Patrick - Music Student's Journey Through Sound Sensitivity

S4 E10 - 5/5/2021
In this episode, Adeel converses with Patrick, a music therapy college student grappling with misophonia. Patrick delves into his journey with this condition, covering his childhood struggles, the familial aspect of potentially inherited misophonia, and his relationship dynamics influenced by it, especially with his older sister and girlfriend. He discusses how attending a music school as a musician amasses layers of challenges and ironies given his sound sensitivity. Despite never having publicly spoken about misophonia before, Patrick shares insights into developing coping mechanisms, such as walking out of distressing auditory environments or using earbuds to drown out triggering sounds like breathing. Their dialogue also ventures into Patrick's decision to seek therapy motivated by the frequent confrontations with misophonia at home, an aspect intensified by living with his girlfriend. The episode concludes with a shared understanding of the importance of naming and acknowledging misophonia, emphasizing self-help tools like earplugs adjusted for inconspicuousness, and the therapeutic potential of discussing one’s experiences.


Adeel [0:00]: Welcome to the Misophonia Podcast. This is Season 4, Episode 10. My name is Adeel Ahmad, and I have Misophonia. This week, I'm talking to Patrick, a musician currently in college studying music therapy. Patrick is one of many creative people I've had on the show, and there are lots more coming up this season. I love having artists on. We talked today about how his mom might have miso, how his older sister would tease him about it, and his search for a therapist. This is the first time Patrick has talked to anyone publicly about miso, and as always, I'm grateful to see people coming out and sharing their story. Well, I know I've had a few episodes in the past week, so let's just get to this week's conversation with Patrick. Patrick, welcome to the podcast. Good to have you here.

Patrick [0:51]: Thanks for having me.

Adeel [0:53]: So I don't know how many episodes you've heard, but I just kind of like to find out where people are from.

Patrick [0:59]: Yeah, I'm originally from Cleveland, Ohio, but I'm in Boston now. I'm a student.

Adeel [1:08]: Okay, cool. In college, I'm assuming.

Patrick [1:12]: yeah yeah this is my second year here yeah gotcha are you all remote right now still yeah um well we're doing like a little bit of a hybrid but i opted to do completely remote still so that's what i'm doing now is that partly uh miso related choice um no not really uh is more just like a a precautionary measure but um it's kind of funny that you mentioned that because i go to i go to a music school so i'm just constantly surrounded by sounds everywhere there ah oh so you're uh you're in college at uh at a music school yeah yeah gotcha okay cool what are you a musician i'm assuming where do you play Yeah, well, I go to school for bass, guitar, and I play guitar, too, and write songs and all that. So I guess it's in a way kind of ironic, but in another way, not so much, I guess.

Adeel [2:18]: Yeah, no, I mean, there's been a number of musicians, obviously, who have miso. And yeah, I mean, it's sound sensitivity. So it's not surprising that a sharp musician would also have this kind of affliction. So I guess maybe, how's it been at your college, like when you have been on campus, miso-wise? Because for a lot of people, it's kind of like they're, often their first time away from home, where they actually are most familiar with their environment and now they're kind of in a new domain. How was it, at least in your first year?

Patrick [3:02]: For me, the music part of it itself was never a big issue for me. It was honestly more of just the basic classroom stuff that would kind of get to me. I think... I think a misconception that a lot of people have about music school is that it's like you're hearing playing music all the time, but it's a lot more... like normal any normal institution so i guess it's just like the quiet classrooms that are my big problem and have been since i was a kid i know my uh when i was younger my mom used to say a lot that like when she would drop me off at school she'd be like i don't even know how he makes it through the day so i mean and in college the thing that's different about is that um I can kind of just, if it gets really bad, I can kind of just walk out, which I have done on numerous occasions.

Adeel [4:05]: Yeah, when you're older, we have a little bit more control to be assertive of our environment. And in college in general, you kind of master your destiny.

Patrick [4:16]: Yeah, exactly.

