just stay in my room and then, uh, at home I would listen to music on my headphones and same thing on the bus. Cause riding the bus, like as a kid, super noisy, like they're making so many noises, like on purpose to distract the bus driver, which, oh, I could not do that job. Like as, as a misophonic at all, like it could not be a bus driver. Um, I would, I would crash for sure. Um, but yeah at home i just stayed in my room or i went outside or i took walks like just anywhere where i could be alone and oh man my family just thought i was evil like they they really thought that i was going through this puberty and that i didn't i didn't like my family i was rebellious and hated my family like teenagers do and i was like not at all like i love you guys a lot i just don't understand why And for a while I thought that I did hate them because, like I said, I didn't know that that was the association.

Adeel [11:53]: Yeah.

Dorian [11:54]: Yeah, I thought that I did. I thought, wow, okay, yeah, I must just have a really bad case of rebellious teenager.

Adeel [11:59]: Teenager-itis, yeah.

Dorian [12:01]: Yeah.

Adeel [12:02]: Did you, so I guess then when did you, I guess, was it when you found out it had a name and you read about it that you realized, oh my gosh, the light bulb turned on for you or?

Dorian [12:14]: So when I was in high school, I realized I could buy earplugs because I don't even know where I found that out or like how I thought of it. But I think my mom and I were just shopping at Walmart or something. And we happened to pass by the nude earplugs. And I was like, wait a second.

Adeel [12:30]: I could show these in my ears. Yeah.

Dorian [12:32]: Yeah. Like, let me try it. Cause it's for sleeping and you know, like barking dogs and stuff. And I was like, well, maybe it'll at least like tone it down, you know? And I put them in and at first I wasn't using them at school. Cause I thought that I wouldn't be able to hear the teacher, but I tried it one day and all I could hear was the teacher. And I was like, Oh my God. this is this is it i was like this is what's gonna save me and i i would never go to school without earplugs except uh the couple times that i happened to i guess leave them in my pockets or something uh i i'm not proud of this but i would go to the bathroom and wad up toilet paper, wet them, and then shoved them in my ears because I was that stressed out.

Adeel [13:17]: You got to do what you got to do. I haven't heard that, but that makes total sense.

Dorian [13:22]: I mean, I just had to think of anything.

Adeel [13:25]: What did your teachers think? Did they notice that you had earplugs in your ear and did they care?

Dorian [13:31]: Funny enough, because my hair was so long, they never noticed. And I became like super stealth at putting them in. Like no one ever noticed that I put them in. And the only person that knew that I had them at all was my best friend, which she was super awesome because she understood the issue and she would tell me like, it's not your fault. Like you can't control. like why you're feeling that way. And so she kind of made me realize that it's not that I hated people, it's that I hated the sound. And not even so much that I hated it, I just couldn't tolerate it like everyone else could.

Adeel [14:13]: So she was able to kind of like help you out there even before you knew what Miss Funny was. Yeah. Yeah. So and how did, that's great that you had that friend. What about other friends? How was it like making friends and keeping friends?

Dorian [14:28]: So I would never tell anyone unless they were chewing gum. And then I would be like, oh, hey, you know, I have like this thing, you know, and usually it would work or they would just say, oh, I'll just chew quieter. And I'm like, oh, that's not the point. I think it's so funny when people say that because I'm like, no, like I need it just out of your mouth. So there were, you know, a lot of times my best friend, because we were like attached to the hip during high school, she would say that she had the issue. with the triggers like if we were around it um which was awesome because you know i felt so self-conscious about it like so bad like i didn't want anyone to know i had earplugs or had an issue or was weird or different so she'd be the one that would tell them like hey you know chewing gum you know like really bothers me like do you mind if you just spit it out and and they would and it would be fine and so from her doing that and me watching her do that multiple times i started feeling like i could do it too and like like tell people and then you know they'll ask why and without having a name for it it's kind of hard to explain so i'd be like oh it just bothers me you know like uh it's just like really loud and you know it's just it's just bothersome um and then trying to think oh there was this one girl um who i encountered which i still remember because it was like traumatizing um who pretty much laughed at me and just kept kept going and she was like in our friend group and i was like no i guess i won't be able to hang out with you but that was like the one the first time i guess that someone Had an issue with me asking them and I felt like it was weird.

