S6 E16 - 12/8/2022

S6E16 - Ben H.

Ben is a high school sophomore in Utah. Ben’s miso got significantly worse this past year and so he’s been grappling with that at school. We talk about his efforts to voluntarily try exposure therapy as a way to habituate to triggers, self-triggers, improv theatre and some lessons it brings for dealing with miso, plus we talk about miso and the holidays as well as talking with his grandfather about PTSD from war experiences, and what he thinks of Ben’s miso. 


Disclaimer: These are machine-generated transcripts and so are not completely accurate. However they will be manually updated over time until they are.

[00:00:00] Adeel: Welcome Ben to the podcast. Good to have you here. Thank you. It's good to be here. Yeah, I, the one question I usually ask regularly up front is where are you

[00:00:08] Ben: located?

Oh currently I'm in Salt Lake City, Utah. Oh, okay.

[00:00:13] Adeel: Cool. Great. And yeah. What do you do there?

[00:00:15] Ben: Currently I'm a student. I'm a sophomore in high school right now. Yeah. Very

[00:00:20] Adeel: cool. Yeah, I've had a, actually, I don't know, it's been a while since I've had a high school. I've had a number of college students, but but yeah, we've definitely had some in the past, so this should be quite interesting.

Yeah. So I guess, how are things for, so obviously school is on, what are we, yeah. First month of school. How has it been so far this

[00:00:37] Ben: year? It's been it's been different this year. Not in terms. The actual school con content. But I suppose just jumping straight into things yeah.

Yeah. My misophonia is like it's grown worse over the summer, so coming back to school is difficult this year.

[00:00:52] Adeel: Ah. Over the summer it got worse. How

[00:00:54] Ben: I'm not sure what really prompted it, but I know, excuse me, I noticed that. , as summer progressed and as it got closer to school I was just noticing more and more things, more and more sounds, I was getting triggered by a lot more.

And now that school has started, I feel like it's my misson has evolved to more than just, traditional triggers. It's it's now it's going into like speech patterns and like things that you wouldn't really consider triggers.

[00:01:23] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah, some people have, all kinds of triggers could be triggers to words, it could be triggers to obviously visuals or sometimes touch, things like that.

Yeah while maybe not super common, there are, it's not unheard of to have kinda quote unquote unusual triggers. But o over the summer was there anything unusual about, or anything extra stressful maybe or that you can.

[00:01:44] Ben: Not nothing really out of the ordinary. I started working for the first time.


[00:01:50] Adeel: okay. Okay. And how was what kind of work environment was it?

[00:01:53] Ben: So I, instead of working for, some big company, I I guess the easiest way to explain it is I run a small business. I make products out of wood and. Nice 3D printing things and I sell them at local festivals yeah, like maker affairs and online sometimes too.

[00:02:09] Adeel: .

Very cool. And oh, that's great. And then so when you do that, I guess you're doing it on your own, right? So it's not it's not like you're sitting in an office around a lot of other people. Yeah. Okay. So that's probably not necessarily, yeah, that's interesting cuz yeah, I would think that's actually.

would maybe have helped because it gives you more alone time. It gives you a little bit of an outlet. And yeah maybe let's go in, let's go, let's rewind even further to like early days for you, which I guess if you're a sophomore in high school, it's not much far back, but when do you notice things starting up for you?

[00:02:38] Ben: I've always. Little or I don't know, maybe eight or nine. I would specifically, I wouldn't classify it as the pain I feel when I get triggered nowadays. , but I would get really on edge about the way my sister ate. , I would just, I would Why are you eating like that?

And in, in the years after I, I'd forgotten about that. Let's see, maybe last spring of 2021. , I I started having these feelings. Of, rage and like uncontrollability and just pain when I heard eating noise. Was it

[00:03:11] Adeel: more than just your sister now?

