Holli - From YouTube to podcast: Holly's journey with misophonia.

S6 E27 - 3/2/2023
In this episode, Adeel converses with Holly, who initially gained recognition through a YouTube video detailing her misophonia experiences five years ago. The conversation delves into various aspects of Holly's life, covering her diagnosis of anxiety and ADHD, the impact of misophonia on family dynamics and personal relationships, her career journey from hospitality to office environments, and her coping strategies including medication and lifestyle adjustments. Holly emphasizes the importance of self-care, including diet, exercise, and sleep, as fundamental components for managing symptoms. She reflects on how misophonia has been a part of her life from a young age, noting both the challenges and positive shifts in awareness and acceptance over the years. Adeel and Holly explore the evolution of understanding and support for misophonia within society and the personal reflections that have accompanied Holly's journey.


Adeel [0:01]: Welcome to the Misophonia Podcast. This is Season 6, Episode 27. My name's Adeel Ahmad, and I have Misophonia. This week, I'm talking to Holly. Holly came to my attention when YouTube's algorithm recommended a video she posted about five years ago about Misophonia. And I was just really impressed with how openly she talked about not just the mechanics of what happens, but all the effects on her life and the people around her. And this just wasn't something that I was used to hearing five years ago. I'll post a link in the show notes, but I'm so happy that she agreed to come on here so we can talk more about what she's been up to. We ended up talking about diagnoses for anxiety, ADHD, medication, growing up in small apartments, the impact of miso on her family, other family members that have it, dating, traveling, and the quietude of caves, how she enjoys ASMR, ASMR. various earplugs, her live streaming activities, and so much more in this hour. I also want to make sure I shout out her online presence. You can find her at Windy Venture everywhere, and I'll have links to that in the show notes as well. After the show, let me know what you think. You can reach out by email at hello at misophoniapodcast.com or hit me up on Instagram or Facebook at Misophonia Podcast. And please, as always, leave a quick review or rating wherever you listen to this show. It helps us drive up in the algorithms. Thanks for the incredible ongoing support of our Patreon supporters, which has been helping a lot in getting accurate transcripts up for everyone to read. You can read all about the various levels at patreon.com slash misophonia podcast. All right, now here's my conversation with Holly. Holly, welcome to the podcast. It's great to have you here.

Holli [1:51]: Thank you so much for having me.

Adeel [1:53]: Great, great. Yeah, so I will have kind of mentioned kind of how I discovered you in the little preamble, but do you want to just maybe share a little bit about what kind of stuff you do? Roughly where in the world are you? Could be as vague as you want.

Holli [2:09]: Sure, sure. So I am. Well, I guess. Yeah. In context to how we got connected, I make content on the Internet. I do YouTube videos. I do live streaming on Twitch and all that kind of stuff. So about five years ago. I recorded a video about my misophonia, and that's kind of what brought us together, which is super exciting. But as far as in my day-to-day life, I do work a full-time job, and I don't like to give away too much detail as to what kind of work I do, but my entire career has been customer service-focused, hospitality-focused. The settings have changed over my life to loud, boisterous environments to, you know, a little bit more of a quieter, intimate environment. But I work directly with people and, you know, in under the lens of misophonia, it definitely creates some challenges.

Adeel [3:18]: Yeah, so it sounds like you worked at a bunch of variety, a number of different jobs in a kind of variety of milieus, or is the current job relatively new?

