Mary-Rachel - Navigating Misophonia with Community Support

S5 E1 - 9/29/2021
In this podcast episode, Mary discusses her journey with misophonia, emphasizing its effects on relationships, mental health, and daily living. She highlights the need for therapy and the dangers of unmanaged reactions, including self-injury and aggression. Mary expresses gratitude for the podcast's supportive community and talks about her projects to help others with misophonia, stressing the importance of communal and professional support in managing the condition. The conversation underlines the therapeutic benefits of sharing stories and seeking help.


Adeel [0:01]: Welcome to the Misophonia Podcast. This is the first episode of Season 5. My name's Gil Amat, and I have Misophonia. I'm so excited to be back with a bunch of freshly recorded episodes. I've been having a blast doing these because, as you'll hear in many of them, people are really opening up even more personally about miso. And not just miso, about lots of things going on in their lives around the miso, and going back many years. Partly I think it's because people kind of know what to expect in a conversation with me on here. But it's also that people are realizing the benefits of hearing other people's stories. And they want to give back to you, the listeners. This first conversation with Mary Rachel is pretty epic. I won't even try to sum it up because it goes all over the place. If you liked the Martha episode, you're going to love this. This is sort of the West Coast version. Just note the language gets a little colorful, so maybe not have young kids around. Also, spoiler alert, she's a casting director and working on something, and she mentions at the end she's interested in connecting with some misophones. You can find the links to contact her in the show notes for A Foot Away Entertainment. Some quick announcements and plugs. We have an app on iOS and Android called It's not just a podcast player. It's also a background noise generator. It's a journal for tracking your triggers and exporting your journal privately, maybe to a therapist or your HR department. There's also lists of resources on the latest news, research, a list of businesses and artists who have misophonia. There are lots more features coming and a lot of good stuff being suggested. So please check it out and let's build some actually useful and innovative tools for misophones. If you forgot, you can... Hit me up by email at hello at or go to the website, It's actually even easier to send a message on Instagram at misophoniapodcast. You can follow there or on Facebook at misophoniapodcast. On Twitter, we're misophoniashow. Yeah, so hit me up about anything. There are great episodes coming up, cool things like the app, and some surprises. So this is going to be a really fun year. If you like either the podcast or the app, or hopefully both, please remember to smash the stars in the app stores or the podcast player that you use. Now, without further ado, I'm proud to kick off Season 5 with this conversation with Mary Rachel. Okay, well then, let me say... Mary Rachel, welcome to the podcast. Good to have you here.

Mary [2:44]: It is awesome to be here, Adeel. I am honored and privileged and very grateful for this podcast. And I just want to do just a shout out to everyone listening and to all of the people's episodes that I've listened, which has been a lot. I love you. Let's start a support group. Let's all get together in one room and see what happens.

Adeel [3:05]: Yes, I've long dreamed of having a giant party where we'll all get together. It'll be very loud in terms of music, so we don't have to get, we don't trigger each other, but yeah.

Mary [3:13]: Right, like what would happen if you had like, you know, a bunch of us in a room, like as a sort of, you know, investigation or research, like what happens with these people if they're in one room and they listen to, what do they do?

Adeel [3:25]: Yeah. Well, you know, like I've mentioned, you've probably heard the convention I usually go to when we're not in a pandemic. We all get together and it's like there are triggers, but we all kind of get each other. So it's somehow less stressful. And then sometimes the food that gets ordered for the event ends up being things like, you know, hard-boiled eggs or things that are soft or muffins. So nothing that's going to crunch properly. But again, you know, if your issues are always chewing, you just kind of go to your own corner. But you have, you know, you have the agency to do that. No one's going to be like, oh, what are they doing? Everyone gets it.

Mary [4:04]: I think that's great. I think we need to have more things like that because to be around people that actually understand and get it is it instantly alleviates the stress. You know, it's like, oh, wait, oh, I don't have to, you know, you freak out so much because you don't want other people to think you're nuts.

Adeel [4:22]: so that's another layer of stress like oh my gosh i'm acting like a cuckoo uh and so that chain comes in and yes it's terrible it's it's terrible great yep no total totally agreed so um yeah we'll we'll get into all of uh yeah your story but i i guess first you want to hear kind of where you know where you're located kind of what what you do is you have kind of an interesting background here

Mary [4:49]: Yes. So I well, I'll just give a brief life story. So I was born in England. I lived in England till I was nine years old and I moved to Long Island, New York, and I had a proper English accent, which I can put on for you if you like.

Adeel [5:02]: But I was going to try to pinpoint it. But yeah, that's going to make sense.

Mary [5:06]: OK, so I moved when I was in fourth grade, which was a very. you know that's a very interesting time right i was i was young my parents had just gotten divorced and uh my dad was british mom's american and so you know we we left england and your parents divorced and so um which is trauma you know there because i know that trauma has been sort of a thread and i was just thinking back to to my childhood and uh yeah that was a big thing you know moving and uh that separation but moved to long island locust valley which is the most beautiful part of of long island and lived my mom and my um brother and i lived with my grandmother for about a year in and uh and then my dad came over a year later and my parents got back together um yeah and uh yeah and so we were this sort of happy family but it took me quite a bit of time to trust my dad um and that sort of I'm not even answering the question, but anyway, I'll come back to it. But yeah. And then high school, you know, fourth grade, I graduated high school in Locust Valley, New York, and then college in Boston, Boston, Boston. And I have, I am coming up on my 29 year anniversary of living in Los Angeles.

Adeel [6:31]: Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Mary [6:32]: And I live right next, in the heartbeat of the city so if you were to look at a map of los angeles you would see a big m on my house for misophonia maine headquarters Because you can imagine it's very calming in the mid-city of L.A. You know, there's a lot of noises around here. So I think 29 years of L.A. must have taken a toll on us.

Adeel [7:05]: L.A. 's got all the different pockets. So you're saying you're like right downtown?

Mary [7:09]: I'm right in the middle. I am literally like very close to Miracle Mile, La Brea, Tar Pits, The Grove, like right in the heartbeat. I live in Pickfair Village is where I'm at.

Adeel [7:22]: Yeah, I've seen your LACMA. Yeah, yeah, LACMA. I think it's probably all around there, yeah.

Mary [7:26]: Yeah, right there. So I'm right there, and it's a decent neighborhood, but we have a... It's a good neighborhood, but it's still Los Angeles, and we have a cut-through, so there's a lot of cars coming through. You know, you just have to be careful here. There's a lot of strange things happening right now, and... You know, I wish I had, I wish I felt safe, you know, having my daughter, my 11-year-old daughter, you know, be outside in the front by herself. But it's just, you just, you just can't. So I put her out there with my tortoise and then she's fine. I'm just kidding. have a hard back those those things last a long time so i do have a huge tortoise his name is dexter he is for 15 years old he is out of control but he's the neighborhood i mean everybody comes to see dexter and it's just kids babies you know dogs i mean they just they just bring just bring a little bit of joy you know so i know a lot of people in the neighborhood he's escaped a few times um but he's about uh 80 pounds and he eats incessantly. But no, so, and then I am a casting director. I'm a casting director and a producer and acting coach as well. And I cast all, I work on all different types of media platforms and show genres from scripted to unscripted, documentary to game show, to commercial, to film, to TV. I love all aspects of it. I love working with actors and working on scripted as much as I love working on reality or projects in the factual space, because I have met so many amazing people with that. And I have learned about so many different professions. And it's just so I really enjoy that. So, yeah, that's. i can go after so many different tangents because i was starting to sort of answer the question of when did the misophonia start or miss me my

Adeel [9:37]: Yeah, no, the question is kind of like, you know, whereabouts are you? And we think we have now a good understanding where you are and what you do is kind of usually my next question. So that's, yeah, that's really, that's really interesting. And so, yeah, let's stick with that. I mean, as a casting director, like, you're probably, you're not in some like... office job or whatever, you're meeting a lot of people. You're probably either at home on your computer or you're meeting people. Does that ever become an issue, going out and meeting people and getting triggered in those kinds of one-on-one meetings? How's the casting director job? I've never had a casting director on the show.

Mary [10:22]: How's that job? Oh, well, then you're in for a treat.

Adeel [10:26]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mary [10:28]: uh i it so i'm going to answer that in two or three different ways uh so i have been in office right where i've had a team of say if i'm on a on a say a game show right um where so i did bet on your baby for abc which is a game show for kids and parents okay So when I had a big team of people and one of the first things I do, if I'm starting with just any team, if it's a person, you know, if it's just one person team, two, four, 15 person team, I have a meeting and we gather around on our first day and I say, all right, everybody, we're going to go around and we are going to tell one of our pet peeves. okay and it's such a great icebreaker because we just all laugh and this and that and then i get to say well my pet peeve pet peeve my biggest pet peeve is people eating chomping slurping chewing cracking you know sniffing tapping clicking do not do that okay and then they laugh and they and they and then if they are doing it at some point I will say, okay, don't tap or no sniff. And I don't seem like insane, right?

Adeel [11:48]: Yeah, you found a great way to kind of weave it into an quote-unquote icebreaker, ha-ha-ha kind of basic social kind of situation and get that information so that you can reference back to it when you give them the glare next time they trigger you. correct and seeing it not as a disorder right right i was gonna say when i heard peppy oh my god usually annoys us because it's not a pet peeve but you've you've you you're kind of like you're taking it down to their level that's a funny way not as a not to offend anyone but no no you're taking it to the kind of the mass you know what people understand um yeah that's a great way to do it

Mary [12:31]: Oh, thank you. Oh, goody. I hope someone else takes this. That's good. But see, the reason why I would even say pet peeve, well, I will continue to, but that, you know, there hasn't been any sort of name for it until the past. Right. What is it, 2015 when? What year was the first?

Adeel [12:49]: So the Joyce Cohen New York Times article was 2009 or 2011. But yeah, I mean, that was the article, but it's been kind of slowly kind of getting into the yeah, the public.

Mary [13:01]: Yes. More people are becoming aware. Thank goodness. Uh, so, you know, this is, you know, after my episode, which I had, um, in, in July, which we'll get to, but I, I hadn't researched in a while because all the research that I had done had been, there's no research, there's no treatment, there's no this. And then when I had my breakdown, I hadn't researched in a long time and I'm a big researcher and I research and that's how I found you. And then that's how I found all of these other, um, things. And then you have interviewed, you know, all of the top people. in the in the research and so it's been very um beneficial to to listen to them and i am very open i don't think you know as far as treatment i don't think there's one wrong way or another i mean i don't want to be exposed to the noises that will work i'm already exposed to those enough um but i do think that it just depending on the individual um you know there's certain things that really can really, really help. And I've, therapy has helped me tremendously in my life at certain times. It's been very, you know, to the talk, talk therapy. What was interesting is that I've never taught, I had a great therapist. So I, so when, so my, so that's another great sort of trauma happened. So in my whole life, so it started when I was like, say 10 or 11, right? Just sitting at the table with, with family.

