S5 E1 - 9/29/2021

S5E1 - Mary-Rachel

Welcome to an exciting season 5! Mary-Rachel is a casting director and producer in LA who had a miso-related breakdown following an MRI a few months ago. This conversation is a hilarious rollercoaster talking about miso and much more... growing up with miso in a well-known British family, being a single parent, life in LA, explaining it to parents, children, co-workers, and the often profanity-infused outbursts that come with the territory. This is a long one but worth it as I start the new season with a bang. Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: These are machine-generated transcripts and so are not completely accurate. However they will be manually updated over time until they are.

[00:00:00] Adeel: Mary-Rachel, welcome to the podcast.

Get to have you here.

[00:00:04] Mary Rachel: It is awesome to be here, Adeel. I am honored and privileged and very grateful for this podcast, and I just wanna do it. Just a shout out to everyone listening and to all of the people's episodes that I've listened, which has been a lot. I love you. Let's start a support group.

Let's all get together in one room and see what happens.

[00:00:25] Adeel: Yes. I've long dreamed of having a a giant party. We'll all get together. It'll be very loud in terms of music, so we don't have to get treat, we don't trigger each other,

[00:00:32] Mary Rachel: but yeah. What would it, what would happen if you had a bunch of us in a room, like as an, as a sort of, investigation of research?

What happens with these people if they're in one room and they listen to, what do they do?

[00:00:42] Adeel: Yeah. You know what the con like I've mentioned, you've probably heard the convention I usually go to when we're not, in a pandemic, we all get together and it's there are triggers, but we all get each other, so it's somehow less stressful.

It's, and and then sometimes the food that gets ordered for the for the event ends up being things like hard boiled eggs, so things that are soft or muffins. So nothing that's going to crunch. But again, if your issues are always chewing, you just go to your own corner, but you have, you have the agency to do that.

No one's gonna be like, oh, what are they doing? Everyone

[00:01:12] Mary Rachel: gets it. I think that's great. I think we need to have more things like that because to be around people that actually understand and get it is it, it instantly alleviates the stress. It's oh wait, oh, I don't have to, you freak out so much because you don't want other people to think you're nuts.

So that's another layer of stress. You're like, oh my gosh, I'm acting like a cuckoo. And so that's shame comes in and Yes, it's terrible. It's terrible.

[00:01:38] Adeel: Great. Yep. No, to totally agreed. Yeah we'll get into all of yeah. Your story, but I guess first I want to hear where, where you're located, what you do.

You have an interesting background here.

[00:01:50] Mary Rachel: Yes. So I I'll just give a brief life story. So I was born in England and I lived in England till I was nine years old, and I moved to Long Island, New York, and I had a proper English accent, which I can put on for you if you like. But

[00:02:02] Adeel: I was gonna try to pinpoint it, but yeah now makes

[00:02:04] Mary Rachel: sense,

Okay. I moved when I was in fourth grade, which was a very that's a very interesting time, right? I was young, my parents had just gotten divorced and my dad was British, mom's American and we left England and parents divorced and which is trauma, there cuz I know that trauma has been a thread and I was just thinking back to my childhood and yeah, that was a big thing, moving and that separation. But moved to Long Island, locus Valley, which is the most beautiful part of Long Island and lived my mom and my brother and I lived with my grandmother for about a year and and then my dad came over a year later and my parents got back together.

What yeah, and okay. Yeah. And so we were this sort of happy family, but it took me quite a bit of time to trust my dad. And that sort of, I'm not even answering the question, but said anyway , I'll come back to it. But yeah. And then high school, fourth grade I graduated high school in Lo, locust Valley, New York, and then college in Boston.

Boston. Boston. And I have, I am coming up on my 29 year anniversary of living in Los Angeles. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And I live right in the heartbeat of the city. So if you were to look at a map. Of Los Angeles, you would see a big m on my house for misophonia main headquarters, , because it's, you can imagine it's very calming in the mid city of of la there's a lot of noises around here.

So I think 29 years of LA must have taken a toll on so

[00:03:47] Adeel: LA's got all these different pockets. So you're saying you're like right downtown.

[00:03:50] Mary Rachel: I am right. I'm right in the middle. I am, I'm literally like, like very close to Miracle Mile LaBrea Tarpits, the Grove, like right in the heartbeat. I live in Pic, fair Village is the Okay.

Is where I'm at. Yeah. Feet near

[00:04:03] Adeel: Lama. Yeah. I think it's probably all around there. Yeah.

[00:04:07] Mary Rachel: Yeah, right there. So I'm right there. And it's a decent neighborhood, but we have a, it's a good neighborhood, but it's still Los Angeles, and we have a cut through, so there's a lot of cars coming through. You just have to be careful here.

There's a lot of strange things happening right now, and I wish I had I wish I felt safe, having my daughter, my 11 year old daughter be outside in the front by, by herself, but it's just, you just can't. So I put her out there with my tortoise and then she's fine.

I'm just kidding. ,

[00:04:36] Adeel: they have a hard back. They've l those things last a long time. So I

[00:04:39] Mary Rachel: do have a huge tortoise. His name is Dexter. He is four 15 years old. He is out of control, but he's the neighborhood. Everybody comes to see Dexter and it's just, Kids, babies, dogs. They just bring a little bit of joy, so I know a lot of people in the neighborhood. He's escaped a few times. But he's about 80 pounds and he eats I ly. But no. And then I am a casting director. I'm a casting director and producer and acting coach as well. And I cast all I work on all different types of media platforms and show genres from scripted to unscripted documentary to game show, to commercial, to film, to tv.

I love all aspects of it. I love working with actors and working on scripted as, as much as I love working on reality or projects in the factual space, because I have met so many amazing people with that, and I have learned about. So many different professions and yeah, it's just so I really en, en enjoy that.

So yeah, that's, I can go off so many different tangents cuz I was starting to answer the question of when did the misophonia start or miss me? My .

[00:05:57] Adeel: Yeah, no did the question is kinda where, whereabouts are you and yeah, we think we have a now a good where you're on what you do is usually my next question.

So that's, yeah, that's really interesting. And so yeah, what should I let's stick with that. As a casting director are, you're probably, you're not in some office job or whatever. You're meeting a lot of people. You're probably either at home on your computer or you're meeting people.

Does that ever become an issue, like going out and meeting people and getting triggered in those kinds of kind one-on-one meetings or , like how's your, how's the casting director job? Never had a casting director on the show. How's that job for

[00:06:30] Mary Rachel: Oh, then you're in for a freak.

Yeah. I, it, so I'm going to answer that in a on two or three different ways. So I have been in office, right? Where I've had a team of, say if I'm on a say a game show, right? Where, so I did bet on Your baby for abc, which is a game show for kids and parents. Okay. And I had a big team of people, and one of the first things I do , if I'm starting with just any team, if it's a person for, if it's just one person, team, 4, 2, 4 15 person team I have a meeting and we gather around on our first day and I say, all right everybody, we're gonna go round and we are going to tell one of our pet peeves,

Okay? Yeah. And it, it's such a great icebreaker because we just all laugh and this and that. And then I get to say my pet peeve. My biggest pet peeve is people eating, chomping, slurping, chewing, cracking, sniffing, tapping, clicking. Do not do that. Okay. And then they laugh and blah, and they, and then if they are doing it at some point I will say, okay, don't tap or no sniff, or, and then I don't, and I don't seem like insane.

[00:07:44] Adeel: Yeah. You found a great way to weave it into an quote unquote icebreaker, hahaha basic social kind of situation and get that information so that you can reference back to it when you give 'em the glare next time and they trigger you.

[00:07:58] Mary Rachel: Correct. I'm saying, Yeah. Excellent peeve. Not as a disorder.

[00:08:01] Adeel: I was gonna, when I heard pet peeve, I'm like, ah, usually annoys us because it's not a pet peeve. But you've you're you're taking it down to their level. Yeah. I that as a funny way, not as a, not to offend anyone, but no, yeah.

Taking it to the kind of, the mass, the, what people understand. Yeah. That's a great way to do it. Oh,

[00:08:16] Mary Rachel: thank you. Oh, goodie. I hope someone else takes this then. That's good. Yeah. But see, the reason why I would even say pet pee I would continue to, but is that, there hasn't been any sort of name for it until the past.

What is it, 2015? When, what year was it? The first

[00:08:33] Adeel: so the Joyce Cohen New York Times article. Was it 2009 or 2011? Okay. But yeah, but that was the article, but it's been slowly getting into the Yeah. The public. Yes. More

[00:08:42] Mary Rachel: people are becoming aware. Thank goodness. This is, after my episode, which I had in July, which we'll get to.

But yeah I hadn't researched in a while because all the research that I had done have been, there's no research, there's no treatment, there's no, and then when I had my breakdown, I hadn't researched in a long time, and I'm a big researcher and I researched, and that's how I found you. And then that's how I found all of these other things.

And then you have interviewed, all of the top people in the research. And so it's been very beneficial to, to listen to them. And I am very open. I don't think, as far as treatment, I don't think there's one wrong way or another. I don't wanna be exposed to the noises.

I don't know if that will work. I'm already exposed to those enough . But I do think that it just, depending on the individual there's certain things that. Really can really help. And I've, therapy has helped me tremendously in my life at certain times. It's been very, the talk therapy.

Yeah. What was interesting is that I've never taught, I had a great therapist. So I, so when, so my, so that's another great sort of trauma happened, so in my whole life. So it started when I was like, say in 10 or 11, just sitting at the table with family.

[00:09:57] Adeel: This is when you had come acro across across the

[00:10:00] Mary Rachel: year.

My experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And it was, I was thinking it was my dad eating and I was just like, oh, so irri irritated. Can you stop lunching? And, but then it was just everyone in the family and they'd be like, oh, Mary, my mom's oh, Mary you're neurotic, oh. That kind of thing.

No, you're driving me nuts and and, but it would just be a fleeting thing. Like it just, It, wouldn't it wasn't like invading my life the way that it has come to , it's built up. And so there have been times of periods where it's been stable. There's been no like I went through high school Okay.

Maybe the odd, crunch of an apple or and as well as college. And if some guy or girl was crunching an apple in class, I just say, do you really have to chop that apple like a buffalo in the undergrowth, like and make it like a joke because I had to laugh about it. And then they'd be like oh, sorry.

And then, there's professors that also didn't like it. I think a professor actually did say that. He's John, did you sound like a buffalo in the undergrowth. What are you doing? Put that apple down, making ma being making jokes of it and the noise, however, it wasn't debilitating.

