Chloé (@misophoniamemes) - Humor Meets Healing: Chloe's Misophonia Journey

S5 E23 - 5/5/2022
In this episode, Adeel hosts Chloe, the French-American New Yorker behind the popular Misophonia Memes Instagram account. Chloe shares her story of living with misophonia, including her earliest memory of being triggered by her drummer father's tapping. She elaborates on her multifaceted career as an actor, singer, and content creator. The conversation delves into the challenges and coping mechanisms associated with misophonia, highlighting the importance of community support. Chloe also discusses the therapeutic role of humor, which inspired her to start the Misophonia Memes account with a friend, aiming to offer relief and connection. The discussion touches on historical figures with possible misophonia, self-medication, and the widespread yet frequently unrecognized prevalence of the condition. Chloe emphasizes the solace and understanding she found in the misophonia community, advocating for openness and communication. She concludes with the positive impact of sharing experiences, whether through humor or heartfelt conversation, in fostering a supportive environment for those coping with misophonia.


Adeel [0:01]: Welcome to the Misophonia Podcast. This is Season 5, Episode 23. My name's Adeel Ahmad, and I have Misophonia. This is a special episode. My guest has an Instagram account that is known to many of you at Missiphonia Memes. She's the French-American New Yorker, Chloé, or Chloe, as most of you Americans will say it. And you'll hear me accidentally say it in this interview. This is a rare opportunity to hear her story, her coping tips, her thoughts on the Missiphonia community. and the advice that she shares with people who reach out. Mr. Funny Memes is not her main deal, not by a mile. She's quite a multi-talented individual, acting, singing, hosting her own podcasts. And I have a lot of links where you can see what she's up to. So please follow her on her social media, on her personal accounts, and you can join the conversation when this episode goes live. I'll be, of course, tagging her wherever I post this. Remember, I'm at Misophonia Podcast on Instagram or Facebook and Misophonia Show on Elon Musk's new social media app. Once again, thanks for the incredible ongoing support of our Patreon supporters. If you feel like contributing, you can read all about it at slash misophoniapodcast. one of the best ways to actually just get the word out is leave a quick review or rating wherever you listen to this show and also i hope that you share this amazing episode with chloe on your social media all right uh enjoy this treat this is the legendary mind behind the misophonia memes chloe welcome to the podcast good to get to finally have you here thank you so much for having me Yeah, so I guess, yeah, why don't you tell some people I'm sure listening kind of know who you are. Do you want to kind of share a little bit where you're located and we'll get into kind of like what you do?

Chloe [1:53]: Yeah, absolutely. Oh, you made me feel like a celebrity. I'm from Brooklyn, New York, born and raised, still living in Brooklyn, New York. The things that I do, I act, I sing, I make TikToks, I run the Misophonia Memes Instagram account, famously.

Adeel [2:12]: Yeah, everyone's clapping right now, listening.

Chloe [2:17]: You know, it's crazy because I have been doing it for a couple of years. I started it with like a friend from college and I genuinely did not think that as many people would care as they did. And so it's been a really fun journey of kind of learning that people care about it as much as I do.

Adeel [2:39]: So do you create and you do the whole whatever photoshopping or creation yourself? Like these are all purely original?

Chloe [2:46]: I do. Yeah. I have a, there's, I forget what it's called right now, but there's an app that has like meme templates. I'll like go through it. Or if I see a meme online that I think is funny, I'll find it and then like find an empty template and then come up with a joke that I hope people will laugh at.

Adeel [3:06]: No, I mean, it seems like being done professionally and like, like, you know, entire teams are sitting in Brooklyn.

Chloe [3:12]: Oh no. It feels like there's a little team of people in my brain.

Adeel [3:17]: Yeah, well, yeah, we'll get into our inner monologue later.

Chloe [3:20]: Neurosis, yeah, sure. Right.

Adeel [3:22]: But, no, that's cool. And, yes, and that just kind of grew. It's interesting because, you know, everyone's, like, looking for, talking about how they're looking for, like, serious information research. And here, like, one of the most popular accounts is, like, just throwing these hilarious jokes around. And did you grow just by, you know, hashtags and all that stuff?

Chloe [3:39]: I think so. I think, honestly, it's been a couple years. And I knew about misophonia. Should I get into the origin story? Yeah, yeah. Jump topics. I first noticed it when I was about 13. And I think a couple years later, maybe the definition kind of became more popular. Yeah. I'm 25 now for whoever wants to do that math. Yeah.

Adeel [4:10]: So that's probably around when the New York Times article came out, right?

Chloe [4:14]: Yeah, definitely. And I was one of those people who Googled it and I was like, oh, yeah, 100% feel comfortable diagnosing myself with this. Like to a T, this is me. So I got really passionate about it because mine is pretty bad. I mean, I'm lucky to be able to leave the house. And I think a lot of people don't know that I have it, which I think means that I'm good at hiding it, I guess. yeah a lot of us are yeah yeah so it's you know it's manageable but it is still all day every day for me um so it was something i was really thinking about a lot and then in high school i had a class about i think it's called like neuropsychology and i was talking to the teacher about it they had no idea what it was of course and i just started getting really invested in like trying to learn more about it so in college i like took a psychology class and wrote a paper about it and then in a film class i tried to make a little film class about it i was just like constantly trying to get people to care or to know about it and then i i like to think of myself as a funny person um and i figured that people aren't as interested in just like factual information they usually like to laugh and also for all of us who have it it sucks so much that it's like fun to laugh about it or fun to feel like you can relate yeah exactly exactly and like how often are we laughing when we have misophonia like never like literally never um so it started off as me venting with my friend um and also the fact that i was friends with this person i don't know if i should like say her name but she's a lovely person We were friends for years and neither of us knew that the other person had it. And then she mentioned something about eating and all my friends were like, oh my God, do you have misophonia? Chloe has misophonia. And then we were like, what? And so it became like a way to talk to somebody else about it and to vent. And now it's just like, now I just do it for fun. But I'm so happy people like it. It makes me really happy. Yeah.