Adeel [16:19]: I was like, well, it's not, you know, not asking you to do anything crazy, but Yeah, so other than that one, there wasn't too much like bullying or anything going on. No, um, Were there people kind of like mocking it by, you know, making the sounds?

Dorian [16:41]: Well, in middle school, before I even found out like earplugs or anything, I had this one class where visual triggers were like a big thing for me because they had like the desks that have the bottoms where you could like hold your books.

Adeel [16:57]: Oh, yeah.

Dorian [16:59]: the class my classmates would like put their feet on them and then like shake them up and down and then um this one girl saw that i had an issue with it so she would find a way to sit behind me and do it to my desk and not only was i getting like triggers left and right but my desk would shake the entire class

Adeel [17:22]: Yeah, that's not cool. And then what about your grades? Like as you started to get it and then as you got the air plugs, did you notice your grades kind of move proportionally with your triggers?

Dorian [17:36]: um so my math grades never got better i think um having my initial trigger in my math class i was just like scared of math and um they never it never got better so i never had any sort of math class that had any sort of value during high school i just took the ones that i could pass with and that was kind of it But I excelled in everything else because I could pay attention. You know, like my science classes, my literature classes, I did great in. Gotcha.

Adeel [18:09]: Okay, so then you got out of high school then. Did you go to college afterwards?

Dorian [18:17]: So I went to school briefly because I was going to do cosmetology. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how hairdressers love gum and so do clients. And that's not really a job where you can avoid it. Like you can't just tell someone, you know, it's a lot more...

Adeel [18:41]: sensitive yeah like in that area so i was like it's probably not the best job and you're also holding sharp tools in your hand yeah triggering you so not good for anybody so then yeah so then this is interesting yeah i'm curious like um if this kind of affects career choices so what did you end up uh what'd you end up doing so i became um

Dorian [19:03]: a bakery manager at this really awesome grocery store in Georgia called the Fresh Market. It's a chain in the southeast. So I was working there and didn't have any issues with triggers because I could put my earplugs in if there was anything going on. Sometimes the mixer will make sloshy noises and that would trigger me.

Adeel [19:28]: But that was the only thing that ever... But you get to eat a donut at the end, so it kind of makes things better.

Dorian [19:33]: yeah uh so i ended up um working my way up uh the retail and became like an assistant store manager and that was fun um because i was able to kind of like control my situations a little better like you know like if an employee was chewing gum i'd be able to be like hey you know like we really can't chew gum

Adeel [19:55]: um you know working with food and that was always like you know it's true and it's also a little saving grace at the end there um oh that's interesting yeah that's that's a great career for anything related to making food requires you to be not eating or yeah okay

Dorian [20:13]: It has to be sanitary. So we did do a lot of sampling, but it was never an issue because I had my earplugs and I couldn't really hear it as loudly, so it wasn't affecting me as much. But then I ended up moving to Florida, same career, same job, and then met my fiancé, who's a veterinarian, and we moved out to San Diego. So I had to change my career because we didn't have stores out on the West Coast. And I found a particular job, which I won't name because things didn't end very well there because of my triggers. um so it was a warehouse bakery job where you had to scoop brownie batter like you had to make the batter um but then you had to scoop brownie batter um like into molds and trays um for your for your whole shift um like so for eight hours and um so they were metal scoopers and metal bowls And it was clinking every single scoop and each bowl probably had about, oh my God, got over a thousand scoops, God, maybe 3000 each bowl. And we would do eight bowls a day. And there was like eight, eight people, like eight, eight to 10 people that would be scooping in a room.

Adeel [21:47]: Wow. Okay. So, and this was a recent separation from the job. This is one of the reasons why you're moving back.