Now it's becoming debilitating and. So I remember just, I would just certain things like any, and I would freely talk about it. You know what? I just really don't, can you just not slur ? What, I, I think there's something that I don't know if anyone has addressed, I've listened to most of your episodes, but I grew up in England where so early I, I would always have these, so I come from a very prestigious political family in England and wonderful, beautiful, bright New York diplomats, humanitarians lawyers, just, and I remember it was my father's my father's father was governor of Jamaica and he was governor of Cyprus and he was British ambassador to the United Nations, and he was a diplomat and he really was working on world peace, with Israel and the Arabs.

Just really amazing, just unbelievable. Things going. Yeah. And so when I, when we would go they, so my grandparents lived in this castle in Cornwall, and it was a castle it was pr, it was Prince Charles's castle. And I just remember going and my grandmother, who I loved dealing, and of course I was her fa one of her favorites, of course.

She loved the ELD eldest. She was very strict and she was Italian, right? I would go, and she and I would cry. I would have stress, and I would have, I would cry. And my grandmother would say to my mom, don't go get up, let her cry, kind of thing. But I would have horrible earaches every Christmas and really bad stuff coming out, like horribly painful.

And I do wonder if that has any connectivity to to, to the misophonia. Me s phoning. And so I would feel stressed even though I adored her. It was we and when we ate, okay. There's no people slurping, chomping, eating with their mouth open. It's quiet eating.

And I do feel that needs to be addressed. And I hear a lot of your guests cringing in the corner. They should not have to cringe if someone is literally eating in a disgusting way. No one should, I firmly believe that no one should eat with their mouth open. No one should plank their utensils on a bowl.

No one should slurp no. Have manners. So that's very, that's there's no manners. I raised my daughter Sophie with manners, and so she knows. I'm like, I feel like manners

[00:13:33] Adeel: are more of a thing when I was growing up as well. Yeah.

[00:13:36] Mary Rachel: There's no manners. So no one should have to tolerate.

You're disgusting eating habits, it's , right? And so it's I had an assistant who would slurp water, why are you slurping water? There's nothing to slurp. And I would just say, stop slurping and don't tie that, like that . Yeah. Eat properly. Don't mumble, don't slurp, have manners.

And eating habit, like really, like if you were going to have a lunch with a, for a job interview, are you gonna sit there and eat like a wolverine? And if you do, we'll shame on you because you're not gonna get the job. But , there's manners and there's etiquette. There's etiquette with everything.

There's etiquette when it comes to going to a supermarket. There's etiquette when you go on a hike in nature, there's an etiquette when you sit at the table and eat. And that is, don't be disgusting. Just have some manners. And so I think that th this is probably why these are the triggers first and foremost, because who does want to listen?

To people chomping on anything. Popcorn, Doritos, carrots, whatever it is. And what Genius decided to put popcorn, the noisiest snack in the world in a movie theater? Let's have some not shows and popcorn and Russell r. Freaking sodas. And so yeah, like really? Kenya likes those noise. What? Yeah,

[00:14:56] Adeel: what Candy wrappers is ours for me.

[00:14:58] Mary Rachel: Oh, here's the thing. This is when I can't stand. I'm very fortunate that I get to go to the Director's Guild. We haven't in the past year because of the, pandemic, but where it's beautiful, where I get to see screenings and q and as and they're, they do not allow food or handy in the theater.

I need to move to la It's amazing. You need to come to LA and I gonna go to the director's game. So I'm like, amazing. And so whenever I do go to a movie theater, it's just oh. Forget it. Disgusting. No etiquette. No etiquette in the movie theater. Everyone leaves at the end of the credits, everyone, on their cell phones.

But this is what's so great, the Director's Guild. So they have guys in there sometimes cuz we get c screenings before they're released. That literally they come and they announce there's no eating, there's no da. But they have people that in the corners you have to look with like binoculars, looking to see if anyone is recording the movie or eating anything.

I love them. They're my heroes. And there was one time, this is what's the worst, is they all know the rules. And then what's the worst is when the movie starts and you have someone next to you just rummaging through their purse or trying, like zipping it open, trying to be really quiet.

Like just do it quick. I'd rather you do it quick or trying to open the wrapper. Really you're gonna open that wrapper, I'm gonna stab you in the neck. Just open it quickly. Just when they're trying to go really slow. Like it, it's just so much worse. Oh, and that's when someone came out excuse me.

You need to put that down. Or leave the theater. Jennifer

[00:16:21] Adeel: Lawrence, can you leave the theater please?

[00:16:24] Mary Rachel: Yeah. Yes, absolutely. That's exactly, and I just thank you to the Director's Guild of America. I cannot wait to come to back to screenings. I think they're starting soon for doing that.

God bless you. I wonder if someone

[00:16:35] Adeel: there has misophonia. That'd be interesting to, to find out what the I what the origination of that. Yeah.

[00:16:40] Mary Rachel: I'll make you a bet. They do and people are very sensitive to it because if anyone talks or whispers everyone, they're all like, shh. I think everyone there has misophonia.


[00:16:49] Adeel: I, that's, that is my, yeah, that is my happy place. I think that theater, oh my gosh. I publishing movies that, or my basement when watching Netflix. Those are the only two places. Oh my God. Yeah.

[00:17:00] Mary Rachel: No I am, I would love for you to be my guest cuz it's always. I always get to bring a friend and I love to do it.

I love film. I could talk about it all day long and sound, let me just tell you sound in anything is so important. It is so important. It affects our lives. So we're making a movie or doing a TV show or even recording this, if your sound drops or something it loses the, it just, it separates

[00:17:26] Adeel: the whole, it's that energy gets broken and Yes.

And the focus,

[00:17:30] Mary Rachel: it takes a while to recover. Yeah. Correct. And if you have bad, music or bad dialogue or ADR mixing, forget it. It's just so important. And my first job actually in la my gosh, I can't believe it's gonna be 29 years, October 2nd, and I'm only 30. Just kidding.

I'm only 30 years young. 29 years in Los Angeles is enough to make anybody go bonkers. It's a noisy, dirty city, and it's just, from the leaf blowers and in the neighborhood, which there's no leaves. We don't have any leaves. There's no

[00:18:01] Adeel: leaves to blow. You're in a desert ed. We're

[00:18:04] Mary Rachel: in a desert what are you doing?

And I get so irritated because being at home, so I have left. So I do the pet peeve thing, but I have quit. I quit a job working for a high profile production company. It was an in-house job cause I'm freelance. So this was an in-house job casting director and development producer job for a top production company in Beverly Hills.

They gave us beautiful free lunches on Wednesdays. It was so fancy. But the owner of the company believed in open space, right office and Oh yeah. I think he had his own sort of ocd cuz he didn't like anything on the walls or anything hanging on the chairs. And so I'm brought in by the VP of development who was just relocating from a company in, in, in in Seattle to, to Beverly Hills.

And she brought me in cause I was doing freelance for her for her other company. She's I wanna bring you with me. And it was a really tough show we were working on. It was basically dealing with I was interviewing teens and parents to break the cycle of dysfunction. So it was a really intense thing.

So I'm talking to people that are struggling with addiction, with, anger with just intense things. And I'm literally, that's very personal. Casting is very personal. There's 50 people that can hear my conversation. So I hated that. Not to mention the fact that my assistant and I were next to the kitchen.

[00:19:43] Adeel: Oh yeah.

[00:19:44] Mary Rachel: Okay. Oh my God. It, so on Monday morning, everyone would kick their cereal bowls and clackety clank away and then have chit-chats and eat their fucking cereal. Next to myself and my assistant, because we were like right there, lean on, our like cubicle area. And my assistant who did not have Mr.

Was like from Australia. He was like, what the fuck? What the guy is

[00:20:14] Adeel: going on? Even he's going crazy. Okay. He's going

[00:20:17] Mary Rachel: crazy. Here's the thing though I researched, the top 10 or the top, 20 most annoying sounds of people and eating is on there, , right? Yeah. But I guess it doesn't cause the reaction that we that we Miss Theones have, which is kill or run.


[00:20:35] Adeel: Fight or flight. Yep. Yep. Murder

[00:20:37] Mary Rachel: or, flee. Yeah. It's that's the difference. It's like they, but I also think that people, I think people don't say it. They don't talk about it as much. I think there's a many more thousands of people that suffer from this and don't, and now will know, because I had no idea.

I thought it was just a thing. And I know that's, that is a current theme with all of your guests is that, oh, you just thought you had to deal with this or live with this. But it's actually a thing. It's actually real. I'm not neurotic, I'm not mentally ill. There's something here.

And the most important thing I think is for people to talk about it and have support groups. I would love to have, and I was looking for different sort of support groups, but I need to have a support groups. Like to talk about it and meet up about it and discuss it, because I think that's really helpful to just see, how we're doing or what's going on or connecting.

And maybe there's some that are happening. I, I don't know.

[00:21:35] Adeel: Yeah. There are, so there are, there, there are small groups popping up, like in like Instagram DM groups. There is a regular Zoom call that happens every week. There's like actually a couple of 'em. Oh. And and then there's probably more that I don't even know about.

These are just the ones that I happen to be exposed to. I don't always have time to go to them. Yeah. But I, and then there's talk of having a I don't know, like a maybe like a texting circle or just having somebody kinda like a kinda like a hotline where you can maybe text or call somebody.

And there's always somebody there listening. You don't have, you don't like,

[00:22:07] Mary Rachel: Like an na an aa a sponsor. Exactly.

[00:22:11] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, maybe we can look for something after or set something up if they're all full. Some, sometimes they're, they get full, like Instagram or one has a limit, and then Yeah.

Just great one. No, but that's totally I think it's better than the 40,000 person Reddit group or Facebook group. I

[00:22:27] Mary Rachel: can't do that. I don't, yeah. Yeah. Just a small sort of group support would be great. It just, I think would be helpful. But by the way, I've developed an eye twitch recently.

oh my God. I'm just like, what is going on?

[00:22:43] Adeel: You think that's, do you think that's some miso kinesia going on? Maybe ? I do. Are you getting at

[00:22:48] Mary Rachel: what's happening triggered? Yeah, it's really, it's it's so involved not really, no. But I think what I forgot to mention is what else I do? So I, anyway, so I quit that job at, in Beverly Hills.

I was like, I just can't, I can't do this. and silly me. And, I started my own company, but then they hired me back freelance, again, but , I just think whoever who, I don't think that the open layouts work. They don't work from a psychological level, everyone's listening.