Adeel [14:31]: This is when you had come across the ocean here.

Mary [14:34]: My first sort of experience, yeah. Yes, yes. And it was my dad eating. And I was just like, oh, so irritated. Can you stop munching? Right? But then it was just everyone in the family. And they'd be like, oh, Mary. You know, my mom's like, oh, Mary, you're an erotic. You know, oh, my. That kind of thing. Like, no, you're driving me nuts. And... And but it would just be a fleeting thing. Like it just it wouldn't it wasn't like invading my life the way the way that it has come to, you know, it's built up. And so there have been times of periods where it's been stable, like there's been no like I like I went through high school. OK, you know, maybe the odd, you know. crunch of an apple, and as well as college. And if some guy or girl was crunching an apple in class, I'd just say, do you really have to chop that apple like a buffalo in the undergrowth? and make it like a joke because I had to laugh about it. And then they'd be like, oh, oh, sorry. And then there's professors that also didn't like it. I think a professor actually did say that. He's like, John, you sound like a buffalo in the undergrowth. What are you doing? Put that apple down. You know, making, you know, being making jokes of it and the noise. However, it wasn't debilitating. Now it's becoming debilitating. And so I remember just I would just certain things like any and I would freely talk about it. You know what? I just really don't. Can you just not slurp? Like what? You know, I think there's something that I don't know if anyone has addressed. I've listened to most of your episodes, but I grew up in England where. so early i would always have these so i come from a very um prestigious uh political family in in england and um wonderful beautiful i mean bright you know diplomats humanitarians lawyers just and um i remember if my father's uh my father's um father was was governor of jamaica and he was governor of cyprus and he was british ambassador to the united nations and he's a diplomat and he really was working on world peace you know with israel and the arabs i mean just really amazing just unbelievable things going yeah and um so when i when we would go um they so my grandparents lived in this castle in cornwall And it was a castle like it was it was Prince Charles's castle. And I just remember going and my grandmother, who I love dealing, of course, I was I was one of her favorites. Of course, you know, she loved the eldest. She was very strict and she was Italian. Right. So I would go and I would cry. I would have stress and I would have I would cry, cry, cry. And my grandmother would say to my mom, you know. don't go get her, let her cry kind of thing. But I would have horrible earaches every Christmas and like really, really bad, like stuff coming out, like horribly painful. And I do wonder if that has any connectivity to... you know, to the misophonia, the mysophonia, misophonia. And so I would feel stressed even though I adored her. It was, we, and when we ate, okay, there's no people slurping, chomping, you know, eating with their mouth open. It's quiet eating. And I do feel, that that needs to be addressed and i hear a lot of your guests cringing in the corner they should not have to cringe if someone is literally eating in a disgusting way you know no one should i firmly believe that no one should eat with their mouth open no one should clank their their utensils on a bowl no one should slurp no no have manners that's very you know that's sort of there's no manners i raised my daughter sophie with manners and so she knows i'm like like manners are more of a thing when i was growing up as well yeah there's no manners i mean so no one should have to tolerate your disgusting eating habits you know that's right and so it's like uh i had an assistant who would slurp water why are you slurping water there's nothing to slurp and i would just say stop slurping and don't tie that in your eye like that Eat properly. Don't mumble. Don't slurp. You know, have manners. And so eating habit, like really, like if you were going to have a lunch for a job interview, are you going to sit there and eat like a Wolverine? And if you do, well, shame on you because you're not going to get the job. But, you know, there's manners and there's etiquette. There's etiquette with everything. There's etiquette when it comes to going to a supermarket. There's etiquette when you go on a hike in nature. There's etiquette when you sit at the table and eat. And that is, don't be disgusting. Just have some manners. And so I think that this is probably why these are the triggers, first and foremost, because who does want to listen to people chomping on anything? Popcorn, Doritos, carrots, whatever it is. And what genius decided to put popcorn, the noisiest snack in the world, in a movie theater? Let's have some nachos and popcorn and rustle our fricking sodas. And so, yeah, like really. Candy wrappers. What?

Adeel [20:13]: Candy wrappers is kind of for me.

Mary [20:18]: Oh, here's the thing. This is what I can't stand. Like, so I'm very fortunate that I get to go to the director's guild. We haven't in the past year because of the pandemic, but where it's beautiful, where I get to see screenings and Q and A's and there, they do not allow food. or candy in the theater.

Adeel [20:38]: I need to move to LA. It's amazing.

Mary [20:42]: You need to come to L.A. and I'm going to go to the director's. So I'm like, amazing. And so whenever I do go to a movie theater, it's just like, oh, forget it. Disgusting. You know, no etiquette, no etiquette in the movie theater. Everyone leaves at the end of the credits, you know, on their cell phones. So but this is what's so great that the director's guild. So they have guys in there sometimes because we get to see screenings before they're released that that literally they come and they announce there's no eating. There's no dinner. But they have people. that in the corners you have to look with like binoculars looking to see if anyone is recording the movie or eating anything. I love them. They're my heroes. And there was one time, this is what's the worst, is like, they all know the rules. And then what's the worst is when the movie starts and you have someone next to you just rummaging through their purse or trying, like, zipping it open, trying to be really quiet. Like, just do it quick. I'd rather you do it quick. Or trying to, like, open the wrapper. Like, really? You're going to open that wrapper? I'm going to stab you in the neck. Just open it quickly. Just when they're trying to go really slow, like it's just so much worse. Like, oh, and that's when someone came out like, excuse me, you know, you need to put that down or like leave the theater.

Adeel [21:51]: Jennifer Lawrence, can you leave the theater, please?

Mary [21:54]: Yeah, yes, absolutely. And I just thank you to the Directors Guild of America. I cannot wait to come back to screenings. I think they're starting soon. For doing that, God bless you.

Adeel [22:05]: I wonder if someone there has misophonia. That'd be interesting to find out what the origin of that.

Mary [22:11]: I'll make you a bet they do. And people are very sensitive to it because if anyone talks or whispers, they're all like, shh. I think everyone there has missed the boat.

Adeel [22:21]: That is my, yeah, that is my happy place, I think, that theater.

Mary [22:25]: Oh my gosh. I will take you to a meeting.

Adeel [22:27]: It's either that or my basement for watching Netflix. Those are the only two places.

Mary [22:30]: Oh my God, yeah, right, right. No, I would love for you to be my guest because it's always... i always get to bring a friend and i i i love to do it i love film i could talk about it all day long and sound let me just tell you sound in anything is so important it is so important it affects our lives so when making a movie or or or doing a tv show or even recording this you know if your sound drops or something it loses it just it separates the whole energy gets broken and yes and the focus takes a while to recover yeah correct and if you have bad you know music or bad dialogue or or you know adr mixing you know forget it it's it's just so so important and my my first job actually in la my gosh i can't believe it's going to be 29 years october 2nd and i'm only 30. i'm only 30 years young 29 years in los angeles is enough to make anybody go bonkers i mean it's a noisy dirty city Right. And it's just, you know, from the leaf blowers in the neighborhood, which there's no leaves. We don't have any leaves. There's no leaves to blow.

Adeel [23:45]: You're in a desert. And we're in a desert.

Mary [23:47]: Like, what are you doing? And I get so irritated because being at home. So I have like left. So I do the do the pet peeve thing, but I have quit. I quit a job. Working for a. High profile. production company it was an in-house job because i'm freelance so this was an in-house job casting director and development producer job for a top production company uh in beverly hills i mean they gave us beautiful free lunches on on wednesdays it was so fancy but the owner of the company believed in open space right office and i think he had his own sort of ocd because he didn't like anything on the walls or anything hanging on the chairs and so i'm brought in um by the vp of development who was just relocating from a company in in in uh in seattle to to beverly hills and she brought me in because i was doing freelance for her for for um her other company she's like bring you with me and it was a really tough show we were working on it was basically dealing with um i was interviewing teens and parents to break the cycle of dysfunction so it was a really intense So I'm talking to people that are struggling with addiction, with, you know, anger, with just intense things. And I'm literally, I mean, that's very personal. Casting is very personal. There's 50 people that can hear my conversation. So I hated that. Not to mention the fact that my assistant and I were next to the kitchen. Oh, yeah. Okay. oh my god it so on monday morning everyone would get their cereal bowls and clankety clank away and have chit chats and eat their cereal right next to myself and my assistant because we were like right there like lean on you know our like cubicle area and my assistant who did not have misophonia was like from australia he was like what the fuck what the is going on even he's going crazy okay he's doing crazy like so here's the thing though i i researched you know the top 10 or the top you know 20 most annoying sounds people and eating is on there right yeah but i guess it doesn't cause the reaction that that we that we misophones have which is kill or run. Kill or run. Murder or flee. That's the difference. I also think that people don't say it. They don't talk about it as much. I think there's many, many, many, many, many more thousands of people that suffer from this and don't and now will know because i had no idea i thought it was just a thing and i know that that's that is a current theme with all of your guests is that oh you just thought you had to deal with this or live with this but it's it's it's actually a thing it's actually real i'm i'm not neurotic you know i'm not mentally ill i mean there's something And the most important thing I think is for people to talk about it and have support groups. I would love to have, and I was looking for different sort of support groups, but I need to have like a support group, like to talk about it and meet up about it and discuss it because I think that's really helpful to just see, you know, how we're doing or what's going on or connecting. And maybe there's some that are happening.

Adeel [27:40]: um i i don't know yeah i mean there are there are there there are small groups popping up like in um like instagram dm groups there is a a regular zoom call that happens every week actually a couple of them um and uh and there's probably more that i don't even know about these are just the ones that i happen to be exposed to i don't always have time to go to them yeah but uh and then there's talk of having a uh I don't know, maybe like a texting circle or just having somebody, kind of like a hotline where you can maybe text or call somebody and there's always somebody there listening. Like in an AA, a sponsor. exactly yeah yeah right so um yeah maybe maybe yeah maybe we can we can we can look for something after or set something up if they're all focused sometimes they get full like instagram yeah just create one right right so uh but that's totally i think i think it's better than

Mary [28:42]: the 40 000 person reddit group or facebook i can't do that i don't know yeah just a small sort of group support would be great i mean um it just i think would be helpful but uh by the way i've developed an eye twitch recently oh my god i'm just like what is going on think that's do you think there's some mesokinesia going on maybe it's really it's like it's so involved like no really no but um i think what i forgot to mention is what what what else i do so i anyway so i quit that job at in beverly hills i was like i just i just can't i can't do this And silly me, you know, I started my own company, but then they hired me back freelance, you know, again. But, you know, I just think whoever who I don't think that the open layout work, they don't work from it from a psychological level. You know, everyone's listening. I don't think they're. good in any way people need to be in their sort of private you know spaces especially in in what i do you know if i'm casting like a very highly sensitive you know um docu-series with real people it's private information and so you know it just it just didn't work for me and then being by the kitchen i was like but i'm out i can't i can't do it

Adeel [30:08]: Yeah. And it was just a pretty recent or was it just that was in 2012, actually.