[00:03:14] Ben: Yeah, it the main person in my family was my dad. And, it was all I could focus on when I was, at the table or watching TV if he's eating in the other room. Like I could not handle it and I didn't understand why at the

[00:03:26] Adeel: time. And about Ron, what age were you at this point?

[00:03:28] Ben: Let's see, I was 14 at the time.

[00:03:31] Adeel: Oh, okay. Okay. Gotcha. And what time, how old were you again when your sister was

[00:03:36] Ben: bothering you? I don't remember exactly, like probably nine ish.

[00:03:40] Adeel: Yeah. So typical age range or for that initial trigger. And then you, wow, interesting. So you didn't, then, you didn't notice it for a while until around age 14 with your dad?

Yeah. What about at school? Was it were you noticing anything unusual at. ?

[00:03:54] Ben: Not really. My my school is like the class sizes are on the smaller side, so and we eat lunch in a big open space, so there's lots of sound that isn't eating noises, talking and Yeah. Scraping chairs and stuff.

So no, there wasn't really any noticeable triggers at school at the.

[00:04:14] Adeel: So then, okay, so then as when your dad is starting to trigger, which I mean around 14th, that must have been just like within the last couple years, right? Yeah. Yeah. So did you tell them your parents, your, I mean your family?

[00:04:28] Ben: I wasn't super vocal about it. I expressed like it's confusing. Yeah. Confusion. I had talked to my mom and my sister about it a couple times. But I didn't really bring up anything any disorders or anything until I started doing research on my own. Yeah. And that's most of the stuff that I learned on my own hobbies and things and stuff for my job I learned through, researching on the internet.

So I've gotten good at it. at the time. What I was doing is I was, looking into various things that could cause the feelings I was having. , I got into mostly stuff about either autism or misophonia. Yeah. And it felt like misophonia was like, that was it, that was what was causing me all this pain.

And so I brought that up to my parents and they were very, , I love them very much. It was, I don't think it's an easy thing to have your child confront you about, pain that you might be indirectly causing. , it's a tough conversation. , but, they were awesome about it.

So I just, I, and then after that I lived with it for a couple months. I didn't tell my friends or people at school. I was just, I was like, embarrassed that I was feeling this way. It does sound weird. Yeah. Yeah. It was like alienating in a way. I don't think, not outwardly, but just in my brain, I felt cut off for a bit.

From like the social situations, school, lunch.

[00:05:55] Adeel: So was after your you were having sensitivities at home, were you then starting to notice it at school as well? Yeah.

[00:06:02] Ben: Okay. Yeah. That's actually, that's what kicked off my research. Yeah. I was, I was starting to get triggered at school just by eating noises at first, but then the sort of the spectrum of triggers.

Oh yeah.

[00:06:13] Adeel: Got bigger. So how did you so okay, so once you said doulas research did you come up with some, I don't know, steps to try to like how did you proceed then? Was it maybe starting to tell your friends at school and seeing what they said?

[00:06:29] Ben: Yeah, I actually, I had my dad currently does advertising, advertising for hearing aid insurance.

So he has, he knows audiologists and one of them was referred to me as a specialist who who could diagnose Meson. So a couple months after I, had explained me phony to my parents we we set up an appointment with this specialist and I was like officially diagnosed with Misa Phony.

And that's when I started telling people, and that's when I started. More comfortable, especially at school.

[00:07:00] Adeel: Yeah. And how, what was the reaction that you got at school?

[00:07:05] Ben: It's I don't know. It's not not a bad reaction per se, but it's just not I think I might be a bit biased because, I'm feeling it the.

I, Hey, you're a

[00:07:15] Adeel: safe space. We, everyone listening will understand what, how you're feeling.

[00:07:19] Ben: Yeah. I don't know. It was like a, my friends were it's hard to explain. Feels

[00:07:24] Adeel: dismissive maybe a little bit to you. Yeah. Like you, you came out with this kind of like pretty big deal in terms of like how you feel, but it's hard to, it.