Holli [3:32]: Yeah. So as so many people I'm sure are aware, you know, COVID happened. Quarantining definitely gave people an opportunity to switch careers, try new things, move. And I did a lot of that. It was kind of a weird timing when... we locked down and quarantined. I got stuck back in my home state, which I wasn't intending on doing, but eventually I did relocate. I'm on the East coast now. And that also included trying out a new or relatively a different environment. So now I am in more of an office setting. I do work with a small group of coworkers and I do handle client relations and things like that so it is not as you know um active as it used to be coming from different hospitality environments restaurants specifically things of that nature but that is yeah that is what i'm up to these days and uh i guess maybe we should uh we can talk about kind of how is the miso situation in this relatively new um job yeah so it's been it's been interesting because I recorded that original video five years ago, and I actually watched it back this morning, kind of in preparation of our conversation today. And I haven't watched it in, it's been years and years and years. So it was so interesting to see how... uh life has changed and how my attitudes have changed and how a lot of it hasn't changed but generally speaking it is something that i still deal with on a daily basis and i think the biggest shift that i've noticed is just General awareness has obviously exploded because of people like you. So thank you for what you're doing. So people are definitely more understanding. And I also just have found the reception to be. on the more respectful end compared to what I dealt with as a kid and going through school and even as a young adult. So even though I still struggle on a daily basis, I have a slightly more positive outlook on the entire situation, which is great.

Adeel [6:15]: Yeah, what struck me about your video when I saw it, and you know, it showed up because I sometimes look for Miss Funny stuff and then YouTube figures out what you're into and then your video just kind of showed up. What struck me was like, it was like five years ago and like, yeah, I mean, people knew the term, but it was talked about usually in a very, like, here's the definition or it would be like on social media, people would be ranting, but your video was just a lot more thoughtful than I was, you know, than people were. than how people were talking about it back then. And one of the reasons I started the podcast was to have a more thoughtful discussion about it. So I'm just amazed that you were doing that years before I started this podcast.

Holli [6:54]: Oh, I dived deep. I mean, it was not easy to find the limited information that I could find. But the moment that I discovered that there was a word to describe the way I've been experiencing the world, was, I mean, it was amazing. I was so excited that I had to dive in and figure out what it all meant. And again, the information was pretty limited, but what I could find that seemed reputable, I did share in that video.

Adeel [7:33]: Yeah, you synthesized it really well. But you also add kind of your personal...

Holli [7:37]: thoughts and stories which which i feel like there needs to be more of um so was that around the time that you even that you discovered that it had a name that was what i discovered yeah yeah shortly thereafter is when the video came about but it was it was just so crazy how i mean it's amazing to sit here five years later and now there are huge studies going on. And I got to participate in one through Duke University here in North Carolina, which I actually, well, I didn't actually live in the state when I did the study. But for those of, for people out there listening, they are doing certain remote studies. So I actually took part in a remote study. But now that I'm actually in North Carolina, I'm considering driving out and doing some more. But it's amazing how, yeah, it's a lot has changed in five years. And I'm very grateful to that.

Adeel [8:43]: Yeah, the Duke Synod is great. I actually happen to be on the board of a nonprofit advocacy group called SoQuiet.org, and Zach is the other board member. Oh, my gosh. It's a small world.

Holli [8:54]: Amazing. Well, the misophonia world is a small world, but it's growing.

Adeel [8:59]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess maybe let's go back then to, I'm excited to hear about kind of early years. When did you start to notice that you were, you know, noticing these sounds and it was causing problems?

Holli [9:13]: I don't remember the exact age. I just know that it was young. Kind of... as long as I can remember is the best way I can describe it. And it was with my dad chewing, which obviously is a very common trigger for people is mouth noises, chewing. So that's where it started. And then, you know, throughout my years going to school and things, I would start to notice other noises, but yeah, it's, it's been there for a long time.

Adeel [9:53]: Gotcha. And was there anything unusual going on at home around that time? It was probably like when a lot of us kind of eight years old, give or take a few years.

Holli [10:03]: Right. It's hard to say for certain. I'm not sure if there really was a direct link to things going on, but I moved a lot. And I do know moving affected me and made me who I am today. And that's the only thing I can really think is just the fact of not necessarily feeling at home or settled in a place because we moved around quite a bit. And whether or not it's connected, I'm not sure. As an adult, I have, and since that video actually, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD as well. In my personal takeaway on how it could have happened, it does seem to me to be more of a symptom of other neurological developments, particularly the ADHD.

Adeel [11:08]: Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a lot of comorbid conditions, and those are two common ones, OCD being another one as well. And did you get, oh, you said you got diagnosed with those recently.