Adeel [4:18]: Are you allowed to then just walk out? Is it like a big scene or is it just something, you know, you got to do what you got to do? Well, I... You smash your base at the beginning of the class.

Patrick [4:33]: No, I don't think anybody... I've never told any of my teachers or anything why. If it just got... I could usually find a way to manage, but if for whatever reason I couldn't, I would just kind of sneak out at a certain time and they wouldn't really notice. I mean, it's kind of a last resort type of thing, but... yeah are you are you allowed to um you know wear earbuds or headphones in class um yeah i think i could and nobody would really notice but to be honest i never really even thought to do that until recently i never really wore them at all until a few months ago. I feel like it would probably work pretty well in a classroom setting though because usually the things that are bothering me in that setting are generally the sounds of people breathing that I think could be pretty easily drawn out with not even a great pair of earbuds or anything.

Adeel [5:39]: Right. I mean, yeah, if it's breathing, then, yeah, some white noise, brown noise can probably do the trick. And then it wouldn't affect if your class happens to be like an interactive class or discussion class.

Patrick [5:52]: Yeah.

Adeel [5:55]: So, okay, okay. So you haven't mentioned to any of your teachers. Actually, we talked a little bit before. You haven't really mentioned this to anybody, it seems like, right? You haven't talked about it with anybody?

Patrick [6:09]: I mean, there are people that know about it. I'm definitely a little bit like... I'm not too frugal talking about it, I guess, because I don't know. Some people don't really think that it is a real thing. Some people are more supportive than others, and I still have a lot of friends back home that kind of like to tease me, and they kind of think that it's more of like a... just being too sensitive type of thing. Because I do think to somebody that doesn't experience it themselves, it's a little bit too general or too abstract for them to kind of understand that it's, I don't know, diagnosable in a way.

Adeel [6:58]: Yeah, to them, they probably only relate to it as an annoyance kind of thing, not the intense rage. Yeah. So, okay, so you tend to kind of try not to talk about it, it sounds like, because, yeah, like many of us experience, it's kind of dismissed or worst case. Well, maybe not worst case, but it's sometimes, you know, get teased or made fun of. um for being too sensitive um so okay so you haven't really you haven't really talked about it much um when did you actually find out it had a name like it was like a official thing that people other people have uh

Patrick [7:41]: It was probably in high school, I'd say. It's actually funny because I was listening to one of the other episodes and somebody said that when they found out that it was definable, they found out about it because like... maybe they were having some sort of like they're in some sort of situation where it was bothering him so much that they just straight up searched on Google. Like I am so annoyed by this sound. Cause I mean, I had never really thought to look it up cause I just thought it was like a, I don't know. I just thought it was like a weird tick that I had, but one day I looked it up and then it was just like, everything was laid out for me and I was like, okay, this, this is kind of good that I can like put a name to this. I'm like, yeah, not crazy. It's not just me.

Adeel [8:33]: Yeah, I know. I mean, a lot of it ends up being a Google search or somebody shares a link or something, and that's how we find out about it. And many of us just kind of can't stop Googling it because it's kind of fascinating. It answers a lot of questions about our lives, but it also raises a few, I guess.

Patrick [8:57]: Yeah, it definitely does. did what did you when you found out that when you found out that it had a name did you you know share with your family members and stuff um i did with my mom because my mom's probably i i mean i i'm not for sure but i suspect that my mom has it in some way too and um what the thing that's a little bizarre about it to me though is she says that as she's gotten older she the i don't really know if it's like more of a she can manage it better or if the sounds themselves don't bother her as much she said that they're it seems like from what i know her um spectrum of trigger sounds is a little bit smaller than mine though but it seems like a little bit too similar to be like a coincidence. So I've kind of over time, the more I've learned about it, I've shared more with her because I don't know. She was always very interested in it from the beginning when I kind of started to try to get to the root of the whole thing. But yeah, since besides that, um, I've shared with her and like a few close friends and I have my girlfriend too. Cause, um, I mean, spending so much time around here.

