Lyle - Decades of struggle, resilience in boxing.

S1 E6 - 12/18/2019
Lyle, a retired hospice nurse from Lancaster, California, shares his nearly 60-year journey with misophonia, starting from his early childhood. Misunderstood by his family and without support, Lyle's condition led to intense feelings of isolation and moments of suicidal ideation. Despite his struggles, Lyle found a unique outlet in boxing, an arena where he could channel his anger and frustration positively. The conversation touches on his battles with substance dependence and the critical support provided by his wife throughout their marriage. Lyle discusses his professional life, how he adapted his career to manage his condition, and his experiences interacting with fellow sufferers at a misophonia convention. His story is a testament to the challenges of living with misophonia and the resilience required to navigate life with such a condition.


Adeel [0:01]: Hello, and welcome to the Misfonia podcast. My name is Adeel Ahmad, and I have Misfonia. This is a special episode. Lyle is someone I've met a couple times at the annual Misfonia convention. He's been suffering from this for a long time, and he's got stories. He's been through a lot, and he's had to deal with this for decades, long before anyone was talking about it at all. But now he wants to share his story, just to help anyone who needs to hear it. Now, there are a couple times where his story briefly touches upon some periods of suicidal thoughts, so I want to put that warning out there. And if anyone is going through something like that now, please turn this off and call the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255. Now, I'm very proud to bring you this conversation with my buddy, Lyle. Let's get started. So welcome, Lyle. I'm glad to have you here. I've met you at the convention the last couple of years, the Mississippi Convention, and I really wanted to get you on the podcast. So welcome. Thanks for taking the time.

Lyle [1:05]: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

Adeel [1:08]: So tell me a little about you for the audience. Whereabouts in the world are you and kind of what you do?

Lyle [1:18]: I live in Lancaster, California, and I'm a retired hospice nurse.

Adeel [1:24]: Gotcha, gotcha. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, I forgot you did that. How long have you had misophonia, Lyle?

Lyle [1:29]: Close to 60 years. Amazing. Yeah. You know, it makes me feel old when I talk about it.

Adeel [1:36]: I mean, back in the, you know, 60 years ago, I mean, this must have been, especially with the attitudes in general in society about how you... you know, you got to toughen up and be macho. I mean, it must be very tough. And obviously no one would be talking about this stuff at all. So what was it? What was it like? What were you kind of early experiences?

Lyle [1:57]: Well, it was grim. I have to say, cause I was about seven or eight when it started. And, uh, I, uh, I first, you know, I ran and told my parents I'm having this problem and they didn't buy it. They just didn't buy into it at all. Uh, they kind of ignored it. And, uh, you know, oddly enough, and, and I'm, and I'm sure they, they didn't, but, um, and I'm sure everybody kind of feels that way. It's like they wouldn't, it seemed like they went out of their way to put me into every situation they could where I was suffering. Yeah. Now I'm, I'm sure they didn't do that, but, uh,

Adeel [2:35]: Oh, but it felt like that as a, as a seven or eight year old that, Oh my gosh, they're, they're kind of doing this on purpose.

Lyle [2:42]: Yeah. That's what it felt like. I, I don't really like to talk about it, but I, most people with misophonia that I find are very bright and have very high IQs. The mine was high enough to get me into Mensa. So I'm not stupid, but I was a horrible student because I kept getting triggered by all the other people in the classroom. I couldn't pay attention to anything. And, uh, I, uh, by the time I got to be about 15, bubble gum was allowed in the classrooms. When I started, you couldn't do it. You weren't allowed. They'd make you wear it on your nose. I mean, that's how far back I go. And, uh, then when I got to be about 15, like it was six or seven people all the time, constantly cracking the gum. And, you know, I went to my parents and said, I can't, I can't take this. And, uh, They were kind of like, well, you know, this is important. You have to go to school. And I kind of became a very anti-compulsory education guy. I like distance learning. That's how I got my degree. I'm kind of just rambling. Is there any direction you want me to take this?

Adeel [3:52]: No, this is rambling. Rambling is good.