Dorian [21:56]: No. Uh, so I ended up quitting that job because I expressed my, you know, like how it was a really big problem for me. Um, I mean, I would, I would start crying in the middle of scooping and I'd be like, can't, I can't do this. And I would have my here, my, um, my headphones on full blast i would listen to like metal music which i've listened to before but like not in my my late years right so you know i listened to metal music full blast and i could still hear it yeah metal clinging it has frequencies that i think would go through most music unfortunately

Adeel [22:35]: Well, I was going to ask, were you able to, you know, I've heard people mention ADA accommodations and whatnot. I'm guessing that this was not an option here.

Dorian [22:45]: Yeah, I don't think so. Just because, like, it's a standalone place. You know, it's not a chain. And it wasn't something that I thought about looking into. And I had already quit by the time I heard you talking to someone. you know about that and about having issues at work and how they went through um different doctors and got you know papers saying that they had a condition and i was like wow that would have been so helpful like a couple of months ago when i was working there because you know i would talk to you know like upper people in hr like and things like that there and You know, they were accommodating in saying that we hear your issue, we understand it, but there's nothing we can really do. And I was like, okay.

Adeel [23:35]: There's nothing we can really do to make ourselves actually care about your condition. That's probably what they're actually saying.

Dorian [23:42]: Yeah, it was weird because, you know, I would talk to some of my coworkers and be like, hey, is there a way that you can scoop a different way that maybe is less noisy? And they would do it for a little while, but then they get back in their rhythm and then it would just, you know, continue. And so I started looking for another job because I realized like it wasn't going to change and it was getting worse. Like I was like coming home to my fiance, like crying about having to go to work the next day and like, not knowing how I was going to be able to cope and felt like I was in a prison. And I'm like, but you're not in a prison. You can quit and you can find another job and it's fine. So I ended up finding another grocery store job, became an assistant store manager there, and I'm still there currently, but will be having to quit in July because his residency is up. We're going to move back to Florida and I'm going to go back to the exact same job at the other grocery store that I had before.

Adeel [24:40]: Oh, nice. So they're giving it back to you because you're such a great, great employee. That's great. So for the record, you don't actually work for the Disney company, right? I do not. Based on your Instagram. I'm like, oh, she works for Disney. Maybe that's, again, I should ask her if that's a good place to work for me. So, but okay.

Dorian [24:58]: No, I'm not sure. I guess it would depend on where you're located, like where what your job is. You know, I feel like if you would be like a princess or something, you're dealing with so many kids that are making so many mouth noises. I feel like that would be awful.

Adeel [25:12]: Yeah. Yeah.

Dorian [25:13]: Like you wouldn't be able to stay in character. Right.

Adeel [25:16]: Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. um yeah i work from home so uh if people saw the facial expressions i i make on meetings there yeah we couldn't be a character at disney world that's for sure yeah unless it's the hulk um So, and so, yeah, I mean, I love how you approached actually, or try to approach your fellow employees by saying, you know, can you do this a different way? Are there, yeah, I mean, other than like, you know, blasting metal music, are there other kind of coping mechanisms or gear that you have to kind of help you out?

Dorian [25:52]: Mimicking is a big one. Yeah. That one really helps me in situations. But then sometimes like the mimicking will get very passive aggressive.

Adeel [26:05]: Yeah.

Dorian [26:06]: Like if it goes on for too long and you feel like you're kind of like angry at the sound instead of just like helping with it. Yeah.

Adeel [26:13]: Yeah. Yeah, that's always an interesting one. And at home, does your fiance trigger you too? I'm curious how that relationship is so far.

Dorian [26:27]: Yeah, he does trigger me. It's kind of always like at the beginnings when I meet someone, unless they're like chewing gum, they don't normally trigger me right away. It normally takes a little while. And so he and I have been together for like two years and the triggers are definitely starting to come on. I don't have to wear earplugs when I eat around him though, which is a blessing. Sometimes he'll like make one noise or like he'll scrape his teeth with the fork and I'll like look at him and he knows. Like he knows to stop and be more careful and he'll apologize even though he doesn't need to.

Adeel [27:07]: Sorry, I was going to say, I would imagine, especially with the stress you've had lately at this job, it's probably worse when you're, you know, coming home stressed out, right?

Dorian [27:16]: Yeah, it definitely was. I was only there for like three months, thankfully. So I didn't have to worry about it for too long. But yeah, it was really bad back then.