Adeel [6:29]: Yeah, no, that's great. Yeah, I hope you keep doing that. Yeah, as soon as one, anytime. Yeah, I know when you're, I know you've created a new meme because I see it on like multiple accounts. It just kind of blows up immediately. That's so sweet. And yes, then I guess maybe continuing to go back like before, you know, before there, well, you said you've had it since you were 13. Do you remember anything before then or kind of what were some of the events and who were the people like, you know, my usual? Yeah, of course.

Chloe [6:59]: No, of course. I honestly I love listening to your podcast and hearing about them because it genuinely like sometimes I cry. I get so like it's so exciting to hear. Yeah. Like, oh, my gosh, they experience that, too. My my first memory is actually a really strong one. I know some people don't remember their first ones, but mine is like etched in my brain. I was in the car with my family and my dad was tapping on the steering wheel. and he's a drummer and you know tapping along to the radio and for some reason i wanted to like rip all my skin off and escape my body like i just i couldn't handle the sound and i i didn't know why but i needed it to stop And I didn't feel comfortable saying that. So I was just sitting in the backseat of the car with my brother next to me, just like pushing my fingers so deeply into my ears that it was like making them bleed. And I was crying. And I was like, my brother was like, what the heck is going on with this girl? Like, what is wrong with her? I think because I had such like, because I... experienced it so intensely i think that's why i remember it so clearly um and my mom noticed and i i'm not to put ideas in her head but i i'm assuming she was like oh i know what this is because she actually has it too oh really She does. Yeah, I'm of the camp that thinks it's genetic.

Adeel [8:34]: Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Okay.

Chloe [8:37]: So, yeah.

Adeel [8:39]: It was bad. I mean, your dad was a drummer. It was probably not the first time he was tapping on something. Do you know?

Chloe [8:47]: No, and I really think that I was fine before that. yeah yeah but something just switched in the brain or something pushed you over something was different that day yeah i'm always interested to hear what people think causes it because the fact that it's like a light switch for so many of us is so interesting

Adeel [9:07]: Yeah, that's why I was kind of poking around because whenever somebody says that, I'm like, well, it doesn't seem like anything drastically new happened. Sometimes it's like, I've heard multiple cases of like a close grandparent passing away and then the funeral sounds start to do it. And so, you know, then you can be kind of like, okay, well, maybe there's some, that trauma. And there's, you know, if you've heard episodes, there's tons of trauma that's been happening. Well, that happens to people. Yeah, just curious if there's any, did you move somewhere? Obviously, well, you're in Brooklyn. My whole life, yeah. It was probably, well, and then I had a recent person suggest maybe, well, she said that it seems to be very tied to her hormones and obviously, you know, being around.

Chloe [9:48]: that age maybe it's just something invisible was happening yeah i honestly i i wish i could be a fly on the wall in that memory because i'm sure there are things that were happening other than that event that i truly cannot remember yeah it could be could be external it could be internal yeah that yeah it's so interesting

Adeel [10:11]: And then your mom, did she just suddenly get into like, get into go mode and just kind of start to try to help out? Or was it like...

Chloe [10:20]: Well, I think she noticed that I didn't want to say anything, which to this day is still a huge thing for me. I hate telling people that I have it. I hate telling people, hey, could you maybe not because I'm going to cry. So I think she noticed that. And I think she kind of tried to quietly tell my dad to stop. and it was like that for years i think i mean it was it was kind of like not a big thing that we talked about but at a certain point when it became clear that it wasn't an isolated event and when i like ran to her and was like look there's a word for this she was like oh okay we can let's talk about this you know yeah this is a thing now which i think is exciting for her too because she didn't know what her thing was

Adeel [11:15]: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. She'd, she'd have it. And then you guys were able to talk about it once you write about it. And, uh, um, yeah, interesting. Hey, what about your, okay. So you're the other person that got your brother. Um, how, how has he been, I guess, since, um, you know, you hear a lot about, um, sibling teasing and whatnot.

Chloe [11:37]: Yeah.

Adeel [11:38]: Was there a bit of that going on after, um, you know, after that day?

Chloe [11:42]: I think initially it was probably hard for him to understand because I also wasn't expressing myself clearly. Like I wasn't like, you know, there's tapping on the wheel and it's bothering me. I think I was just like crying for no reason. So I think at the beginning he was like, am I doing something? What's wrong with her? What's going on? But when I grew up and explained myself properly, he's so supportive. He's like the most wonderful, supportive. He's always trying to make sure that he's not making a bothersome sound around me. And I'm one of the people who... Like, family chewing sounds are really significantly more difficult for me. So, we try to watch TV while we eat. We try to put on music. Like, they're really, really understanding. And it's very lovely. Also, my brother is eight years older. So, like, around that time, he went to college. So, we didn't live together very much after that.

Adeel [12:37]: So, he's more mature. Oh, yeah.

Chloe [12:40]: Sure. Yeah.

Adeel [12:42]: But he had the head start, I guess, of being older.

Chloe [12:45]: Yeah, quote, unquote, more mature. Sure, sure, sure.

Adeel [12:48]: Of course. And so how did you, it seems like you were, was it because of the support of your family that you were able to kind of like express it better and not kind of maybe, you know, lash out as a lot of people do? I'm curious, did your mom kind of help you there? Just be able to manage it better?