Lyle [3:55]: Well, you know, if you want, I'll shoot straight from the hip. I have a pretty interesting history with this, and it led me to substance dependence and suicidal ideation and all kind of stuff, and I'll talk about that if you'd like.

Adeel [4:11]: Yeah, I mean, whatever you feel comfortable, that's what I've been telling people, whatever you guys feel comfortable, because you're not the only one, so this will help a lot of people listening. Okay.

Lyle [4:25]: Well, I'll keep going if.

Adeel [4:28]: Yeah. So let's let's go back to. So you are right. So you're probably around in high school and, you know, the rules, the rules are starting to slip in terms of chewing gum. So everyone's smacking gum. You go to you. You went to your parents and they're like, suck it up. This is just kind of like.

Lyle [4:45]: Yeah, they just, not only did they say suck it up, they just kind of ignored it. They just said, you know, if we don't pay attention to it, it'll go away, you know. And we're going to focus on Lyle's, you know, and I loved it because I heard it on a situation comedy where you're obviously not applying yourself. And they had all these buzzwords and statements to excuse. Probably blamed it on you. oh yeah it was all my fault you know and and i'm kind of like well why does it have to be 12 years in japan it's nine years i i don't see we're in the first six years i couldn't have got all of what i learned there in about maybe less than a year why why are you forcing me to sit there And doing some research on it, I know the labor unions kind of wanted people to stay in compulsory education until they were 12 to keep the jobs available and keep them out of the workforce.

Adeel [5:37]: Oh, I didn't know that.

Lyle [5:38]: And I said, well, that's hardly fair to tie me into a chair and torture me. You know, people wear earphones and earbuds. You couldn't do that. They'd make you take them out. If you got caught with that, you have to remove that. There was always a negative consequence. There was always these threats. And they would threaten you with your parents, interestingly enough, I found. They would say, you know, well, we're going to bring your parents in here, and we're going to fine them if you don't come up, show up for class, because I wouldn't have been there. I would have said, I don't need this. I can get this on my own.

Adeel [6:17]: Right, so they would say, I'm going to tell on you and bring your parents in and punish the parents. That's what you're saying, right?

Lyle [6:25]: Yes. So rather than see them hurt, I'll take it, you know? And as I said, I... When I was 10 years old, I just got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. This is a 10-year-old. I was suicidal, and I had a plan. And, you know, I mean, that's the thing as a nurse. That's kind of the thing you look for. People talk about suicide a lot. They have a plan. They're going to do something about it. And that's the guy you should be looking at. And at 10, I had a plan. Now, you know, I don't know if I ever would have actually done it. maybe I was just looking at that as something to say, well, Hey, you know, if it gets too bad, I can do this and then it's over, you know, but I had a plan and I remember, no, I never, you never told anybody that you had a plan.

Adeel [7:13]: This was a private, uh, this is something you came up with.

Lyle [7:16]: Yeah. Yeah. I never told anyone. And I had, uh, I, and I remember I was sitting in church and, And I, you know, I was just everybody, I was being triggered from everybody sitting there in the kitchen. I said, well, you know, if God is going to put me into this, I don't have any chance at all. So I went home and I remember going, I was going to exercise the plan. I saw the family dog was tied up out in the yard. And I said, well, you know, there's still some things worth living for. And that's what stopped me. And that's my memory of it. That was the only time I ever actually tried it. When I was 15, I was probably closer to it. But I got interested in boxing. And I thought I was going to be rich and famous someday because I had this thing driving me where other guys didn't have that. They had poverty and stuff, but I had this thing that was going to drive me to do better at what I chose to do. You know, if you have an anger disorder, well, it's a perfect thing to get into something that they pay you for anger.

Adeel [8:26]: So you channeled, around that age, you channeled your anger from misophonia into a passion for boxing.

