S6 E15 - 12/2/2022

S6E15 - Olivia

Olivia, an art student in Australia. Olivia is relatively new to learning about misophonia but of course, she has had it for years. We talk about possible relations to OCD and autism, using ASMR for positive sounds, misophonia grief, having an alpha-male dad and a lot more. There is a content warning, near the beginning of the episode there is talk of child on child molestation. 


Disclaimer: These are machine-generated transcripts and so are not completely accurate. However they will be manually updated over time until they are.

[00:00:00] Adeel: Olivia, welcome to the podcast. Good to have you here.

[00:00:03] Olivia: Thank you so much

[00:00:04] Adeel: for having. Yeah, I guess you signed up recently and I was just looking at the bottom it said you had just you just heard about Ms. Funner recently. Yeah. And actually first do you wanna tell us, tell us where you are, what you do in life?

[00:00:16] Olivia: Of course. So I'm actually in Australia Sydney, and I am a uni student studying fine arts. Yeah, that's pretty much where I am, where I'm at. Yes, that's correct. I've only recently discovered the concept of misophonia and that I

[00:00:35] Adeel: have it. Okay, and so how did you, how did you become aware of the term misophonia?

[00:00:41] Olivia: So I literally wrote into Google, why can I not stand normal noises and Mr. Phone.

[00:00:50] Adeel: So yeah you googled in why can't I stand normal noise? So you said normal noises, like some, a lot of times people put in the sounds of people eating, but you left like a general normal noises.

[00:01:00] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah, I did. Yeah. I might've said normal or everyday noises. And popped up. And as I was reading through it, I was like, no way. Yeah, you're joking and yeah that's how I stumbled.

[00:01:14] Adeel: And then obviously you immediately knew that you were that this was let's quickly, go back how long have you known that something was going on?

[00:01:21] Olivia: I always knew I had sensitivities to sound, but I always thought it was normal and a shared experience. So that's why I never looked into it like, . Looking back, some of my earliest memories are, the classic being in the car and but I just thought everyone experienced it and it wasn't until it was like truly really interfering with my studies and my work and my mental health was just absolutely declining.

I started like speaking out about it to my boyfriend and to one of my friends, and both of them went like, . I don't really know what you're talking about, but that doesn't sound like a fun time. and my world totally collapsed. I was like, what do you mean you don't know? Doesn't everyone go through this?


[00:02:10] Adeel: That's it's an interesting realization there when we realized, . Yeah. Yeah. We're alone. First of all, it must be oh my gosh. Because everyone ex expresses some of these sounds as being an annoyance, but we it's interesting that when we realize that no, we have it at a far greater level and nobody else experience very few people experience it at that level.

Yeah. So you said you had, Oh yeah. Classic. Trapped in a car kind of experiences. What was that, the, was that the first experience or how like, or was it like who maybe, who were your first triggers? Was it your typical family situation?

[00:02:44] Olivia: Actually after I did submit to come onto here, that's when I was like, okay, let me delve into a bit of my childhood, see if I can remember the first.

and I think I did figure out when it was. So it was even before being trapped in the car and stuff. And it actually went to when I was maybe seven years old and I had a friend and this is a bit of a trigger warning, but I did. Child and child molestation with this friend. And I realized like I, I always had to be very sensitive to the sound to make sure no one's coming or blah, blah, blah, things like that. And there was one night where she locked me in her bathroom and got me to do, the bloody Mary thing. when you say Bloody Mary in the mirror. Yeah.

Yeah. She got me to do that. And I'm only like seven years old. It was absolutely terrifying.

And it was the middle of the night. And anyways, when I finally was able to get out of the bathroom her great-grandmother was standing there and she was a I dunno if this is the, Term, but she couldn't speak she couldn't hear, so she was also deaf. And she was a chain smoker, so she was breathing really raggedly, just standing there in the dark, in front of the bathroom door.

And that was absolutely terrifying. Oh my God. It was a horror movie moment. And yeah, that sound of her breathing, I cannot like, express how much fear it filled me with. And I feel like it's ever since that experience in my life. was when I really, yeah. I became so sensitive to sound. Wow.

[00:04:24] Adeel: That is quite, yeah, quite a, definitely a formative moment.

That's, wow. I'm sorry. I had to go through all my, everything that kind of led up to that. Did. Wow. Okay. And then I guess, did the, did did the trigger start to then apply to everybody else? Was every. Breathing and eating, starting to bother you? Was it like a, I don't know, like a light switch that went off?