It always feels anti-climactic or a little bit of a let down when others don't take it as seriously as it's occurring in your brain.

[00:07:42] Ben: Yeah, I think, yeah, a good way to describe it is it wasn't being taken seriously. Yeah.

[00:07:47] Adeel: For sure. So did you bring it up with your school, like your school staff at all too?

Your teachers? Teachers?

[00:07:53] Ben: No, not last year. I did start doing that the start of this year though.

[00:07:57] Adeel: And did you get, what was the

[00:07:59] Ben: reaction there? I think much better because a because I was more comfortable expressing my telling them in detail about why I'm suffering from this. And b I was just like a more, more mature person. I was more comfortable in my own skin. Yeah.

[00:08:15] Adeel: Yeah. Did did any of your friends, I'm gonna, sorry, I'm flipping back and forth, but was there any kind of like teasing or bullying that came out of it? Or was it just not really taking it seriously and Oh, tricking it

[00:08:27] Ben: off?

No. Really teasing or bullying. But it wasn't like they knew about it, but they wouldn't act on it. , like they wouldn't it was a little hard to make them understand if I stepped away. , where we were eating or if I put on headphones, they wouldn't they wouldn't get it.

They wouldn't get why I was doing that.

[00:08:45] Adeel: Yeah. Okay. And did you other than the audiologist what did Theologist do? Us the dag the diagnosis? Was there any tools like maybe the Yex kind of white noise, hearing aids. Did they offer anything?

[00:08:59] Ben: I it was like a very short appointment.

there. Yeah. Here's your diagnosis. Yeah. Yeah. I did I described what I was feeling, my symptoms and whatever, and then I took a hearing test , to test the levels of my hearing. And and that came back all good. I can hear fine. After that we we just sat down and talked with the specialist and, she was like, yep, that's misophonia.

[00:09:22] Adeel: .

Gotcha. Where was this appointment, by the way? It was,

[00:09:27] Ben: oh, I don't remember specifically. Okay. It was , the U of U, the University of Utah is. Oh,

[00:09:32] Adeel: okay. So somebody there. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, wasn't sure if it was like Dr. Marsha Johnson or somebody ,, who's quite well known as an audiologist who diagnosises.

Misophonia yeah. But they're that's, she's not the only one anymore. And it's great to hear that there are lots of people around, oh, many more people around who are able. To recognize what it is. Yeah. Other than an audiologist, did you consider seeing other kind of professionals, therapists

[00:09:56] Ben: counselors?

There was talk of like the Audi, the audiologist suggested like maybe noise therapy, like going to noise therapist would help. But I. , like I didn't, I didn't understand noise therapy at the time as well as I do now. , and I felt like I could, take it into my own hands and, like self-regulate, like I didn't need to spend the time and the money and the effort on therapy to get results that I wanted.

[00:10:23] Adeel: Gotcha. Yeah, a lot of us take things into our own hands cuz it's a lot of a lot of different opinions and as not a lot of proven yeah, there's not, there's no, there's not a lot of best practices. Yeah. How, so then how did you yeah, how did you take the next steps?

[00:10:38] Ben: After that I when I came back to school this year, I started telling teachers getting like one-on-one deals to see like whether or not I could put in your plugs during class. In case something was triggering me. And then my Spanish teacher told me about the 5 0 4 form, which I'm sure you're familiar with by now.

, so I applied for a 5 0 4 form and it, my application was accepted. , I got things finalized and now I have I can use like earbuds and earplugs. I can change seats if I need to, which is really useful. , to get away from triggers and I can request like a isolated location for test taking.

That was a big step for me was getting the 5 0 4 form. The only structured help outside help that I've gotten so far.

[00:11:24] Adeel: Gotcha. Okay. Other than the audiologist really just getting the accommodations to 5 0 4 is yeah. Is Okay. Gotcha. And then how, you said you were you're trying to maybe self-regulate have, what kind of things have you tried?