Lyle [8:36]: Yes. And they say if life gives you lemon, make lemonade. Well, that's what I was trying to do. Yeah, that's awesome. I didn't know that expression at the time, but. So I had a couple plans, and I ran around in my head, and I said, you know, if you become rich and famous, if you stop at here, you never get there. You could be denying yourself a lot. Now, as I put up my famine fortune, attest to how close I got to that goal. But it kept me alive. It kept me pumping. It kept me, you know, focused on, you know, there's something out there. There's more to life than Missifoni.

Adeel [9:10]: Wow. And so how long did you pursue boxing outside of school? How long did you do that for?

Lyle [9:20]: Unfortunately, I have asthma, so that held me back. You know, any time that you would, yeah, you know, you need wind. to go more rounds, and the more rounds you go, the better you get paid. Now, I started going to the gym. My parents didn't want me to do it. So I kind of had to sneak away. Then I kind of finally told them, I said, look, I'm going to go to the gym, and that's it.

Adeel [9:46]: So they were okay with some kinds of pain, but not other kinds of pain.

Lyle [9:50]: You know, when I went to Philadelphia, I lived in Philadelphia right after I got married, and I had no job skills because I couldn't sit in a classroom. So the only thing I knew how to do was box. I said, well, I'm going to box. I'm going to make some money. You know, that way it's not all my poor wife. This is four years ago. So I went to Joe Frazier's gym in Philadelphia, and I literally – got in there with world champions. And they couldn't put anything on me like Mezzofonia did. It was like, and I remember when I had my first fight walking down the aisle to say, this guy, there's nothing he can do to me that I haven't had 10 times worse than this, you know, no matter what happens. So it was, you know, it was something I like. Yes. You know, I didn't have a nerve in my body. And everybody wondered what it was. Well, gee, I like getting in front of the crowd. And like I said, I thought I was going to be rich and famous someday. But yeah, it gave me the confidence to get in there and actually try something that, you know, by rights, I was this middle class kid who had no business being there. And that's a, everybody thinks of that as the sport for, you know, people that are up against it and have no other way of, you know. And that's how I felt. I felt that I had no other way of making any money. And I thought this was... And then I can try to get people to just say, hey, let's be a little kinder to each other. When somebody comes to you with a problem like this, you know, listen to them. Try to help them.

Adeel [11:24]: Got it. So did you then... Did that lead you to talk about misophonia at all? About boxing or that was, you know...

Lyle [11:31]: I never actually spoke to anybody. Interesting thing. In 2000, I guess the first Misophonia conference was 2015, 2016. I don't really remember. But I found out about it after it was over, unfortunately. So I said, well, I'm going to the next one. And that was in Chicago. And I was going to drive up there. I'm afraid to drive in the snow. So I didn't go because I was kind of, you know, Chicago in October, it's going to be a foot of snow maybe. And I said, I did. So the Las Vegas, uh, 2017 that's the first time i kind of ever really talked to anybody about it other than talking to i have a this is another part of my story is my uh interaction with psychiatry and psychology and you know the psychiatric aspect of why is lyle so crazy he doesn't like schools but i i drove to las vegas well my wife actually drives she doesn't like the way i drive so she drives We drove to Las Vegas literally through a monsoon. Now, I live in the desert. It never rains, but, of course, the one day that I need to drive somewhere, it's a torrential downpour. So we got to Las Vegas. We were late. We got there after the first break, and I went out, and I talked to somebody who was just – They introduced themselves. And all of a sudden, 50 years of misophonia and suffering with this just poured out. And I just, I bent this poor person's ear. And it's the first time I ever actually really talked to somebody. And actually the first time I had ever met a sufferer. So that was... i figured 56 or 57 years into this thing before i ever really had a chance to talk to anybody it wasn't like a psychiatrist or a psychologist people don't they don't they didn't believe me they didn't believe what i was saying and i said this in particular it was my family and that made it worse because every situation every holiday every thanksgiving we have this big turkey dinner and everybody's having a good time and i'm suffering and that was uh

Adeel [13:44]: Yeah. And then so and then rewinding back then to your to your childhood, I have, you know, I've heard stories of siblings being cruel and whatnot. Did you like what was that family life like? Did you have siblings? I've heard, you know, parents are usually triggers. Just, you know, outside of the classroom, I know that where you're having a lot of problems. Were you having triggers at home?