Mary [30:16]: And then in 2013, I launched my own company and then I spent that whole year. And plus, I have a I have 11 year old daughter. I'm a single mother in Los Angeles being being which equates to 40 different other professions. I mean, literally. Yeah. If I can't get myself out of the kitchen, I mean, I'll blow my brains out. Like, I can't take it. I just I just just just get me out of here. Like being a parent is the toughest, the toughest job I've ever had. And I've had some really, really difficult jobs. Being a single parent is even even more challenging. But being a single mother. In Los Angeles, I would not wish that on my own worst enemy.

Adeel [31:05]: So is that partly just because everything is so far away? Is that one thing?

Mary [31:10]: It's because even just with Poncha, it's just, and I've been single for 10 years, so that will drive you insane. I've had no partner to like bounce off of me in life. You know, the reason why you have a husband or wife or partner, or just even a roommate, you know. is to bounce off at the end of the day, to say, you're doing okay, you know? The decisions that I have to make, the executive decisions, you know, with her schooling and with all the work that comes with that, the applications and then they involve you so much. It's like, oh, and it feeds into my sort of own perfectionism of, you know, when I was a student and, you know, Sophie's very different. So, and then the pandemic happened and forget it. You know, stuck at home. So, and also working from, so I started my own company, but then I also, so I was back for a year. I created and developed and attached talent to eight of my own projects, fielded all of those, you know, received offers. I mean, and then I would go back and then I've gone back, you know, in office sometimes to, to work, you know, freelance. And then at my, at my house, if I can, but it's, it's hard. You know, I've had people, I've had a team of up to, God damn, six or seven people in my home and it's tricky because um they're in your space and it's hard to separate you know they're using your toilet and they're eating your food and you know smoking their cigarettes it's like but um it's like can you go smoke that down there all right but so um but if depending on the budget if if it's going to work if that's going to be better than you know make that happen but um you know it's yeah so it's it's open but the past couple of years it's been from home and in the beginning it was great super focused and then as time went on there's so many distractions in the home and there's so many noises

Adeel [33:10]: Were there stuff that you just started noticing more or was it just because there's more, like everyone's home. So it's just, I mean, not just your daughter, but like all your neighbors are home too. It's just like, it definitely felt like, yeah, at least for me too, it definitely felt more and more claustrophobic. Like, okay, wait, I can't really go out freely. And not only can I not go out freely, but people in the house cannot go. I used to have that kind of alone time and that's kind of disappeared.

Mary [33:37]: Yes, the alone time, you know, my favorite time of day is when I drop my daughter off at school.

Adeel [33:44]: Yeah, yep.

Mary [33:44]: Bye-bye, see ya. I'll pick you up at six. Yep. Um, so, uh, right. So I, I would drop her off at the bus stop at, you know, seven in the morning. This is when she was in elementary. She just started middle school and I literally would, would come back and I would work and I would clean up the kitchen, you know, by, by eight, I'm ready to, you know, work with work. And then I would pick her up at school at six, you know, so it was a long day for her, but you know, when we talk in the car on the way back and. And we'd have dinner and read and that was it. It was good and we didn't hate each other and we didn't fight the way that we do now. And that is just not, not good. When it first started, I mean, you know, when we were first, you know, school at home, Sophie was like, oh my gosh, this is great. I don't have to go to school.

Adeel [34:38]: You don't have to dress up. Yeah, right.

Mary [34:40]: Right. And yeah. And so for five weeks, you know, my mom, my mom lives here in L.A. too. And we'll get to more details on her. But my mom, Sophie and I, I basically just threw in the towel and just let that sort of let things go for the first five weeks. It was actually a really great five weeks for the three of us. There was no arguments with my mom and I. You know, we just all got along. I ate pie every day. Oh, my God. But then I was like, okay, no, we need to get, Sophie's got to get back. And I became, she was in fourth grade at the time, I became obsessed with her assignments. And she was this very math, science, technology magnet. Very, you know, great school. And her teacher was great, but it was just, all she had was an hour. you know, twice a week. And when she went to fifth grade, she had it was way more. It was, you know, nine to, you know, 12 in the afternoon and then support after. So, you know, a half an hour or an hour twice a week. And then she's just supposed to do assignment after assignment. She's not going to want to do that. So it would just it it fueled. Sophie is different than me. I was a perfectionist. I was an excellent student. I was, you know, it was a way I could, because there was stuff going on in my life, you know, at a young age, my parents going through a divorce and the things going on at home. I was excellent at my studies because that was something that I could control. And I didn't want to cause any other drama. I wanted to be, you know, perfect. And I was. I was genius. I am a genius. We all are geniuses. Let me just say that we misophones are geniuses.

Adeel [36:40]: That's not the first time someone said that.

Mary [36:44]: I really believe it. I think that we're so aware.

Adeel [36:46]: There's something different. Yeah. And there's so many creative people that I interview. There's something about creativity and also engineering. So that kind of, you know, that technical and creative side, there is, yeah, just a kind of a big leaning, a big bend towards that. And that's what I find interesting too. Probably a cycle that kind of reinforces itself.

Mary [37:11]: Yeah, absolutely. And we're funny.

Adeel [37:15]: Oh, yeah.

Mary [37:16]: And quick-witted.

Adeel [37:18]: I mean, if you're funny, comedy is part of being self-aware. So I think there's no doubt that we have a bit more self-awareness than the rest of the population.

Mary [37:26]: Yeah. It's when it catches up to you where it's like, oh, no, I need to get help. And I've heard a few other of your guests sort of come to that point, and it just catches up. And so the... until you have some breakdown and you're like like you know no and um that's when you know you realize like okay this is becoming because it's just any any sort of noise or yes the the the was it the um the visual the um

Adeel [38:00]: Yeah, mesokinesia.

Mary [38:02]: Mesokinesia, you know, tapping at the leg or the clicking of the thing or the cracking of the nut. You know, just who wants to hear? Who wants to hear those things? You know, who wants to hear a clicking of a pen? No one wants to hear that, right? So no one should ever do it, like ever. And to ever do that, anyone listening to this. Don't click your pen in a meeting. No one likes it. And if there happens to be someone with misophonia, you're dead.

Unknown Speaker [38:26]: Okay?

Mary [38:27]: So, yeah.

Adeel [38:27]: Definitely in their heads, they are imagining you dying, even if it's not happening.

Mary [38:32]: Quietly, try to have manners. Not, you know, eat like a gross, disgusting beast. And don't breathe.

Adeel [38:41]: Right, right. In and out and get on with the next step.

Mary [38:46]: Yeah, you know, unless you've got some kind of illness, you know what? Go to the hospital. We'll visit you there. Get a ventilator.

Adeel [38:54]: Get a machine to do it.

Mary [38:55]: Get a machine. Exactly. So I don't know. There's so many things that I want to say, but it's... again the etiquette thing right um so i do i do want to i did want to address that with manners i think that the people that are listening so you know that it's important to have the support from your family and if you don't have support from the close ones around you if they don't understand it you're fucked it's just it's just horrible and so um and my mom's not gonna like me saying that but it's true and it has caused my mother's like i don't believe in it so to this day i don't believe in it it's it's a real thing and i tried to share with her and my brother you know an article and you know this is a real thing and this was like a few years ago um and i'll i'll never forget because there's been there's been there's been some highs and some lows so um And it was Christmas Eve and it was like a Saturday. And I have a front, my front room and my daughter has the back room. And my mom and my daughter were like, we're back. It was like seven in the morning. We're back in my daughter's room. And I was in the front. So I've got the cars going by and you can hear the garbage trucks and the leaf blowers and, you know, chainsaws and drills and, you know, jackhammer, you name it, right? and alarms doors whatever and so at seven in the morning on christmas eve some jackass is up in the tree across the street trimming the trees with it with it okay first of all first of all No. Why are you doing that? Like, that's rude. Just that's rude. Like, again, etiquette. Why are you doing it at seven in the morning on Christmas Eve? And I literally it was one of the it was like I got out. Not like he could hear me. I opened the door and I was like, shut up. asshole you know he kind of stole me for a moment and i'm like and i slammed the door and my my my mom and my daughter were like what the heck because they didn't hear it they couldn't hear it because it's like really it's really quiet and really the reason why i picked tuesday is because wednesday is leaf blower day right now it is it is So quiet. Like it's really quiet.

Adeel [41:28]: There's no siren.

Mary [41:31]: There's no siren. There's no leaf blower. There's no gardener right now. Like literally, it's really quiet. You know, like I don't hear anything. Normally I hear a siren or something. I don't hear anything. It's so nice. It's really quiet. And I just and my mom and this was the worst thing because it just it was just horrible what she did and what she said in front of Sophie. And she, and I freaked out. And Sophie was like, I was like, I was, I was just so angry and I was sweating. I was, I was anxious and I was, my heart was racing and I was felt like red and like, and my daughter was so sweet. She's like, it's okay, mommy. You know, she did the best thing you could do. Calm down. It's okay. It really comforted me. And my mom is just standing there staring at me like, And she said, you're mentally ill, Mary. And I screamed a bad name at her. And I slammed the door because I was so angry. And you don't do that. You don't say that. And you don't say that in front of my child. That's disgusting. And if that is the case, then why don't you go frickin find a way that you can support me rather than thumb me down? So it has been a huge. negative thing between my mom and I and I love my mom. She is an amazing human being. Everybody loves her. Everybody loves love my dad, too. My dad died in 2008, which was the worst year of my life, which is when other sort of trauma set in. But, you know, I love her. But she I think that she even if I sent her the scientific journal, this doctor did this. It's this is a thing. It's real. I don't believe it. I don't believe in it. Whether you believe in it or not, it's real. It's kind of like saying the vaccine doesn't work. It's science. Here it is. And I think with my mom, I think that part of her feels... that it's her fault or that she's contributed to this mental illness or this disorder or this issue. I'm a person that was really open about therapy and getting help and my dad was too. Whereas my brother and my mom are not so much. Oh, I don't need therapy. I don't have any issues. It's fine. It's like everybody has things they need to talk about. At some point.