Or did it gradually increase? I'm actually

[00:04:55] Olivia: not sure. I feel like it was a bit of both. Everyone's breathing wasn't super triggering, but there was some for, I guess it was the loud ragged breath like snor. Absolutely started to mess with me. And there were things like my dad, his eating sounds and stuff like that.

That was the start. And that's when it also crossed into being in the car. Like I would hear my dad chewing on gum cuz he. Was an advent gum chewer. he'd be chewing gum or he'd be eating in the car or drinking. And I felt like I was, I wanted to claw my eardrums out. Yeah.

[00:05:33] Adeel: And after the sorry to go back to a little bit after the experiences with your friends, did you, were you, did you tell your family, did you tell anybody what happened?

I'm curious cuz you know there's been some discussion in the community, at least where I am. On like the idea of unprocessed memories unprocessed kind of traumatic memories being a factor. I'm curious if you were sharing your experiences with anybody at the time or if that was maybe later and maybe you were just, had all this stuff bottled up.

[00:06:02] Olivia: Yeah, it was definitely bottled up. , I think cause. A lot of, survivors from this talk type of trauma do tend to say they just know something's wrong. And that's what really happened to me. I knew something was wrong, but because I didn't understand what was happening and I of just went along with it, I felt like I had consented even though I was seven years old.

And therefore, like it was my fault that it happened. And so I didn't wanna tell anyone. I was like, I'm the one who's gonna get in trouble. So it wasn't until I was maybe like a around like maybe 13 years old, I started I spoke about it to my best friend and because we were still, so young, we just of went they're like, no way that happened.

That's so weird. And then when I hit around 15 and I had my first episode of Depress, and I was able to go to therapy. That was when I also started, I spoke up about it and yeah. So for a long time it was bottled up, but it I'm 19 years old, I'll be 20 into seven . But it wasn't until maybe like I was 17 or 18 that I really was able to, actually have that.

Full on me and say it wasn't my fault. But point being is that, yeah, no, all this time it's been with me and I feel like, yeah, maybe that was an implication and it just helped the misophonia fester, but I don't know.

[00:07:32] Adeel: And were you at the, until recently, until you found out Ms. Funny had a name, were you cons?

Did you. , these things parallel, like your misophonia and then everything else that was going on, like your depression, and there were, the aftermath of that experience did, were they separate in your head?

[00:07:47] Olivia: Yeah, they were definitely separate. Yeah.

[00:07:49] Adeel: It, not that I'm, oh, I wanna say, not that I'm necessarily connecting it to, but I'm just, brain.

We're brainstorming here on the podcast and just kinda yeah, of course. Thinking about an interesting correlation. Especially when you said that when you were, Thinking about it, getting ready for this show that you made you remember the the, I'll call her the creepy old lady and being triggered by that.

And did so you're, maybe let's go, maybe to your parents, you, your, as you're being triggered, what was the sound triggered? What was the how were people reacting to how were you actually maybe acting out? Like you said you wanted to rip your ear drums out, but. How were you reacting and how was your family reacting back?

Yeah, so

[00:08:27] Olivia: I did the classic, like I tried to subtly cover my ears with my, my elbow resting on a table and muffling my ear. Because I didn't have that experience where I felt like I could just cover my ears, which is interesting cuz I was a young child and I've heard people say, you're young so you know, like you don't know any better.

You'll just cover your ears. It's irritating you, but I remember it always doing it subtly and yeah, no one ever knew. Now that I've tried to explain it to my parents and people around me, they go, but you were normal. What do you mean this was happening?

[00:09:03] Adeel: Oh, so they didn't even really notice.

You really hit it.

[00:09:06] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent. Like I feel like it was so bottled up and So yeah, everyone says, they're like, I have no idea. And it feels like people around me are still trying to understand like that it's my

[00:09:20] Adeel: reality. So was there since you found out I had a name, you've been really speaking up about it with people around you, or was it a couple years ago?

I forget now. Yeah, no, it's

[00:09:31] Olivia: ok. No, like I never really spoke about, I don't, I think it might be an Australian brand, but there's these. , there's these earbuds called loop earplugs. Oh yeah. Oh, love them. And I bought them like a year and a half ago or so, cuz I saw them and I'm going, if you have na noise sensitivities.

And I was like, oh my God, I do. But again, because it's like, a lot of people are buying them. I thought it was, again, a shared experience and it wasn't to the extent that I experienced. , but I bought the earbuds and no one really around me knew. And I still didn't realize, like there were times when I was getting triggered, but I just plowed through it.