Adeel [10:22]: Yeah.

Patrick [10:23]: Yeah. And it's, it's, I'm very fortunate though, because like I said, a lot of people, um, don't really take it seriously, but, um, A lot of people that know me really well can see that it's not completely normal.

Adeel [10:41]: So most of the people close to you don't tease you about it. They do take it somewhat seriously. They're probably not able to mask all the triggers or avoid all the triggers, but at least they take it seriously. That probably makes a difference.

Patrick [11:00]: yeah yeah for sure because i growing up i had some friends that would like purposely like try to get to me with those kind of things but um no that doesn't really that doesn't really happen with uh people that i kind of take it more seriously i guess right right right um and i guess so how did it when did you when did you kind of first notice it seems like uh uh

Adeel [11:30]: You said earlier that your mom would drop you off and say, I don't know how he gets through the day. How early was that that you were noticing this?

Patrick [11:40]: my my first memories are probably around ages seven or eight and the main thing was my my sister was kind of like it it wasn't one thing she did she kind of like did all of the things like when i was younger she um the the big one though that i remember when i was younger was her humming she would hum all the time and when i was younger I was, so I was like seven at the time and she would have been like 11 or 12. She liked to kind of exaggerate it more because, you know, it was fun for her to like pick on her little brother a little bit, you know, but yeah, as time has gone on, she realized that it wasn't just like a thing that she could tease me on and it would, it wasn't, it wasn't a, It was honestly like a big source of a lot of our arguments when we were really young.

Adeel [12:42]: Those are the earliest memories, though, yeah. Right. Now she's seen the errors of her ways and doesn't do that anymore, hopefully.

Patrick [12:50]: No, no, not anymore.

Adeel [12:53]: So when it started with your sister, did it start to expand as you got older?

Patrick [12:59]: Yeah, yeah, it definitely did. Because, well... Around the same time, well, yeah, because my sister would do that, and then she would also chew really loudly. And my sister really loved peaches, particularly when we were younger. She would eat peaches all the time, and I just could not stand to be around it. And then I feel like the more that that bothered me, the more I was kind of aware of it being something that could happen. in the day, so I'd be more aware of other people's chewing. And honestly, to this point, a lot of people, to my understanding, the big thing is loud chewers or people chewing with their mouth open or something. But I really can't even stand the sound of somebody chewing with their mouth closed.

Adeel [13:53]: yeah even that's a big one for me no yeah there's that there's the swallowing there's there's a lot of stuff around that area around that uh process yeah of uh consuming food that's that's uh not not ideal um and so i'm assuming then your your parents got kind of like uh thrown into the mix in terms of uh being triggers or or less so uh less so definitely um well

Patrick [14:22]: Yeah, nothing too horrible. But I feel like from... Well, I kind of was able growing up to spend a lot of time alone. And I feel like as I'm getting older, it's kind of starting to make a little bit more sense why. Because it's just like... It was... I needed a lot of time by myself to just kind of really be able to relax. To compress? Yeah. Because I had a lot of trouble with... I'm sorry.

Adeel [14:58]: I was just going to say, not just be alone to avoid sounds, but decompress from situations where you were being triggered. So, yeah, I can see how you would need extra time alone.

Patrick [15:10]: Yeah, it does sometimes take a little bit of time because I feel like sometimes if something happens earlier in my day, I kind of carry it with me for the rest of the day a little bit.

Adeel [15:23]: right and so what were you saying earlier about um after we were talking about uh how you um you didn't need a lot of time alone um and to start to make sense i guess uh as you got older yeah yeah um well um

Patrick [15:45]: Yeah, because I had some problems socially growing up because of it. Because my best friend, actually, for a really long time, he was like this really, really intense breather. And it was to the point where I wouldn't really want to spend a lot of time. around him and like and then it was like what i was saying i started to kind of notice it and other people too so then it was it became like a thing where if i was going into a social situation or something i would be looking for it more instead of noticing it so then i was i felt like i was just kind of like and i it's still like this that i just feel like i'm kind of looking for it a lot of the time which kind of It's really a thing whether or not I notice, but I feel like a lot of the time I'm looking for it.