Adeel [44:15]: Yeah, I mean, I can see how some parents might want to kind of not want to admit that, well, not want to think about the fact that their kids, don't want to think about their kids as being kind of like brought up perfectly because they brought them up and don't have any issues. And maybe that's part of it. She doesn't want to admit that, you know, one of her children might have a real issue.

Mary [44:41]: Well, well, right. And so, you know, I mentioned that my parents got divorced and that we moved. And so there was some serious stuff going on there as to why they separated. And she loved my dad more than anything. She was madly in love with him. But, you know, he struggled. He struggled and he was an unbelievable human being. I mean, my dad was just unbelievable human being. He just. Everybody fell in love with my dad. He would walk into a room and he was just this tall, you know, tall, dark, you know, salt and pepper, you know, beautiful, handsome, gentleman, dynamic, excellent with people. He ran an international flying eye hospital called Orbis International for 25 years. He started with the inception of it and it was a nonprofit. flying teaching eye hospital that traveled to third world countries and developing countries and volunteer doctors ophthalmologists from you know around the world but but sort of the main more the they would basically volunteer their time and they would go to third world countries and developing countries and teach skills and surgeries in um in in saving people's vision and um he he launched is still running today he devoted his whole life to it um he had just had the 25th anniversary of the united nations with um richard branson and the president of ethiopia and 25 years there was and he died about A year after that, you know, he sort of gave his life to that. He was only 61. And that was a huge, huge trauma when that happened because we were very, very close. We had a very complex relationship, but we knew each other. He got me. We were very similar. He was irritable. I was irritable. I think he had. He must have had. a bit of the sound irritability because i'll never forget we would if we were ever in a movie theater and there was someone eating popcorn or or chomping on gum we would be so irritated and but we would make a joke of it he was so funny and we would laugh because we would mimic it be like oh that's how we would get through it or we'd or we'd move you know um and we would be guaranteed every time we would get together and he was a world traveler like we every time we'd have you know something to eat in a restaurant we would be there and someone would come and vacuum around us what are you vacuuming we're still eating you know it was just these crazy things you know they're hoovering under you you're like what we were just laughing laughing laughing And, you know, I miss him tremendously. His birthday would be 74, I think, on the 19th of September. That's a huge trauma for that. But my boyfriend at the time, who I thought I was going to marry, I was never even thinking about marriage, but he was a police officer. And we met while I was doing an open casting call for Deal or No Deal in Colorado. And we fell in love and he moved out. We were just madly in love with each other. I mean, he was the guy. He was there for me when my dad died. He was there by my side. But three months later, he left and went back to Denver. without just, I came home to an empty apartment. I was like, what? Yeah. And it was just like, whoa, that was too much. And I was coming to the end. I've been on deal for like three years. I traveled the country. That was a huge, it was like the height of my career on that show. Like, cause it was, I was like 35, 36. And it was a great show. I met so many amazing people, able to help people, you know, and it was just a great family. But it was a lot of stress on my body physically. And so when he died, which was February 08, and then the show ended September. I mean, my whole team just saw me just and then Derek left. Like it was just it just I just went. I went cuckoo. I and I when the show ended, I just. sort of died I just literally I knew I needed to see a therapist but the therapist I was seeing was not helpful he was one of those therapists that was like oh so you're a type a person well you know and he wasn't supportive and he was yawning all the time I'd be like are you bored because I'm not a boring person I hate yawning when I'm yeah in the media I mean you know are you bored like you know and don't put me in a box don't you know right He's like, well, maybe your type A personality, you know, you're so in control or whatever. That's why he left. I'm like, there's no excuse for why he left. He was a coward. It was ridiculous. So then he referred me. Then I was like, well, maybe I need some medication because at times in my life, I've had a little, you know, where I've been feeling down or anxious where a medication has helped. Like Celexa was amazing. it helped me for like one year i was feeling really anxious i was director of marketing to this real estate company and she was like high-end real estate still around and i i would go in she'd be like i'm mary machel i need you to do this and this and that and this and that's like oh my god how am i gonna do that because i like to get things done right and uh and so my doctor is such as light uh it was just such a light uh medication she said oh just take celexa my mom had it and um job that's exactly what it did and it helped and at that time it was done but the the psychiatrist that i went to who was um we we met she um she's like so what do you want i'm like what do i want i don't i don't know what i want like so she gave me things like lunesta and pristik and adderall okay I'm like, she goes, well, you have ADD. I'm like, no, I don't. I've always been able to focus and follow through. Anyone that's had that kind of loss in life feels scattered. You just feel. And so Adderall, that made me rage. Like I would just be up all night picking up dead cats off the street, you know, just wandering around in my head. It was terrible. and we actually ended up developing a show together which was i'm like is this crossing the line like and um it was just a very bizarre relationship and i think she sort of preyed on me in a vulnerable vulnerable time and i weaned myself off that medication um she said well i can't work with anybody that means himself on my medication but i'm feeling better i don't it's you know i just this is not what i you know needed what i needed was just to feel the emotions at the time Um, I just needed to feel messed up and I just needed to just do what I needed, needed to do. Yeah. And it was horrible. And my, my, my parent, my mom and, and, um, know family member i mean i just really stayed in in solid in solitude you know i had i had i was living by myself but i i had a a a girl come and stay with me who was wanting to move out to to l.a and um we would we would go out you know we'd go out and party you know i i partied a lot like i didn't care i didn't give a i was angry and i like i didn't care like i just just let me just get through this and that's when i met the sperm donut

Adeel [52:18]: I was trying to do the math there with your daughter, but I figured you'd get to it.

Mary [52:22]: I can't believe I just said that word, the S word. No, but I met him and I was not looking for a relationship. In fact, I was angry at men, okay? My dad was gone and the man I thought I was going to marry, yeah, was gone. So I'm like, hey, listen, if you want to hang out, great, but I might, you know. Yeah, like, no, you're a dick. Like, you're an asshole. I don't think you're... Some guys would like it and some would be, all right, moving along. And he was just sort of this distraction. He was just this amazing fashion designer, had a huge business downtown. We met at a party at Fashion Week and just this lovely guy. And I was not interested in him, but I noticed that there were some... very quickly into the hanging out, I just noticed that he would surround himself with some sketchy people. So that was very sad, the whole of the situation. But I it was like I it was like accidentally on purpose. I got pregnant. I never. And at 30, I was 38. I'm like, wow, I don't know. It was like part of me started to think about, you know, blood. and connection when my dad died. And I was never in a rush to sort of get married or have children. I always had many, many pets. I've always been a huge nurturer. I'm the one that people come to when they have a problem, you know, that person. And I just, I had a friend just dumped me because they did not, my best friend was like, he could not understand, couldn't take me feeling out of control, you know, feeling sad and down. It's just hard for people. And You know, I got pregnant and I was pregnant with twins. And there was no way that I mean, this was it. It's 38, man. I better, you know. And there was no way that I was, you know, not going to go through with it. So it was a very intense pregnancy, but I felt awesome. I mean, everything that you could imagine was wrong. You know, advanced maternity age, twins. They thought I was going to have twin to twin transfusion syndrome because my other daughter, Phoebe, who died about an hour and a half after I had her, was having a lot of complications. And so, but there was this tremendous amount of healing that I was doing during that time. And this has helped me actually. And I'm going to go back to a friend, but I know people were talking, someone was talking about tapping and, you know, different sort of therapies. And it was, she's a mind-body healing counselor. And she worked with me every week off the body, you know, with, and that healing I have, I just found my journal was so helpful. and the life that the girls had like i was just like you know i always prayed for that miracle you know because i i can't tell you how many times i've interviewed people when they're like so it's my miracle baby my tubes tied eight times i still got pregnant you know you're like what and it's um you know uh she like i felt and my doctor was an he's like well you know baby b's not gonna make it anyway so you can deliver on naturally oh my god he was thank god he wasn't there when i delivered but so so i'm i'm just going back to the trauma that experience so the death of dad you know my derek leaving my daughter dying all very simultaneously. And it was a lot to take in because I wasn't sure what to heal, what I was feeling. So when my dad died, I kind of felt a sense of peace because he really, he struggled with addiction his whole life, on and off his whole life. Amazing what he accomplished. And so his work was his addiction as well. So when he died, it was like part of me just felt it was raw. I felt it when my brother called me. It was like I told Derek, I said, get out, take the dogs out. I'm going to. And I felt it viscerally in my stomach. And I screamed, you know, like and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and went to England for the funeral. And just just that I was actually at a calmer place after after a couple of weeks, very calm. And then then Derek left. And that's when I was like, what? because my dad died thinking that you know i had someone that you know derek was there and so that sort of abandonment was just horrible and it was just very hard to to to process because you know when you're in a relationship and you're like oh this is the guy that wants to marry me i mean just just all of a sudden act like did i know this person was i being conned was was very very hard and uh you know And then meeting David and then getting pregnant and then my daughter, my other daughter not, my daughter dying. So I was embracing Sophie at one hand and then having to plan a service on the other. It was bizarre. And I had had the C-section. Anyway, it was beautiful in itself. We sang, I had her baptized. I went into the hospital like a week early. So I had a little time to speak to the chaplain and the social worker. and because it was scary um i did not wasn't sure what david was capable of he was associating people associating with with really not good people so um i needed to protect sophie and phoebe and so um i i just i just left him off the birth certificate so there weren't any and one other point would have added him on if he ever got his together but unfortunately that didn't happen And he actually died of COVID this February, which was bizarre information to process. And it was just really... just just a lot so i feel that with all that being said and speaking out loud about it and i never thought of it this way that that is is i must have had some kind of ptsd from all of that oh yeah a complex ptsd i wouldn't be surprised in a short amount of time yeah yeah and i just uh i think also then being in you know at And Sophie was born in 2010 and she was just the perfect little baby. Thank God. Because if she wasn't, I would be like, God, you know, what are you doing to me? But it was like. one of the most vulnerable times of my life because physically I was just like, I was overweight, had a C-section, but I had this beautiful little baby and we just bonded. We just bonded, the two of us. I took eight months off to just, she was just a happy, great little baby. I took eight months off before I went back to work. And, you know, she's now 11 and she is a beautiful person. But our relationship has been horribly affected. because I recently sort of had this, she's very aware of it. She gets it, but she's also a kid and she fidgets. She's a fidgeter. Okay. And it is so annoying.