I don't think they're good in, in any way. People need to be in their sort of private, spaces. Especially in what I do, if I'm casting like a very highly sensitive, docu-series with real people, it's private information. And it just didn't work for me.

And then being by the kitchen, I was like, but I'm out. I can't do it. Yep.

[00:23:36] Adeel: And was this pretty recent or was it just

[00:23:38] Mary Rachel: current? It was, so that was in particularly, so that was in 2012 actually. And then in 2013, I launched my own company. And then, and I spent that whole year. And plus I have a, I have 11 year old daughter.

I'm a single mother in Los Angeles. Being, being, which equates to 40 different other professions. Literally, yeah. Yeah. If I can't get myself out of the kitchen, I'll blow my brain down. I can't take it. I just get me outta here. Ugh. Being a parent is the toughest job I've ever had.

And I've had some really difficult jobs. Being a single parent is even more challenging. But being a single mother in Los Angeles, I would not wish that on my own worst. So

[00:24:25] Adeel: part is that partly just cause everything is so far away, is that 1, 1, 1 thing just to do

[00:24:30] Mary Rachel: it even just with bunch.

It's just, and I've been single for 10 years, so that will drive you insane. I've had no partner to bounce off. In life, the reason why you have a husband or wife or partner or just, or even a roommate, is to bounce off at the end of the day to say, you are doing okay.

Or yeah. The decisions that I have to make the executive decisions, with her schooling and with all the work that comes with that, the applications and the, and then they involve you so much, it's oh, and it feeds into my sort of own perfectionism of the when I was a student and, Sophie's very different.

And then the pandemic happened. Forget it. Yeah. Yeah. Stuck at home. And also working from, so started my own company, but then I also, so I was backed for a year. I created and developed, And attached talent to eight of my own projects, fielded all of those, re received offers. And then I would go back and then I've gone back, in office sometimes to work, freelance and then at my house if I can.

But it's hard, I've had people, I've had a team of up to six or seven people in my home, and it's tricky because they're in your space and it's hard to separate, they're using your toilet and they're eating your food and, smoking their cigarettes, it's ugh. But it's

It's can you go smoke that down there? All right. But but it, depending on the budget if it's gonna work, if that's gonna be better, then, make that happen. But it's, yeah, so it's open. But the past couple of years it's been from home and in the beginning it was great.

Super focused. And then as time went on, there's so many distractions in the home and there's so many noises.

[00:26:11] Adeel: And were there stuff that you just started noticing more? Or was it just Yeah, because there's more like everyone's home, so it's just, yeah. Not just your daughter, but like all your neighbors are home too.

It's just it definitely felt yeah, at least for me too, it definitely felt more and more claustrophobic. Okay, wait, I can't really go out freely. And not only can I not go out freely, but people in the house cannot go. Like I, I used to have that kind of alone time and that's disappeared.

[00:26:35] Mary Rachel: Yes. The alone time. My favorite time of day is when I drop my daughter off at school. Yeah. Yep. Bye-bye. See ya. I'll pick her up at six . Yep. So I would drop her off at the bus stop at, seven in the morning. This is when she was in elementary. She just started middle school.

. And I literally would come back and I would work and I would clean up the kitchen, by eight I'm ready to, work. I work. And then I would pick her up at school at six. So it was a long day for her. But, then we'd talk in the car on the way back and we'd have dinner and read and that was it.

And it was, it was good. And we didn't hate each other. And we didn't fight the way that we do now. And that is just not good when it first started. We, when we were first, school at home Sophie was like, oh my gosh, this is great. I don't have to go to school. You

[00:27:25] Adeel: have to dress up.

Yeah. , right?

[00:27:26] Mary Rachel: And Oh yeah. Yeah. And so for five weeks, . My mom lives here in, in LA too. And we'll get to more details on her, but my mom, Sophie and I basically just threw in the towel and just let let things go for the first five weeks. And it was actually a really great five weeks for the three of us.

There was no arguments with my mom and I we just all got along. I ate pie every day, , oh my God. But then I was like, okay, no, we need to get Sophie's gotta get back. And I became, she was in fourth grade at the time. I became obsessed with her assignments there. And she was this very math, science technology magnet very, great school.

And the, her teacher was great, but it was just all she had was an hour, twice a week. In, when she went to fifth grade, she had, it was way more, it was, nine. To, 12 in the afternoon and then support after. A half an hour or an hour twice a week. And then she's just supposed to do assignment after assignment.

She's not gonna wanna do that. So it would just it fueled Sophie is different than me. I was a perfectionist. I was an excellent student. I was, it was way I could cuz there was stuff going on in my life, at a young age and my parents going through a divorce and the things going on at home.

. I was excellent at my studies because that was something that I could control and I didn't wanna cause any other drama. I wanted to be, perfect. And I was .

[00:28:58] Adeel: Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[00:29:00] Mary Rachel: I was fucking no doubt I was genius. I am a genius. We all are geniuses. Let me just say that we missed the phone.

Our geniuses.

[00:29:09] Adeel: That's not the first time someone said that.

[00:29:13] Mary Rachel: I really believe it. I think that we are so

[00:29:15] Adeel: aware there's something different. Yeah. And there, there's so many creative people that I interview there. There's something about creativity and also engineering, so that kind of, that technical and creative side, there is a Yeah, just a kind of a big leaning, a big bend towards that.

And that's what I find interesting too, probably a cycle that kinda

[00:29:37] Mary Rachel: reinforces itself. Yeah, absolutely. And we're funny . Yeah. Oh yeah. And quick

[00:29:43] Adeel: witted. And if you're funny, you're, comedy is part of being self-aware, so I think we there's no doubt that we have a bit more self-awareness than the rest of the population.


[00:29:53] Mary Rachel: It's when it catches up to you where it's oh no, I need to get help. And I've heard a few other of your guests, , come to that point and it just catches up. And so the, until you have some breakdown and you're no. And that's when, realize okay, this is becoming, because it's just any sort of noise or, yes.

The, was it the the visual, the yeah. Mis kinesia tapping at the leg or the clicking of the thing, or the cracking of the nu, just who wants to hear, who wants to hear those things? Who wants to hear clicking of a pen? No one wants to hear that, right?

So no one should ever do it, like ever. And so ever do that. Anyone listening to this, don't click your pen in a meeting. It's, no one likes it. And if there happens to be someone with misophonia, you're dead. , okay. So

[00:30:41] Adeel: yeah just definitely in their heads they are matching you dying. Even if eat, it's

[00:30:46] Mary Rachel: not happening quietly.

Try to have manners, not, eat like a gross, disgusting. Beast and don't breathe.

[00:30:52] Adeel: Like a runoff, get out and in and out and get on with an expert. Yeah.

[00:30:56] Mary Rachel: Unless you've got some, unless you've got some kind of illness, you know what, go to the hospital, we'll visit you there ,

[00:31:01] Adeel: but get a ventilator, get a machine to do it.

[00:31:02] Mary Rachel: That's silent. Get a machine. Exactly. Exactly. So I don't know, there's so many things that I wanna say, but it's again, the etiquette thing. So I do wanna, I did wanna address that with manners. I think that the people that are listening, so you know that it's important to have the support from your family.

And if you don't have support from the close ones around you, if they don't understand it, you're fucked. It's just horrible. And and my mom's not gonna like me saying that, but it's true. And it has caused my mother's I don't believe in it.

[00:31:33] Adeel: So to this day,

[00:31:36] Mary Rachel: I don't believe in it. It's a real thing.

And I tried to share with her and my brother, an article and, this is a real thing. And this was like a few years ago. And I'll just forget cuz there's been some highs and some lows. It was Christmas Eve and it was like a Saturday and I have a front, my front room and my daughter has the back room.

And my mom and my daughter were like we're back. It was like seven in the morning. We're back in, in my daughter's room and I was in the front. So I've got the cars going by and you can hear the garbage trucks and the bl leaf blowers and chainsaws and drills and, jack camera you name it, and alarms, doors, whatever. And so at seven in the morning on Christmas Eve, some jackass is up in the tree across the street, trimming the trees with a, with a. No. Okay. First of all, no. Why are you doing that? That's rude. Just that's rude. Again, etiquette. Why are you doing it? At seven in the morning on Christmas Eve?

And I literally, it was one of the, it was like I got out, not like he could hear me and I opened the door and I was like, shut the fuck up. What the fuck are you doing? This fucking asshole, . And he kinda told me for a moment, and I'm like, and I slammed the door and my my, my mom and my daughter were like, what the heck?

Because they didn't hear it. They couldn't hear it. Cuz it's like really, it's really quiet and it's really, the reason why I picked Tuesday is because Wednesday's leafblower day, right now it is so quiet. Like it's really quiet.

[00:33:13] Adeel: There's no, the, this time is gonna be a leafblower.

[00:33:16] Mary Rachel: There's no siren.

There's no leaf blower. There's no gardener right now. Like literally it's really quiet in el I don't hear anything. Normally I hear a siren or something. I don't hear anything. It's so nice. Like it's really quiet. And I just, and my mom, and this is, was the worst thing because it just, it was just horrible what she did in what she said in front of Sophie.

And she and I freaked out and Sophie was like, I was like I was just so angry and I was sweating and I was anxious and I was, my heart was racing and I was, felt like red and and my daughter, who's so sweet, she's it's okay, mommy. She did the best thing you could do. Calm down.

It's okay. It really comforted me. And my mom is just standing there staring at me like, and she said, you are mentally ill Mary. And I said, and I screamed a bad name and her, I said, and I slammed the door. because I was yeah. Angry. And it, you don't do that. You don't say that, and you don't say that in front of my child.

That's disgusting. Yeah. And if that is the case, then why don't you go freaking find a way that you can support me rather than thumb me down? So it has been a huge negative thing between my mom and I love my mom. She is an amazing human being. Everybody loves her. Everybody loves, loved My dad too.

My dad died in 2008, which was the worst year of my life, which is when the other sort of trauma set in. But, I love her, but she, I think that she, even if I sent her the scientific journal, this doctor did this, it's, this is a thing. It's real. I don't believe it. It's, I don't believe in it.

How can you got, whether you believe in it or not, . It's real . It's like saying the vaccine doesn't work, it's science. Here it is. And I think with my mom, I think that part of her feels that it's her fault or that she's contributed to this mental illness or this disorder or this issue.

She's, I'm a person that's really open about therapy and getting help and my dad was too, whereas my brother and my mom are not so much, oh, I don't need therapy. I don't have any issues. It's fine. It's like everybody has things need to talk about at some point. Laura.