Chloe [13:06]: I think I might maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. I still have trouble not lashing out, honestly. But I think the fact that nobody made fun of me, I think that was a really, really, really big deal for me. And also something that was really interesting for me when people started to notice the meme account and they would comment things like. you know their experiences with people making fun of them or you know as you've heard many times on this podcast like making the noises on purpose to bother people i honestly never had that not in my family not in my college roommates who i felt like i needed to tell about it nobody everybody was super understanding and i even had a roommate in college and i like tell her this all the time how much this meant to me but one time I was being really I just felt so guilty that I had asked them like to not eat chips around me or something like that and she was like well of course I mean if someone was telling you that they had a trigger for something with a different mental disorder like of course we would all take it seriously like of course we would accommodate because why would we ever want to purposefully put you in such an uncomfortable and painful situation and she said it so matter-of-factly like it was so obvious to her that I was like oh okay yeah I guess yeah I guess I guess this is like something that we deserve to have taken seriously so yeah I've truly had only incredibly lovely people in my life so I maybe that that has probably helped I think

Adeel [14:49]: Yeah, that's fantastic. And I hope one day we, you know, everyone kind of, yeah, exactly. And I hope, you know, yeah, more people become like that friend. And we're not, you know, this one is not the kind of the ugly dumpling of mental health disorders.

Chloe [15:06]: I know, it's so sad.

Adeel [15:09]: But you said you still kind of lash out sometimes. So there is that constant struggle that I'm sure we all face. Have there been situations maybe with strangers that it's been bursting? Chloe's been bursting at the seams. because your profession is it's all good I cut all that stuff out anyways I know I figured you would but I was like I don't want to make this sound for you either oh it's okay well you know okay I think I got it misophone and misophone you know I don't know well you've been around other misophones but somehow like just having another misfit around like the at least for me the triggers are not quite the same as when you know it's a complete stranger and i feel like they have right you know they're doing something to attack me i feel like that threat level is not there defcon level whatever is not quite the same

Chloe [15:59]: Oh, yeah. Well, I feel like that's also probably for me with strangers on the subway, especially. I mean, I haven't gone on the subway much since, you know, that that big old disease happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I it's like that crazy thing where you're in a public space and someone is doing something like for me, a weird one is like newspapers. i just don't like someone crinkling a newspaper constantly and that happens a lot on the subway as you would imagine right and i was like glaring at these people who are doing absolutely nothing wrong they're just reading the newspaper but my brain is like they're doing this to like harm you they hate you how could they you know well the way they twist the paper i mean they they don't yeah you're right you're right you know yeah you're right they could just hold the paper and it's actually easier for them to read because it's not constantly moving Oh, but people like skim it, you know, they'll skim a section and then constantly fold it. Oh, oh, absolutely not. So I've never had. I've never hurt anyone. I don't think that's very common. I've never like really yelled at someone. My outbursts are more just like moodiness, crying, needing to leave, the glare, for sure the glare. Oh, the glare, yeah. But I feel so guilty about it. It's like, you know, I've had it for over a decade.

Adeel [17:27]: i'm at the point where i'm kind of like you know what they're not doing this to hurt you like they don't even know that you're bothered by this so let's take it down a notch you know has the has the guilt been uh you know yeah a lot of a lot of feel that guilt and it's multiple things it's like not wanting to be you know not wanting to like impose on somebody maybe um not maybe um seeing that it's causing distress and the other person have you seen that like where it's kind of uh

Chloe [17:54]: cause distress in the other person where they're they feel bad and then you feel bad and then that cycle continues to go oh it's horrendous absolutely that especially I mean especially since I have such understanding people in my life the point to which they're like oh no did I did I do something that was terrible for you you know then I'm then I go on the you know I go like I swing fully the opposite way and I'm like no keep eating I don't care I'm sorry right yeah yeah yeah please

Adeel [18:24]: Yeah, I think we're all, we're all kinds. Do you, and then for, I guess for, you know, coping mechanisms, I'm assuming it's like, you know, the earbuds, the leaving, you said.

Chloe [18:35]: Yes.

Adeel [18:36]: Is there, do you tell your, try to tell yourself anything to kind of prepare for situations where maybe you don't have those earbuds to kind of like, because I mean, I think with your, you know, with some of your jobs, you're probably, it's a lot about just, attitude and personality right I think I've talked to another actress and model before and it's it's a lot about vibe so it's like that must be even tougher I mean I can't imagine like you know being triggered and then trying yeah you know

Chloe [19:07]: It's actually, it's really interesting. When I was in college, I did not have earbuds because I didn't, I don't know. I was not in denial that I had it. I knew that I had it, but I was in denial that there was any type of way that I could help myself. I just kind of assumed this is what it is. This is what it's going to be. I have to suffer through it. And I would be in I minored in psychology because I was interested in this stuff. And I would be in like 200 person lectures where everyone's on a computer typing. And it would be hell like I would be counting down the minutes. I couldn't hear a word the teacher was saying. I would, you know, run to the bathroom every three minutes to like hyperventilate. So the fact that I got through that with without earbuds, I bought earbuds like a year ago, actually. And now I'm a little worried because I can barely take them off because they're so great. But I've noticed that for things like acting and modeling and singing, I'm so excited about what I'm doing and I'm so focused on what I'm doing and happy to be there that I usually honestly don't even notice triggers, which is kind of crazy.

Adeel [20:23]: Yeah, well, it's enough to get, like, stress exacerbates things. So if you can obviously focus on the good parts of what you're doing, maybe that can help. Yeah, yeah.

Chloe [20:33]: And if it does, then just grab it. You know, when the vibes are good, yeah. Right, right. I have to admit, though, this hasn't happened in a really long time, but I was actually in a play. Oh, was it this past weekend, two weekends ago? Something like that. And during our tech rehearsal, there was someone in the back of the theater eating a bag of chips, like open mouthed. And I was on stage listening to another actor and I like was like quietly crying. And it's really bizarre because usually acting is my happy place and usually I don't even notice those things. But for some reason it was like, you know, it was a rehearsal and the whole theater was dead silent except for one person like attacking a bag of chips.