Adeel [59:49]: Was she always triggering? Did it start to trigger you recently, maybe because of the pandemic? Or was it kind of always happening after that?

Mary [59:58]: She was always like, you know, kids are like always moving around like spastic, you know, like, you know, kinder, like getting control of their body kind of thing. But I noticed, you know, this whole fidget thing became like she collects literally hundreds of these fidgets, you know, the poppers and the, I don't know, just ordering them on Amazon without my knowledge. But and which that's fine if that helps her, you know. I think it was hard for her to focus sometimes to do those assignments and all of that. And we did just find out that she does have this, they consider it a disability of just attention, but it's not ADD. It's just like when there's a distraction, she can't sort of, it's like executive functioning. It's also weird. I don't want to get into that. But anyway, her fidgeting, like, so I would say Sophie, So how was your day? Or we we'd have to do in third grade. We'd have to do speeches. Right. And she would wiggle around and, you know, flip up and down and, you know, put her leg around her neck. And I'm just like, can you stop? Stop it. It's so annoying. And I would mimic her and I'd be like, so yeah, you know, and putting my leg up and she would just giggle. I'm like, it's jerking all around. Like, you know, it's like, what it's, this is be still. And she's flinging her mask around or she's popping on something. And I'm just like, Sophie, no, no. So, so her, what she needs to help her triggers me. And then, And then she started to make some noises with her mouth. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like, just don't do that ever again. And then she'll do it. And here's the thing. I've told her, I'm like, I am not at a point in my life where I'm well enough to be able to realize that I'm the parent and you're the child. And you're in some development fucking phase. OK, you need to not do that because I might kill you. Really. So if you want to help me and you want to help you, please don't make that noise near me ever again. You know, and then sometimes you'll just be like, I wish you didn't have this opponent. You know, right. I do too. It's horrible. And it is so hard for someone to really understand this sort of involuntary reflex. It's like, you know, when you do, when you go to the doctor and the doctor hits your knee, boink. Well, that's what it is. It's like, I can't help it. I, and I literally, there's so many doors slammed and, and I will just run into my, and I will. Like if it keeps going, like, and I'll just, I'll start sweating immediately. My heart will rate. I'll feel like I'm having a heart attack. My body gets hot and it takes hours to calm down. And I'll just go into my room and be alone and like meditate. And sometimes days on end, like just leave Sophie. I mean, you know, alone type of thing. But so that's been really, really hard. And just recently in July. So there's these times of stability, you know, like. So I think just it all sort of collided. It all sort of was catching up when I started to work from home. And I know now exactly when on Wednesdays, my leaf blower guys come, I put on white noise machines, right? And I don't know why I didn't start doing that till recently. So it's right till I had my breakdown in July, around July 4th. My body just went into absolute like, what did I call it when I emailed you? shock, sleep shock, slumber syndrome. I don't know, but my, I had an MRI done because when you're 51, you need to get, go to every doctor on the planet. You make you feel so great. But I had an MRI done and I didn't want to do the MRI. And I remember having an MRI when I was pregnant, but it was quiet. It was quiet. I don't remember the noise. I don't remember the sound. And when I went in and I'd rescheduled many times, I'm like, I just want to do it because, you know, I'm a little claustrophobic. Right. But I went in finally and they never once mentioned over the phone. This is going to be noisy. This will be loud. You're going to need to wear earphones or you're going to need to wear little earplugs. So when I got there, they told me, I said, no, I don't want anything in my ears. I don't want anything. Like, is it really, really loud? Do I have to have? What they should have said was, yes, it's like the law. Like they should have had headphones with music. They shouldn't even have let me put the plugs in. I put the plugs in and literally it was the loudest. And this is just loud. It's so loud. It's like it's a magnet. It's unbelievably loud. And it put me into, no one should have to tolerate that. Why the fuck are these machines so loud?

Adeel [65:05]: Yeah, go back to the drawing board.

Mary [65:08]: Yeah. Shame on you. You should have, you should have a white noise, big, good headphones. And I literally, I mean, I need to sort of complain about it because I, when I'm in there, put the earplugs. And I made it through like the whole like sort of, and then they wanted to inject fluid into me. I'm like, no, I don't want any fluid. Okay. You know, what's the whole point of the MRI? You need to like highlight the area. No, I don't want any weird thing making me feel weird. That's enough. Okay. And then, then this happened. So it goes, it was like, I can't even, it was just like, imagine a bulldozer or a jackhammer inside your ear, like in there, but worse because it's metal. I'm I said, and I tolerated it was a long bit because they're taking a few bits. And I was like, oh, my. It was just that that pain because it wasn't like annoying. It was just I'm dead now. Like you just shocked my body into death. And I said, wait a minute. Yeah. Can you give me the headphones, please? That's really loud. And I looked at the machine. I was like, oh, it's a GE. Why is it so loud? It does not need to be so loud. I left. I was the first person that first patient that day to make it through the MRI.

Adeel [66:23]: Oh.

Mary [66:24]: To me, that said, maybe you should do something about this.

Adeel [66:27]: Yeah, weird.

Mary [66:28]: How about providing headphones as well as getting a new machine that isn't so loud? And I went for a hike because one of the major coping mechanisms for me is I have to get out in nature.

Adeel [66:43]: Yeah.

Mary [66:45]: And with my daughter and just connect with her. And so as much as I can, I will go up for a hike in Franklin Canyon, which is just beautiful and quiet. We went last night. We saw that the sunset was trippy yesterday because I'd never seen LA like this, but it was like a layer of clouds. Like we were above this layer of clouds. It looked like snow. And then underneath it, you know, from the top of the mountain was just smog trapped. And it was it was just it was bizarre. But then it was like really clear. It was just so trippy. But, you know, I go out and I try to walk every day. And that's a way for me to connect with Sophie one on one. And she talks about her day. But also, if I have to go around the corner like Kenneth Hahn State Recreation Park or or there's a it's more urban hike, you know, Baldwin Hill Scenic Overlook. OK, people. We have wildlife here. We don't want to hear your bang, bang music going. It's so annoying. Literally, people are listening to their music out loud, like not in their head, like in their ear pods or whatever, but like out loud. So that is so irritating. The way that I have handled that is. One day, I said, hey, guys, so there's a ranger down at the bottom giving out tickets for anybody that has their music playing.

Adeel [68:10]: Genius again.

Mary [68:13]: Right? And they're like, what? Oh, okay. Because they're, you know, some of the music that they're listening to is profanity. And I don't want Sophie listening to that. I don't need her to hear, you know, bitch, bitch. You know, I don't want to, like, it's, hey, I'm doing a walk in this beautiful place. Why are you playing that music? Again, etiquette. So it's like you have to sort of, you know, tolerate those things. But, you know, I am not, I am not... Um, I am totally cool with, with, with saying, Hey, being open about it and not like suffering.

Adeel [68:50]: Um, a lot of us are used to bottling things up. So that's, that's, uh, yeah, that's interesting.

Mary [68:56]: People do so many of the, of the phones do so many people are just that I, that you've interviewed are just, just sitting there, just cringing. And believe me, there's times when I have cringed and I still cringe. And then, you know, but, you know, you have to communicate it, especially if the person if you are a person that has misophonia and you are sitting there tolerating your parents eating with their mouths open, you shouldn't have to tolerate that. I mean, unless they have some kind of medical condition, like it should be OK to say, do you mind eating with your mouth shut? You know, like that shouldn't be a thing. Again, it's etiquette, right? I feel that. I mean, I don't know how you feel like that.

Adeel [69:39]: Yeah, well, you would think that if anyone was going to try to accommodate, it would be your own parents.

Mary [69:46]: Right, exactly. Exactly. And so I remember one of my co-workers, she's also a casting director. She's a good friend of mine. She also has misophonia. In fact, she's the one who sent me an article, who sent me the article. Um, about, I think this is what it is, you know? And yes. And so I remember, um, and I was very vocal, you know, with my, with my whole sort of like deal or no deal team, they would mess with my, oh my God, they knew I was so sensitive to sound and they would like, fuck with me. Because there'd be people like working when we were traveling, we'd be on like the studio lot and, you know, they'd be like hammering, you know, a set. what's the fuck sake? You know what I mean? Right. I was very, like very vocal and the, you know, it was just part of my person, the God's way I sort of coped with it. And I remember one, one year, one of the, one of the gals gave bells, like bicycle bells as a gift to put, right. And one of them started to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Cause he knew, I'm like, who's dinging their bell? Who's dinging their bell? But when see people do that, I have a great sense of humor about it. You know, like, it's like it's funny like if it was if someone was just doing it like ow now but they were just doing it to mess with me so I was able to handle that but yeah that's good if you can right if you can divert it into the comedy part yeah and if the guy that was doing the tree trimming at 7am on Christmas Eve if I had known if you tell me we're going to come and saw some trees, then I can prepare myself because part of it is like, you are wrong. You're invading my space. You're a dick. I hate you. You're dead.

Adeel [71:33]: You know, like, well, yeah, your brain is reacting to fear of some imminent threat. So, but if you're able to prepare yourself a little bit before it, sometimes all it takes.

Mary [71:44]: That's all it takes. So I can prepare like, Hey, you know, we're going to trim the trees. And I remember they were going to do that at my house. And I had a Skype interview that day. Cause I do a lot of Skype interviews with, with, with talent and the tree trimmers were there. And, you know, it was loud, but I was able to, you know, sort of prepare how they just showed up. Right. So now I, I, after this MRI and then also it was July 4th, I went for a walk in Franklin and I calmed down a bit, but I think that that MRI was, shopped my body into shutting down and i shut down for four days and i've done that a lot you've where that's happened before like yeah where i have to sleep for like i go they they my mom and my my daughter call it the vortex where i go and i just shut off because as a single mom also for 11 years you can imagine how busy that is on top of just your daily household chores to, you know, you know, freaking maid to working and just everything in life, just, and, and, you know, your tech sanity or, you know, making a call to healthcare, whatever it is. You know, I would just be exhausted. I mean, there's no one else to take out the trash. I'm a plumber. You know, I fix things. I mean, I have to do it myself. Right. And that's that's fine. But, you know, really, it's it's, you know, your sanity and also not having that for that person to bounce off. I think it's just all sort of contributed. And then this noisy, dirty city and then, you know, these unnecessary leaf lowers. I think I just get angry also because I think about the the unnecessary. They're illegal. These gas leaf blowers are illegal in California. You cannot be on my property 15 feet and they're blowing it around. And all they're doing is blowing dirt and sickness into your house. And then not to mention noise pollution. But, you know, it's a health hazard. And for unnecessary, get a rake. And this one guy, he comes next door and he freaking blows the leaf blower for 45 minutes. And it's one of those. right? And you're like, what the fuck? And I, one day I just went out and I said, excuse me, excuse me. Can you not blow your leaf blower like that? I mean, you're here for 45 minutes. What are you doing? There's no, you know, he's like, well, what did the other guy do? I'm like, get a rake. Because what he's trying to do is blow one fucking leaf. Okay. out to the front, one fucking leaf. When you could just get down, right? And I'm just like, he's scared the shit out of him, you know? And I was very nice, but I'm working, I'm doing an interview from home. Like I don't need to think. And I, now, now, instead of like getting irritated, knowing he's coming, I put the white noise, I put, I have three Alexa devices. By the way, I'm addicted to Alexa. Those Alexa anonymous. She is the only reason why I can stand standing in my kitchen. My kitchen is the worst room in the house. My refrigerator is the most noisy. No, I'm not kidding. I have researched, researched, and I researched, researched, researched. That's like part of my coping. Researching. You know how many times I've recorded my refrigerator? How many times? Like one day I'm going to use it. This is my fridge, you know? And I've looked up this fridge and I'm telling you, It's really ridiculous because it has hissing, popping, sizzling, sputtering, spatting, humming, buzzing. These are all the regular noises coming from your fridge. There's nothing regular about those noises. I mean, this fridge scares the crap out of you.