Holli [11:22]: Yeah, not even a year ago.

Adeel [11:25]: But were they always kind of like with you?

Holli [11:28]: Yes, absolutely. And again, it's like you go through life and you're a kid and you don't necessarily... know that your experiences are unique necessarily or diagnosable. So I did go a long time without having these words available to me. But the the most general definition of misophonia would be the sound sensitivity. And that is something I relate to wholeheartedly. And it's been there. It's been there for a very long time. And And again, I think ADHD is just one of those things that is also being understood on a completely new level, especially for women, because, you know, girls and women do experience those symptoms differently for the vast majority. And it's been, yeah, it's been very interesting to piece all of this together. having those sensitivities honestly i'm lucky it goes both ways for me i certain sounds are great yeah for me too it's not uncommon that there are um um yeah like

Adeel [12:47]: Well, I guess it's... Happy triggers? Yeah, yeah. I won't say a lot of people talk about it, but it has come up where people have identified sounds that give them the opposite of pain. It's very, very positive. And there actually is some research looking into a potentially... having you know like um instead of like pumping a white noise and maybe um when you you know when when your noise canceling headphone hears a trigger replacing that sound or or covering it up with something you know more pleasurable to kind of try to max mask it that way um so there are people looking in that direction but um i did buy a noise machine which is nice yeah yeah one of those like room white noise machines

Holli [13:34]: It's a very expensive alarm clock is what it is.

Adeel [13:37]: Right. And so do you use that not just for sleep, like just is that always on in your house?

Holli [13:43]: It is not. I do enjoy peace and quiet and just stillness. um but there usually is always something that makes a noise and of course you and i might notice more than the average person but right now i can hear my kitten's water fountain and that doesn't always bother me but every once in a while it really bothers me i also can hear my fridge running so you know there's always a little bit of just There's a little hum going on somewhere in some way. I'd love to experience one of those sensory deprivation tanks one day, but I haven't. Caves. Caves are very quiet. But I do appreciate silence.

Adeel [14:33]: Right, right.

Holli [14:34]: It's hard to get silence.

Adeel [14:35]: Have you been to many caves?

Holli [14:39]: I love caves.

Adeel [14:40]: Yeah.

Holli [14:42]: It's definitely part of what brought me out east.

Adeel [14:45]: But unfortunately, I... I guess it's no secret that you have traveled quite a bit.

Holli [14:51]: Yeah. No, it's no secret. I definitely like caving. I would love to do it more. But I have been lucky to go into a few caves in a few places. depending on how deep you go. I mean, that is a misophonia person's dream, which I'm actually just realizing as we're talking about it. I've never thought of it that way. Yeah.

Adeel [15:17]: No, I have never thought about it that way. I've never thought about like spending, actually spending time in a cave other than, you know, for on a tourist trip or something. But I guess it's quite, but is there, you know, it's echoing a lot. Like if there is a sound, does it just kind of keep going for years?

Holli [15:30]: Not like in the movies. No, not quite. Yeah.

Adeel [15:35]: Gotcha. Okay. Well, um, no, it's interesting. I'll have to put caves on my 2023 travel list.

Holli [15:41]: Yeah.

Adeel [15:41]: Right. Um, so going back, I like to jump around. So going, going back, um, again to kind of those early years, like how did your, if, if your dad was your first trigger, how was, how did you react and what was your family's reaction? I'm curious.