Like I didn't , I didn't respect my own I guess like sensitivities and irritation. Like I just tried to live with it. And so then it wasn't until it started getting so bad that I carried them around with me everywhere. I started using them more often and was like, This is really helping

And after I spoke to my boyfriend and that friend and they said I don't think that's normal. I wrote a list of everything that I'm experiencing cuz there was other things that have been really popping up, like intrusive thoughts. And I've had this thing with always having to bounce things out.

It was getting really bad where I can't walk down the pavement like easily. Because I'm so concerned about stepping on the wrong colored tile or a crack , if I bump one side of my arm, I need to bump the other side until it feels right. All of these things. So I wrote a list and I went to the doctor.

He said it sounded like I was possibly on the autistic spectrum. But in the last two months, I've been working with a psychologist and I've been diagnosed with O C D. And so this is all so new and there's been studies that show that misophonia links with Ooc D. So

[00:11:27] Adeel: yeah, definitely it seems like it's around the same family.

And there are research groups who investigate both of them. Yeah. And in the, these traits, these I don't want necessarily say traits, but these symptoms of O C D, like the balancing. The carefully walking on sidewalks, was that something that also just proliferated more and more recently or is that something that you also saw?

At a younger age as well?

[00:11:52] Olivia: I always saw it at a young age. For sure. All of these things that I do I remember. Like I would poke my sister in the back. I'm a younger, I'm the youngest kid, so I'd, be annoying, poke her in the back of the one hand, and then I'd feel so off balance and I'd get super anxious.

So I'd poke her with my other hand to balance it out, and then my sister would turn around and be like, oh my God, stop touching me. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I just had to balance it out. Like I knew I had these traits, but again, I thought it was normal. I didn't realize other people don't Typical. Have it.

It was just, I guess it started getting so bad where like in the past? Yeah, like this past year. The last nine months or so was when I found it got to a really big high and yeah, like I, I I couldn't forget about it because there's some times where I wouldn't. I stepped on a crack because I'm talking to a friend or I didn't realize I hit my arm so I don't have to bounce it out.

Cuz I'm distracted. But it became where it's like taking up my whole day and that's, so that's when I spoke up about it. Yeah, it's interesting that it's always been there, but it only just recently

[00:13:02] Adeel: would you say your, family life growing up your sister and your parents was pretty normal relatively uneventful and stable and whatnot, or was there any other, chaotic moments or like tough conditions other than obviously the the experience with your friend?

[00:13:15] Olivia: It was a bit normal, but of course there were some things that came up. Like my dad, he's. Trigger for me. Because he does like to be loud, he likes to be alpha male and so I remember he would yell and, use vulgar language when he was angry or we were in trouble cuz he said like it, like he said, in order for you to.

and to learn and to actually listen to me. I need to be loud and I need

[00:13:46] Adeel: to that makes total sense. I'm just kidding. That's Terri, that's I'm

[00:13:49] Olivia: right. That's terrifying. Yeah it was really scary. Like he, it's not, I say scary, but I want to clarify that. He was never really he, I don't know, I don't know how to express that.

I wanna clarify that he's not, a bad parent. He just had the wrong tools and used them wrong. And so I was always so absolutely. Yeah it really just, it was a big part of my upbringing.

[00:14:19] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. And was it often like a would always, would it often maybe switch pretty drastically from very, happy.

Yeah normal and then suddenly something switched.

[00:14:32] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah. It was definitely like that. Like I, yeah, like my dad can be the most sweetest understanding dad in the world. He'll help me financially if I'm in stock or if , like if with things that he can help with, I guess in the, , like I said, money or needing things for school or, when I first bought my car, like he can help me with things like that.

when it came to emotional things and my mental health and stuff, he was the dad who said you can just think positively and manifest it and Yeah. Snap out of it. And yeah. And he's especially when I had. Depressive episode. He's he's the dad who said it's just a switch.

Like you need to flick it. And he's you're not sad, happy. You manifest it. There's no reason to be sad. And that became my internal voice. And so when I went to therapy for the first time, I told him I feel like there's two sides in my brain. One side knows I'm not meant to be sad. And it's really frustrating cuz there's nothing to be sad about.

I'm smart, but the other side just can't help it. No matter what I just can't pick myself up. And they were like, Olivia, do you realize that other side of your brain isn't actually a friend? And it's a bit toxic, like it shouldn't be yelling at you. So yeah, that's it was a big moment for me to have to unlearn all the things my dad said that I just didn't actually find.