Adeel [16:42]: Kind of a bit of a spiral, yeah. Yeah. And so that best friend of yours, did that start to wear on your friendship with him?

Patrick [16:53]: Well, this was when I was really, really young. But it was a thing, though, where I didn't really... I was like a little kid, but it was like a thing where I didn't really want to go to his house after a while. It was that kind of thing.

Adeel [17:11]: How did it start to affect school, I guess, through elementary to high school? In terms of grades and stuff, were you super distracted? A lot of people, somehow, school didn't bother them so much, and they were able to make it out alive. But I'm curious how it went for you.

Patrick [17:32]: I guess it depended on the people that were sitting right next to me. Through grade school and high school, I did have problems, but it wasn't like every single class that I would be in. But there would be a lot of times I can remember being in like middle school and high school where it would be like somebody on my right was like breathing really loud and then... We would have our backpacks in our classes, and there would be the kid shaking his leg against his backpack. It would be that rustling sound. And then also, I couldn't really stand looking at people shaking their legs either.

Adeel [18:12]: The visual triggers were hitting you from that age, too.

Patrick [18:18]: oh yeah yeah those those are still a definitely a big one for me but i do remember those pretty early on but it would be like a thing where there'd be somebody over there and somebody over there and i'd put like both of my thumbs in my ears but then there's like also like the visual triggers so i'd be like using my fingers to like cover my eyes too so like at that point i'm just

Adeel [18:41]: not really like i there's just like kind of no chance of focusing at that point on the material or whatever gotcha and people now are seeing you and probably noticing the behavior and are uh um maybe starting to tease at that point or at least asking questions maybe

Patrick [19:02]: Yeah, no, I think I kind of slipped under the radar a little bit. Despite it having the effect of the fight or flight response, I never really let myself... I've always been okay about not getting aggressive with people. I've tended to be able to remove myself from the situation as opposed to trying to get somebody to stop. I've never really had a problem with lashing out on people, except, like I said, my sister when I was younger. But other than that, I don't think anybody really... I mean, maybe somebody was looking at me and thinking that I looked weird, but I don't think they would have thought that that was why. Yeah, gotcha.

Adeel [19:54]: And so, yeah, other than like shoving your fingers in your ears and that, did you start to develop any other coping mechanisms other than leaving the situation? I don't know. using headphones or any kind of uh um yeah any of the well i guess what's the main coping mechanism i guess that we that we have i'm just curious how you how you made it or maybe make up excuses to leave the classroom i don't know yeah um well i never used headphones at that point like i said i've only started to do that recently but um yeah see the thing is i i don't think that i have uh

Patrick [20:36]: good way of coping without removing myself so most of the time now and then it's just kind of like sitting through it or if i have the option to leave then i will but

Adeel [20:52]: What do you do when you sit through it? Like, do you just let it fester inside or is there any, I've heard some people will kind of like try to focus on something in the room and try to keep their mind off of the sound. Curious what you do, if you do anything.

Patrick [21:13]: Yeah, I feel like a lot of the time, unfortunately, I just kind of let it fester a bit. But I have tried to redirect my focus onto other things, but I feel like sometimes that would make me even more agitated because I would like... try to focus on something else and then i would get upset that i couldn't focus on the other thing yeah so then i would just get it would just kind of like snowball so most of the time it was a lot of just like waiting it out but like

Adeel [21:46]: was like uh like the moment that that like bell rang when i was a kid or something it was like just like so much relief you know right so you don't have you only have your stir to avoid to deal with when you get home so which is probably better than the entire class yeah exactly so as you were getting older through through school how did um how did it kind of how did your social circles kind of play out did it um