Lyle [14:06]: the and that's that's a sad part because you figure okay and i'm going out there into the world and and i'm and i've got this problem i should be able to come back home and have some kind of sanctuary front but you know i i came home and i got it at home to add no place i could go I finally got my own room when I was in my early teens. So I would go in there and I would stay. I wouldn't come out. I got myself a little cheap television. And there was all these threats about, we're not going to let you go back there anymore. And if you don't do what we tell you to do, we're not going to let you watch television. But like I said, my family was totally unsupportive about it. My mother... And, you know, may she rest in peace. And I don't like to talk about people who are not there to defend themselves. Both my mother and father are gone. I haven't talked to my brother since my dad died eight years ago. And I kind of mentioned this in passing in another interview where there was a young lady on one of the videos, one of the most phony institute videos that said, you know, it was the... her family and her, and that's kind of the way I was. It's the three of us and Lyle. I had an older brother who didn't understand, and he and my mother kind of called me names. They had these names they'd call me when I was... So not only was I suffering with this, they were making fun of me. My dad was an alcoholic. If I started complaining or something, he kind of got lost in a bottle of gin. And again, you know, I'm talking about people aren't here to defend themselves and you're only hearing my side of the story. But it was like the three of us in Lyle and they went off on, you know, they were having vacations and holidays and any parties or something. I'm sitting there suffering, you know, particularly we would drive to my dad lived in, grew up in Minnesota. We would drive to Minnesota every year and Or every other year, rather. And I sat in the car. It was a three-day drive and closed in this tight space with my family because they didn't care. They just kept triggering. My dad was a noisy eater. And, you know, he never ate. But now all of a sudden he had to have a mint, and he would keep sucking on it. And my mother chewed gum, and she would keep cracking the gum while we were sitting there. My brother, she'd give him stuff to eat. It was just, you know, so they were having fun. It was the three of us in Lyle. And when they eventually, my dad bought a cabin up in Minnesota. And again, it was the three of us in Lyle. I was never really welcome there. I never went there. I didn't go.

Adeel [17:00]: So they would take trips just then. So this is not even you being in the car and feeling kind of...

Lyle [17:11]: left out or triggered they would take trips together and leave you at home yes well i i wasn't living when they bought this i was married and living outside of the house instead of you know my brother went he was married he he would go he was made a part of it but i wasn't and i was like the three of us in lyle again and it's all around the misophonia gotcha

Adeel [17:34]: Gotcha. Wow. Tell me about your, your, your wife. I mean, had you talked to her, um, about it at all before the Vegas convention?

Lyle [17:43]: Well, you know, I, I, I felt that I should tell her this before we got married, you know, she, she was like, Oh yeah, let's go. So I said, well, now, you know, this is something you should know about me because it's going to affect, it affects the kinds of jobs I have. I'm telling you, I've done everything that conceivably could be considered a job that brought in any kind of money that, uh, I would take any job that anybody else didn't want if I could be by myself. I worked at night. I cleaned out the restrooms at a department store because I could work at night. I worked out in the cold, and I hate cold weather, but I did it because I could be by myself.

Adeel [18:20]: Yeah.

Lyle [18:21]: It was in my 30s delivering newspapers. You know, I mean, I did everything I could do so I could be by myself so I wouldn't be triggered. So I thought I should tell my wife before we got married that this is what you're getting into. I don't want to spring this on you after work. You know, that's not really fair to her and probably not going to last if that's the case. My wife is a nurse. She was okay with it. Now, she didn't really understand it to the level that I have it. And but she said she was willing to. My wife stuck by me through my substance dependence, through rehabs, through relapses. I got pancreatitis and almost died. I had six admissions to the emergency room in 2006. I had a collapsed lung. I had a bowel obstruction. I couldn't eat for six months. I lost 50 pounds. It almost killed me. And I didn't care. I said, well, if I'm going to die, fine. Then I won't be suffering anymore. It was almost suicidal ideation just through slow death, through poisoning yourself with an addiction.