[00:11:37] Ben: Mostly. I've tried to put myself in situations, especially at home where I'm getting triggered, like I'm Oh, so you're trying to expose, exposing myself to triggers. Try to Okay. Get used to them more.

[00:11:49] Adeel: Yeah. How's

[00:11:50] Ben: that working? Not super great.

[00:11:53] Adeel: Okay. Yeah.

Exposure therapy is some professionals try to do that or try to. Get, try to get people used to the sounds. There's different names for these things, but yeah, it's definitely not yeah, it's definitely something not a lot of me folks gravitate towards. So it's interesting to hear that you voluntarily, like you want to try and, intuitively makes sense.

It's I'm annoyed by certain sounds where I have a. Emotion towards certain sounds. Maybe I can get used to it. Yeah. But yeah, I think more information is coming out where it's a lot deeper than just a sound sounds that you need to get used to basically. So interesting too.

Did you try it for a while? Where are you in that process? Have you are you still, are. Giving it a shot, tweaking things or giving up, trying other things. Yeah. I'm,

[00:12:39] Ben: I'm still doing it. , I'll I'll give myself a break now and then I'll eat in my room or I'll put headphones on.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm not doing as much exposure as I was before. I'm still trying to make strides, . Yeah. If anything. S at least, a placebo effect for me. Like I know, or at least I believe it should be working. So my mentality is the longer I do this exposure to therapy, probably, maybe the better my misophonia will get.


[00:13:10] Adeel: Are you just throwing yourself into the sounds? Are you doing something around that, like meditation or just any kind of other mindfulness or is it let me just, it's kinda like holding your breath. Let me just get into the sound and see how long it can last and then try to come up with a personal bestest tomorrow.


[00:13:28] Ben: it's like breaking the storm .

[00:13:32] Adeel: Cool. Oh, interesting. Okay. No. Yeah, I'd be curious to hear, is there anything else that you've read about that you wanna also try out?

[00:13:38] Ben: I haven't done much much research recently, but yeah, it's exposure therapy is like the main thing I'm focusing on right now.


[00:13:45] Adeel: The podcast will definitely, if you listen to more episode of the podcast, it'll. , this should give you a lot of ideas. Yeah. Of things to try. A lot of people go to like therapy, talk therapy C B T c B t know, c b d cognitive behavioral therapy. Yeah there's talk of kind of dealing with past unprocessed memories.

There's a bunch of acronyms. Being thrown around that are relatively new, but people definitely swear by them. Tap the tapping method. Emdr sequentially patterning. There's, yeah, there's a number of things, although a lot of them do require pain foot therapists basically. But yeah.

Interesting. Yeah, I'd like, love to, I'd love to stay in touch on, see how your journey is. How have your how's the rest of your, I'm actually curious, where's your sister in all this, like how do, how does she treat you in relation to the Misson?

[00:14:31] Ben: It's interesting. She's, I'm the oldest of three siblings, and, I think my sister and my brother, they understand that I'm being like, put off by the noises they make , and they. , if they're empathetic when I need to use headphones and things. But it's not it's not, they're not noticing corrections they could make because, I don't know, I guess it's because I'm not pointing them out because I don't wanna feel like a burden.

And that's a completely separate. ?

[00:15:00] Adeel: I don't know if it's completely separate, but it's cause a lot of us do grow up with that kind of with the shame and guilt. And so it's, it tends to actually be quite wrapped up into it. Obviously yeah, it's not related to the response of misophonia, but it's definitely a very common second order effect.

Which doesn't make things better because I think what it does is just adds to the stress. And I don't know if you've noticed, but like stress definitely makes you more susceptible. to oh yeah, definitely dysphonia. So that's one thing. Yeah. Interesting. So your siblings have a similar response as your friends at school?

Yeah. Your parents. Yeah.