Adeel [75:33]: Is it old?

Mary [75:35]: No, it's like 2016. It's a Frigidaire side-by-side piece of shit. And literally, it has normal operating sounds and sights. I'm looking at the thingy. And there is nothing normal. about a you know a broiling or gurgling sound in your fridge okay or ice maker ice stickers are just uh yeah but i think ice maker and it pops out of you the ice maker grows right you know it's like holy crap is someone in there it scared the babysitter one night you know and then there's dripping and and and hissing Or sizzling in the deep frosting and popping. The popping, that's great. And then, wait a minute, we've got cubes falling, you know, randomly. So this is the noisiest fridge on earth. I have researched it. Other people can't even live, stand in their kitchen. It's so loud. There is a level of normalcy when it comes to appliances. And nowadays, appliances are made for shit. Okay, there's no quality.

Adeel [76:40]: right that's funny i might ask you to i might ask for a recording of that because part of my uh part of my ideas for some of these songs that i'm writing is to use basically samples and use them as like snare oh my god yeah totally totally no yeah as a beat basically we have to be this way i can't wait to talk about this other stuff yeah yeah yeah but like literally it's like and then and then so to my and i've

Mary [77:04]: an open space so my kitchen's open and I'm always in the kitchen oh I love it there's always dishes you know there's it's like Wonder Woman spinning around oh cook clean put away cook clean and then you know laundry it's like so now what I do is when I'm in the kitchen I mean there's been so many times I've had to turn off the fridge because it's ridiculous and like my food is spoiled you know whatever like I have to set a timer like for 30 minutes or whatever But, and Sophie can't stand it too. And here's what I do. It's so loud. Like, honestly, it's so loud. Like it makes some really weird noises that, you know, while some people like might not notice it right away, what I do is another one of my coping is I go, you hear this pitch? So they don't think I'm not, you hear it? No, it doesn't sound like anything else, but just really listen. Now I'm going to turn it off. And I want you to hear how quiet it is in the house. Right? So I do it and you're like, holy shit. And they cannot believe. And I said, so imagine that. Imagine that being not so much the sound. Someone, I think her name is Jennifer, mentioned it. It's the stress, the energy behind the sound. Imagine that being just a hundred times worse in my ear. That's how it feels. It's like so freaking annoying. And I want to fucking bash the fridge in. And I have. I have beaten it. I have, I have like, I slammed the door the other day and like two of the shelves broke, but like, I just, you know, I mean, I'm going to have to get a new, I obviously got a new fridge, but like, you know, these appliances also, I've got fairly new washing machine. Okay. So washing machines do that sort of check it, check it, check it, check it, check it. Right. Right. This one's like, eh, eh, eh, eh, like a rubbing, like, eh, what the fuck are you doing? It's so, I've never, it is so annoying. And there's no door from my kitchen to the laundry room. So it's like, oh my God. It's just, I have to put the washing machine going when I leave the house. I just can't, it's just too much.

Adeel [79:08]: Yeah.

Mary [79:09]: And so, you know, that is those. So I play Alexa games when I'm in the kitchen because I focus on the trivia. Yeah. You know, so I've got all these games that I play. Plus, it keeps my brain sharp, I think. I'm playing. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Which is really hard. Right. But it does. My focus, I think, with misophonia is that we are so aware. in general. Hyper-aware, exactly. Yeah, hyper-aware. And I'll never forget going to this, there's this peace labyrinth right in mid-city. And it's just this beautiful place. And there's a labyrinth there and it's just meditation garden. And it's just beautiful. I'll remember going there, taking my mom there for her birthday one year. And I literally, they're doing construction. You know, you're in this nice peace labyrinth and there's like jackhammers and construction going on next door. And as I'm talking to the person guiding us through, I'm like, so I'm really sensitive to sound. And he just said something so great. He goes, well, you're a very aware person, but rather than focus on the sounds around you, just focus in, like put a halo or something. around the person you're looking at and just focus on them. And that has worked, you know, where I was actually talking to someone the other day and there was so much noise going on, like alarms, you know, car alarms or just really big, you know, major triggers. And I focused, just focused in on what they were saying. It's hard, but it worked. Sometimes we're just too aware. We're too aware. And sometimes, and so we've got bionic hearing.

Adeel [81:00]: Right.

Mary [81:02]: I can hear the hum of light, like if the lights aren't down or up properly. And you're like, mm-mm. I can't do that. I mean, there's so many sounds that trigger. Obviously, it started with the eating and any kind of eating, slurping, chomping, chewing, punching. But these other things that are invasive, not only the city sounds, the noises, like cars or barking dogs or fireworks. which also put me into a tizzy because we have these, you know, fireworks going on, you know, from May until after July 4th. And I don't mind those just, you know, fireworks. It's just the ones that just do that huge boom pop, like a shock. And you just have a heart attack and that can damage your hearing. I mean, Sophie probably better. I mean, from one exposure and I, after the MRI and then just sort of dropping for four days, realizing that you don't leave, you know, when mom's sick, oh, leave mom alone sick. When someone's sick, you take care of them. You bring them chicken soup. You make sure they have food. But when I'm sick, I'm left to suffer alone. What I needed, what I realized was I scared Sophie. I needed to have a plan set in place to have like an emergency plan. So if this happens to me where I, you know, shut down that she knows she's got a list of people to call someone that can come and check in on me, someone that can make me some soup, you know, I needed care. I needed to really go away for a month and go to a silent retreat. And, and I felt that that's what I needed. And I, and I realized after that happened that right away, I, I, I went to my doctor. He didn't know anything about Miss Pony. He had maybe heard a little bit. He gave me, I said, it is affecting my relationship with my daughter. And so he's like, I said, I needed another reference for a therapist. And they just give you a phone number. He can refer me to any other doctor, but not the therapist. Here's the number to call, right? And then he gave me a... referral to an ENT, which I know I need to see an audiologist and I haven't yet. And I know you've interviewed, who was that lovely audiologist? Yeah. Started the, the conventions, the just, I just loved her episodes so much. She's just such a darling human being. And there's an amazing doctor in England who I just love too. Yeah.

Adeel [83:39]: Dr. Gregory, Dr. Jane Gregory.

Mary [83:41]: Yes, yes, yes, just love her. And it just seems like that this affects so many people in Europe. Like, I don't know if it was like, you know, and women.

Adeel [83:52]: Well, I think they're more likely to come and kind of talk about it.

Mary [83:56]: Yeah. Yeah. But doesn't Dr. Gregory have like a test that you can take to see what level?

Adeel [84:02]: Yeah.

Mary [84:03]: Is there any way to get access to that? I'll connect you guys.

Adeel [84:07]: Yeah. No, I'll connect you, both of you.

Mary [84:08]: Oh, my God. That would be great. I would love to just... I know I'm definitely on the extreme level, I'm sure. But, you know, I realized that I needed help. And, yeah, like... It's unbearable. And I mean, I have listened to your, I have, I cannot believe, I mean, the young kids that are that and the teens that are living with this. Oh my gosh, there's one episode. just heartbreaking. I'm so glad he's such a lovely young, young man. And I'm just so glad that he found you because I think you were going to connect him with someone. He wants to help. He wants to help.

Adeel [84:40]: Matt. Yeah. I know.

Mary [84:42]: He was just so filled with joy. He's like, really? I mean, just what a lovely, lovely guy. And I mean, I don't mean to mention everyone, but it's just like, I just connect with it. I mean, there's really extreme. There's people that have really have an extreme to the point of suicide. Right.

Adeel [84:57]: Yeah. Yeah.

Mary [84:58]: um and then other people where it's just like okay it's not so bad but you know i i was going to tell you a real quick story about about my friend he's a casting director anyway she had her headphones on and you know she was sharing an office and one of our associates i love him so much that was eating the noisiest food and the smelliest food hard-boiled egg and celery and i said because Rita was like cringing. I'm like, get out, get out right now. Go eat that outside. You know, you're eating the noisiest food and the stinkiest. What's wrong with you? You know, because I have no problem. Like, just like, but they were like family at that point, you know, now you have to be, now I worry because, you know, you have to be, while I'm dying to just sort of get, get out. I also wonder, you know, it has to be the sort of right, the right environment. There have to be, you know, ways in which, because there's certain things in the office that can really, I mean, I remember sharing an office with someone that sniffed. Oh my God. No.

Adeel [86:05]: And not just when they were not feeling well.

Mary [86:07]: No, no. Just sniff.

Adeel [86:09]: Sniffer.

Mary [86:11]: And I'm just like, uh-uh. And, you know, I've got headphones on. We're doing like, and I shared with another casting director that's on a different project. And I, even with my headphones watching the videos, I'm trying to do time code. I just hear her doing her every three, every two, every, every, just every, every moment. And I'm like, hey, Susie, how you doing? Got some allergies going? Shut the fuck up before you smash your head on the table. You know, like, go away. No one wants to hear it. Nobody, not even any normal person, wants to hear that sound. But if you're with us, we're going to kill you or like leave or just die. We're like live in torture, you know, torture. Tolerate. I had to tolerate it. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I was like, I said to my, I was like, does that not bother you? Does that not bother you?