Adeel [21:21]: Yeah.

Chloe [21:22]: And I was like, oh, no, I don't want this to start infiltrating my happy place. Like, no.

Adeel [21:27]: Right, right, right.

Chloe [21:30]: It was crushing. That's just a really specific recent example.

Adeel [21:33]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, you should be good. Yeah, okay. But you were able to get through.

Chloe [21:39]: Honestly, yeah, but because he stopped.

Adeel [21:43]: Oh, gotcha. Okay, interesting.

Chloe [21:47]: I mean, I think we all surprise ourselves with what we're capable of getting through sometimes. You know, like you think you can't, you think you can't. You feel like the world is caving in. Everything is the worst it's ever going to be. It's never going to end. And then it ends and you're like, okay, I did that.

Adeel [22:05]: Right, yeah.

Chloe [22:06]: I made it through.

Adeel [22:07]: Yeah, the light switches pretty quick, right? Yeah, once you get out of a situation too, it's almost like, what was the problem? Unless you're in a car. Was I bothered? But yeah, I think it's probably how quickly our brain wants to just move on. I know, right?

Chloe [22:27]: I feel like if it didn't do that, we probably wouldn't be able to go outside again.

Adeel [22:32]: Right. Right.

Chloe [22:33]: You know, our brains have to be like, no, no, no, it was fine. You can go back out. You're good. Right.

Adeel [22:38]: Right. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Okay. And yeah, so those are right. And, and then again, I guess meeting other people. So, I mean, in, you had that one friend that you started this funny memes with, have you, you know, in your advocacy and like in real life, have you kind of. You'd like to spread the word in New York.

Chloe [23:01]: Catch me on the street corners handing out flyers.

Adeel [23:06]: Yeah, I'm curious, like day to day, do you kind of bump into more and more people? I'm sure a lot of people reach out online and that must be rewarding in itself.

Chloe [23:14]: Honestly, it is so, it's so rewarding. Well, I've had a couple of people... I've had a couple of people who know me find out that I have it and then reach out to me and be like, I have this too. And it's always, like, just the most exciting thing ever. It's weird because you don't want to celebrate it. I'm very sad when people have misophonia because this is, like, really the worst thing ever. However... It's so exciting to have someone that you know be like, we're quietly struggling with the same thing. How cool is that? But the DMs on the Misophonia memes account is genuinely, it's like hard to describe how meaningful it is. But it's, I mean, I'm a person. I'm like, you know, living in my parents' home, like on my phone. And I don't really think that I'm making that much of an impact. But then I get these DMs about people talking about how they learned about what it was through the account, how they're so excited to be interacting with other people in the comments. how they're building their own little groups online and they're meeting people and they felt so alone and now they don't. Oh, it's so emotional. But it's like that is so deeply powerful to know that people are struggling with the same thing that you're struggling with and that all these thoughts in your head that you kind of hate yourself for having, other people are having. And it kind of... at least for me it it took it it took all this pressure off of me in which i was like you know i'm i'm such a problem i'm never going to be lovable because everyone around me is always going to have to cater to me and that's so awful for everyone else and it took that a little bit off my shoulders because i was like this is something that so many people are quietly experiencing and i wouldn't ever judge them for having it so why am i judging myself for having it you know it it was so deeply insane to have that many people talking to me about it and validating it for myself and for them and also just like thanking me for laughing which is like the the best

Adeel [25:30]: yeah that's a true gift yeah absolutely it's medicine right yeah a lot of us are comedians and are practically comedians i mean uh jean gregory puts on a comedy festival i mean the current episode right now with mary rachel is hilarious and there's there's that martha who's actually in new york is hilarious uh yeah and just kind of get gets this gets us through and i'm sure it's therapy for you like you like you said right i mean

Chloe [25:56]: Absolutely. I haven't been to therapy for this, which I don't recommend that. I do think that people should go to therapy. I had two or three negative experiences with therapists and that unfortunately should not have deterred me as much as it did, but it really did. I was like, this is not for me at the moment. I will go when I am ready.

Adeel [26:23]: You went specifically looking for help for misophonia to a therapist?

Chloe [26:28]: I did. In college, at a certain point... Honestly, the reason that I didn't major in psychology was because of misophonia. I... really was struggling to do well on those exams because i was having so much trouble paying attention in class which was sad because i loved the topic and i really was otherwise engaged but being in those classrooms was it was like impossible for me to learn so i just did a minor and not a major but at a certain point i was like okay Maybe I should take this seriously. So I went to the Office of Disability Services and I explained to them what Misophonia was. It turns out that another person had actually come in for the same reason. but they didn't really know how to help or what they could do. So they tried, but basically what they offered me was that I was allowed to sit in the lecture and record it so that I could go back to my dorm later and like re-listen to it. But I still needed to attend the class for attendance purposes.

Adeel [27:44]: So let me get this straight. They want you to sit there, listen to the triggers, record it, go home, listen to the triggers again.

Chloe [27:52]: Yep.

Adeel [27:52]: Okay.

Chloe [27:54]: Yep, yep, yep. You know, it's funny because I tried to explain that to them and they didn't really get it, but you immediately understood the problem with that. Yeah. Which is validating. But yeah, that was their main advice. So that wasn't very helpful, but also part of the process for being registered with the Office of Disability Services was to have an evaluation with the school psychologist and then another evaluation with an outside psychologist or therapist. So I had to meet with the school's person and then I also had to find and fund someone from outside of school.

Adeel [28:38]: Yourself.