[00:15:54] Adeel: Yeah. Has he has tune changed at all or is it similar kind of tools? , for lack of a better word? Yeah.

[00:16:01] Olivia: Pretty similar to be honest. He came a bit more around, like I saw him showing more emotion when his father, my grandfather passed away. And I remember cuz I held him while he.

And I was so blown away. I was like, oh my God, my dad's showing emotions. This is crazy. And when my grandfather's brother passed away in England, I was the one who went with my dad and flew over there. I helped him write his eulogy. And he also, he was crying so much. He was the only person who cried giving his speech.

And I went around walking with him in the graveyard and I was like, oh my God. I'm teaching my dad it's okay to have emotion. I put that on myself. So yeah, it's been crazy. Fascinating.

[00:16:45] Adeel: Was he close to his dad, just outta curiosity? Uhhuh, yes. Okay. Very close. Okay. Interesting. Okay. And topic, how was your, do you any, I don't know, any stories of your what was your grandfather like, especially to your dad?

Was he, did you know your grandfather? .

[00:17:01] Olivia: Yeah. Like he passed away when I was, I think maybe around 13. So I remember at least from my memories of him, he was very artistically inclined as well as like logically, which my dad is my dad's a logical, straightforward thinker. And, but he's also pursues the fine arts like I do.

And I got that from both of them. I love literature, I love mathematics, and I love fine arts. So I really bonded with both my dad and my grandfather. And they also had a bit of a construction company together. Like they'd do the plans for houses and they. Serving the community together, doing volunteer work and stuff.

So they were really bonded in that aspect. Gotcha.

[00:17:46] Adeel: And how's your mom and your sister while you were going through a lot of this stuff? As a teenager? Yeah. And still teenager, but,

[00:17:53] Olivia: My sister, funnily enough, was the complete opposite to me, where I was known to be the drama queen and the crybaby.

She was the one. Was viewed as more emotionally in control because she'd control her emotions, but she was actually bottling them up. And it got to a point where she's told me in her teenager years, she'd go, I want to cry. Like I feel sad, but I can't cry. And she'd try and force herself to cry to relief and she couldn't.

and I learned that this is actually common with emotionally immature parents. I went after I took talked to my new therapist about my dad, like for one session she told me to read this book called Emotionally Immature Parents, and she was saying kids like who have emotionally immature parents, usually one of them or usually you get one of the two where one.

Doesn't expresses their emotions, doesn't know how to control it in that aspect, or one bottles us up, bottle, bottles it up and doesn't know how to control it in that aspect. Yeah, it's

[00:19:01] Adeel: fascinating. Yeah, absolutely. And what yeah, and your, was there was your, so obviously your sister was experiencing some of the.

Moments of anger or whatever that your dad was expressing, , was she getting the same, basically suck it up, get over it, whatever she was, whatever she would go through.

[00:19:17] Olivia: Like in, in regards, if my dad would say that to her, Yeah. Yeah. She, because she didn't really express the emotion in the first place, ah, he was actually praised.

My dad would say, oh, you're so good. You're not, you are not crying at this, or You are not doing this. You are not, oh boy. She got the praise. And then I got the reprimanding. But we both grew up and it was very toxic for the both

[00:19:41] Adeel: of us. Interesting. and I guess, yeah. Let's talk about maybe school.

It sounds like you're obviously, doing quite well. Did it start to affect basically yeah. being schooling in class or the kind of friends you hung out with?

[00:19:54] Olivia: Yeah, so the friends I hung out with were really down to earth, nice people. At least my last formative years as the group, got smaller Like my best friend who's still my close friend to this day, he loves the music.

So we definitely we always listen to music. So again, I'm. like, I absolutely love music. I can't do anything on the side of making it. I'm not musically inclined. I just really appreciate it. So in regards to like sound, we were very soft spoken, very grounding which was super healthy for me.

And so when there were the other people in my grade, which was really small, I graduated year 12 with 40 people in my class. And. So if someone was being loud, they were heard and there were so many people who wanted attention, of course. And oh it absolutely drove me up the wall. So I would run away to the bathroom to try and de stimulate without really knowing it.

I just knew I felt off and I wanted to go have a breather. And there were times as well when working towards, we call it the HSC exams, exams that, see if you can go into uni. Correct. There were times where we'd be studying in class and it was like super quiet cuz if you talk you'd get zero.