[00:15:37] Ben: Sorry, go on. Oh, yeah. Now that I've gotten a 5 0 4 form, like that. I've talked more about it to my friends, mainly a little bit to my family. And now like people are starting to understand like they're under, they're understanding Meap pony more and they have more empathy towards me, which is, that's really nice.

[00:15:58] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you met other, any anyone else with misophonia?

[00:16:04] Ben: I have, yeah. I'm in. I do theater at my school, and currently I'm in the mellow drama. And there's another member in the cast who has both Misa, phon and Tourette Syndrome. ,

[00:16:18] Adeel: This podcast was actually partly inspired by the Tourette's Podcast,

Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a really, yeah, it was a really great great podcast. And yeah that's really cool. You said you're part of a, did you say

[00:16:30] Ben: melodrama? Yeah. Melodrama is an ironically dramatic play.

[00:16:36] Adeel: Yeah. No, I know. The definition of melodrama.

Wasn't sure if it was like a, the name of your theater group or just a, I dunno, a class that you're taking, is it a class on

[00:16:44] Ben: melodrama? It's I'm in a theater. But it's, the mellow drama is like after school rehearsals

[00:16:52] Adeel: kind thing. Oh, okay. Oh, that's, it's just the term for it. I see.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know if you're have thought about expressing or just getting your using art theater as an outlet, or is it just something that you like to do and you happen to have met another music film that way? Yeah,

[00:17:08] Ben: yeah, that is, I think that's a. a big part of the reason I do theater.

And more recently, actually, I I auditioned for my school's improv team. I got on, which is super exciting for me. Yeah. And that has been, that's been like my outlet for expressing, trying to get through triggers in through, I dunno, I guess absurdity. Yeah.

[00:17:32] Adeel: So it's you use improv as a way to just get the energy out?

Or do you use any kind of techniques from improv to like maybe get through a trigger?

[00:17:42] Ben: Both actually. I'll, if I'm in a scene improv scene, I'll, I won't directly, reference misophonia cause that would get old quick. , but a let, you should do that one day.

[00:17:55] Adeel: Yeah. Just turn every scene into this funny as fast as possible and see what, see how quickly your noise. Anyways, but go. Yeah, go ahead. Tell me.

[00:18:03] Ben: Oh, sure. It's I the way I feel about it is I'm storing up all this rage and like fear and pain and like energy that I get from my triggers and I let it all.

Through improv. And there's, I laugh really easily at things especially in improv scenes and there's like breathing techniques that I've learned from improv that I'll use during a trigger. Ah, it's like what, mainly it's focusing on the pace of your breasts. Not specifically the breasts themselves, cuz sometimes.

A self trigger. Oh, do you get self triggered? Oh, that's that's probably my main trigger is 70% of the time. Oh, dang. It's self triggers. Yeah.

[00:18:45] Adeel: No, that's unfortunate. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Okay. Oh yeah. It's not unheard of. It's not unheard of, but yeah, sure. Does it, is it an impediment to go to sleep at night too?

[00:18:55] Ben: I haven't really noticed. That yet I usually listen to music when I'm I, when I'm trying to sleep. So yeah. And suppose that blacks out most of my

[00:19:05] Adeel: own stuff and is specifically breathing or that also the chewing and all

[00:19:08] Ben: that stuff? Yeah. It's mainly eating, drinking noises that I make. Yeah.

Sometimes it's breathing, like you said. Sometimes it's, even if I have the hiccup, . It's a really strange one. If I have hiccups, it'll start figuring me.

[00:19:24] Adeel: Yeah. Wow. So it's just general benness tricks. Yeah. , yeah. Okay. Whoa, sorry, we went on a little bit of tangent, which is all good. I like tangents, but, Oh, sure.

We, we were getting back to Oh yeah. Okay. You were learning breathing techniques that were, you were able to maybe transfer back and forth. How? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, you're like focusing on your. Some techniques that you've got from improv you pulled into triggers. Yeah, I've heard definitely like trying to slow down your breathing.