[00:35:42] Adeel: Yeah. I can see how some parents might want to not not want to admit that not want to think about.

the fact that their parent, that their kids don't wanna think about their kids as being brought up perfectly cuz they brought them up and don't have any issues. And maybe that's part of it. She doesn't wanna admit that, her, one of her child might have a real issue.

[00:36:01] Mary Rachel: And I mentioned that my parents got divorced and that we moved. And so there was some serious stuff going on there as to why they separated. And she loved my dad more than anything. She was madly in love with him, but, he struggled. He struggled and he was an unbelievable human being.

My dad was just unbelievable human being. He just, everybody fell in love with my dad. He would walk into a room and he was just this tall, tall, dark, salt and pepper, beautiful. In handsome. Gentleman dynamic. Excellent with people. He ran a, an international flying eye hospital called Orbis International for 25 years.

He, he started with the inception of it and it was a nonprofit flying teaching eye hospital that traveled to third world countries and developing countries and volunteer doctors, ophthalmologists from around the world. But the main, more the, they would basically volunteer their time and they would go to third world countries and developing countries and teach skills and surgeries in in, in saving people's vision.

And he launched, is still running today. He devoted his whole life to it. He had just had the 25th anniversary at the United Nations with Richard Branson and the president of Ethiopia and 25 years there it was. And he died about a year after that. He gave his life to that. He was only 61 and that was a huge trauma.

When that happened, cuz we were very close. We had a very complex relationship, but we had a, we knew each other. Like he got me. We were very similar. He was irritable. I was irritable. I think he had, he must have had a bit of the sound, irritability, because I'll never forget, we would, if we were ever in a movie theater and there was someone eating popcorn or chomping on gum, we would be so irritated and, but we would make a joke of it.

He was so funny. And we would laugh cuz we would mimic it and be like, oh, that's how we would get through it. Or we'd move, and we would be guaranteed every time we would get together. And he was a world traveler. Like we, every time we'd have, something to eat in a restaurant, we would be there and someone would come and vacuum around us.

And What are you vacuuming? We're still eating. We was just, it was just these crazy things, they're hoofing under you. You're like, what are you, ? And we were just laughing, laugh and, I miss him tremendously. It's birthday would be would be 74, I think, on the 19th of September.

But that was a, that's a huge trauma for that. But my boyfriend at the time, who I thought I was going to marry when I was never even thinking about marriage, but he was a police officer, and we met while I was doing a, an open casting call for deal and no deal in Colorado and. We fell in love and he moved out.

We were just madly in love with each other. He was the guy, he was there for me when my dad died. He was there. He was by my side. But three months later he left and meant went back to Denver without just, I came home to an empty. I was like, what? Yeah. And it was just like, whoa. That was too much. And I was coming to the end.

I've been on deal for three years. I traveled the country. That was a huge, it was like the height of my career on that show. Cuz it was, I was like 35, 36. And it was a great show. I met so many amazing people, able to help people, it was just a great, and, we family, but we, it was, but it was a lot of stress on my body physically.

And so when he died, which was February oh eight, and then the show ended September. My whole team just saw me just, and then Derek left. It was just, it just, I just went. I went cuckoo I and I, when the show ended. , I just died. I just literally, I knew I needed to see a therapist, but the therapist I was seeing was not helpful.

He was one of those therapists that was like, oh, so you're a type A person? And he wasn't supportive and he was yawning all the time. I'd be like, are you bored? Because I'm not a boring person. I

[00:40:04] Adeel: hate yawning when I'm Yeah. In a meeting.

[00:40:06] Mary Rachel: Are you bored? And don't put me in a box.

Don't you know. He's maybe you're type A personality, you're so in control or whatever. That's why he left. I'm like, there's no excuse for why he left. He was a coward and it was ridiculous. So then he referred me. Then I was like maybe I need some medication.

Because I've, at times in my life, I've had a little, where I've been feeling down or anxious where a medication has helped. Celexa was amazing. , it helped me for one year I was feeling really anxious. I was director of marketing for this real estate company and she was like high end real estate still around.

And I would go in, she'd be like, I'm Mary-Rachel, I need you to do this and this and this and this. I'm like, oh my God, how am I gonna do that? Because I like to get things done right? And and so my doctor was such a light it was just such a light medication. She's oh, just take Celexa.

My mom had it. And just take the edge off. That's exactly what it did. And it helped. And at that time it was done. But the psychiatrist that I went to who was we met, she she's so what do you want? I'm like, what do I want? I don't know what I want. So she gave me things like Lunesta and Pristiq and Adderall.

Okay. I'm like, she goes you have a d d. I'm like, no, I don't. I've always been able to focus and follow through. Anyone that's had that kind of loss in life feels scattered. You just feel, and so Adderall, and that made me rage. I would just be up all night picking up dead cats off the street, just wandering around in my head.

It was terrible. And we actually ended up developing a show together, which was, I'm like, is this crossing the line? And it was just a very bizarre relationship. And I think she preyed on me in a vulnerable time. , and I weaned myself off that medication. And she's I can't work with anybody that weans himself off my medication.

But I'm feeling better. I don't, it's, I just, this is not what I, needed. What I needed was just to feel the emotions at the time. I just needed to feel messed up and I just needed to just do what I needed to do to work through it. Yeah. And it was horrible. And my, my, my parent, my mom and.

Family member. I just really stayed in, in Sol in solitude. I had, I was living by myself, but I had a girl come and stay with me who was wanting to move out to LA and we would go out, we'd go out and party. I partied a lot. Like I didn't care.

I didn't give a shit. I was angry and I was like, I didn't care. Like I just, it just, let me just get through this. And that's when I met the sperm donut.

[00:42:33] Adeel: I was trying to do the math there with your daughter, but, I figured you'd

[00:42:36] Mary Rachel: get to it. , I can't believe I just said that word. The S word. No. But I met him and I was not looking for a relationship.

In fact, I was angry at men. Okay. My dad was gone and the man I thought very understandable. Married, yeah. Was gone. So I'm like, Hey, listen, if you wanna hang out, great, but I might, . Yeah. No, you're dick you're an asshole. I don't, yeah, I think you're some guys would like it and some would be All right.

Moving along. And he was just this distraction and he was just this amazing fashion designer. Had a huge business downtown. We met at Departed Fashion Week, and just this lovely guy, and I was not interested in him, but I noticed that there were some very quickly into the US hanging out. I just noticed that he would surround himself with some sort of sketchy people.

It, that was very sad, the whole other situation. But I, it was like I, it was like accidentally on purpose. I got pregnant. I never and at 30, I was 38. I'm like, wow. I don't know. It was like part of me started to think about blood and connection when my dad died and. I was never in a rush to get married or have children.

I always had many pets. I've always been a huge nurturer. I'm the one that people come to when they have a problem, that person. And I just, I had a friend just dump me cuz they, they did not, my best friend was like, he could not under, couldn't take me feeling out of control, feeling sad and down.

It's just hard for people. And it I got pregnant and I was pregnant with twins and there was no way that, this was it's 38, man, I better, and there was no way that I was, not gonna go through with it. There was a very intense pregnancy, but I felt.

Everything that you could imagine was wrong. Advanced maternity age twins. They thought I was gonna have twin to twin transfusion syndrome because my other daughter, Phoebe, who who died about an hour and a half after I had her was having a lot of complications and but there was this tremendous amount of healing that I was doing during that time.

And this has helped me actually, and I'm gonna go back to a friend, but I know people were talking, someone was talking about tapping and, different sort of therapies and it was a, she's a mind body healing counselor and she worked with me every week off the body, with, and that, that healing I have, I just found my journal was so helpful and the life that the girls had I was just like, I always prayed for that miracle, cause I, I can't tell you how many times I've interviewed people.

when they're like, oh, stomach so is my miracle, baby. I have my tubes tied eight times. I still got pregnant. You're like, what ? And it's she like I felt, and then my doctor was an asshole. He's baby B's not gonna make it anyway so you can deliver naturally.

Oh my God. He was, thank God he wasn't there when I delivered. But so I'm just going back to the trauma that experienced. So the death of dad, my Derek leaving, my daughter dying all very simultaneously. And it was a lot to take in because I wasn't sure what heal, what I was feeling. So when my dad died, I felt a sense of peace because he really, he struggled with addiction his whole life, on and off his whole life.

Amazing. What he accomplished. And so his work was his addiction as well, and so when he died, it was like, part of me just felt I was, it was raw. It, I felt it when my brother called me, it was like, I told Derek, I said, get out, take the dogs out. I'm gonna, and I felt it viscerally in my stomach and I screamed.

I was like, and I just sobbed and sobbed and, went to England for the funeral and just that I was actually at a calmer place. After a couple weeks I was very calm and then Derek left and that's when I was like, what? Because my dad died thinking that, I had someone that, Derek was there.

And so that sort of abandonment was just horrible. And it was just very hard to process. Cuz when you're in a relationship and you're like, oh, this is the guy that wants to marry me. Just all of a sudden act like, did I know this person Was I being conned was very hard.

And , and then meeting, meeting David and then getting pregnant. And then my daughter, my other daughter not my daughter dying. So I was embracing Sophie at one hand and then having to to plan, a service on the other. It was bizarre. And I had the C-section and anyway, it was beautiful and itself, and we had, we sang, we, I had her baptized.

I I went into the, to the hospital like a week early. So I had a little time to speak to the chaplain and the social worker. And cuz it was scary. I did not, wasn't sure what David was capable of. He was associating people, associating with really not good people. I needed to protect Sophie and Phoebe.

And I just left him off the birth certificate so there weren't any, and one other point I'm gonna, would've added him on if he ever got his shit together. But unfortunately that didn't happen. And he actually died of of Covid this February, which was. Bizarre information to process and it was just really just a lot.

So I feel that, with all that being said and speaking out loud about it, and I never thought of it this way, that, that is, is I must have had some kind of P T S D from all of that Oh

[00:47:51] Adeel: yeah. Of complex PTSDs. I wouldn't be surprised. A lot in a short amount of time.

[00:47:57] Mary Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. And I just I think also then being in, at, and Sophie was born in 2010 and she was just the perfect little baby, thank God.

Because if she wasn't , I would be like, fuck you God, what are you doing to me? But it was like one of the most vulnerable times of my life, cuz physically I was just like, I was overweight, I had a C-section and I had this beautiful little baby and we just bonded. , we just bonded the two of us.