Adeel [87:00]: It gives you an oblivious, you know, were you, were we able to, were you able to kind of intercept your brain in time and just say that, Hey, that, you know, this job will be over soon or like, yeah, the day, the day was almost over.

Mary [87:15]: And I think she, I think she got the point because she took her allergy medicine.

Adeel [87:19]: You got the point when your hands were around.

Mary [87:21]: Yeah. Like, yeah, you want to take that, take that little vitamin there. Okay. You know, I mean, I also just like Pete, like on a plane, like my, there've been times where my mom and my mom is all have to say, my mom is a very quiet eater. She knows how much, you know, it, it bothers me, but we, we recently went on a trip and it was horrible recently. And I was like, I needed to get away. I had, I had also hadn't been away, like away from LA. Like you have to get away. Like, So there's all these stressors, right, that come into place. And if you have all these stressors, then your disorder, your misophonia is just going to be worse. It's going to be so extreme, you know. And I was like, oh, God, driving five hours in the car, can I handle it? You know. And it's just terrible because I had really, you know, we fought the whole way up there, which was awful. And finally, because it was really the only thing I'm like, this is a thing. I need help. You know, and we had to switch our room because we go up to Monterey and we're at this hotel and they put us in a room overlooking a freeway. you know, I don't want to overlook a freeway. I know just, you know, get us, get us somewhere, you know, move the room. 17 or one-on-one or it was, it was the, I can't remember the name of it. It doesn't matter. But anyway, it was noisy. It was cars. I'm like, I didn't need to hear, you know, horns and cars and try to hear that every day. So they, so they moved us. And then of course we go to a room and the fridge is buzzing in the room. You know, It's just, you can't, you can't win. And really there is when we were visiting a friend as well as when they, he saw the stress. He's like, my gosh, the Mary Rachel I met, you know, years and years ago, like 1998, whatever, was so fun and upbeat and lovely. And I just stressed, I said, he goes, and what is Miss Bunny? Like, he really asked him, like, it's just so hard to explain. I don't really want to fucking do it right now. You know what I mean? Like. it's just it's just and it's and then my mom was eating um she was eating a wrapper i was like mom can you stop and she just crunched it in my face on purpose i was like you fucking it was horrible horrible and i felt horrible she felt horrible and i felt sad and she felt sad and we finally sort of i had to sleep for a day while i was up there because i was just exhausted needed to rest and i was just so upset and then on the way back it was we had a great time on the way back but I have not seen her since, and I know that it affects. Because, you know, our relationship, Sophie, I just want to encourage her, you know, my brother to understand that this is real, you know, that I am not crazy, that it's no one's fault. Because that's the worst thing is, and I think, you know, the lady I was listening to yesterday that you were interviewing, and I don't know if she was in the very beginning or recently. But, you know, I think her name was Jennifer. She was talking about how there's this theme of crazy in her life. Where everyone thinks, you know, she's crazy. And I've gotten that too. Like, oh, Mary's crazy. She's crazy. Because I'm crazy, but in a good way. Like, I'm not like, I'm energetic. I'm enthusiastic. I love what I do. I'm passionate. I feel things. You know, maybe I'm dramatic once in a while. That might help, though, at times. But I'm a kind, loving, really sort of quiet, very to myself person. I couldn't stand when my mom said, you're mentally ill. My daughter was like, you're not mentally ill. It's so confusing for her. And there's nothing wrong with mental illness. We need to bring awareness to it. And there's help out there. And my mom's one of those people that's so scared of it. And it's, it's come up, you know, they were addressing it in the Olympics, you know, when our, right. Our beautiful gymnast was like, I can't, yes, she couldn't do it. I was so, I mean, they were talking about, you know, so many things and I was just like, so important because I think that these issues and listen, we misophones, we have it so easy. I looked up some of the, like, I just was like, what, you know, this is what helps me. What are some, um, What are some disorders we've never heard of? I mean, at least we don't have alien hand syndrome, you know, or, you know what I mean? Or like, you know, Alice in Wonderland syndrome, you know, or like cannibalism where you want to eat your body, you know, like God. Eat your own body? Yeah.

Adeel [92:08]: Okay.

Mary [92:09]: I mean, some trippy stuff. And then there's one where it's actually a cool disorder to have. It's really cool. And I think Lady Gaga has it. It's like when you hear a sound, you see a color.

Adeel [92:24]: or um yeah well that's um that yeah that that's something um i mean that's something i've you know you've i've heard some musicians talk about i think there was a john one of the john one of the johns i've uh interviewed uh i think it's synesthesia something like that anyways yeah you got it you got it right yeah i was like so um you know the way that it sort of helped me not feel crazy to be like well thank god i don't have this or like foreign language thing where you

Mary [92:54]: Where you wake up, you know, you speak English your whole life, but you wake up with a Chinese accent or something and it can't stop and you don't know who you are. I mean, there's some really bad things out there. When this gets bad, the misophonia, it's really bad and I've experienced it. And I am just so glad that I... you know i went to my doctor and all that i still have to see the ent i need to see an audiologist i need to get back into therapy but you know meditation always helps eating eating sleeping um yeah in the absence of all those right of all that extra help yeah anything you can do to lower stress is that should be a job number one um self-care worry about the details the other professional stuff later Yeah, and it's, you know, just the basics, you know, getting out into quiet and, you know, taking care of, you know, just, you know, regular sleep. I think if I don't have a good... And here's the other thing. I'm a night owl, right? So I love the night because it's quiet.

Adeel [93:57]: Same. I love the early morning too. So it's kind of weird. I like to stay up late.

Mary [94:00]: Yeah, me too. So when I get like three hours of sleep.

Adeel [94:03]: Yep.

Mary [94:05]: You know, which is bad because then I'm more... more, more. Yeah.

Adeel [94:11]: Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is all until Dr. Kumar finally gets to that care. I don't know what's taking him so long, but if Dr. Kumar, if you're listening, stop stringing us along on your research journey, get to that cure.

Mary [94:24]: Yes, yes. If there is, I mean, I think that there might be, yeah, an instant cure.

Adeel [94:31]: If anyone didn't catch that, I was just kind of kidding.

Mary [94:35]: No, I love it. No, I love it. But there's something that he does, was mentioning, where it's neuro, it's like a electric, what is it? Like sending transmitters to the brain. Am I thinking of it right?

Adeel [94:53]: Well, I think his latest, I don't know if he released something this morning. You said something. The most recent thing was from earlier in the year and that had to do with the whole motor cortex thing where if you're looking at something, it triggers your mirror neurons when they're not supposed to. And then that imbalance kind of like freaks your brain out.

Mary [95:17]: I have to tell a quick story like, cause I know I've been going a while, but so coping mechanisms, I've told you a few of them, but one is yes, is to record the devices or really like point it out or, you know, yell at people, get white noise, avoid the situation, stab someone, whatever it is, you know, the regular thing you do. Suffer is okay. So supermarkets are really horrible. And there's always kinds of beeps and machines and, you know, some music or someone with their phone. And so one of my pet peeves is, like, I just can't stand people either staring at their phone or talking on the phone in anywhere private, whether it be a bank or, you know, a supermarket or whatever, with a friend on speaker.

Adeel [96:14]: Okay? Oh, God.

Mary [96:15]: Why are you doing that? Etiquette. Again, that is manners. And whoever runs the business or the supermarket should say, no cell phone talking allowed, right? Like, no, we're confiscating them. You know, I want to do a hidden camera show where literally, you know, some of them are having lunch. They're like, yes, I'm so sorry. We don't have to take all of your cell phones. You've all totally just... broken the law for the uh cell phone attention you know some kind of thing just take their oh my god but um and so i'll never forget they do it all the time i'm like oh my god and i look at them with disgust like you are just And you are, you're rude. You're rude too. Like I get so angry because it's like, like the leaf blowers are poisoning us. It's unnecessary. They're illegal. And like, so I get that extra added anger. I don't know what that is. It's the noise, but it's like all the other stuff, the climate change, you know, whatever people that throw trash out of their fricking cars and want to race them and kill them. Right. I can't stand it. It's disgusting. So I just, so they're on their phone. I'm like, Oh, I'll just like move away from those people. Right. But there was one time where the lady's on her phone and I just, I just don't ever talk on my cell phone. Like ever, if I can avoid it in front of anyone, I just don't like it. I don't like being on the cell phone. I'm the lady with the landline. Like, I mean, I have a cell phone, but like, yeah, call me on the landline. Like a landline. And, and she was talking, having a business conversation, like a very important business conversation on the speaker. And which is annoying in itself. And then she was in, we were in the chip section and she literally picked up every single bag of chips, potato chips from every single row and felt them up. I was like, Oh my God, we can't believe this woman. And instead of like going away or saying something, cause she's on a phone call. I want to be rude. I, I, The only way that I could handle it was by recording it. Just the audio going, I don't believe this.

Adeel [98:31]: Yeah, you know what? That must be because mimicking is kind of a coping mechanism. Maybe somehow recording it kind of taps into the control. You feel like maybe you're controlling the situation.

Mary [98:44]: That's exactly what it is.

Adeel [98:45]: Recording it from afar.

Mary [98:46]: It's exactly what it is. And there's so many things out of our control. And I know that a lot of your guests have talked about control and, you know, control freak or whatever. You know, when I was little, there were certain things I couldn't control that were out of my hands, like as far as my parents getting divorced and moving and all that. So what I could control was... being a good student, you know, my, you know, not having any sort of drama. I mean, I don't even think I, I showed, I was always so strong. I don't even think I showed my emotions to my parents. I never cried, you know, I was the perfect student, all of that because. you know, I could control it. And so the thing that's really hard now is that I live with a child and I can't seem to have anything in order the way that I want it to be. Like, it's not in order, you know, it's like, I just need to have some order. And Sophie is just sort of, she will organize things, you know, when she wants to, but like, I can't tell you how many times I'll find things under the chair and on countless times of like, Why is this under the like, why are you doing and shoving things in? You know, I don't know if it's a kid thing, but it really feeds into if I could just have my home in order, then that, you know, that's one thing. So I've had to learn to really, you know, I cannot produce the way I used to be able to produce before I had Sophie. I have a child. She is my responsibility. And that takes a lot of time. That's my number one job. And I hate it. I hate it right now because I don't like it because I don't like listening to my own voice. I don't like having to be the person that said, do this, do that. It's like, it's just, it's so horrible. Like you become this. And then when she doesn't listen and it's like, oh my God, why aren't you listening? And then I feel like it's respect and it's just like this vicious cycle. And I just don't like the person that I am. You know, it's really hard and it's really hard for her. I'm like. so things are a bit they're a bit um fiery you know right now where where um I think, you know, the more help that I get and then just getting back into therapy and then trying, you know, the tapping or the healing or just maybe, just maybe I need to move out of LA, you know, because it's, it's, this city is, you know, it, I think it's taken some, probably some years off my life. I'll only live to be 140 now. I mean, well, you're only 30.