Chloe [28:39]: yep and both of those meetings went really poorly the i think the the outside therapist said something along the lines of like wow that's such an isolating thing to be going through you must be so lonely like are you worried about being alone forever and i was like i might i might leave yeah yeah i don't think this is i don't think this is right i think it's tough to have someone who doesn't know anything about what you're going through

Adeel [29:07]: be in the position of having to guide you through it you know I think that what you're what that person said is probably the I would think that's kind of the on the on uh psychiatry 101 that's like the first day list of things not to say I know and she had such a nice office too it was so misleading I really thought it was going to be good yeah it's usually those ones um in the flat iron district or something or yeah they're like just there for the paycheck yeah Interesting. Okay. So, and since then, have you, have you, have you bothered to go back and try? I mean, from what I've heard, it's like, yeah, you have to like do your legwork and research ahead of time to make sure the person knows what they're talking about.

Chloe [29:49]: Honestly, I do recommend it for other people. I think therapy is incredible and amazing and great. I just personally haven't been feeling like it's the right thing for me at the moment. And also it's kind of, it's weird to be... at home and I've become very introverted as I'm sure most of us have. But I'm not really dealing with issues as much as I used to when I was going out a lot. So I have this like false sense of calm in the fact that I'm not being triggered as much as I used to.

Adeel [30:25]: Yeah, it's interesting. We kind of create our own little, I'm thinking of the analogy of like the eye of the storm of kind of hurricane where we kind of like, it's probably super noisy and triggering around us, but we kind of create, we kind of control our environment. But we're in the calm part, all is well.

Chloe [30:40]: Yeah, exactly.

Adeel [30:41]: Yeah. But as soon as we want to step out, we kind of have to. Yeah, I mean, I tell a lot of people, especially young people, who are like freaking out about like, is this going to, because, you know, I'm sure for you, for all of us, the number of triggers goes up and up and up. And so people are like, oh, my God, some people I've talked to about, you know, or have been institutionalized already before college. And so it's like. but i tell people yeah yeah you know as you get older yeah i'm not gonna lie your triggers might get more numerous but you have more control over your environment yes and 100 and you know and you also have experience with right knowing that you can get through it knowing how maybe what you need you like pick up tips and tricks for yourself on how to get through it

Chloe [31:27]: Do you know what gave me hope? My mom has... I mean, you know, she hasn't eradicated it from herself at all. But she always tells me that she spent a good chunk of her childhood and early adulthood kind of forcing herself to get through it. Well, also because she didn't know what it was. But she got to a point where she is able to tune things out now as an adult. And she's able to... not notice things and not be bothered by them and she's just like found this way to completely be zen and it's very uh it's exciting that that's potentially the future for us yeah to try to really tune things out and part of it might just be like um being really into what you're doing in the moment like you're starting to experience with some of the jobs you're at um Yeah.

Adeel [32:20]: I mean, like a broken record, I tell people before meals, just kind of like, you know, tell your brain before you start, sit down, before you sit down, like this is only going to be a 20, 30 minute thing. Like nothing's going to jump on you and, you know, maul you down. It's just some sounds. And yeah, like maybe focusing on something without maybe getting OCD or something about it.

Chloe [32:45]: But, you know, that was one of the things that I did in those in those big lectures that I hated was I would just go online. I would just be if everyone's on their computer, I can also be on my computer distracting myself with a screen, you know, like screens are good for helping. I think.

Adeel [33:03]: Yeah. Yeah. Right. And for this for stuff like this. Yeah. You take what you can get. When your mom was growing up, did she have supportive surroundings? Was it adversarial? I'm just curious if she remembers how things were for her when she grew up.

Chloe [33:22]: Yeah, she doesn't talk about it too much, but from what I know, I would assume that she kept it fully to herself, I think. Because I think she mentioned a couple times that potentially her parents might have shown certain signs that they also had some type of issue with sounds, but... i don't think that they ever spoke about it openly and she's also like you know similar to me very not wanting to impose on others very much wanting to you know fight her own demons on her own time so i i think that she just really just kept it fully to herself i think that was why she was so surprised when i was like i need help with this this is bad

Adeel [34:13]: Was she wondering, like, why don't you and Chloe just chill out?

Chloe [34:15]: Why don't you go to your room and just figure it out?

Adeel [34:17]: Yeah, just ignore it for the rest of your life like I did.

Chloe [34:21]: Yeah, exactly. She's like, look, it worked.

Adeel [34:24]: Yeah, exactly. Interesting.

Chloe [34:29]: Yeah.

Adeel [34:29]: And I guess, yeah, maybe, yeah, do you want to talk about some of the, you know, you're doing a lot of creative stuff. Is that, you said that that's kind of like... uh a distraction but it is also is it also do you feel like kind of like um i don't know it's kind of like a therapy in itself where you kind of do you find yourself putting your emotions in there maybe oh you're triggered earlier in the day and it's like you can kind of draw on that kind of whatever that emotion is and put oh definitely absolutely yeah especially with acting and singing specifically i'm i'm

Chloe [35:04]: I think they go hand in hand. I think it's fun to act when you're singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've definitely done a couple of auditions where I've been upset and then I've like cried in the audition in a scene where there's crying and been like, yeah.

Adeel [35:19]: Yeah, yeah.

Chloe [35:20]: That was useful.

Adeel [35:22]: Yeah, exactly.

Chloe [35:24]: No, it's really good. I'm a baseline and emotional person. I don't know if that... has anything to do with my misophonia or if I'm just like an emotional person, but it is nice to be able to kind of vent them out via an angry song or, you know, an upsetting scene, something where you can kind of allow yourself to experience those things and let it be okay and let it kind of come out, which for me is definitely what I, I always need to let it out. Otherwise I just can stay angry and upset for like days.