Adeel [19:35]: And did that addiction start soon after you moved out from your parents? Or did it start maybe earlier than that?

Lyle [19:45]: I had kind of addictive things that I did that were kind of ritual behaviors that I did. Yeah. I would walk a lot. I went to the library and just hung out because it was quiet. And there were kind of rituals that I did. And I realize now that that was kind of accessing the centers of the brain that kind of control addiction. And the addiction really started after I quit boxing. I was 21. Yeah, I did all that when I was 10. I quit when I was 21. And 21, it was legal for me to go out and purchase alcohol, which was what I was addicted to. And that's when it started, because I was living by myself, and there was nobody to say, hey, you realize what you're doing to yourself here. And even if they had, I don't think it would have made much difference.

Adeel [20:35]: Where were you living around that time? Was it...

Lyle [20:38]: Oddly enough, Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I went from one Lancaster to... Yeah, okay.

Adeel [20:42]: Gotcha. Okay, I'll try to keep that straight. Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Okay. Around what age did you meet your wife? I'm just curious, you know, how many years you were just... I was 25. Oh, got it. Okay, so you spent a few years at least where you were just on your own. So you took all these jobs. You ended up becoming a nurse. Was that like kind of your longest job stretch?

Lyle [21:03]: Yes, I was a nurse for 25 years.

Adeel [21:06]: I know some nurses, and it can be pretty, I guess they tend to spend a lot of time in the ERs, but I'm assuming yours was a quieter variation of the nursing profession.

Lyle [21:19]: I did six months in a hospital, which is what they tell you to do, get your experience and then go out. I worked as a nurse's aide, taking every night job, unless I said that I could get... And I always asked the nurses. I went to Regents College, which was distance learning. I took the liberal arts aspects of the coursework through CLEP tests. And I took the nursing aspect of it through ACPEP tests. So I never actually had to sit in a classroom. So the final test that I had to do was to go to New Jersey and show, you know, monitors that I could hang an IV and give an injection and that I understood medications and how to take care of patients, which I had learned from four years of working as a nurse's aide and going in and telling the nurse, hey, AIDS was a problem back then, but so I used that. I said, well, I'll give the medications to your AIDS patients so you don't have to go in there. I'll expose myself, you don't have to. So that was how I learned medications and learned how to hang IVs. I mean, it's probably not kosher, so to speak, I guess, but that was how I did it. In nursing, I worked in a hospital for six months. So in Philadelphia, you go on any Broad Street hospital, it's crazy. You get a lot of experience real fast. So I worked in a hospital for about 10 months. Then I went into – I worked nights at a rehab because I understood – kind of understood rehab, where it was. And working nights, I wasn't triggered too much. Then I got into home care where I was by myself. I spent most of my time in my car. I would go to each individual – case where it was just one person or maybe a caregiver so if i ran into a problem i could talk talk about it i get fired from a couple cases because you know people didn't want me there because i asked them to stop chewing gum or whatever and then i became a hospice nurse which was kind of what i really like because you know people are suffering and dying who understands that better than somebody with misophonia for 50 years you know

Adeel [23:39]: So that's interesting in that I'm sure you got to hear a lot of people as they were towards the end of their lives. Did you ever think of sharing your own experience with them during those moments?

Lyle [23:53]: No, you know, I never did that moment. I figured it was kind of their moment, so I let them have it, you know, but... You know, I would try to listen to what people had to say about their own suffering, and I tried to ease people's suffering.

Adeel [24:09]: Use your empathy.

Lyle [24:10]: I learned a lot about pain and pain management.

Adeel [24:13]: Yeah. So during these years, you yourself, you know, at home are having some issues. So you mentioned that you'd gone into rehab and came back out. Were you seeing, like, psychologists, psychiatrists, and... Yes.