Holli [15:55]: Bad. I reacted badly and they didn't know what to do either. Um, my dad, general emotion is rage and just sheer anger frustration like sometimes i can even get like a physical like i can feel it in my teeth i can feel it in my stomach so i do get physical sensations and it's not fun so being in a house Well, I mean, most of my life I grew up in apartments, so being in, you know, relatively small apartments and not having a place to really escape certain noises, particularly chewing or scraping with, you know, utensils against plates and bowls. Those were very common issues for me. And I just remember saying something and just being pretty you know rude or or leaving too that's always a good tried and true coping mechanism flight to the fight or flight absolutely total flight um fight or flight but i i don't remember any major criticism other than it was my responsibility to calm down and chill out. And that's fine. I don't resent any sort of reactions. And then, you know, as I got older and my friend group... expanded and you know co-workers and peers things like that i would say that's where i got most of the negativity and people just you know making fun or mimicking sounds on purpose and a lot of the time i just kind of had to pretend i was fine and that's very difficult to do so kind of like just bottling up absolutely yeah

Adeel [18:07]: And, okay, and so you see your parents didn't know what to do. Did it start to cause, like, issues in the house, like, in terms of, like, well, actually, I should say, did you have any siblings?

Holli [18:20]: I have one sister, and she is two and a half years older, and... I would say it wasn't specifically a noise issue, but I was kind of considered the black sheep of the family. I was a little bit of a troublemaker and I definitely danced to the beat of my own drum, to put it lightly. And again, now knowing that I have adhd my mom has adhd suddenly i can see looking back oh i'm a lot more like my mom than i once realized and and a lot of those symptoms we present similarly but generally i was just the rebel gotcha and did it um did it cause like a wedge maybe between yourself and like your sister or your parents again it's not a lot as far not in in consideration to noise because i always had some headphones so if if it meant i had to disconnect more and keep to myself more listen to music things like that then sure i would say just the general avoidance that comes along with sound sensitivity can create a bit, a bit of a wedge, but nothing that I, I really consider.

Adeel [19:58]: Yeah. I mean, I've had people on who've, who are like, you know, sadly ostracized from their, from their family, from a young age, which is quite sad. So, um,

Holli [20:07]: No, they've been pretty generally they're pretty chill and supportive. We're just your classic Midwestern family where it's more realistic to sweep things under the rug than to deal with things head on. So I found coping mechanisms that worked and I think that they dealt with that fine.

Adeel [20:34]: Yeah. So, okay. But so outside of that, like, you know, friends and, and, and whatnot were, uh, or, or so school must've been, must've been difficult, right? Did, did start to affect your grades and whatnot?

Holli [20:46]: I did pretty good in school. And I, again, that's kind of why it's taken so long to figure out what really is going on. And I, looking back i was very distracted um but school was easy so i think i lucked out and i i think there's a word for it something like overachieving or i i don't know it's those aren't words that i really identify with but school felt easy and i was able to keep up despite having a lot of distractions.

Adeel [21:36]: Right.

Holli [21:36]: And I lucked out.

Adeel [21:40]: Yeah.

Holli [21:40]: But it also took an extra, you know, 15, 20 years before I realized that I've been overcompensating for a lot of those. And most of the distractions do come from noise and But having, you know, what would I do? I'm trying to think back to school. It was so long ago. I'm so old. Just kidding.

Adeel [22:09]: Yeah, I guess some of your coping mechanisms back then. It sounded like you had headphones and all that stuff. I did.

Holli [22:14]: Well, but you can't have headphones in school.

Adeel [22:15]: In school, right, right, right.

Holli [22:18]: So I would do things like different fidgets. And we're talking the kind of fidgets that make noise. So if someone would be tapping a pencil and it was triggering me for whatever reason, and not every tapping of a pencil would, it would be like a certain rhythm or just the time of day even, who knows, but mimicking a sound or covering it up with another, sound was really a good go-to for me when I was in a tight environment like a classroom or if I'm at a meeting or at a dinner. So oftentimes I really just have to almost mirror what they're doing just to make more of it. And I noticed that with more sound, I can deal with it better.

Adeel [23:15]: Yeah, I think mimicking is something I think you mentioned in your video. And I was amazed because I'd only heard about it a couple of years ago. And more and more people are talking about it now. But yeah, that was so interesting.

Holli [23:30]: Think of all the chips I've eaten. I brought up chips in the video. I'm like, all the chips, all the popcorn I've eaten when I didn't want chips or popcorn. But you have to just partake in whatever that noise is. And then it kind of helps to cope or drown it out. But yeah, I actually didn't know that other people did that. So that's cool.