And I'd hear the slight taps of the teacher's shoes walking in the room and then she'd be like cleaning the whiteboard. I'd hear the spray and hear her wiping the board. And to me it like was so nice. I felt like I had the tingles down my spine. I was gonna fall asleep like those. I found like it, like I didn't know why, but I just felt so good.

[00:21:29] Adeel: Interesting. So those were positive kind of sounds.

[00:21:32] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And I found that as AK is a really nice outlet for me. Because before that I thought Asma was like quite weird. I thought it was only for. Sexual purposes because of the, like whispering and mouth down, right?

But when I started actually delving into it in like in year, like in my high school years I found ones, without mouth sounds and specific sounds like it, I love and it helped me fall asleep as well as brown noise. I love the sound of brown noise Yeah, those things I found in high school and I'd be able to pop my, like earphones in school and just listen to that.

So I actually didn't find a lot of triggers at school for me.

[00:22:21] Adeel: Oh, that's great. Yeah. And this brown noise. There will be in, in the background of this podcast when, what is the interview when it goes live, so people listening will, will hear. Yeah, just kinda, it just kinda masks.

Yeah, it just masks all those kind of, I cut it, I cut out as much as I could of any obvious triggers as we're talking. But then the bad noise is a good backup in the background. It's also good for people who are listening maybe to this on the, on a bus or something, or, outwear or eating and it's good to like help be that kind of default.

No, a

[00:22:52] Olivia: hundred percent. I love it. When I was listening to the podcast, I knew, I'm like, is that brown noise? Oh yeah. I was so happy. ,

[00:23:00] Adeel: so love the only podcast that has brand noise in the background. What about a visual triggers too? Did that start to happen for you as well?

[00:23:07] Olivia: Definitely.

Again, I didn't really realize it, but a hundred percent, and I think it might be linked a little bit to my O C D as. Like for example, when a teacher would sneeze into their hands I would be absolutely beyond myself. And, I couldn't, I saw them, touching their thighs and then touching the papers and their laptop.

And I, and so I like this happened to me even two weeks ago at uni, and I put my earbuds in so I couldn't hear her sneezing, which was awesome. But I could see her sneezing or like cough. and I was still losing my mind, so I had to close my eyes or look away, and I was like, this is so annoying.

Like what? If I see something and it bothers me, I try and close one eye to not see it. And this has been happening for a long time where I'd close an eye or I'd put my hand up to try and block something outta my vision. But I didn't realize it was weird or like unusual to do. Yeah, I definitely know visual triggers are a thing for me.

[00:24:11] Adeel: Yeah. It's not unusual for us, but

[00:24:14] Olivia: Yeah, exactly. I guess I yeah.

[00:24:16] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah, no, that's interesting. Any, anything like a a touch on a trigger? Some people get, I dunno, triggered by certain sounds or Oh, sorry. Or feelings like yeah. rumbling of some sort, I don't know. Or bass going through walls.

[00:24:31] Olivia: Oh, me too. I definitely get that and I always, I try to explain it to people as like having unsafe and safe touches. If I feel a bass in the car, like my boyfriend, he loves to listen to hard style music and rap and all of that, but if he turns it up too loud, it not only. makes me panic from the noise, but the feeling of the face it just yeah, no it like instills me with rage and also fear.

But I do also have the safe touches in the sense like if I accidentally scratched my like ring. on a metal fridge when I'm like opening the fridge door, I would be so disgusted and I'd like, yeah, I had a hoodie on. I'd scratch the hoodie cuz it's like a safe material. Until I feel better .

[00:25:19] Adeel: So that's interesting cuz I That sounds like something I would do too.

Yeah. Yeah. I never really noticed that.

[00:25:25] Olivia: Okay. I know, and apparently, like when I told the doctor that when I

[00:25:29] Adeel: first started, I know what you mean by uncomfortable feelings for sure. That yeah. That what you described would definit. be one of those.

[00:25:36] Olivia: Yeah, exactly. And it's so interesting because I know some people will go Ooh, that was an irritating feeling.

For us to have

[00:25:42] Adeel: a safe, I would be thinking about it for hours and days. , I know.

[00:25:46] Olivia: Exactly. So I have to like, Scratch a safe thing. Like a blanket or a hoodie. Yeah. Or something like, and it even happens in shopping, like in shopping markets. Like I went the other day and they, I love ceramics and those really nice bowls and plates and I felt one, and it had an awful texture too.