Adeel [27:27]: And what about your friends these days, like not out of school? Do you, you know, are you close to a lot of people and you tell them about this? Or are you kind of like, if they're just going to be acquaintances with you, just don't go there?

Dorian [27:41]: So since we moved, I don't really have any friends out here. So the only people I really, you know, talk with at all are my coworkers and my employees at work. And a lot of them know about it, you know, because I'll tell them about it. Like if I make a face, I want them to understand why I made that face. And I don't want them to think that I hate them or anything. So I'll normally like tell them or like, you know, sometimes I have to count money and if I'm counting money, I can't be distracted. And so if they're clicking their pen, I'm like, Hey, would you stop clicking while I'm counting? I'm getting a little distracted. And I normally don't even have to tell them that I have misophonia in those instances. I just say it's a distraction, which is nice.

Adeel [28:24]: Yeah. I'm the same way. Like if it requires like counting or doing any kind of work, mental work, it's not just, it's not, I mean, if it was just kind of like a, the rage, like at least I can get my work done for a brief minute at a time. But, but no, it's just like total brain shutdown.

Dorian [28:42]: Yeah. Like you cannot even focus. You don't even remember what you were doing.

Adeel [28:45]: Yeah. You know, how's your, what does your family think now as you're an adult? Like, have they kind of gotten used to it?

Dorian [28:53]: so my mom is super understanding about it now because after you know kelly ripa came out and it was on tv i showed her the documentary um i think it was on 2020. i showed her that and had to watch it and you know like she's totally understands now like it's still like i can't eat around her um that much just because like there's visual triggers as well as like sound triggers with it Um, but when I do have to, I'll wear my earplugs and I try to not make it seem like a big deal. Like I try to control my face and I try to just look away and, you know, cause I don't want her to think that it's her fault. Cause it's, it's really not. Um, and then my brothers are, it's, you know, it's, it's harder I think for them to understand it, but as long as I do my part, everything's good you know like if if they're eating you know i'm i'm not gonna be like no don't eat that like um i'll just do my part and walk away for a little while or i'll put my my earplugs in and and we're good yeah and then like family gatherings and whatnot um like christmas and thanksgiving you just kind of maybe go to the go to the kitchen do the dishes early or uh

Adeel [30:13]: Yeah.

Dorian [30:15]: Well, if I'm eating, it's easier.

Adeel [30:18]: If you're eating at the same time, because then you can do some mimicking maybe or just look away.

Dorian [30:22]: yeah so if i'm like focused on eating like my plate i'm not focusing on anyone else so it might be harder for me to hold a conversation while we're at the table um you know because i'm trying not to focus on it but you know especially if someone's talking and eating at the same time that's that's a bad one for me but um you know usually family gatherings i'll have my ear plugs in the entire day Yeah.

Adeel [30:52]: Gotcha. And then no one's like, what the heck are you doing? It's just, you know, it's just, uh, it's just what you gotta do.

Dorian [30:59]: Yeah. Yeah. They, they understand. Yeah. They, they know I, I don't have a choice.

Adeel [31:05]: Yeah. And so going back to like, uh, yeah, the 2020 documentary. Um, so was that, um, I don't know what year that was, but was that, uh, yeah. Well, you're like, how was it the first time you actually. you know, start to hear about the research and the name isphonia.

Dorian [31:21]: Yeah, so the documentary wasn't even the first time I heard it, but it was the first time I saw that it was publicly advertised as a thing. The first time I found out is because I would Google search a couple times a year my symptoms to see if anyone else in the world had anything like it. And I kept coming up with tinnitus and all that. And I'm like, that's not quite it. Close.

Adeel [31:49]: Do you remember what search terms you put in there? Like, I can't stand chewing or... Yeah, like, things like that. Stuff like that, yeah.

Dorian [31:57]: Yeah, mainly chewing or, like, gum and just those kind of terms. Like, ear, like, ear type things. Like, I would search, like, ear pain.

Adeel [32:08]: Sensitive hearing and, yeah.