Adeel [23:55]: Yeah. And yeah, so you're also talking about, did you start to...

Holli [24:01]: open up to friends about it or was it something that they just kind of observed that oh holly's not taking this well again it was usually a conversation going on internally where something would be bothering me and i never really knew how to to tell them so more often than not I would wait until I was bursting at the seams with frustration to ever say anything, which at that point, the delivery is not great. So I do remember being mocked by friends. And then obviously the closer you get with a person, you might bring it up more. But generally, the reception has always been pretty bad. And it wasn't until I made my video and my friends and family did watch it. And it actually made a pretty big difference. And I now know that I have other people in my family that have it.

Adeel [25:13]: Yeah, that's really interesting. So you made the video. You found out what it was, made the video, and you shared it with people. It wasn't just that they...

Holli [25:22]: were following you and they happened to see it but you you said hey here it is yeah yeah well my family's nosy so i have a hard time you know keeping things to myself i'm pretty i'm pretty much an open book but it was a vulnerable place to put myself in and it was new And I'm grateful that I did it. I also was living in Hawaii. So I think maybe if I had been closer to my core friends and family, perhaps I wouldn't have made the video. But having that distance did make me more comfortable to just be truthful. And I'm so glad I did because obviously It got a lot of views. It still gets commented on regularly. And just the feedback is 98% very, very positive. And I do so appreciate that. And clearly, it started up the conversation throughout my... my family members where I now realize that my grandma had it. And my whole childhood, it was like, oh, spit out your gum. We're going to go see grandma. And that was just such a regular thing. Yeah. And her reaction was so similar to mine. Anytime we would make a noise that was, you know, whatever it was. but it's amazing how it started you know i told my story then it we linked it over to my grandma who had passed already but she was so known for this personality trait of being sensitive to sounds and wasn't quiet about it. And it was just this quirky thing that grandma did. And then we were able to link that that was the same thing. I believe my I have an aunt who has now come out as having it. And my nephew, who was just recently diagnosed with autism, he also has it. And now we have something to bond about when we're avoiding dinner.

Adeel [27:39]: That's interesting. So when you were going through it growing up, did no one make that link to grandma? Do you remember? No. Yeah, interesting.

Holli [27:49]: I know. It's so funny how long it took before we ever thought about grandma.

Adeel [27:56]: It's the power of YouTube, I guess. YouTube just changes minds like that.

Holli [28:00]: It definitely was a really positive experience for sure. I do feel the need to... mention the negative comments that i thought i was going to ask yeah yeah because that was i mean

Adeel [28:17]: Not from family, I hope.

Holli [28:20]: No. But it's amazing how naive I was. And obviously, it was new. It was really exciting. I just wanted to speak my truth, and I'm glad I did. But looking back and getting comments, I did not realize just how many sounds are in that video that could be so upsetting to people. and that's probably something that you've learned to deal with in your own way i'm sure but we're not easy like our our kind we can get really passionate and and mean sometimes so i want to respect those people who

Adeel [29:08]: obviously couldn't watch my video but i didn't know any better people were getting triggered by sounds in your video yeah okay i thought people were just kind of like thinking you know This is not real or just kind of like react. No.

Holli [29:23]: And that's the thing is that the response that I got was overwhelmingly so positive from people who have it and experience it and from people who know someone and are close to someone who has it and is experiencing it. But Little did I ever realize what kind of links that you would need to take to really make content that is misophonia friendly.

Adeel [29:50]: Yeah, there's some passionate people. I mean, so what I do for what I do for this podcast, I carefully edit out anything like heavy breathing or lip smacking and stuff. I catch probably most of it. Thank God. Thank you. No, of course. It gives me a chance to listen back and take notes. but there are still people who either don't understand that or they're still get triggered by something or they don't like my voice or you know they might not like a guest's voice so there's always something but the interesting thing is like um on youtube i mean those commenters they could they know they should know they can just mute and listen read the transcript right yeah it is interesting um and it was my first time interacting with people that were like me so it's

Holli [30:36]: It's refreshing in a way. It's also taxing to be on the receiving end of those critiques. But again, every person who did not like my voice or the cat purring, I know there was like a cat purring at one point, which I'm like, oh man, I can't imagine not loving that sound. I love cat purrs. But it was a very valuable part of just my experience with talking about it publicly. And I don't have a lot to say about it other than it happened. And I guess I don't envy you pumping out so many episodes. That's got to be. Do you get triggered while you're editing?