I took eight months off to just, she was just a happy, great little baby. I took eight months off before I went back to work and she's now 11 and she is a beautiful person. But our relationship has been horribly affected. Because I recently had this, she's very aware of it. She gets it, but she's also a kid.

And she fidgets. She's a fidgeter. Okay. And it is so annoying.

[00:48:57] Adeel: Was she always triggering? Did it start to trigger you recently? Maybe cause of the pandemic or Was it always happening after that? She

[00:49:05] Mary Rachel: was always like, kids are like always moving around like spastic, kinder, like getting control of their body kind of thing.

But I noticed, this whole fidget thing became like, she collects the literally hundreds of these fidgets, the poppers and the, I don't know, just ordering them on Amazon without my knowledge. But , and which that's fine if that helps her, I think it was hard for her to focus sometimes to, to do those assignments and all of that.

And we did just find out that she does have this, they consider it a disability of just attention, but it's not a d, it's just like when there's a distraction, she can't it's like executive functioning. It's also weird. I don't wanna get into that. But anyway her fidgeting so I would say Sophie, So how was your date?

Or we'd have to do in third grade, we'd have to do speeches. And she would wiggle around and, flip up and down and, put her leg around her neck. And I'm just like, can you stop it. It's so annoying. And I would mimic her and I'd be like, so yeah. And I, and putting my leg up and she would just giggle.

I'm like, it's jerking all around. It's what? It's, this is be still, and she's flinging her mask around or she's popping on something. Yeah. And I'm just like, Sophie. No. So her, what she needs to help her could triggers me. And then she started to make some noises with her mouth.

And I'm like, what are you doing ? Just don't do that ever again. And then she'll do it. And here's the thing. I've told her, I'm like, I am not at a point in my life where I'm well enough to be able to realize that I'm the parent and you are the child and you are in some development fucking phase.

Okay? You need to not do that cuz I might kill you. Really? So if you wanna help me and you wanna help you, please don't make that noise near me ever again. And then sometimes you'll just be like, I wish you didn't have dysphonia. I do too. It's horrible. And it is so hard for someone to really understand this sort of involuntary reflex.

It's when you do, when you go to the doctor and the doctor hits your knee blink? That's what it is. It's like I can't help it. I, and I literally, there's so many doors slammed. and I will just run into my, and I will if it keeps going and it, I'll just, I'll start sweating immediately.

My heart will ra, I'll feel like I'm having a heart attack, but my body gets hot and it takes hours to calm down and I'll just go into my room and be alone and like meditate. And sometimes days on end just leave Sophie, alone type of thing. But so that's been really hard.

And just recently in July, so there's these times of stability, so I think just it all collided. It all was catching up when I started to work from home. And I know now exactly when on Wednesdays my leaf blower guys come, I put on white noise machines. And I don't know why I didn't start doing that till recently.

It's right till I have my breakdown in July, around July 4th, I, my body just went into absolute what do I call it when I emailed you? Like shock, sleep, shock, slumber syndrome. I don't know. But my, I, I had an m r I done cuz when you're 51 you need to get, go to every doctor on the planet.

They make you feel so great. But I had an MRI done and I didn't wanna do the mri. And I remember having an MRI when I was pregnant, but it was quiet. It was quiet. I don't remember the noise. I don't remember the sound. And when I went in and I'd rescheduled many times, I'm like, I just don't wanna do it.

Cause you know, I'm little Claus, little claustrophobic, right? But I went in finally and they never once mentioned over the phone. This is gonna be noisy, this will be loud. You're gonna need to wear earphones or you're gonna need to wear little earplugs. So I, when I got there, they, they told me, I said, no, I don't want anything in my ears.

I don't want anything. Is it really loud? Do I have to have, what they should've said was, yes. It's like the law. Like they, they should have had headphones with music. They shouldn't even have let me put the plugs in. I put the plugs in and literally it was the loudest. And this is just loud and anybody, it's so loud sick.

It's a magnet. It's unbelievably loud. And it put me into, no one should have to tolerate that. Why the fuck are these machines?

[00:53:30] Adeel: So back, be drawing board . Yeah.

[00:53:33] Mary Rachel: Shame on you. You should have a white noise. Big good headphones. And I literally, I need to complain about it because I, when I'm in there, I put the earplugs and I made it through like I, the whole like and then they wanted to inject fluid into me. I'm like, no, I don't want any fluid. Okay. What's the whole point of the mri? You need to highlight the area. No, I don't want any weird thing making me feel weird. That's enough. Okay. And then this, so it goes, it was like, I can't even, it was just like, imagine a bulldozer or a jackhammer inside your ear.

Like in there, but worse Cause it's metal. I'm, I said, and I tolerated. It was a long bit cuz they're taking a few bits and I was like, oh my, it was just that paint. Cause it wasn't like annoying, it was just, I'm dead now. Like you just shocked my body into death. And I said, wait a minute. Stop. Yeah.

Can you give me the headphones please? That's really loud. And I looked at the machine, I was like, oh, it's a ge Why is it so loud? It does not need to be so loud. I left, I was the first person, that first patient that day to make it through the m r I. Oh, to me that said, maybe you should do something about this.

Yeah. Weird. How about providing headphones as well as getting a new machine that isn't so loud? And I went for a hike cuz one of my main co one of the major coping mechanisms for me is I have to get out in nature. Yeah. And with my daughter and just connect with her. And so as much as I can, I will go up for a hike Franklin Canyon, which is just beautiful and quiet.

We, we went last night, we saw the sunset was trippy yesterday because I'd never seen LA like this, but it was like a layer of clouds abo like we were above this layer of clouds that looked like snow. And then underneath it, from the top of the, was just smog trapped. And it was just, it was bizarre.

But then it was like really clear. It was just so trippy. But , I go out and I try to walk every day, and that's a way for me to connect with Sophie one-on-one and she talks about her day. But also if I have to go around the corner, like Kenneth, Hans State Recreation Park or there's a, it's more urban hike, Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook.

Okay, people, we have wildlife here. We don't wanna hear your bang music going. It's so annoying. Literally, people are listening to their music out loud, like not in their head, like in their EarPods or whatever, but like out loud. So that is so irritating. The way that I have handled that is, One day I said, I, Hey guys.

So there's a ranger down at the bottom giving out tickets for anybody that has their music playing.

[00:56:24] Adeel: Genius again, ,

[00:56:27] Mary Rachel: right? And they're like, what? Oh, . Because they're, some of the music that they're listening to is pro is profanity. And I don't want Sophie listening to that. I don't need her to hear, bitch. But, I don't wanna it's, Hey, I'm doing a walk in this beautiful place. Why are you playing that music again? Etiquette. So it's like you have to tolerate those things. But, I am. I am not I am totally cool with saying, hey, being open about it and not like suffering.

A lot

[00:56:59] Adeel: of us Yeah. Are used to bottling things up. So that's yeah. That's interesting. So many

[00:57:02] Mary Rachel: people do so many of the of domestic phones do, so many people are just that I, that you've interviewed are just sitting there, just cringing and believe me, there's times when I have cringed and I still cringe and then there's, you have to communicate it.

Like especially if the person if you are a person that has misophonia and you are sitting there tolerating your parents eating with their mouths open, you shouldn't have to tolerate that. Unless they have some kind of medical condition, like it should be okay to say, do you mind eating with your mouth?

Like that shouldn't be a thing. it again it's etiquette. I feel that, I don't know how you feel like that is, yeah.

[00:57:40] Adeel: You would think that if anyone was going to try to accommodate it would be your own parents .

[00:57:45] Mary Rachel: Exactly. Exactly. And so I remember as one of my other, one of my coworkers, she's also a casting director, she's a good friend of mine.

She also has Ms. In fact, she's the one who sent me an article, who sent me the article about, she's I think this is what it is, and yes. And so I remember and I was very vocal, with my whole sort of like dealer, no deal team. They would mess with my, oh my God, they knew I was so sensitive to sound, and they would.

Fuck with me because there'd be people like working, when we weren't traveling, we'd be on like, the studio lot and they'd be like hammering, a set and they'd go, what the fuck? What the fuck's sake, , I was very like, very vocal. And the, and it's just part of my personal, like God's way I coped with it.

And I remember one, one year one of the, one of the gals gave bells, like bicycle bells as a gift to put a right. And one of them started to ding, ding. Cuz they knew, oh, I know. I'm like, who the fuck is ding their bell? Who's eating their bell? But when see people do that, I have a great sense of humor about it.

I it's it's it's funny, like if it wasn't, if someone was just doing it oh no, but they were just doing it to mess with me. So I was able to handle that. But,

[00:58:53] Adeel: Yeah. That's good if you can if you can divert it into the comedy

[00:58:55] Mary Rachel: party frame. Yeah. And if the guy that was doing the tree trimming at 7:00 AM.

On Christmas Eve, if I had known, if you tell me we're going to come and saw some trees, then I can prepare myself because part of it is you are wrong. You are invading my space. You're a dick. I hate you. You're dead.

[00:59:16] Adeel: Yeah. Your brain is reacting to fear of some imminent threat.

But if you're able to prepare yourself Yeah, a little bit before, it's sometimes all it takes,

[00:59:25] Mary Rachel: that's all it takes. So I can prepare Hey, we're gonna trim the trees. And I remember they were gonna do that at my house and I had a Skype interview that day. Cause I do a lot of Skype interviews with with talent and the tree trimmers were there and it was loud, but I was able to, prepare how'd they just showed.

So now I, after this m r I, and then also it was July 4th, I went for a walk in Franklin, and I calmed down a bit, but I think that m I shocked my body into shutting down and I shut down for four days and I had done that a lot.

[00:59:58] Adeel: You've, where that's happened before?

[01:00:00] Mary Rachel: Yeah, where I have to sleep for I go they, my mom and my daughter call it the vortex where I go and I just shot off because as a single mom also for 11 years, you can imagine how busy that is on top of exhausting. Yeah. Just your daily household chores to, I'm freaking maid to working and just everything in life. Just and your tech sanity, your , making a call to healthcare, whatever it. I would just be exhausted. I, there's no one else to take out the trash.

I'm a plumber, I've fixed things. , I have to do it myself. And that's fine. But, really it's, your sanity and also not having that sort, that person to bounce off. I think it's just all contributed. And then this noisy, dirty city and then the, these unnecessary leaf blowers.

I think I just get angry also because I think about the unnecessary, they're illegal. These gas leaf blowers are illegal in California. You cannot be on my property 15 feet and they're blowing it around and all they're doing is blowing dirt and sickness into your house. And then not to mention noise pollution, it's a health hazard.