Dorian [32:10]: Yeah, yeah. And, you know, then misophonia. Yeah. came up and i was like wait yeah like someone coined it like someone knows like what it is and i read i read the definition and i was like that is me like spot on so i've never been to a doctor um to get diagnosed but i for sure haven't

Adeel [32:33]: Yeah, most people have not. And then I know I've mentioned to a doctor and they're like, who diagnosed you? I'm like, I self-diagnosed, you know, kind of sheepishly say that. But but like I said before, I just if they can put it on my record, even if it's self-diagnosed, at least it's somewhere in the database. And maybe somebody will do some research and kind of use it somehow. yeah so you read about it online and then yeah immediately it clicked um what did you did you start to find out about new coping mechanisms mechanisms did it did it kind of like put you at ease for a little while that's what it does to a lot of people i think

Dorian [33:11]: yeah i felt a lot better about it and now i knew that if i ever had to bring it up in conversation i had something to back me up um which was really relieving because i was like yeah i have this like there's a name for it and they'd be like what's that and i'd be like just google it like literally but tell me just google it like it's it's on there you know because a lot of people would like look at me funny and not believe me and i'm like google it like it's laid out for you and you know i was so happy to be able to share it with my mom so that way she didn't feel like it was a personal thing because for a long time she did and how did she how did she um respond to that she was happy about it she was glad that there was a name for it you know she was sad that i had it and doesn't really understand how i got it but yeah it exists and it's yeah

Adeel [34:02]: And do you think, you know, you said you don't have a lot of friends other than your coworkers. Do you think it's affected like how outgoing, you know, like how willing you are to make new friends?

Dorian [34:16]: Yeah.

Adeel [34:16]: Would you say you're kind of introverted maybe or in general? Yeah.

Dorian [34:20]: But at the same time, you know, I know that I'm super introverted, but would I have been had I not had this? Yeah. You know, I wonder about that all the time. Like, you know, I got this at 11. Would I have been an extroverted kid? Would I have been like, you know, like I probably would have been a totally different person. I mean, it really shapes you if you get it so young.

Adeel [34:43]: Right. Yeah. No, I can imagine. You're very kind of pliable. I don't know if that's not the right word, but at that age. Yeah. A lot of experiences there. Well, yeah, that's interesting. Well, I guess we should start to wrap it up soon. Is there any, I know you, you kind of like were very eloquent in your Instagram story. Is there anything you kind of want to tell people about maybe they've, maybe they are just finding out for the first time, maybe they're just struggling with telling, you know, family members or friends or they're still in school, anything you want to maybe share with people?

Dorian [35:25]: I'm still figuring myself out with it as well, but it's part of us now. There's no cure. It's not going anywhere. There's ways to cope with it, but we kind of just have to embrace it as part of us. and own it i mean there's so many other people in the world no one's perfect everyone's got something going on with them and this just happens to be ours and how how we deal with it and how we live with it um is who we are at this point so i i really like the idea of just embracing it now um and and just using

Adeel [36:13]: ourselves to teach others about it yeah i think the the biggest kind of uh the times when it's like gone down the most for me is just kind of talking about it with other people and just kind of hearing stories one-on-one as opposed to maybe like the the big rant groups on online which are you know could be useful in their own way but uh Yeah, it helps to talk to other people and kind of like connect. And so we can hopefully figure ourselves out. Because, yeah, like you said, there's no cure. And I'm not holding my breath, at least in my lifetime.

Dorian [36:49]: Yeah, I think that if we just talk about it more, share more about it, more people will find out about it, which means more people will research it. And the closer we are to figuring out how it works, why we got it and how we can deal with it better.

Adeel [37:06]: Cool. Well, thank you, Dorian. Thanks. It's great to finally talk to you in person, so to speak. And yeah, thanks for sharing your story. Yeah, online too and here.

Dorian [37:17]: Thank you so much.

Adeel [37:18]: Thank you, Dorian. Thanks again, everyone, for listening. You know, you can email hello at or find us on Instagram and Facebook at Misophonia Podcast or Twitter at Misophonia Show. Don't forget to check out the miso list at Music as always is by Moby. And again, wishing you peace and quiet.

Unknown Speaker [38:04]: you