Lyle [24:31]: When I was 16 and I had this real bad experience, and I'll just tell you the story. I had a friend who we had been moved on opposite ends. We lived in the Pittsburgh area of Pennsylvania, and we moved to the eastern part of the state, Philadelphia area. We lived in Redding. in Allentown, in Lancaster. And I had this friend that I would try to communicate with. And so finally, when taping, I got a tape recorder. I sent him this when I was 15. And I was going through so much. I sent him this tape recording. His mother heard it. And I was suicidal. And it was coming out on this tape. I was just talking to my buddy. But it was just coming out. parents you know they heard about it and they're the My buddy's mother talked to my parents. Yeah, talk to Lyle. He's not doing very well. So they sent me to a psychiatrist. And that was a waste of time. I spent a small fortune. I could have retired just on the money that I spent on psychiatrists and psychologists and thinking Lyle's crazy. I had no idea that this was misophonia and that anybody else was suffering with this. So I had, as I said, when I was delivering newspapers, my wife had pretty good insurance. She was teaching at a community college. I started going to a psychologist there. And, you know, it never helped. And it's a shame. All that money that I spent on psychiatry and psychology, and with no disrespect to either of those professions, it wasn't any help. And it just, I was, when I look back at it, gee, they took a lot of my money for nothing, you know, for no results.

Adeel [26:37]: Did they say anything like tinnitus, OCD, or any kind of other condition, or it was just...

Lyle [26:44]: I do have tinnitus. I would have it periodically. It would come and go. I think from the boxing, I think I had a perforated eardrum. I had a lot of injuries. I had my nose broken about half a dozen times and cuts and injuries. My left ear rings all the time now. But I kind of don't pay attention to it. I never really had a hearing evaluation. The closest I got was there in Denver when they said, well, you know, you can't hear these things where they were putting the wide accents. We think you have some hearing loss. So I'm going to get a check now. But no, nobody ever said anything about tinnitus, which I do have, which is interesting because Both my brother and father had episodes of hyperacusis when they were in their adolescence, and it stopped. It would come and go, and they had what they called loud spells, which is hyperacusis. So I said, there's obviously something genetic there that's in the same center of the brain, but... You know, one of the – well, I'm glad they're doing so much research on this and why it's nice to see they're finally getting some money to study this thing because they're going to find out a lot about brain functioning, I think, just by looking at this.

Adeel [28:01]: Oh, they will. They're starting to. And, yeah, there's going to be a lot of stuff that comes out. So, okay, so coming up to kind of recent times, you're now retired. What, you know, so how do you cope now? I mean, you don't have to go into an office.

Lyle [28:18]: Like, what are your kind of... Well, you know, and it's a danger of becoming a shut-in. I mean, that's basically what I am. I don't go out very often. I go out, and I was out this morning, I go out once a week to the grocery store. And I have a fish pond in the backyard. I go out and I work a lot on that. That's kind of what I do to occupy myself. But I kind of stay in. I used to watch a lot of TV. I still do. Having the TV on in the room, and I mentioned this to... To Tom Dozier, not to Tom Dozier, I'm sorry, to Michael Menino in one of the exercises we were doing that I have a television on. constantly and it kind of drowns out the uh the uh tinnitus yeah and it's just like a white noise in the background but it's also the light that kind of affects i think it's it's affecting visual too because uh my triggers have been expanding and that's probably a topic for another you know i can well it's a common theme yeah But the way I deal with it is just by non-exposure. I don't go out, as I say, I don't go out very often. I don't talk to people too often. I belong to a koi club, and that gets me out. So at least I'm not stuck to the point where I'm not going out and nobody ever sees me. I think it was up to me, and it progressed the way things are going now. The next time anybody would see me, I'd have a long white beard and nine-inch fingernails. So I do things deliberately to get me out of the house to try to have some kind of interaction.

Adeel [30:08]: I got you. Okay. Yeah. And when, you know, we're, we love, we love seeing you every year at the convention. So next year is going to be in Philly. So are you planning on planning to make it back out there kind of like a hit your old stomping grounds or without bringing back too many memories?