And for get a and this one guy, he comes next door and he freaking blows the leaf blower for 45 minutes. And it's one of those.

And you're like, what the fuck? And I, one day I just went out and I said, excuse me. Excuse me. Can you not blow your leaf blower like that? You're here for 45 minutes. What are you doing? There's no, he's what did the other guy do? I'm like, get a rake. Because what he's trying to do is blow one fucking leaf, okay.

Out to the front one fucking leaf when you can just get down, right? And I'm just like, he's, he scared the shit out of him, and I was very nice. But I'm working, I'm doing an interview from home, like I don't need to leave. And I now, instead of getting irritated, knowing he's coming I put the white note.

I put, I have three Alexa devices, by the way. I'm addicted to Alexa. There's Alexa Anonymous. She is the only reason why I can stand standing in my kitchen. My kitchen is the worst room in the house. My refrigerator is the, oh, noisy. No, I'm not kidding. I have researched research and I researched research.

Research. That's like part of my coping, researching how many times I've recorded my refrigerator, how many times. Like one day I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna, this is my fridge, and I've looked up this fridge and I'm telling you that it's really ridiculous because it is. It has hissing, popping, sizzling, stuttering, spatting, humming, buzzing.

These are all the regular noises coming from your fridge. There's nothing regular about those noises. This bridge scares the crap outta you. It's, is it old? No, it's like 2016. It's a Frigidaire side-by-side piece of shit. And literally it like it has normal operating sounds and sights. I'm looking at the thingy and there's.

12, nor there is nothing normal about a, a broiling or gurgling sound in your fridge. Okay.

[01:03:12] Adeel: Ice maker, ice stickers are just yeah, but

[01:03:14] Mary Rachel: I think ice maker and it pops, there's the crap outta you, the ice maker. Gross. It's holy crap shit. Is someone in there? It scared the babysitter one night, and then there's dripping and hissing or sizzling.

Or in the defrosting and popping. The popping. That's great. And then wait a minute, we've got cubes falling, randomly. Oh yeah. And clicking. So this is the noisiest fridge on earth. I have researched it. Other people can't even live stand in their kitchen. It's so loud. There is a level of normalcy when it comes to appliances.

And nowadays appliances are made for shit. Okay. There's no quality.

[01:03:53] Adeel: That's funny. I might ask you to, I might ask for a recording of that, cuz part of my part of my I ideas for some of these songs that I'm writing is to use basically samples and use them as like snare. Oh my god. Yeah. Totally.

Totally. We do them as a beat, basically.

[01:04:06] Mary Rachel: No, we have to. Why I can't wait to talk about this other stuff. Yeah. But like literally it's and then so to my, and I. Open space. So my kitchen's open and I'm always in the kitchen. Oh, I love it. There's always dishes, there's, it's just like Wonder Woman spinning around, oh, cook clean, put away, cook clean.

And then, laundry. It's so now what I do is when I'm in the kitchen, I'm, there's been so many times I've had to turn off the fridge cuz it's ridiculous. And like my food is spoiled, whatever. Like I have to set a timer like for 30 minutes or whatever. But and Sophie can't stand it too.

And here's what I do, it's so loud. Honestly it's so loud. Like it makes some really weird noises that, you know, while some people like might not notice it right away. What I do is, another one of my coping is I go, you hear this fridge? So they don't think enough. You hear it? No. It doesn't sound like anything else, but just really listen.

Now I'm gonna turn it off and I want you to hear how quiet it is in the house. So I do it and you're like, holy shit. And they cannot believe. And I said, so imagine that. , imagine that being not so much the sound, someone, I think her name is Jennifer mentioned it. It's the stress the energy behind the sound that imagine that being just a hundred times worse in my ear.

That's how it feels. It's so freaking annoying and I wanna fucking bash the fridge in. And I have beaten it . I have I slammed the door the other day and two of the shells broke. But I just, gonna have to get a new I obviously got a new fridge, but these appliances also, I've got fairly new washing machine.

Okay. So washing machines do that sort of check, sugar check, right? This one's like a rubbing. They go, eh, what the fuck are you doing? . What? It's I've never, it is so annoying and there's no door from my kitchen to the laundry room. So it's oh my God, if I, it's just, I have to put, leave the washing machine going when I leave the house. I just can't. It's too much.

Yeah. And that is the, those the, so I play Alexa games when I'm in the kitchen because I focus Oh, to describe you Yeah. The trivia. Yeah. So I've got all these games that I play, plus it keeps my brain sharp. I think I'm playing or you are you smarter than a fifth grader, which is really hard.

But it does my focus, we, I think with the, with is that you are, we are so aware. Yep. In general Hyperaware. Exactly. Yeah. Hyperaware, and I'll never forget going to this, there's this peace labyrinth in in in mid-city. In the, in, in. and it's just this beautiful place and there's a labyrinth there and it's just meditation garden and it's just beautiful.

I'll remember going there, taking my mom there for her birthday one year and I literally they're doing construction, you're in this nice piece labyrinth and there's like jack hammers and construction going on next door, and as I'm talking to the person guiding us through, I'm like, so I'm really sensitive to sound.

And he just said something so great. He goes you're a very aware person, but rather than focus on the sounds around you just focus in, put a halo or something around the person you're looking at and just focus on them and I that. That has worked. Where I was actually talking to someone the other day and there was so much noise going on, like alarms, car alarms or just really big, major figures.

And I focus just focused in on what they were saying. It's hard, but it worked. Sometimes we're just too aware. We're too aware and sometimes, and so we've got bionic hearing, right? I can hear the hum of light. If the lights aren't down or up properly and you like, I can't do that.

There's so many sounds that trigger, obviously it started with the eating and any kind of eating, slurping, chomping, chewing, contra, but these other things that are invasive, not only like the, the city sounds, the noises like cars or barking dogs or fireworks, which also put me into a tizzy because we have these, fireworks going on, from May until after July 4th.

And I don't mind those dis, fireworks. It's just the ones that just do that huge boom pop, like shocks your system. Yeah. Yeah. And you just have a heart attack and that can damage your hearing. Sophie probably is better, from one exposure. And I, after the m R I and then just dropping for four days realizing that you don't leave, you know when mom's sick, oh, leave mom alone.

Sick. When someone's sick, you take care of them. You bring them chicken soup, you make sure they have food. But when I'm sick, , I'm left to suffer alone. What I needed, what I realized was I, it scared Sophie, I needed to have a plan set in place to have an emergency plan. If this happens to me, where I sh you know, shut down, that she knows she's got a list of people to call, someone that can come and check in on me.

Someone that can make me some soup. I needed care. I needed to really go away for a month and go to a silent retreat. And I felt that's what I needed. And I realized after that happened, that right away I went to my my went to my doctor. He didn't know anything about Ms.

Poy had maybe heard a little bit. He gave me, I said I said, it is affecting my relationship with my daughter. I have. And so he's I said, I need a, I said, I need another refer, reference for therapist and they just give you a phone number. He can refer me to any other doctor, but not a therapist.

Here's the number to call. And then he gave me a referral to an E N T, which I know I need to see an audiologist and I haven't yet. And I know you've interviewed, who was that Lovely audiologist Johnson. Yeah. Who started the the conventions, the . Just, I just loved her episode so much.

She's just, yeah, she's amazing. Such a darling human being. And there's an amazing doctor in England who I just love too.

[01:09:56] Adeel: Yeah. Dr. Gregory, Dr. Jane Gregory. Yes.

[01:09:58] Mary Rachel: Yes. Just love her. And it just seems like that this affects so many, but, people in Europe I didn't know if it was like a, and women.

[01:10:05] Adeel: . I think they're more likely to come and talk

[01:10:07] Mary Rachel: about it, I think. Yeah. But, yeah. But doesn't Dr. Gregory have a test that you can take to see what level Yeah. Yeah. She was thing. Is there any way to get access of that? Cause I, I would wanted to,


[01:10:18] Adeel: connect you guys. Yeah, no, I'll connect you, both of you.

[01:10:20] Mary Rachel: Oh my God, that would be great. Cause I would love to just, I know I'm, as I'm definitely on the extreme level. I'm sure. But, I realized that I needed help and Yeah. It's unbearable. And I have listened to your, I have, I cannot believe, the young kids that are, that and the teens that are living with this, right?

Oh my gosh. There's one episode. Ugh. Just heartbreaking. I'm so glad He's such a lovely young man and I'm just so glad that he found you because I think you were gonna connect him with someone he wants to help. He wants to help Matt.

[01:10:50] Adeel: Yeah, I know what you're exactly you're talking about and

[01:10:52] Mary Rachel: he was just so filled with joy.

He's really? Just what a lovely Yeah, lovely guy. And I don't mean to mention everyone, but just I just connect with, I mean there's really extreme, there's people that have really have extreme to the point of suicide, right? Yeah. And then other people where it's just okay, it's not so bad.

But, I was gonna tell you real quick story about my friend, she's a casting director. Anyway, she had her headphones on and, cause she was sharing an office and one of our associates, I love him so much, that was eating the noisiest food and the smelliest food, hard boiled egg and celery.

And I said,

Get out right now, go and eat that outside. You're eating the noisiest food. I'm the stinkiest. What's wrong with you? Because I have no problem. Just like they were like family at that point. Now you have to be, now I worry because, you have to be while I'm dying to just get out.

I also wonder, it has to be the sort of right the right environment there. There have to be, ways in which, because there's certain things in the office that can really, I remember sharing an office with someone that sniffed, oh my God, no.

[01:12:05] Adeel: And not just when they were not feeling well.

No, just

[01:12:08] Mary Rachel: sncc. Yeah. Yep. Sniffer and . And I'm just like, Uhuh. And, I've got headphones on. We're doing like and I shared with a, with another casting director that's on a different project and I even with my headphones watching the videos, I'm trying to do time code. I'm just hear her doing her.

Every three, every two every, just every moment. And I'm like, Hey, Susie, how you doing? Got some allergies going, shut the fuck up before, smash your head on the table. Go away. No one wants to hear it. Nobody, not even any normal person wants to hear that sound, but if you're with us, we're gonna kill you.

Or leave or just die. We're like live in torture, torture our tolerate. I had to tolerate it. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. And I was like, I said to my, my, I was like, do you, does that not bother you? Does that not bother you? He didn't give a shit oblivious.

[01:12:58] Adeel: Yeah. Were you able to, were you able to intercept your brain in time and just say that, Hey, this job will be over soon, or

[01:13:05] Mary Rachel: Yeah.