Can slow down, can calm your nervous system, which is which is important obviously for many things, not just misophonia. I'm curious the breathing techniques in improv, where, how's it used in improv? Because that's just the same improv, it's just very fast paced and you don't have time to think about your breathing.

I'm curious how breathing techniques are used in.

[00:20:11] Ben: Yeah. I'd say it's 50%. If you're on the sidelines trying not to laugh, and then the rest of the time is if you're in a scene and you need to appear to the audience in a specific way, it doesn't exactly help if you burst out laughing.

, it stops the steam, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but Yeah. Not preferable, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. , most of the breathing techniques in improv are just, trying to stay focused on the scene and, yeah.

[00:20:39] Adeel: Yeah. Very cool. Okay, so you get all your kind of mis, you're all mis funny rage.

So tell me about that. Is it, does it mean like you're just angry in a lot of scenes or how do you, or do you consciously is it possible to describe how you're getting your misophonia energy out in improv?

[00:20:55] Ben: It's not when I'm triggered, of course I still feel very strongly I'll have like a flare up of emotions I guess you might call it.

But afterwards, instead of letting the, usually it's my emotion that I feel is anger instead of using the anger as Ugh, I got triggered so much. All I can think about is being mad. Instead of acting like that, I'll, I'll start breathing, doing breathing techniques and things like that.

And I'll just calm myself a bit. And if later during, during improv rehearsal I feel a bit stressed or I feel like I have that, I don't know what you'd call it, like residual trigger. Yeah. A lot of this,

[00:21:39] Adeel: We, it's hard for us to forget about a trigger Yeah. A real strong trigger.

[00:21:43] Ben: Yeah. I guess I'll pour the energy into a scene. I won't act like if I'm feeling angry, I won't act angry in the scene, but I'll let the anger guide me into making better improvisational choices if.

[00:21:56] Adeel: Yeah. Or is stronger more emotional choices do you get? Yeah. Does it become maybe a little bit like you let yourself be less inhibited, even more than improv normal, Yeah.

Just be more absurd. Yeah. Fascinating. Okay. Yeah, that's really interesting. Okay. Do you do any kind of writing as well? Obviously improv is improv, but do you write any kind of theater stuff?

[00:22:19] Ben: Not really. Yeah. I'm not I have English class and I enjoy that, but it's, I don't really, I don't keep a journal or anything that I write down, like my triggers and how they feel.

, I probably should start doing that actually. Yeah. Could be worth something

[00:22:33] Adeel: when you, it's when the major the big big actor, Shakespearean actor or something. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Very cool. Okay. And yeah, so okay. You have that. So tell me about that one friend in theater who has misophonia.

Did you. Did they already know that they had misophonia or

[00:22:52] Ben: was it something you Yeah, it was it was during introductions for the first rehearsal of of the melodrama and we were talking about having a, it's called a muffin day where everyone brings muffins. We all eat them and talk and rehearse at the same time.

and you guys were like, no. Yeah. Yeah, so I explained to the group that I had mis. and she was like, oh wait, I know what that is. I have that too. So that was like, yeah. Kindred spirit thing, which is, yeah. Yeah. That was really nice.

[00:23:22] Adeel: And were you able to help each other out, st have each

[00:23:25] Ben: other's back in a sense yet?

Yeah. We haven't done much we haven't talked about it. With each other extensively. I think we both feel like if the other person was being triggered, we would, step in, stop the triggers or help them get through it somehow.

[00:23:41] Adeel: Gotcha. Yeah. Very cool. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Hey, what about online?

Have you reached out to any communities online?

[00:23:48] Ben: I'm part of a couple like people on Instagram. , like Meson Memes is an Instagram account that I follow, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:23:58] Adeel: Chloe Chloe runs that and she was on the episode a while back.