Patrick [22:15]: start to limit who you were able to hang out with um not really no because uh most of the friends that i started to make from i guess like ages like 13 on were all my musician friends so so we would just play music all the time and Yeah, no, like a lot of the friends I had from then on weren't a lot of friends that I would hang out with that much. Like there were a lot of friends that we would just, I would play music with and that was like,

Adeel [22:52]: was kind of it for a lot of them so it was like in a scenario where like and especially at that time like we're playing like really loud music so there's like like you can't hear anything else so right yeah did you did the music you were listening to or making maybe somehow um influenced by misophonia like you know louder of more noisy kind of music was you felt you felt better with or um Or do you think it's totally random? It's totally taste?

Patrick [23:25]: When I was younger, definitely, I would listen to a lot of louder music. I don't really anymore, but I think even like... Because I guess since I got to college, I started playing a lot of jazz and stuff. But I still listen to that music on the full volume in my car and at home and in my headphones and stuff. I always find myself getting the volume all the way up. Because I don't know. I think it... I guess it's more manifest in the way that I listen to music because I like to be able to completely drown out all other sound with it. Right, right.

Adeel [24:16]: And how about, I guess, how about maybe your current girlfriend? Well, actually, maybe before that, did it start to affect relationships that you had growing up?

Patrick [24:29]: well actually growing up i never really i never really um i never really did that that much especially like in high school i was uh like i said i was just like spending a lot of time in high school like by myself and making music and stuff that's kind of what i was doing at that time and actually um it's kind of interesting because i never really like thought that that would i never really thought that that would kind of factor into the whole thing but um Because I think my reactions to things and the certain triggers kind of wax and wane a little bit. Certain ones kind of phase in to be the really prominent ones that are bothering me. I don't know if you have a push and pull with these things, but I've kind of experienced that a little bit.

Adeel [25:27]: so you've had like uh over oh you mean over a period of like uh months or years kind of thing like you have some triggers that are that are kind of like are bigger ones for you and and other times it's it's different triggers in or are you talking about within a day or within a moment i guess just like over like longer periods of time

Patrick [25:47]: Because when I was younger, it used to be different ones than it is now. I think it's the ones that I'm exposed to the most are the ones that are the most triggering to me.

Adeel [25:58]: Yeah, I've never heard or thought about it in terms of... uh groups of triggers kind of going up and down over time it's just everyone just kind of thinks of it as um constant like a second law thermodynamics it just keeps getting worse more entropy yeah but uh but but i mean that makes sense that it would be um based on whatever you're most exposed to um i'm curious if you start to get your uh if you start to be around your childhood triggers more those would just come back just like before

Patrick [26:32]: Yeah, probably. Because I feel like when I think about those sounds in retrospect, I'm like, that couldn't be that bad.

Adeel [26:39]: But I feel like if I were actually in the situation, it would be completely different. Did your family member, well, maybe not your sister, but did they actively try to not trigger you growing up even before you knew it had a name?

Patrick [27:02]: um i don't i don't i guess i don't think so but yeah yeah well my i think my mom my mom did because a big one because my mom used to do like the humming thing a lot too not as much but and then also like the chewing thing but my my mom is uh I'm kind of blessed because my mom's just very quiet and does not make a lot of noise of any kind all the time. So I got kind of lucky there.

Adeel [27:33]: Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, and I guess we'll bring it back to your current girlfriend. How did you broach the subject?