Adeel [31:32]: I don't know.

Holli [31:33]: Because I do.

Adeel [31:35]: Yeah, I know. It's not common because I think I'm just so caught up in the content. People are going to love this. And I feel like I'm doing it. I know it's making a big impact for a lot of listeners. So I think I just take go with the positivity of it. But yeah, there are some... there's i think there's been some people where i mean so obviously there's always some background noise but there are some people where there's been like like a lot of like they'll have the the dangling mics and it'll be running on something so i'll try to um find a good place to time to get them to maybe change that but i still feel kind of awkward saying hey could you get a different mic because you know people don't have that yeah let me just go run to best buy really quick right

Holli [32:23]: Interesting. Well, I'm pretty active on the live streaming space as well. And that's kind of where my focus has been ever since quarantining and all of that stuff. Things have definitely settled down. I don't move around and travel as often as I was. it's been a whole new set of experiences getting into live streaming for that kind of similar reason is like, I'll be hanging out in someone's stream. And if their mic crackles or pops, or there's like any sort of audio issue, I'm out of there. And it's unfortunate because I could really like the person and I want to be supportive. But if they have a certain laugh or a speech pattern, or audio issues, I just can't. So it's interesting as a content creator and a live streamer that... I also am guilty of not always having a perfect audio setup that's not going to promote a safe environment for people like us. And I would love to do that and get to that place. But it's, I mean, it's impossible, really. You can't please everybody. And certain triggering sounds are surprising to me, you know, how different they can be from person to person. It's an uphill battle, but it is interesting how, I guess, the dynamic online can be affected by misophonia.

Adeel [34:07]: Yeah. And since that video, have you made any other content related to misophonia or tried to talk about it publicly again?

Holli [34:16]: I meant to and I want to, but for whatever reason, I just haven't. It might be for the reason of not wanting to do a bad job. I'm nervous of, again, like... triggering people who are coming for a positive reason and then they leave upset. There might be a little bit of anxiety with that. It is something I like to talk about on my stream. And if I am ever... snacking or doing something i usually have like a like a warning moment or you know ask people to mute and come back or i i wouldn't do snacking in fact i probably am done snacking but i i have snacked in the past and i'm like actually this is a terrible idea i don't want to do this um but it is a good conversation starter it's a conversation i'm happy to have at any point that it comes up and i mean that on both ends whether i'm on camera streaming or if i'm in someone else's stream like i really like asmr i most of asmr is very pleasant and relaxing for me but um teaching if someone's live streaming asmr and they decide they want to do something relating to chewing and food which is shocking how many people do but i usually will shoot them a message and say hey having like a trigger warning before food, giving people a chance to mute or leave is always helpful. So I'm trying to, you know, make a difference. And I'm excited to share your podcast. And if I do continue to work with Dukes, I would probably be more motivated to share my experiences, but I've so far only done one study with them, so.

Adeel [36:29]: Right. What was that study, just out of curiosity?