Just kinda muscle through it. Yeah. The day was almost over, and I think she got the point because she took her allergy medicine.

[01:13:13] Adeel: She got the point when your hands

[01:13:14] Mary Rachel: were around her. Yeah. You wanna take that, that take that little vitamin there. Okay. , I also just pe like on a plane, like my, there have been times where my mom and I, my mom is all, I have to say, my mom is a very quiet eater.

She knows how much, it, it bothers me. But we recently went on a trip and it was horrible recently. And I was like, I needed to get away. I had also hadn't been away, like away from la you have to get away. So there's all these stressors, right? That, that are come into place. And if you have all these stressors, then.

Disorder. Your misophonia is just gonna be worse. It's gonna be so extreme, yeah. And I was like, oh God, driving five hours in the car, can I handle it? And it's just terrible because I had I really, we fought the whole way up there, which was awful. And finally, cuz it was really the only thing I'm like, this is a thing.

I need help da. And I, we had to switch our room because we'd go up to Monterey and we're at this hotel and they put us in a room overlooking a freeway. I don't wanna overlook a freeway. I know. Just, get us somewhere, move the room.

[01:14:14] Adeel: 17 or 1 0 1

[01:14:16] Mary Rachel: or it was the I used to live in San Francisco, so we.

I can't remember the name of it because Yeah, it doesn't matter. Monterey. But anyway, it was noisy and it was cars. I'm like, I didn't need to hear, horns and cars, and I hear that every day. So they moved us and then of course we go to a room and the fridge is buzzing in the room. It's just, you can't you can't win.

And really there is, when we were visiting a friend as well, is when they, he saw the stress. He's my gosh, the Mary-Rachel, I met, met me years and years ago, like 1998, whatever was so fun and upbeat and lovely and I just stressed. I said, he goes, and what is miss? Funny? He really asked him.

I'm like, it's just so hard to explain. I don't really wanna fucking do it right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's just, and it's, and then my mom was eating she was eating a wrapper. I was like, mom, can you stop? And she just crunched it in my face on purpose. I was like, you fucking, it was horrible.

Horrible. And I felt horrible. She felt horrible and I felt sad. And she felt sad. And we finally I sat to sleep for a day while I was up there cause I was just exhausted and needed to rest. And I was just so upset. And then on the way back it was, we had a great time on the way back, but I have not seen her since.

And I know that it affect, it affects, our relationship. Sophie, I just want to encourage her, my brother to, to understand that this is real, that I am not crazy. That it's no one's fault. Because that's the worst thing is, and I think, the lady I was listening to yesterday that you were interviewing, and I don't know if she was in the very beginning or recently, but, I think her name was Jennifer.

She was talking about how there's this theme of crazy in her life. Where everyone thinks, she's crazy. And I've gotten that too. Like home. Mary's crazy, but she's crazy. Cause I'm crazy, but in a good way. I'm not I'm energetic, I'm enthusiastic. I love what I do. I'm passionate. I feel things, maybe I'm dramatic once in a while.

That might help though, at times. But I'm a kind, loving, really quiet, very, really to myself person. And I could never stand, couldn't stand, when my mom said, you're mentally ill and just what my daughter was like, you're not mentally ill. So confusing for her. And there's nothing wrong with mental illness.

We need to bring awareness to it, right? And there's help out there. And my mom's one of those people that's so scared of it. And it's. Come up, they were addressing it in the Olympics, when Yeah. Our right. Our beautiful gymnast was like, I can't do Simone. Yeah. Yes. She couldn't do it.

I was they were talking about, so many things and I was just like, so important because I think that these issues, and listen, we Misa phones, we have it so easy. I looked up some of I just was like, what? This is what helps me. What are some what are some disorders we've never heard of?

At least we don't have alien hand syndrome, or , you know what I mean? Or Allison Wonderland syndrome, , or like we are cannibalism where you wanna eat your body, like God,

[01:17:16] Adeel: eat your own body. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[01:17:20] Mary Rachel: Some trippy stuff. And then there's one where there's one where.

It actually, it's actually a cool, it's a cool disorder to have. It's like really cool. And it, I think Lady Gaga has it. It's like when you hear a sound, you see a color. Or yeah,

[01:17:34] Adeel: That's that, yeah, that, that's something. That's something I've, you've, I've heard some musicians talk about, I think there was a, pardon?

John? One of the, John, one of the Johns I've interviewed I think a synesthesia, something like that. Anyways, yeah,

[01:17:47] Mary Rachel: you got it, yeah. I was like the way that it helped me did not feel crazy has to be like thank God I don't have this, or foreign language thing where you it's terrible where you wake up, you speak, English your whole life, but you wake up, with a, oh my god, with a Chinese accent or something, and you, it can't stop and you don't know who you want.

There's some really bad things out there. This when this gets bad the misophonia it's really bad. And I've experienced it and I am just so glad that. I went to my doctor and all that. I still have to see the E N T. I need to see an audiologist. I need to get back into therapy.

But, meditation always helps. Eating, sleeping. Yeah. In the


[01:18:25] Adeel: of all those, of all that extra help. Yeah. Anything you can do to lower stress is yes. You should be a job. Number one. Self-care, worry about the details, the other professional stuff

[01:18:35] Mary Rachel: later. Yeah. And it's, just the basics, getting out for in, into quiet and taking care of, just, regular sleep. I think if I don't have a good, and here's the other thing, I'm a night owl, right? So same. I love the night cuz it's quiet.

[01:18:51] Adeel: Same. I love the early morning too. That's so it's weird. I like to stay

[01:18:54] Mary Rachel: too. Me too.

So then I get three hours of sleep. Yep. Which is bad because then I'm more more, more irritable.

[01:19:03] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is all until Dr. Kumar finally gets to that cure. I dunno what's taking him so long, but if Dr. Kumar, if you're listening, stop stringing us along on your research journey.

Get to that cure .

[01:19:15] Mary Rachel: Yes. Yes. If there is, I think that there might be, yeah. A gr a, a instant cure, , just, awesome. If anyone

[01:19:23] Adeel: didn't catch that, I was just kidding. So I

[01:19:25] Mary Rachel: No, I love it. I love it. No, I love it. But there's something that he does was mentioning where it's neuro, it's like a electro, what is it?

Like sending transmitters to the brain. Am I thinking of it right? ?

[01:19:38] Adeel: I think his latest, I don't know if there, he released something this morning. You said something new, but see if I can, the most recent thing was from earlier in the year, and that had to do with the whole motor cortex thing where yes.

That's what he, if you're looking at something, it triggers your mirror neurons when they're not supposed to. And then that imbalance freaks your brain out. I have to tell

[01:20:00] Mary Rachel: a quick story like cause I know it's been going a while, but, so coping mechanisms, I've told you a few of them, but one is yes, is to record the devices or really pointed out or, yell at people.

, get white noise, avoid the situation. Stab someone, whatever it is. The regular things we do a sufferer is okay. So supermarkets are really horrible. And there's always kinds of beeps and machines and some music or, and or someone with their phone. And so one of my pet peeves is I just can't stand people either staring at their phone or talking on the phone in anywhere private, whether it be a bank or, a supermarket or whatever with a friend on speaker.

Okay. Oh God. Yeah. Why are you doing that? The etiquette the, again, that is manners and whoever runs the business or the supermarket should say no cell phone talking allowed, right? No we are confiscating them. I wanna do a hidden camera show where literal. You're, someone having lunch, they're like, yes, I'm so sorry.

We don't have to take all of your cell phones. You've all totally just broken the law for the cell phone attention, some kind of thing. Just take the freaking, oh my God. But and so I'll re I'll never forget, and they do it all the time. I'm like, oh my God. And I look at them with disgust you are disgusting bio.

And you are, you're rude. You're rude too. I get so angry because it's like the leaf blowers, they're poisoning us. It's unnecessary. They're illegal and you like, so I get that's the extra added anger. I don't know what that is, you just, the noise. But it's ugh. All the other stuff, the climate change, whatever people that throw trash outta their freaking cars and wanna race them and kill them.

. I can't stand, it's like disgusting. I just, so they're on their phone Ugh, I'll just move away from those people. But there was one time where a lady's on her phone and I just don't ever talk on my cell phone. like ever. If I can avoid it in front of anyone and just don't like it, I don't like being on the cell phone.

I'm the la the lady with the landline I have a cell phone, but yeah, call me on the landline. Landline and and she was talking, having a business conversation, like a very important business conversation on the speaker and, which is annoying in itself. And then she was in, we were in the chip section and she literally picked up every single bag of chips, potato chips from every single row and felt them up.

I was like, oh my fucking God, we can't believe this woman. And instead of going away or saying something cuz she's on a phone call, I wanna be rude. I, the only way that I could handle it was by recording it. Just the audio going, ah, believe this .

[01:22:48] Adeel: Yeah. You know what? That's, that must be, cuz you know, mimicking is a yes.

Company mechanism. Maybe somehow recording it is, it taps into that the control. You feel like maybe you're controlling the situation. That's exactly what it's pouring

[01:23:01] Mary Rachel: it from afar, . It's exactly what it is. And there's so many things out of our control and I know that a lot of your guests have talked about control and, control freak or whatever.

When I was little, there were certain things I couldn't control that were out of that. They were out, they were outta my hands. Like as far as my parents getting divorced and moving and all that. So what I could control. Being a good student, my, not having any sort of drama.

I don't even think I showed, I was always so strong. I don't even think I showed my emotions to my parents. I never cried, I was like the perfect student all of that because I could control it. And so the thing that's really hard now is that I live with a child and I can't seem to have anything in order the way that I want it to be.

It's not in order, it's like I just need to have some order. And Sophie is just she will organize things, when she wants to, but I can't tell you how many times I'll find things under the chair and on. Countless times of , why is this under the ch, like, why are you doing and shoving things in?

I dunno if that's a kid thing, but it really feeds into if I could just have my home in order, then that, that's one thing. So I've had to learn to really, okay, now I cannot produce the way I used to be able to produce before I had Sophie. I have a child. She is my responsibility, and that takes a lot of time.

That's my number one job. And I hate it. , I hate it right now because I don't like it, because I don't like listening to my own voice. I don't like having to be the person that, that says, do this, do that. It's just, it's so horrible. Like you become this. And then when she doesn't listen, then it's oh my God, why aren't you listening?