Lyle [30:25]: We're going to visit my wife's family and, and I have friends in Lancaster. It's only an hour and a half from Philadelphia. So we'll, we'll drive there and I'd like to, you know, like you say, hit some of the old haunts.

Adeel [30:41]: Yeah. Do you see some of your families passed away? Do you get to holidays and stuff with your wife's family?

Lyle [30:49]: Yeah, my wife has a cousin that lives here in California.

Adeel [30:53]: Gotcha.

Lyle [30:54]: So we usually, you know, the holidays, we usually get down.

Adeel [30:57]: Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah.

Lyle [30:59]: yeah does your wife family know about your misophonia like uh is that kind of a relatively safe space like are you able to to manage there or is it also kind of tough it's not really but my wife has approached them and said when we come over could you not chew gum yeah and they've they'll do it which which is amazing to me because here's my wife's family they just like me they say it bothers lyle let's not do it my own family wouldn't do that you know and that just that hurts it you know that gives me a pain i you know i can't even describe it like my own family my own flesh and blood wouldn't make the smallest concession to try to help me and that here's total strangers are willing to do just because they like me you know i just i can't begin to tell you that you know it's it's good and bad it's pain and joy you know like what a wonderful fine people that are willing to help me but they're not my family why would my family do this and i i you know suffered so and that i you know i don't know and i'm sure you you hear this all the time you know yeah you know this person didn't

Adeel [32:11]: know didn't understand it and they made my life so it's hard yeah that's so hard to understand it's probably obviously one of the crux of your your pain over over your life um but it's it's it's it's great to hear that at least they're they're your current uh yeah what's what's in your family now they're they're they're at least trying

Lyle [32:31]: yes great yeah they're kind of my family now i have uh i two years ago i went to uh minnesota to see uh well and i just got back from from lancaster pennsylvania interestingly enough i had a cousin there uh not uh no reason for the you know totally um had no nothing to do with the fact that we were there my family isn't from there they just happened to He married my second cousin. My cousin's son married a young lady whose family was from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. So I went back there, and I got to see, as we say, some of the old haunts that we went to Philadelphia. And two years ago, his brother was married, and I did the same thing. It was in Pennsylvania. It was in King of Prussia. I got invited to go up to Minnesota to this area that my family used to go to since I was in my 30s that I was kind of never welcomed to. And that was really nice. It was kind of cathartic to finally get up there and see a cousin of mine, which I haven't told any of them about what's going on or why I wasn't around or why I wasn't invited because I don't know what was said about me. But they kind of welcomed me to come up there, and it was really nice. I had a great time. You know, there can be some cathartic closure, but, you know, stuff that you can, you know, you can still work.

Adeel [33:57]: No, that sounds powerful. Yeah, that sounds powerful. That's great. Well, let's maybe leave that on a positive note. Like I said before, I'm looking forward to seeing you again in Philadelphia next year, if not before. um it's always powerful talking to you you're one of my favorite people to talk to at the convention and um you're one of the funniest people i know i you know despite what you what we've just talked about um you're one of the most harming funniest people i know so it's um i was excited to get you on this podcast to talk to you i can't tell you how how glad i am to you know to be a part of this

Lyle [34:33]: Like I said, I'm used to getting left out of stuff, and this is nice. That's probably one of the nicest compliments I've ever had. I can't thank you enough. Anything I can do to help.

Adeel [34:44]: My pleasure, and I know everyone I've met at the convention that we all know feels the same way. We've always got each other. Yeah, that's true. Thank you. Thanks, Lyle, and thanks for coming on the podcast, and I'm sure a lot of people will benefit.

Lyle [35:03]: Yeah, I hope so. And anybody, you know, keep punching. It's always darkest before the dawn, you know.

Adeel [35:12]: Well, I hope you enjoyed that. As always, if you have any feedback, you can email me at hello at You can find me on Instagram at misophoniapodcast, on Twitter at misophoniashow, or also on Facebook. Also, if you like the podcast, remember to leave a review anywhere you're listening. Theme Music by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.

Unknown Speaker [36:07]: you