Patrick [27:43]: Well, it's funny because it was something that I didn't... really want to ever talk about unless it like something like really it was like something i was kind of always trying to avoid but it was like inevitably has to come has to come out yeah it was like it was just like a one day like just like watching tv kind of thing where i started to notice the breathing and i started to like fixate on it a lot and a lot and a lot and then It got to a point where I was like, okay, I definitely need to make it known that I suffer from this thing that this person may or may not even believe is a real thing. But Yeah, like I said, she's super supportive about it too. It was funny because yesterday I was supposed to actually have my first consultation, like meet with a doctor for the first time. I ended up having to reschedule. But we were going to actually go to New York, not New York City, but a city outside of New York City. which is like quite a few hours away and I had to reschedule. But yeah, we were going to do that yesterday and I was almost going to time out kind of perfect for this. But yeah, she's been helping me a lot trying to find like someone to go to to see about it. And it's kind of been hard because there's not really a lot of doctors that really

Adeel [29:26]: know how to or treat it at all or even even know about it so yeah it ends up being a bit of a crap shoot some people get lucky others get completely dismissed um and then though then almost the worst ones are the ones who just start to google it like real in real time and are just come up with all kinds of they don't really know what to make of it and then they start giving weird advice so um yeah hopefully this one will will work out for you

Patrick [29:56]: Yeah, like I said before, I've never actually really talked to anybody else that experiences it. I was kind of wondering if you had ever found yourself in a situation with like a professional.

Adeel [30:09]: not no not for misophonia i mean i know a number of uh audiologists and um actually mainly audiologists uh through the misophonia association convention that i've been to but uh uh and just you know experiences i've heard here on on shows um some people so yeah some people get lucky and find somebody who knows and and and uh is actually also able to give them good advice but oh yeah a lot of the cases just the people that sufferers go to don't don't really know what's going on so you can you it depends how you know how if you're totally focused on looking for someone who knows misophonia it ends up being like you might have to go to a number of different providers or or ask in advance so what do you hope to get out of it then um like somebody to get you know help you with coping mechanisms um or just talk talk it through regularly with somebody

Patrick [31:02]: Yeah, because that's actually funny you mentioned that, because I was thinking about it before I was supposed to go, and I was kind of thinking, I was like, what can really be done from this? What is actually going to help me? So it's kind of one of those things where it was like, Like, I don't even know what I possibly could, like, I don't really know what kind of help I can get. But like, if somebody is saying that they can help treat in whatever way, I'm kind of like just willing to. to try anything at this point. You know what I mean?

Adeel [31:49]: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I hope you find somebody who's well-versed and can give you some options. I mean, obviously, there's, you know, we know there's no cure. There's no, like... um officially sanctioned treatment but there are people who can kind of maybe help you cope whether it's through cbt or or other you know other therapeutic methods um i'm not a doctor so nobody should just come to me for for advice but uh yeah But yeah, most people, it ends up, yeah, I mean, it's all the coping. We all live with the coping mechanisms that you can expect that you've employed yourself. And yeah, honestly, just talking about it with others, that sounds like you don't know anybody else who has misophonia personally in your life other than maybe your mom. Yeah.

Patrick [32:42]: Yeah, no one. No.

Adeel [32:44]: I wonder if this might be, you know, this might be kind of too early or something that you might not be ready for. But UCLA, there is a Misophonia. I had somebody on the podcast who started the Misophonia support group there for students. I wonder if it was easy to kind of make a posting or something at your school saying, you know, you're interested in kind of a support group for misophones. You might be able to find people who might be living with it in the shadows or there might be a way to kind of have someone to talk to who's like you.

Patrick [33:27]: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there are people, like you said, that like to keep quiet about it. It's kind of unfortunate. It's kind of a small school, but I feel like... If there was a place where you might find more than usual, it might be at my school.

Adeel [33:50]: Right, yeah. That would be interesting to set a place, a music school where people are generally very conscious of sound, obviously. That might be an interesting experiment to see how many people there are misophones. Yeah. Cool. So I guess, have you thought about... So you're in, I guess you said your second year or so. Have you thought about what kind of work you want to do after? Is it straight up playing music, writing music? It's kind of interesting because a lot of people are in school and they're worried about going into kind of an open office corporate environment, but it doesn't sound like that was exactly the path that you would be going down. Have you thought about what kind of work you want to do later and whether it would be meso-friendly?