So very gross. And I was like, like I felt so bad. So I had to go and I was like touching my boyfriend's shirt to feel. I like, I feel a bit funny doing it, but it's the only way I can feel better. Yeah.

[00:26:19] Adeel: How do so how does your boyfriend react to it? How did you tell him maybe in, in the first place and how does he how does he deal with it, deal with your your condition

[00:26:29] Olivia: Yeah. Honestly, he's been an absolute angel, thankfully. , which is something I always admired in him, like straight off the bat. He's always been very accepting and supportive of my things, which was the complete opposite to the other male in my life, my dad, who would , break down all of my experiences.

But when I first, he said he always noticed I was more sensitive to sound and stuff than others, but, so when I explained it to him like that I have this, kind of condition. Totally. Like he didn't think about it twice. And from there, if we're out in public and he hears a sound that he thinks is irritating or he knows irritates me, he either gets out my earbuds for me or he'll draw me into his chest and cover my ears like a kr.

And it's I find it really beautiful and I definitely don't take it for granted. So he, yeah, he's been really good and he's. Also being eager to learn about things that trigger me so he can avoid it. Or if we're in the car and he really wants to listen to rap or something like, he's getting tired and he needs something to boost him up to try

So he will just try and keep it down so the base isn't too much and he'll I'll, he'll tell me to get the earbuds out and if it, if I ask him to turn it down a little bit, he will. So he's really respect.

[00:27:48] Adeel: Did any, so you said you, it sounds like you're using earbuds more. Are you using earbuds?

Like active sounds in your ear is now more than like the loop plugs or earplugs, which just basically diminished sounds.

[00:28:00] Olivia: Half and half. I'm mainly use my my loop ebl earplugs because I. Still good so I can still talk to people. And having that reduction of sound, I feel like I can cope with that.

So it is mainly the loop earplugs I go to. And I usually like, I can wear them for a whole day, like at work. I'll just wear them for the whole shift and people come up, go, oh, I like your earring. And I'm like, huh. Thank you. Yeah, I've been showing some of them look quite good. Yeah, they do cuz I like to wear gold jewelry.

So I have the gold duke ear bugs, so it looks like an earring. And I've been showing it to people now and go, yeah, I have this cause I have misophonia and I'm trying to like, educate people if they are interested. ,

[00:28:43] Adeel: do you get any negative feedback on misophonia?

[00:28:46] Olivia: Thankfully I haven't come across anything except for of course.

Your dad? My dad. And yeah, my mom's quite supportive, but she just doesn't really, again, she thinks I'm like, she's Olivia, you're normal. I don't understand that you have this thing. But I think she's just confused, but yeah, like they're the only people who are a bit Yeah.

[00:29:07] Adeel: Confused . Yeah. Yeah. It's a hard, it's a hard thing for people to, at least in 2022 for. wrap their head around something that is, sounds like a normal annoyance, but is on a far higher level. Yeah. Interesting. And so what do you do? Yeah, what do you, what do you do for work? And I'm curious actually about actually yeah, maybe start with kind your art.

I'm always curious about art and creativity. How so many of us are in creative fields. Yeah. Have you ever do you feel like, have you ever, I don't know expressed anything about your MyPhone through your art intentionally or maybe even not intentionally, but you thought about it afterwards?

[00:29:45] Olivia: Yes, I have actually. So this is a little bit of a fun, fun thing, but to answer your first question for work, I currently tutor kids, which can be a whole trigger on its own sometimes. And I also, I say kids, but they range from eight years old to 18. And I also do. As I don't know if you know the brand, it's called Mecca.

And they've been really supportive too. Cause I ended up talking to my manager only a couple weeks ago about how my mental health is not really in the best place. And, I wanna make sure it doesn't affect my work performance because I'm very much on I'm always talking to customers. I'm.

Yeah. No matter where I am, I'm talking to people and there's loud music going because it's a shopping center, all makeup and skincare, fragrance, like it's a very busy environment.

[00:30:40] Adeel: Stimulating, very stimulating.

[00:30:41] Olivia: Yeah. Very stimulating. And so I told my, my my store manager, and she was beyond supportive, which was, I'm so grateful for, she was like, even if there's days where you feel so overstimulated and you can come in the back, you can take your apron off and you can just do organized stock and stuff.

So yeah, I'm very grateful.

[00:31:02] Adeel: Very cool. Okay. Yeah that, that sounds great. Actually, I was curious, just to confirm, in some school you weren't really bothered, did you ever ask for accommodations at any point? In, in. ?