[00:24:02] Ben: Yeah. I'm also on on Reddit.

There's a community called Mesa Phony help, I think, or Missoni Outreach and people, voice their concerns about something misophonia related. other people respond to it. That's helpful too.

[00:24:15] Adeel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So any other any other therapies you after exposure therapy, if it doesn't work out, do you ha, I don't know from all the stuff you've read, I dunno if I asked you this before, but is there anything else that you're curious about?

[00:24:26] Ben: I am curious about just therapy in general. , and then, sound therapy with a professional would be interesting. Yeah. I don't know if I feel like I'm getting, too overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis and what I'm doing isn't enough then, pro I think I'll start with your generic level one therapy.

And then see like how I feel.

[00:24:48] Adeel: going back, when I don't know if it's maybe around the time sometime around maybe a time your sister started triggering. You did. Was there anything going on in your life for any family stress, death in the family or anything, or moving around houses?

Was there anything going on that I don't know, could be construed as that maybe a little bit stressful or difficult for someone your age?

[00:25:08] Ben: Not anything specific I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've moved multiple times for my dad's work. And, but we hadn't moved recently and we were we had settled in, currently we were living in Boston, Massachusetts.

, yeah, I don't remember exactly why I. the way I did back then. Yeah.

[00:25:26] Adeel: Interesting. Okay. Yeah. A lot of people have yeah, but a lot of people have, yeah. Cast on their home or something going on around that time. But you had actually, Chloe is another example of someone who can't really think of anything particularly trying or stressful around that time.

So it's certainly not a universal thing. But yeah, I'm was just curious. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. And and yeah, so I guess what do you do things, holidays are coming up. What do you tend to do on the holidays? And, obviously your parents are very supportive, but do you have big family meals around the holidays and does your extended family know?

[00:26:01] Ben: I don't, most of my family is either in Iowa or Minnesota, so we don't really. , like family gatherings. Yeah. Occasionally my grandparents will come over for the holidays or something and usually I'll just try to sit out of meals more, like usually as much as I can. Yeah, it's interesting to see this year how how different it'll be since my my misoni has gotten.

Exponentially worse in the past year. Yep.

[00:26:26] Adeel: It'll be a, it'll be an interesting test, . Yeah. But but usually if there's a lot of people around, yeah, it can suck if you're being triggered, but there's usually like a lot of background noise and, or, if you have to slip out, it's less noticeable because there's so many other people around.

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:41] Ben: Interesting. Actually speaking of my grandparents, there's one little thing I wanted to talk. Yeah. My, my grandpa, my dad's dad was drafted into the Vietnam War, into the Navy. And as a result of that, he has PTSD now. And we I went over to Iowa to their house this summer, and we were talking about the 4th of July, and he gets I guess emotionally triggered in a similar way that Oh, yeah.

Miso. Like by fireworks, yeah, the noise just brings back whatever. He experienced terrible things. And I feel like I really resonate with what he was saying. And actually recently I was as at my school's homecoming football game. Yeah. And every time they they scored a touchdown, they would light the firework.

and now I don't know if it's just a coincidence or it's some subconscious mental thing that's now I don't know, influence influencing my miso in some way. But fireworks are now a trigger for me. And actually it's interesting. They'll give me like sort of muscle spasms or ticks, you might call them.

it's similar to Tourettes, it's not the same, but when I get triggered by specific things, I'll, I just have like uncontrollable, like little bursts of movement, which is strange.

[00:28:07] Adeel: Do they continue, is it a little spasm that, that continues after the trigger is long gone?

Or is it just, it's is it just a single one when you Hear the firework.

[00:28:19] Ben: It's mainly, it's just a big single. Yeah. Tick. But now actually even more recently, it started, I've started doing like ticks when I'm triggered by specific people eating and those like spasms will, it's like a ripple effect.

The first one is one big tick. Maybe a couple minutes later I'll have a residual yeah. Dick. Something like that.