Adeel [101:13]: So that's a lot. I know I'm only 30.

Mary [101:15]: That's right. Oh my God. My 30th birthday was the best.

Adeel [101:20]: And you'll be there again, I'm sure.

Mary [101:22]: I'll be there again. I turned 50 during the pandemic. I was like, this blows. But it turned out to be an actual beautiful end of the day because I meet. So you mentioned a meeting. I meet. I am everyone's friend. I love people and I hate them at the same time. Other people ruin everything is my motto, right? It's like we are at a beach. Like, why does he have to sit next to me with a stereo? I mean, this is all like, go away.

Adeel [101:47]: Isn't that crazy? It's like that Carolyn Kumar episode where he's going to pee in the forest at night and then somebody pees right next to him.

Mary [101:54]: Yeah, what is that about?

Adeel [101:56]: Or somebody parking right next to you.

Mary [101:58]: What is that? Like, what is that? I don't know.

Adeel [102:02]: It doesn't have anything to do with misophonia, I don't think, but it's something us being so aware.

Mary [102:08]: Or them not being aware at all and sitting in our space. You know what I mean? Like, go away. You have a whole beach, you perv. Like, go somewhere else. You know, it's like, whatever. It's, you know.

Adeel [102:18]: Tangent, but I don't know if it's like this in LA, but in Minnesota here, I don't know what it is, but. People love to sit in their car. So you go into a parking lot and you're like, I think it's going to be quiet. And there's somebody right next to you sitting in their car. Sometimes the car running, sometimes not. So sometimes it's even creepier because they're just kind of sitting there, you know, not even on their phone, they're reading a book, which is great, but it's even weirder. Like, why aren't you just at a bench or sitting on the grass? Anyways.

Mary [102:45]: It's interesting, you know, why, you know, why people and I and I do I do look at that. But, you know, also, I almost had like a full on anxiety attack the other day when we walked. So my car was it was in the shop for a few days. So I had to organize like Sophie getting to school and everything. Anyway, all it was was the key just needed a new key. Can you believe that? That's good, though. But I remember walking up to the Vons and so Vons, this Vons is on the corner. Have you ever been to L.A. ?

Adeel [103:15]: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Mary [103:17]: Oh, you have. So you're, so you're familiar. I've been to Minnesota. I've been to St. Paul.

Adeel [103:22]: Oh, wow. Okay.

Mary [103:23]: Yeah. We had a casting call there for a deal and it was in freezing cold. It was like negative five degrees and only Minnesotans can come out with their, with their fishing gear, their ice fishing. They were amazing. We had it at the Toyota dealer. I can't remember the street, but, um, and people were lined up, you know, in the ice, you know, And it was such a beautiful, beautiful city. I had a friend from high school that I was able to visit. It was just, it was just really beautiful. It's nice.

Adeel [103:49]: And the thing is, it's not, it's kind of like on the DL because Minneapolis is next to it, which is not a huge city in itself, but it's like, it's kind of decent looking down, like downtown area, but it's like, nobody's really there. So it's kind of.

Mary [104:01]: Yeah. No, it's really there, but it's, but there was like a. I had fun there. I had a really good time. But, you know, it was just the people were great. And the local affiliate, the local NBC affiliate was great. And I really enjoyed, you know, visiting and everything. But anyway, I went into this store. And so Vons has this thing where when they make an announcement, you know, when they make announcements, like some are like, Benjamin, meet you in the bathroom. Like, you're like, what did he just say? You know, like they're...

Adeel [104:32]: There's a bomb.

Mary [104:35]: Yeah, yeah. The other words, it's a huge beep like... Oh, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh my God. Okay, first of all, that's too loud. The decibels are too high. That is putting the hairs on the inner part of my ear up and everyone else's. It is too invasive, like as far as the loudness, but then it keeps on doing it. I'm just like, what the, you know? And then they have on their, they put this new thing in where they have this, the self-checkout, right?

Adeel [105:07]: Yeah.

Mary [105:08]: And I never do self-checkout. I couldn't even focus because I think it was like how to return or whatever. I don't know. But the self-checkout machines are dinging and speaking nine different languages. And the TVs are on. And I'm just like, okay, I'm going to try to focus. I'm trying to focus. This is going to end soon. And listening to your people saying this is going to end soon. I was trying not to. to lose my shit. And, um, Sophie knew it was like, because we were, I was right next to all of these, all of these sounds that were just like, it's like being, it's like, it's like being in Vegas in a casino, eight casinos. Yeah. Um, and I, I just, you know, I just breathed and I told myself, okay, we're almost through, almost through, but it was very hard. you know, to, it was hard. I was trying to focus on it. Sophie, tell me a story, tell me a story. So tell me something else, you know, because I was feeling racy. Like as I'm talking about it, I'm sweating. I mean, guaranteed I'm sweating all the time. So attractive. I mean, I just, it, it just, it's, it's just your, I feel hot.

Adeel [106:23]: Yeah.

Mary [106:25]: and like I can't breathe. And, you know, I've never been a person to have that much anxiety. And so it is time to, yes, Dr. Kumar.

Adeel [106:38]: Are you listening? Get off your butt and do some, get some work done. Come on, seriously, lady. With these book reports on your research.

Mary [106:50]: No, I appreciate all the work that these doctors are doing. And I feel very blessed and grateful that actually... There's funding now that's going around the world. It is, but I feel sad for the people that have suffered, who's maybe lost their lives or are living in solitude or are in jail.

Adeel [107:13]: We don't know all the miso crimes.

Mary [107:17]: Miso crimes! Oh my god! Sorry to make you slap.

Adeel [107:22]: There's crimes of passion and crimes of misophonia.

Mary [107:25]: Oh my god, miso crimes. That's the best. Miso crime. God, that's funny. Miso crimes or miso attacks. I don't know. Who knows?

Adeel [107:41]: But there needs to be some... When misophones attack on the animal planet.

Mary [107:49]: Yeah, yeah. And I wonder if there's any animals that are... Here's the thing, as human beings, we're born with our five senses, right? And some people are sensitive to smell. Some are more sensitive to sound. Some to touch. And without, you know, the other disorders like OCD or autism, just in general, like sensitive to smell. And it's just, they're sensitive to smell and you can't wear perfume around them, you know, like a lot of people. And, you know, sight, you know, their vision is more, their eyes are more sensitive. So I think there's a level of, we have to forgive ourselves and say, okay. These sounds aren't cool for anybody. It's just that the, our involuntary reaction to wanting to murder somebody is where it's not, not healthy. You know, it's like either you want to like kill someone. You feel like you're going to, and we don't, we normally, we don't act out, but there was an instance.

Adeel [108:45]: Normally we don't act out. Right.

Mary [108:46]: Yeah. Yeah. Where a person. Normally we don't, but I might, if I don't get treatment, you know, it's where a person was like, it affects your relationships, your intimate relationships. Right. Like, but they were, they were so angry. It's affecting the work and everything. And the guy, it like took a pen and like took the pen that the person was clicking or whatever it was doing. And, and like stab them with the pen. I heard that story. And, you know, I think that, you know, we need to, you know, sort of get people the help that they need because there are people that do, I'm sure, do act. I mean, I act out when I hit the refrigerator or when I almost broke the faucet the other day because it has a drip.

Adeel [109:30]: Yep. You know, I've talked to people who've injured, yeah, injured themselves, punching walls.

Mary [109:35]: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have that. I know I've done that. I've like... But I had pinched, I think, was it Martha that was saying, pinched my leg so hard. She was talking about like, so she wouldn't, you know, if someone's chewing gum, you're like. And you're like pinching your leg and like, oh my God. So you don't, yeah. To distract you.

Adeel [109:59]: Yeah.

Mary [109:59]: I mean, yeah. Or you're wanting to like put all that anger into your leg because that's what you want to do to them. You know, you're like, my leg's so hard. This is your neck in my second hand.

Adeel [110:09]: A twisted form of mimicking.

Mary [110:11]: It's so twisted. I love how you've been stated. It makes me feel so normal. It's just so normal. It's just a typical day for the music. But anyway, I know I have rambled. I could ramble more and more.

Adeel [110:32]: Okay. I think maybe we should, let's start to wind this one down.

Mary [110:38]: Let's wind down. Sorry. So energetic and enthusiastic.

Adeel [110:42]: But, but is it, but is there anything? Yeah. I mean, we've covered a lot of ground. I feel like there's obviously a lot more we can talk about, but anything else you want to tell people now for yeah. Who's who's listening about anything?

Mary [110:55]: Well, thank you for listening. Whoever is, is listening and yeah. I do really feel, I really would love to put together some kind of support group, whether it be over Zoom or if there's people in LA or in person. But I am working on some projects. Can I mention that? I think I mentioned before, but that- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm working on some projects. I don't want to say too much about them, but I can say more if or when anyone's interested and we speak, that people that are suffering or struggling with this I would love to talk to. The best way is because when I'm doing development stuff, I don't like to say too much about it. There's so much competition with so many other places. I think that just the best way to get a hold of me would be to my email, which I'm sure you'll probably put in the show. But, you know, I'm on LinkedIn, you know, Mary Rachel Foote, I'm on LinkedIn. I'm on Insta, Facebook, my company's a foot away entertainment, but my email is a foot away, like A-F-O-O-T-A-W-A-Y, like your future, a foot away. The number one at And I just want to reiterate how grateful I am to every, first of all, to you, Adeel, for starting this podcast. It has been such a help to myself and to even my daughter. She was listening. She really likes, she's like, I really like, it's very calming. Again, I'm not a very calm person. No, I am actually. But like, I get very, like, I have to express it. Like, I'm very sort of overly calm. you know, expressive about it. And, and you've helped so many people. And I just want to say thank you to all of the professionals that, that have been on your show, as well as to all of the guests that suffer from it and sharing their stories. It has been my lifeline these past couple of months. So thank you.

Adeel [113:22]: No, we appreciate that. That's why I think people come on because they want to get their stories out and they know it's going to help people. And like yours is going to as well. I mean, you've been through a lot and you're not alone on many levels for a lot of the stuff you're going through, not just misophonia. So thank you for coming on. This is going to help a lot of people. Thank you. Thank you, Mary Rachel. That was just so much fun, as you can probably tell. If you liked this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. Music, as always, is by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.