Patrick [34:42]: Yeah. Well, I haven't really thought about whether or not that... I don't know. I kind of take these experiences as they come as it pertains to misophonia. But I'm actually in a music therapy major right now. So it's a pretty wide range of patients I could possibly be working with after I graduate. But i will generally be playing music at work which is uh i feel like that's like the best possible thing i could think like i have to kind of make sound like in a corporate setting i guess you could say yeah what kind of uh what kind of things do uh music therapists um you know for people who don't know what kind of things do music therapists treat It's a very, very wide range. And there are a lot of people that have more of their specific avenue as it pertains to that. But it can be anything from newborn babies to adults with Alzheimer's to mental health patients. It can be really any wide range of things. And it's generally like... it has a lot of different it the the way that the therapy is administered is really dependent on the client themselves because a lot of people so maybe sometimes your clients are actually musicians so like you can kind of engage in like a creative or performative music kind of process and then there are other people that aren't as uh aren't musicians or aren't capable of singing or something where the the music is more performed to them as opposed to perform together so yeah

Adeel [36:47]: Interesting. Yeah. I wonder if there is a music therapy for misophonia that you'll discover and win a Nobel Prize for. An interesting way to solve comes to a conclusion.

Patrick [37:00]: Yeah. It was all for that.

Adeel [37:04]: Um, yeah, interesting. Um, let's see. Yeah. It'd be interesting to hear what your, what your therapist or audiologist, uh, when you, when you end up going to them, um, says, um, how about, um, I guess we talked about it at school that, uh, you know, you kind of generally leave if you, if you need to, have you explored like, uh, you know, accommodations at school, like official accommodations. Um, uh, I, I would think that a school that where there's a music therapy major might, uh, be amenable, even more amenable than some to kind of like, um, helping people take, you know, exams or whatever, you know, separate room. Have you actually, I guess, how are exams that you're at, that you're at your college? So things are super small there, uh, which could be good and bad. Um,

Patrick [37:58]: Yeah, definitely.

Adeel [37:59]: How do they go? And yeah. Are you able to kind of get any kind of combinations or have you tried to ask?

Patrick [38:05]: I've never asked. We. I've kind of. school hasn't been as bad as it was when i was growing up in college so i've never really felt like a really strong need to like reach out to somebody about that but um well right now it's com completely fine because i just can do it from my house alone so it's like yeah i don't have to worry about anybody sitting next to me so

Adeel [38:38]: So I'm curious, was it your girlfriend that compelled you to seek out a therapist? I'm curious why you decided to go now. Maybe you just felt like it's time to be more assertive about this. This is a real thing. It's not going to go anywhere. I'm just curious what compelled you to finally make that move to go try to see a therapist.

Patrick [39:05]: Well, it was different. with like like spending a lot of time here like because i i live with my girlfriend here and last year i was living by myself and i mean i didn't have any problems when i was by myself right other other than the the one thing was living in apartments is uh music from other apartments like the low bass frequency that one was is a big one for me but i mean other than that like i don't need to be present for anybody in that scenario i can put my headphones in like listen to music whatever watch netflix or whatever if i'm in my apartment but um in this kind of scenario it's it was something that i was having to deal with more frequently and in the home, which was different as opposed to like long, long ago when I was a kid with my sister and whatever, but my siblings were a lot older than me. So they left when I was like, they went to college and moved out when I was super young. So like that wasn't something that was pervasive through my entire childhood. But again, like I was saying, it was more of like a thing that I'm dealing with more on a regular basis in the home, which I'm not used to. So it's like I think it's just it was I felt more compelled to find help or to talk to people about it because it was like affecting just my comfortability when I'm at home, which is, you know, where you want to feel the most comfortable.

Adeel [40:52]: Right. Did your girlfriend know about this when you guys decided to move in together, or was that something that just kind of came up as you were starting to watch movies?