Adeel [36:00]: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let it fester. You consider yourself like a, like a, it's called like a highly sensitive person. Like you feel more self aware of not just how you're feeling. Yeah. But like how, you know, you're able to, I mean, it's to be a superpower. Like you're able to kind of read other people in the room a lot better. I don't know. I definitely sometimes feel like I kind of have a good command over what everyone's, you know, feeling.

Chloe [36:25]: Oh, absolutely.

Adeel [36:26]: Yeah.

Chloe [36:27]: And do you think, I mean, is it maybe because we're so attuned to what other people are doing at all times? Like we're listening to the sounds they're making. We're seeing if they've noticed that we're upset. We're seeing how they're, you know, I wonder if that's related at all.

Adeel [36:46]: think it's yeah i mean i think it's more general like hyper awareness of what's what's around it's like somehow maybe the way we grew up we were just um yeah as we were toddlers just going to preschool whatever just kind of somehow we were more attuned to the what other kids were feeling or what was yeah you know what parents and teachers maybe were thinking and feeling and then like somehow kind of like progressed into um maybe a hypersensitivity just to some of these things because obviously it's not just sounds i'm assuming you're uh you're glaring at people who are chewing gum from across from when you can't even hear them or eating oh yeah i i also have i also have mesokinesia so yeah right sadly yep so you know someone's shaking their leg sure i'm gonna notice that yeah i also i mean i also have like general social anxiety so i'm also really attuned

Chloe [37:40]: to other people in that way. Like, are, are they, do they hate me? Are they thinking something negative about me? Did I say something and someone's reacting poorly? You know, I'm definitely like very aware of other people.

Adeel [37:53]: So that part of it, and yeah, I mean, you can see how a lot of these things overlap. Does that, I mean, it's with kind of the vocations that you chose, that must be kind of, yeah, I mean, that's a lot to negotiate. I mean, sometimes it's going to be difficult. Yeah. And I mean, not just the chip guy in the back, but a lot of that stuff. But I mean, maybe there's some tools that you learned to get through that that can be useful for misophonia. Are there?

Chloe [38:21]: I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

Adeel [38:24]: You just let yourself kind of like take a break. I mean, I'm sure you take breaks many times whenever you need to. That's definitely a strength is being able to have that agency. I'm curious kind of how you go through all that.

Chloe [38:36]: Totally. I think that one is probably more of an age thing. I mean, I'm not 90 years old, but I am in my mid-20s.

Adeel [38:45]: I just talked to an 87-year-old, so that'll be coming out before this episode.

Chloe [38:48]: Did you really? Oh, I'm so excited to listen to that. Yay. Oh, that's going to be so interesting. I do think that I'm approaching that age where you kind of start to get a feel for who you are and how you can handle things. And you start to build up a little repertoire of... go-to helpful things. I think a lot of it is just remembering that I will always be meaner to myself than other people will. Always. Like that's... just a given i i'm always assuming that people don't like me i'm always assuming that i'm doing the wrong thing and really and truly 99 of the time that's not happening i'm a generally likable kind person but in my brain it's like you know a little war so yeah

Adeel [39:49]: Do you... I mean, I guess tangents are good. Do you find that that kind of ebbs and flows a little bit? Like, are there certain times of the day or... Because I actually had that last night where I couldn't... I just couldn't sleep because I didn't know just... I felt like, like, you know, everything I was doing was not good enough and people were going to get, you know. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, it's fine.

Chloe [40:10]: It happens every once in a while.

Adeel [40:11]: It's the worst. No, I empathize, though. Yeah, yeah. But I'm sure I joked about it and laughed about it to myself and went to sleep, though. Oh, absolutely. But yeah, it's... yeah and for actually for a while there was uh many years i think especially in college where it was like if i woke up between the hours of 4 a.m and 6 a.m i knew i was going to be super depressed all the all the everything i think about is super depressed and then as soon as it hits 6 a.m somehow light bulb went on and i was like totally fine oh that's fascinating i don't know if it's something about that time but or oh that's so interesting do you know what for me it's if i under sleep or if i oversleep

Chloe [40:51]: If I don't sleep enough, you know, I think I made a meme about this recently, but, like, triggers are 15 times worse. My fuse is, like, a centimeter. Oh, yeah. You know, everything is upsetting. Everything is a problem. Right. And that is too little sleep. And then if I sleep too much, I'm like, okay, well, we all have... this one life on earth and I have spent it sleeping. I am a disgrace. Nothing will ever be accomplished in my lifetime. The pendulum swings quite far. Why is sleep so important? It really does seem to be very important for us.

Adeel [41:32]: yeah well for misophones or just uh yeah i think i mean that's when um it's not it's not just physical arrest it's it's it's like uh mental rest but also uh you know the short-term memory is going to long-term memories and i think your brain does a lot of like sweeping and vacuuming and stuff

Chloe [41:51]: Oh, I love that.

Adeel [41:52]: I think your brain is actually, I think, I don't know if I may be, well, no, I'm being completely scientifically accurate, but I think that maybe your brain is actually more active sometimes at night than in the daytime. You know, especially if you're just sitting around watching TV, but there's a lot that gets taken care of overnight, I think.

Chloe [42:13]: Isn't that cool?

Adeel [42:15]: Yeah.

Chloe [42:15]: Love that. That's so cool of our brains to do that for us. mm-hmm yeah big fan big fan little uh backup scheduled back up there um obsessed yeah i you know that's just like such a such an interesting thing about misophonia people and also just like humans in general the fact that we can be so hyper focused on certain things that maybe don't matter It's just like, evolutionarily, I always wonder, what was the point of making me stress about that conversation I had two weeks ago? Like, evolutionarily, what is, what's the end goal of that?