[00:31:14] Olivia: No, I didn't. I wanted to because there were times where I'd be in the exam and someone would be chewing gum or someone will be tapping their pen or their foot.

And even the visual trigger of people like shaking their leg like it, it drove me insane. But I just felt like I couldn't ask for help. And unfortunately he too, I think to get those amendments, you do need a lot of the paperwork and.

[00:31:40] Adeel: So it's bit of a lot more level of work to get accommodations


[00:31:43] Olivia: Australia.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. At least from what I know you needed to get maybe your doctor to approve it. And because I hadn't realized that sound and visual things trigger me. I I knew it did, but I didn't realize it was, like an actual thing. I never bothered to go look for that, and I just stuck.

[00:32:03] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it, coming back then, yeah. I'm curious to hear about art and what you're doing for art and how you might be combining that with misophonia.

[00:32:12] Olivia: Yeah. So at the moment I am just doing painting and I'm still tossing up between ceramics and photography.

But I wanted to go into sound production for a long time because I think the art of making sound is so beautiful and making ambiances and stuff, and I might even go into it in the future, but when. First delved into it was when I was in high school. And in, for my last year I did this class called Extension English two, where you have to make a project.

That's what the whole class is for. There's no studying. Like I just have to make a project, whether it be like a poem or a short story or something like that, even a short video. And I ended up making a storytelling like podcast. And in that I incorporated a lot of sounds ambient sounds or, footsteps or like crickets chirping, things like that.

And I narrated it and I had all of that noise and because I was trying to speak about how powerful noise is with immersing, immersing and stuff, and. It also led from an experience I had maybe a year prior where I just have I guess small ear canals that can get blocked very easy. And I went on for like over a year where my ears were totally blocked up with EW acts, which I didn't know at the time, but I knew it was blocked up.

So I had like a natural Yeah. Yeah, for the longest time it's organic. So yeah, literally . And I would tell people, cuz I did at the time, I struggled to hear people, a friend would whisper to me in class and I couldn't hear them or the teacher was talking, I couldn't hear them properly.

And it was a really, like even a mental. And I'd tell people and like my parents to try and get help, and they're just kept disregarding it for some reason. And one day I came to my mom, I'm like, mom, if I told you, my eyes were like, my ver my vision was blurry, you probably take me to the optometrist stage, like straight away.

So when I'm telling you that I can't hear properly, why you, like, why aren't we doing something? It's really bothering me. So we finally went and went to an. Doctor, and he got all the EACs out and everything was like so crisp. Like I, I like started crying instantly when I could hear things. And I remember like walking outside for the first time and I like could hear the.

The flutter of the birds flying above and there was a water fountain there and I heard a trickling and someone spoke to me like on my left and they were speaking to someone from my right. So it was like, I did a whole turn cuz I could hear people like eight D around me.

Yeah. And so from the, I was like, wow, sound is so cool. And it's. I guess it, it can be, it's quite important or it's just so beautiful and that's what I really wanted to portray in that. And so I do want to now continue that journey with trying to capture a sound. And now I have this misophonia aspect too, where it can not only be beautiful, but can, it can, it can hurt people in a way.

[00:35:29] Adeel: What's the pod, this podcast you said? You were trying to, you doing some storytelling was, it, was, were you trying to, were you did you, had you written like a fictional story of some sort? Or was it I would love to hear it first of all, but it, was it you narrating or describing sounds?

Maybe talking about sounds.

[00:35:45] Olivia: I, it's actually, it was like more of a narrative, like fiction story. If I can find it, I'll send it through, but I it wasn't the original plan I wanted to go through. Unfortunately. I did have, my teacher was saying, oh, this probably won't get the best marks.

You need to change it this way and this way. So I'm more into something that I'm still very proud of what I created, but it wasn't like what I. In the first place. So I hope to still create that original one I wanted to do. Yeah. But yeah,

[00:36:15] Adeel: no, I'd love to hear that. It's interesting, the obviously a lot of us are artists.

The episode that I, that's coming out actually this week probably I need to actually edit it after this after my call with you, but it's with a composer Marcello who. He does a lot of avant garde compositions. Think, like 20th century kind of John Cagey kind of stuff.

12 tone more abstract kind of music. But he, but with, piano and voice and whatnot. But he's got some pieces that are actually on YouTube where he actually incorporated subtly some of his triggers in the com. Which I think is fascinating and it's quite beautiful. And in your paintings too, have you I don't know, tried to capture anything about, the feelings or maybe what are the themes?