And then I feel like it's respect and it's just like this vicious cycle, and I just don't like the person that I am, it's really hard and it's really hard for her. I'm like, . Yeah. So things are a bit, they're a bit fiery, right now. Where I think, the more help that I get and then just getting back in, into therapy and then trying, the tapping or the healing or just maybe I need to move out of la.

, because it's, this city is, it, I think it's taken some, probably some years off my life. I'll only live to be 140 now. You're only 30, so that's a lot. I know. I'm only 30. That's right. Oh my God. My 30th birthday was the best ,

[01:25:12] Adeel: and you'll be there again. I'm sure

[01:25:14] Mary Rachel: I'll be there again.

You'll be back 50. I turned 50 during the pandemic. I was like, this blows, but it turned out to be an actual beautiful end of the day because I meet, so you mentioned a meeting. I meet. I am everyone's friend. I love people and I hate them at the same time other people ruin everything as my motto, right?

It's like we are at a beach. Like, why does he have to sit next to me with a stereo? It's just this whole like, go away.

[01:25:37] Adeel: But isn't that great? It's that Harold Kumar episode where he's gonna pee in the forest at night and then somebody pees right next to him. Yeah. What what is that about?

Or somebody parking right next to you, what

[01:25:48] Mary Rachel: is that like? What is that? I

[01:25:52] Adeel: think that doesn't have anything with misophonia, I don't think. But it's something us being so so aware we, we notice or

[01:25:58] Mary Rachel: them not being aware at all and sitting in our space. You know what I mean? Go away, you the whole beach and curve, go somewhere else, it's like whatever.


[01:26:05] Adeel: So tangent. But I don't know if it's like this in LA but in Minnesota here, I don't know what it is, but people love to sit in their cars. So you go into a parking lot and you're like, I think it's gonna be quiet. And there's somebody right next to you sitting in there, sitting in that car, the car running, sitting out their phone over sometimes the car running, sometimes not.

Sometimes it's even creepier cuz they're just sitting there, yeah. They're, or they're on their, it's not even on their phone. They're reading a book, which is great, but it's even weirder. Like, why aren't you just at a banter sitting on the grass? Anyways,

[01:26:31] Mary Rachel: it's interesting, you know why people, and I do look at that.

Also, I almost had a full on anxiety attack the other day when we walked. So my car was in the shop for a few days, so I had to organize like Sophie getting to school and everything. Anyway, all it was the key. Just needed a new key. Can you believe that? That's good though.

But I remember walking up to the vs and so vs. This Vons is on the corner. Have you ever been to la? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, you have? So you're familiar? Oh yeah. I've been Minnesota, I've been to St. Paul. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, we had a casting call there. Ooh. For what can I for a deal. And it was in freezing cold.

It was like negative five degrees and only Minnesotans can come out with their fishing gear, their ice fishing. They were amazing. And we had it at the Toyota dealer. I can't remember the street, but and people were lined up, in the ice. Yeah. And, but it was such a beautiful, beautiful city.

I had a friend from high school that I was able to visit there. It was just go, it was just really beautiful.

[01:27:27] Adeel: It's nice. And the thing is, it's not, it's like on the DL cuz Minneapolis is next to it, which is not a huge city in itself, but it's it's decent looking down like downtown area, but it's like nobody's really there, so it's it's

[01:27:37] Mary Rachel: Yeah.

Yeah. No one's really there, but it's, but there was like a good, like I, I had fun there. I had a really good time. But, it was just, the people were great and they, the the local affiliate, the local NBC affiliate was great. And it, I really enjoyed, visiting and everything. But when, anyway, I went into this store and so Vaughns has this thing where when they make an announcement, when they make announcements, like some are like, Benjamin meet you in the bathroom.

You're like, what did he just say? ? Like they're

[01:28:05] Adeel: umbling nuclear. Yeah.

[01:28:08] Mary Rachel: Yeah. The other words, it's a huge beep. Oh yeah. You're like, oh my God. Okay. First of all, that's too loud. The decibels are too high. That is putting the hairs on the inner part of my ear up and everyone else's.

It is too invasive, like as far as the loudness, but then it keeps on doing it. I'm just like, what the f and then they have on their, these, they put this new thing in where they have this the self-checkout, right? Yeah. And I never do self-checkout. I couldn't even focus cuz I think I was like, I had a return away, whatever.

I don't know. But the self-checkout machines are dinging and speaking nine different languages and on the TVs are on, and I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna try to focus. I'm trying to focus. This is gonna end soon. And listening to your, and people saying this is gonna end soon. I was trying not to lose my shit.

And Sophie knew it was like, because we were, I was right next to all of these sounds that were just like, it's like being, it's like being in Vegas in a casino. Hey, casinos binging was like you. It's and I just, I just breathed and I told myself, okay, we're almost through.

But it was very hard, to it, it was hard. I was trying to focus on Sophie, tell me a story. Tell me a story, tell me something else, because I was feeling racy, like as I'm talking about it, I'm sweating. Guaranteed. I'm spending all the time so attractive. , I just, it, it just it's just, you're, I feel hot.

Yeah. And like I can't breathe and I've never been a person to have that much. Anxiety. And so it is time to, yes, Dr. Kumar .

[01:29:56] Adeel: Are you listening? Get off your button. Do some, get some work done. Geez, come on. Seriously lazy with these book reports on your

[01:30:04] Mary Rachel: researchers . No, I appreciate all the work that these doctors are doing, and I'm very, I feel very blessed and grateful that actually that, that is, there's funding

[01:30:15] Adeel: now that's going around the world.

That's Yeah,

[01:30:17] Mary Rachel: it is. But I feel sad for the people that have suffered who's maybe lost their lives or are living in solitude or are in jail.

[01:30:26] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. We don't know all the yeah. Miso crimes or crimes of miso crimes.

[01:30:31] Mary Rachel: Oh my god. Sorry. Let slap, sorry.

[01:30:34] Adeel: But there's crimes of passion and crimes of misophonia.

Oh my god.

[01:30:38] Mary Rachel: Miso crimes. That's the best miso crime. I've got a God that's funny. Miso crimes or miso like attacks. , I don't know. Who knows? But there, there needs to be like some, when mis

[01:30:53] Adeel: attack on the, on like animal planet or . Yeah.

[01:30:58] Mary Rachel: Yeah. Miso. And I wonder if there's any animals that are, here's the thing, as human beings, we are born with our five senses, and some people are sensitive to smell, some are sens more sensitive to sound, some to touch. And without, the other disorders, like O c D or autism, just in general, like sensitive to smell, and it's just, they're sensitive to smell and you can't wear perfume around them. , like a lot of people and, sight, there's their vision is more, their eyes are more sensitive. So I think there's a level of we have to forgive ourselves and say, okay. , these sounds aren't cool for anybody. It's just the, our involuntary reaction to wanting to murder somebody is this, where it's not healthy, it's either you wanna kill someone, you feel like you're gonna, and we don't normally, we don't act out. There was an instance, normally we don't act out. Yeah. Yeah. Where a person , normally we don't, but I might if I don't get treatment. It's where a person was like, it affects your relationships, your intimate relationships.

But they were so angry, it was affecting the work and everything, and the guy like, took a pen and took the pen that the person was clicking or whatever it was doing and stab them with the pen. I heard that story and I think that, we need to, get people the help that they need because there are people that do, I'm sure do. Act on me. I act out when I hit the refrigerator or when I almost broke the faucet the other day. Cuz it has a drip .

[01:32:23] Adeel: Yep. I've talked to people who've injured Yeah. Injured themselves. Punching walls

[01:32:27] Mary Rachel: and, oh, I yeah, I have that. I know I've done that. I've I have pinched, I think, was it Martha that was like, pinched my leg so hard?

She was talking about so she wouldn't, if someone's chewing gum, you're like, fucking Cleo and you're like pinching your leg oh my god. So you don't, yeah. You're just

[01:32:46] Adeel: at that to distract you. Yeah.

[01:32:48] Mary Rachel: Yeah. Or you're wanting to put all that anger into your leg cause that's what you wanna do.

You're like, this is your neck and my

[01:32:55] Adeel: freaking hair, a twisted form of mimicking,

[01:32:58] Mary Rachel: mimics, twisted. I love how you, I love how you reinstated feel so normal so normal. A typical for the,

But anyway, I know I have rambled. I could ramble more and

[01:33:15] Adeel: Okay. I think maybe we should, let's start to wind this one down. Yes. Let's

[01:33:21] Mary Rachel: wind down. Sorry. So energetic and enthusiastic. I,

[01:33:23] Adeel: But is it but is there anything, yeah. We've covered a lot of ground.

I feel like there's obviously a lot more we can talk about, but is there anything else you wanna tell people now for yeah who's listening about anything?

[01:33:33] Mary Rachel: Thank you for listening. Whoever is listening and I do really feel, I really would love to put together some kind of, sup support group whether it be, over Zoom or if there's people in l la or in person.

But I am working, I am working on some projects. Can I mention that? I think I mentioned before, but that oh. Yeah I'm working on some projects. They're, I don't wanna say too much about them, but I can say more when, if, or when anyone's interested and we speak that people that are suffering or are struggling with this I would love to talk to so they can the best way is cuz I when I'm doing development stuff, I, and especially I don't like to say too much about it.

There's so much competition with, so many other places. So I think that just the best way to get ahold of me would be to my email, which I'm sure you'll probably put in the show. Yep. I'm on LinkedIn, Mary-Rachel Foot, I'm on LinkedIn. I'm on Insta Face Group.

My company's a foot away entertainment, but my email is a foot away, like a F O t A w a Y, like your future, a foot away. The number1@gmail.com. And I just, Wanna reiterate how grateful I am to every first of all, to you a deal for starting this podcast. It has been such a help to myself and to even my daughter.

She was listening. She really likes, she's I really it's very calming. Again, I'm not a very calm person. No, I am actually. But I get very, like I have to express it. Like I'm very overly, expressive about it. And you've helped so many people. And I just wanna say thank you to all of the professionals that have been on your show as well as to all of the guests that ha suffer from it and sharing their stories.

It has been my lifeline these past couple of months, so thank you.

[01:35:36] Adeel: No, we appreciate that. That's why I think people come on cuz they want to get their stories out and they know it's gonna help people and like yours is going to as well. You've been through a lot and I you're not alone on many levels for, but for, a lot of the stuff you're going through, not just misophonia So thank you for coming in.

This is gonna help a lot of people.

[01:35:53] Mary Rachel: Thank you.

[01:35:55] Adeel: Thank you, Mary-Rachel. That was just so much fun. As you can probably tell, if you like this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. Music, as always is by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and.