Adeel [42:58]: Well, evolution is like a lot of experiments. Like, it doesn't always go into one straight line. That's when, like, branches of people and maybe branches of characteristics and thinking thought processes die off. not that we're gonna miss phonia but i think i think i think part of it is um uh yeah i mean a lot of these feelings like these lizard brain feelings are just like uh ancient threat like real threat levels that you know threats that uh or are the part of our brain that is meant to recognize those threats and maybe it's just you know our brain is always evolving We were in this one little experiment of like, hey, what if I just freak out over every sound?

Chloe [43:39]: Yeah, everything. We're just in a simulation anyways.

Adeel [43:43]: Right. Well, that's the other way.

Chloe [43:46]: I think I was reading something recently or saw something somewhere about how... in ye olden times it was a lot about physical survival and now because we've kind of padded our existence with so much comfort like you know with homes and appliances and things made very easy for some of us that the new survival thing is social survival that's like the new thing that we're all tackling so everybody's trying to be the best at socialization and finding a partner through socialization and that that kind of seems to be where we're at i thought that was like i was like okay if that's the reason for my anxiety like sure i'll take it i'm i'm i'm down

Adeel [44:39]: yeah you know um and you know not to not to not to give the cliche that you know the world's accelerating and getting more kind of intense but i mean there is something about that where there must be a well maybe maybe there is a point where we're not you know our ability to evolve is being outpaced by the level of change and then we're just kind of like maybe short circuiting in some places and maybe we'll evolve eventually but there could be you know a lot of stuff has changed in the last hundred years in terms of sounds and our need to focus on things and it could be just that we're not maybe we're not keeping up and but yeah well it's a yeah interesting interesting to think about and oh absolutely i wonder if cave people had misophonia Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, all you heard back then was, what, a crackle of fire and the wind.

Chloe [45:35]: Well, I mean, I'm sure they didn't have eating manners.

Adeel [45:39]: And probably a lot of babies.

Chloe [45:41]: Yeah, right.

Adeel [45:41]: Right. I watched the Flintstones. There was not a lot of eating manners back in the day.

Chloe [45:46]: But there were babies, and they were cute.

Adeel [45:48]: Right, right.

Chloe [45:50]: Those Flintstone babies.

Adeel [45:52]: Yeah. Flintstones was probably before your time. I don't know if you have probably watched reruns.

Chloe [45:58]: I've seen a couple. I also, I don't know if this is telling of anything, but I ate Flintstone vitamins growing up.

Adeel [46:06]: Oh, hey, I did too. Yeah. Maybe there's something there. Should be my first question.

Chloe [46:12]: Oh no, they're causing me to vote.

Adeel [46:14]: What multivitamins did your parents give you when you were a kid?

Chloe [46:18]: We are just completely slandering a very good company and I'm here for it. They start getting letters like, what have you done?

Adeel [46:27]: Yeah, exactly. We pick it in front of the Flintstones. Yeah, I'll go.

Chloe [46:33]: I'll go. Support the cause.

Adeel [46:35]: Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I guess you were saying kind of, you know, in ye olde times, do you want to maybe kind of like briefly give a little shout out to some of your other ventures? I love the Historically Badass Barads, if I'm saying that correctly, podcast.

Chloe [46:53]: Yes, yes.

Adeel [46:54]: Amazing idea. And there are some that, yeah, there are some great ones. um thank you so much and how did yeah how did that come around and and you know as um yeah do you want to tell a little bit about that and i don't want to get into your youtube channel too oh goodness you're like my mom i appreciate it my mom's always like she does so much stuff you got to check it out um

Chloe [47:19]: It started similarly to the meme account. It was a friend, an actor friend, and she's a history buff. She studied history, specifically medieval history in college, if I'm getting that right. And she was kind of telling me about Henry VIII's wives when we were hanging out once, which in retrospect is funny. But I thought it was really interesting. i potentially because of misophonia didn't listen too much in my history class growing up there you know i wasn't a bad student but i i did have an active imagination and so i missed a lot of interesting stuff and and like she always says we also aren't taught that much about these really cool women in history they they just I don't know if there's no time on the syllabus or, you know, I'm sure there are other reasons, but we just don't really learn about them. And so we came up with the idea for a podcast where she would surprise me with a new person each month and kind of tell me about it. And I play the role of... the everyday man who doesn't know anything about this and is curious and wants to know more and we try to make it funny and interesting but honestly exactly the same thing we didn't really think anyone would listen to it and we really just did it for fun like in in on the floor of her apartment sharing a microphone like they didn't think too much about it but it it has kind of turned into its own thing as well which is really cool

Adeel [48:56]: Yeah. And bringing it back to a little bit to Misophonia, I'm sure we all Google historical people who may have had Misophonia.

Chloe [49:05]: Yes.

Adeel [49:05]: Have you, you know, there's suspicions of Kafka and Arnold Schopenhauer, the philosopher, Charles Babbage has whined about, you know. Because shit was really loud back then, you know, when you had horses around and all that stuff. Any interesting kind of findings pre-1900 or pre-1950? Pre-1950? I think Dickens maybe? Was Dickens one? There was... I feel like I may have seen that, yeah.

Chloe [49:37]: Right? There's something about that. There was also something about, and I'm blanking on their name right now, but the person in England, the prime minister of England, whose name I'm blanking on, like truly one of the most famous prime ministers. Oh, Churchill?

Adeel [49:58]: Yes.

Chloe [49:59]: Churchill. I think I read somewhere. I don't think that's pre-1900s, but Churchill.

Adeel [50:04]: No, no, yeah. Churchill was a big one.

Chloe [50:08]: There was something about, I read a story, and again, I'm not fact-checking any of this, so grain of salt. It's fine.

Adeel [50:14]: It's fact-checking very pre-2000s.

Chloe [50:18]: Yeah, who fact-checks anyways? There was a story about someone was walking outside his window whistling, and he was like, absolutely not.

Adeel [50:28]: And he started World War II.