Some of the themes in general of the stuff you're creating?

[00:36:58] Olivia: I haven't really delved into Misson yet. , but my biggest I guess release in painting is actually So I think it would be beautiful to an get the grief of, feeling with this noise and being able to miss some moments and or I've heard stories on here, which absolutely broke my heart.

How, it can ruin families or, oh yeah. Other relationships or even paths of life you wanna go down and like it. I'd love to capture that. But yeah, my paintings at the moment have been a lot of. Yeah. Remembrance of people I've loved who've passed, or other people, like someone I will know would have a loved one pass away in my the way I grieve and I process it is to like paint.

So that's my ongoing theme at the moment. But I do want to definitely, like I have so many ideas of other like realms to explore as well. I. The body and femininity as well. I do, I started a podcast called Heavenly Feminine, and it's all about, taking your power back as a female and learning from one another cuz just like you do on this misophonia podcast, I think it's really a special thing to be able to share each other's stories.

And I just, I'm all about that. I love it. That's

[00:38:15] Adeel: my, yeah. That's amazing. I, we should get to, I'll definitely get the link to that podcast and link to it in the show notes. That's, that sounds amazing. Yeah. And yeah, those are, yeah, really interesting. I was gonna ask something about that. Oh yeah, no, actually I was gonna, you, so painting of the, and you'd also mentioned ceramics and photography.

Really, I'm also like, actually mean a lot of people are very interested in photography. Wanted to produce , pursue it at certain moments. What do you try to capture with photography? Do you have any things that are kind of themes for you in photography?

[00:38:44] Olivia: With photography, I've only had the chance to really capture, I guess everyday life.

Stills like still life. Just people I know or people in the street. But my ideal would be able to one day work in like a studio and do more of that. I actually dunno what it would be called, but you know how like I love the kind of weird photography. If a model is standing in a weird like position like an unnatural stance, I think those are so beautiful.

getting creative with that. I don't know. I can link my Pinterest board on the things I like. Sure. I, yeah I, that's what I of like to capture with photography and with ceramics. It's only at the moment, like I, I just feel like, I think it's such a safe touch to me, like working with clay and stuff.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. And getting Messy. I love that. Like whenever I paint, I love to be covered in paint by the end. Like it , it just paint me so much excitement and pleasure. And that's why I also love Yeah, like sculpting, sculpt, like sculpt making and stuff. Yeah. I haven't really dealt with too many themes in that aspect, but that's why I'm so excited cuz I feel like it's just the beginning of my journey.

I'd love to be able to capture so many important messages through my art.

[00:40:10] Adeel: Yeah, that's amazing. I hope you do. Let's maybe maybe wind it down around that note, but I do wanna just give you the chance to, if there's any, anything else you wanna share with people listening.

I know you're relatively new to the concept of Miss Sonia and the Miss Funny podcast in general, but I, yeah. Any and anything else you wanna share with people? I know this is gonna help a lot of people. This conversation. Yeah. Thank you.

[00:40:32] Olivia: I think the last thing I'd, I like to say, which is also speaking to myself, would be to learn to give yourself grace and also respect yourself and the feelings you have.

Although feelings aren't always fact, if you are noticing you're feeling triggered, like respect that, or if anything comes on, learn to respect yourself and to give yourself that.

[00:40:55] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm learning that myself and trying to think of that more, more and tell other people to lead with self-compassion, , because a lot of us, what I'm, what I've heard over and over is as I'm sure you've heard, a lot of us have had things in the past which were difficult and we just never got over it. Yeah. Whether we knew it or not. So, And then we, and then on top, , we'd react with their misophonia, we'd get piled on with the shame and the step out of it thing.

So I think we all deserve some sort of compassion and yeah, a little bit of know, I don't wanna say selfishness, but yeah, if you need to if you need to react on, maybe just let your emotions come out 1, 1 1 way or the other and give yourself some grace.

Cuz we weren't really taught how to deal. Exactly. Yeah. Olivia, this has been amazing. Thanks for coming on and yeah, I know this is gonna help a lot of people.

[00:41:42] Olivia: Thank you so much for having

[00:41:43] Adeel: me. Thank you again, Olivia. If you like this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast.

You could hit me up by email at hello miss po podcast.com, or go to the website miss po podcast.com. It's even easier to send a message on Instagram at misson podcast. And most my Facebook and Twitter of course, support the show by visiting the patreon patreon.com/podcast. The music, as always is by mob.

And until next week, wishing peace and quiet.