[00:28:47] Adeel: Yeah. And and this all started around after you were talking to your grandpa. Yeah. About, yeah, about the PTSD stuff. It And did you tell him about Mr. Foia?

[00:28:58] Ben: I did. Yeah. I was, that's how we got into, yeah. Talking about his PTSD is, explaining my strange behavior at the breakfast table and whatever. And so yeah, that's how we got What was his reaction after that conversation? Yeah.

[00:29:13] Adeel: Yeah. What was his reaction to your other than obviously telling him, telling you about PTSD stuff?

Was the sympathetic That sounds like he was,

[00:29:23] Ben: yeah. I think just I don't know exactly how he felt , it may have been like, not sure what the specific word is. Empathy, sympathy. Yeah. Yeah. He knows that I'm feeling the same things that he feels yeah. He can, he understands how kinda relate.

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:29:38] Adeel: Yeah. And what do you interesting, you're still young, you're like a sophomore. What do you, have you thought about the future , As a Epiphone in terms of what you wanna do for work. What do you wanna be when you grow up? Can you Yeah. Until

[00:29:48] Ben: there's a cure, oh, I would be nice. I don't know. I'm right now I'm gravitating towards. , working in a cabinetry shop or something woodworking related, because I have through working in my job, I've developed all these woodworking skills and I take woodworking shop class.

My school, actually, I have two periods for woodworking, one for a grade, and then one that I use as time. To prep for my job. So I do lots of woodworking and it, I really love it and the machinery actually drowns out any sounds that other people make or even I make. Yeah. So it's like therapeutic in a way.

[00:30:27] Adeel: Yeah, that sounds like it. Yeah. That's great. Cool. Yeah, it sounds like you have a talent for that and a potential path towards something that will be , accommodating for your condition. For our condition. That sounds cool. Yeah. Ben, I, we're heading to, we're around 45 minutes.

In terms, I'm curious, do you have any other things you wanna mention, things you've learned, things you're curious about?

[00:30:48] Ben: Oh, I guess something that I've learned in the past couple months. It's easy to take triggers, as as they happen, as this melodramatic moment. Like it's very easy to feel like the triggers.

The only thing that exists in the world at the time and what you feel is all anyone should feel when they hear the sound. And I've been experimenting with different thought processes. When I'm triggered, I'll try to, focus on the future instead of the present.

[00:31:23] Adeel: Yeah.

I mentioned that sometimes it's think about it in terms of whatever you do right now has a finite time and you. Especially mealtime last whatever, 20 minutes and then you'll be doing something else in the future. Yeah. And so sometimes it's enough to just calm that that part of your brain that's going crazy.

Trying to look for danger. Yeah. That this, what are you talking about? I think is yeah, you're trying to be more aware or change your thought process is very much Mindfulness and even C B T it's trying to break or less unproductive thought patterns that could put you in that rut. Yeah. Very cool. Man, yeah, this has been great. So you always get to have a young person on, and it's great to hear that young people now are aware of it along, long before the rest of us knew what it was when we. , in our thirties, forties, , sometimes even later.

Yeah I wish you the bush the best. And just know it your triggers might proliferate, but it, overall, it does get better because as you get older you can find more outlets like theater, but if you leave the house and whatnot, you have more control and agency over your environment where you live and things like that.

. So yeah, it does get. Yeah. But yeah. Thanks for coming on, Ben. This is this is amazing. Yeah, of course. Thank you again. Really great talking to you. I'm glad you're at least are able to start trying to work through your miso at an early age, and I think you'll be able to cope a lot better than many of us when we were younger.

If you like this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. You can hit me up by email@hellomishopodcast.com or go to the website misho podcast.com. Easiest way podcast just to leave a message on Instagram, support the show by visiting Patreon patreon.com/misho podcast.

Theme music is always Invite Moby, and until next week, wishing you peace, a

[00:33:17] Ben: choir.