Patrick [41:05]: No, she didn't know about it until after. Because to be honest, there was nothing really ever that triggered me too much. I mean, there was the food thing, but the thing about that... is like there's like a deadline like you know when it's gonna stop you know that it will stop as opposed to other types of sounds so like i said it was something that i could kind of just like let fester in me for like 45 minutes but it was never like a big enough deal to bring up i guess

Adeel [41:41]: Yeah, that's the coping mechanism that I've mentioned that people have mentioned on the show is just knowing that something's going to end in advance and kind of preparing your mind for that or reminding your mind. that it will end soon can be, well, it's not going to hurt. It can only benefit just letting your mind know that nothing's going to come and attack you during that time. How are holidays with your family? It sounds like you have more than just that one sister, right? Is it around Thanksgiving and Christmas or whatever? Is it rough? Is it manageable?

Patrick [42:23]: Well, yeah, I have one other brother, but usually for big holidays when because my brother doesn't live in Cleveland either. And so it's kind of like we all come back for like those major holidays. And but we have a really big extended family. So a lot of. those holidays are spent with like, I swear it's like, it's like 50 people at Thanksgiving. It's like, it's really crazy. But like, I don't mind those situations because I really like loud sounds. And, um, it's more about the quiet rooms where things are a little bit bothersome, but, uh, yeah. So those, those types of things, I don't have much of a problem, but, uh, In the more quiet, like at home, like just immediate family kind of settings, it is a bit of a problem. But like I said, it's like with eating, I get the same feelings of rage, but it's like, it's more of like a... I'm just able to remind myself more that I'm not going to have to deal with it for that much longer. Right, right.

Adeel [43:42]: No, that's just good advice. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm curious. We're heading up towards the hour. I'm curious. Yeah, now, like... I want to turn it over to you. Do you have any final thing you want to let listeners know? I know this is the first time you've talked to anybody about misophonia.

Patrick [44:06]: Carry a set of earplugs, definitely. Good advice.

Adeel [44:10]: I keep talking about earbuds, but earplugs are usually not enough for me. I'm curious if you carry earplugs around. I'm assuming you probably do as a musician, so it's good to have a pair, especially if you're right next to the drummer. but yeah does that does that help earplugs yeah yeah it does i go to brand um that they swear by

Patrick [44:34]: uh no i i i generally just go for like the packs of uh like that you can get at like like a drugstore yeah that kind of thing though those those work good for me and i usually like cut the ends off so people can't see them that kind of ah gotcha okay kind of blends in like my hair is a little long too so like you can't really see them under so yeah that's kind of a good thing yeah but it but the thing about that is like um it's a little bit with the the thing that bothers me about that is just like how much frequency range is like cut off it's like very like they can get like kind of muffled so i do want to get some more like custom fitted ones soon

Adeel [45:22]: yeah um yeah they they can yeah there's all kinds of um all kinds of earplugs you can get uh depending on how much you want to pay um and how customized you want them to be so yeah very cool well uh yeah patrick thanks uh thanks for coming on this is yeah really interesting uh really interesting to get a perspective from uh music major. And so when you're going to music therapy, that's really interesting. And yeah, I hope it was good to talk about it. It's always good to have somebody who's never talked about it with anyone before. So hopefully this was helpful.

Patrick [45:57]: Yeah, and thanks for having me on. This is a very cool thing that you're doing. Because it was like about a month ago, I was just like, I wonder if there's a podcast about this. And there was.

Adeel [46:10]: Oh, I was going to ask, is that literally kind of what you asked yourself, if there was a podcast about it?

Patrick [46:15]: Yeah, I just typed in Misophonia on the podcast app, and this was the first thing that came up. I was like, there's a whole entire podcast dedicated to this. This is awesome.

Adeel [46:26]: Thank you, Patrick. So glad you came on and shared your story. If you liked this episode, please leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. Find us on social media at Misophonia Podcast on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok or Misophonia Show on Twitter. You can find all the links on the website,, and you can contact me from there if you'd like. Music, as always, is by Moby, and until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.