Chloe [50:30]: Yeah, and that's actually a little-known fact, the cause of World War II, yeah. I think he made his servant go outside and make the person leave or something. He needed absolute quiet whenever he was doing anything. I don't know. I mean, if you're asking me, that seems pretty in line with this disorder.

Adeel [50:52]: Yeah, I don't know if I'd hurt Churchill. That'd be a big one. I mean, he was always knee-deep in whiskey, too, which is not a good thing to be on when you're very sensitive to triggers.

Chloe [51:06]: I think he also... There's something about... Just the fact that he was, like, so angry.

Adeel [51:13]: Yeah, yeah.

Chloe [51:15]: It's a good person to have in control. Right? Yeah, I wonder if he was, like, constantly being triggered and was like, I just can't take it anymore. Stop whistling.

Adeel [51:24]: Right, right.

Chloe [51:25]: There's also that thing about, like... can you imagine not being bothered by things it's like so far beyond my scope of under like there's a part of me that's like well of course he was bothered by whistling like that's not misophonia like that's just annoying for everyone but then I'm reminded time and time again that's actually not how people feel yeah

Adeel [51:44]: Yeah. It always amazes me when people say they were doing the, yeah. Like if they're making some weird sounds that it's like, oh, there's nothing wrong with them and just being completely normal. I just, I, my brain just cannot, uh, understand that. I mean, half of it wants to, half of it doesn't.

Chloe [51:59]: Absolutely. People who say like, oh yeah, that was a little annoying, but then I just like stopped paying attention to it. What? You stopped? You were, you were in control of stopping paying attention to it?

Adeel [52:12]: i think a lot of people also try to self-medicate as you know we've as i'm sure happens with um you know alcohol maybe churchill's was doing that or or or drugs have you ever tried to i don't know self-medicate on or or maybe i have honestly i have not i'm sure i well no i definitely shouldn't say that i i'm sure it would work that's a bad thing to say i i'm assuming it could work i think i i haven't tried it certain levels and certain types but yeah i i think it's rarely um yeah it really stays within within the useful level right and then if you become addicted and you can't be without it that's that's its own issue that is now beginning right exactly yeah yeah that isn't i mean the on the rare occasions that i've been drunk i don't think i've noticed misophonia but you know i'm sure there were i'm sure i was just focused on other things like a night out you know yeah it's usually loud yep well cool uh yeah we're we're heading into a about an hour um i don't i know we could go on well we might have to have you on another another point i know i always tell people um but uh yeah anything yeah anything else you want to show obviously we'll you know i'll have like yeah not that people need reminding but all the links to your accounts and and uh and whatnot um anything kind of else you want to you want to tell people as we uh you know about your your experience of the misophonian and and and maybe also based on what you've heard um in some of your dms

Chloe [53:57]: Oh, yeah. Honestly, I think the main thing that I try to tell people is that they're not as alone as they think they are. I think that's a really big thing. I think, not that that therapist was right, because I don't want to give her credit for anything, but it can be very isolating. Yeah, she's incorrect, but it can be very isolating, for sure. And something that I've heard a lot in my DMs is... I felt so alone. You know, the people in my life don't understand. And that makes me feel, you know, X, Y, Z. And I think something that I'm always trying to tell people is that it's so much more common than we think it is. I mean, I remember finding out that the Misophonia Reddit had like 40,000 people on it.

Adeel [54:45]: Yeah, yeah.

Chloe [54:46]: and to think that those are the people who looked it up and found it that specific page you know there there's so many other people who don't know what the name for it is don't know if they have enough of a problem with sounds to identify with it you know don't even think that that it's like not even in in their brain but they definitely have it i mean it is so much more common than we think it is and at least for me that that just makes me feel so not alone so much more understood so much more validated so much happier in a way again i'm really not happy that people have it but like No, I know what you mean. Like happier that we can all commiserate and understand. And also, I mean, huge shout out to what you're doing with your podcast because hearing firsthand experiences from people who have it, people who are talking about things that they don't think even matter, like even just like little things that they mention while they're talking to you have stuck out to me so much and meant so much to me where I'm like, I identify with that. I thought that that was just me. That's crazy. You know, I think things like that can really be comforting. And also the fact I might I also like the first thing I did was I binged all of the episodes where you had some type of psychologist or like professional on and hearing about the research being done and the people who are taking it seriously, even if they're not being paid, which is like. The goodness of their hearts is incredible, but like knowing that people are taking it seriously, knowing that it's real, knowing that you can come talk to me and my DMs. I'm sure, you know, a lot of people are very happy to talk about it because I mean, this is an example. I've been talking about this like nonstop for an hour. I'm like, yeah, I'm just so excited to talk about it because I'm so embarrassed about it. Otherwise, you know, I'm like grappling with that. But like to talk to people who understand. like feel free to reach out to people there are people who understand there are people who can give you tips on what to do there are people who know the difficulty that you're going through and you know you don't have to feel like it's your own struggle i think that's that's like the number one thing i always try to tell people because it's so moving when you when you really realize how true it is

Adeel [57:13]: Yeah, great words. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Chloe [57:18]: And also memes, you know, laugh at memes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, use it.

Adeel [57:21]: I try to tell people like that. Yeah, laughing about it helps. And the fact that a musicon is doing things to make people laugh, I mean, that's huge. So thank you for everything you're doing. And yeah, you're helping a lot of people. This conversation is going to help a lot of people too. Wow. Wasn't that great? Thank you, Chloe. Yes, maybe later this year or next, we'll have to have you back on. If you liked this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. You can hit me up by email at helloatmissiphoniapodcast or go to the website, It's even easier just to send me a message on Instagram, in my DMs at missiphoniapodcast. Follow there or Mr. Funny Podcast on Facebook. Support the show if you can by visiting Patreon at slash mrfunnypodcast. Theme music as always is by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.