Holli [36:32]: So I did a remote study because I was not living in the state at the time, and I... Oh, what was it? It was... It was a phone interview. It lasted four hours, and it was finding connections between mental illness and misophonia symptoms. So it sounded like they were just taking in a lot of data to see if there are specific life experiences or other symptoms or other... you know, or any mental illness that could be connected. Right. And before my ADHD diagnosis, I was softly convinced. I don't know if that's that's the only way I can think to put it, but I was softly convinced that I was bipolar. And it was I when I was sharing these experiences and, you know, my symptoms, it seemed like I don't know if it was just me projecting, but it almost felt like the woman interviewing me was like specifically looking for bipolar symptoms. No idea. But it was it was very interesting. It was very taxing because four hours of like intense

Adeel [38:01]: mental questioning yeah um was a lot but anything to help the cause you know i'm like yeah that's interesting because i've had several people who've come on and share that they have had bipolar um diagnoses and so and it can definitely you know mr funny can kind of i mean i don't want to like butcher the definition bipolar but it's definitely like a you know you're like jekyll and hyde or incredible hawk it's like you go in and out and it's just like wow it's very extreme low i don't know how high you get but it's like yeah extreme low to normal and then who knows when you come back to normal you know a lot of us like will think about the sound for days

Holli [38:44]: Yeah, no, I don't envy them. I since realized that my ADHD symptoms, when they're really bad, they present like a mild bipolar. So it's been interesting. And also seeing how the ADHD and autism communities... Seem to have like a very close link as well. But yeah, for whatever reason, I don't know if I was approved for the study because I did have all of these bipolar symptoms or how that relates. But I'm excited to fast forward five, 10 years from now. Just think of. what they're going to find from these studies. I mean, it might not even be five years. We could get... I guess you would know. You've gotten in.

Adeel [39:41]: That's true. I could phone a friend and find out. But... But I know they do very careful work. Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I mean, so there's a lot of studies and research going on because there's been, like, there's a Misophonia Research Fund that just started a couple years ago. So I can't even keep up with a lot of the research that's going on, you know, which study is what. So that's kind of exciting. It is. So it sounds like, yeah, so in terms of family members, like, you know, like Christmas, Thanksgiving must be nice because at least you have people who you can kind of, like, relate to and maybe... work on strategies with around the meal.

Holli [40:21]: whatever it is to be honest no we've never talked about i've never talked about it really at at thanksgiving in fact thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday nightmare okay i wonder if you can guess why so i actually skipped thanksgiving this year i'm like i'll see you at christmas i don't care so even with everyone knowing about it it's still is it are they do they try and it's still kind of difficult or or is it just like they there's they're too busy to to try to accommodate no I mean I don't expect people to succeed yeah and people can definitely make an effort and I think a lot of the people in my life do whether it's family members friends co-workers but there's nothing you can do to mitigate all of the noise especially because one of my biggest triggers is scraping um silverware against plates and that is kind of unavoidable i mean i've got plastic wear at my house so if i have people over i give them my lame plastic translucent different colors and that helps yeah It definitely helps, but no, it's not. It's not.

Adeel [41:49]: Yeah, those sounds go through rooms. It's hard to, and floors, you can't get away from that.

Holli [41:57]: I mean, I can hear nail clipping from a mile away. Clipping nails, I don't know what it is, but it travels through walls.

Adeel [42:09]: Yeah, high frequency. Ah, interesting. Interesting.

Holli [42:14]: But I did recently... I'm actually amazed that I'm only just becoming aware of this. But my sister did let me know at Christmas of loop earplugs. And I did not know that these existed. And I know about noise-canceling headphones. I got to try a pair... when i was there for christmas and it was so peaceful and lovely in there i loved it but i i do not feel comfortable wearing headphones when i'm you know at work or at a dinner table so i will be purchasing some loop earbuds i'm very excited and i think that might honestly make all the difference

Adeel [43:04]: Yeah, it's interesting. I mean, they are, I have a pair as well. I mean, I think they seem like they're, they're not, I mean, they're silicone, but they're still very similar to just regular ear, um, earplugs. Okay.

Holli [43:18]: I was going to say, give me your honest review. Are they worth $30?

Adeel [43:21]: Well, I, I'm probably never going to have them as a sponsor. I don't know if, I don't know if they're worth $30. I don't know if they're worth $30. Because it's like, I don't have a lot of great marketing behind them and a lot of Instagram ad spend. But the one interesting thing about them that's different than, I will say this, that's different than regular earplugs is like, obviously they have the loop. And if you turn the loop, there's one position where... it feels like the earplugs are going deeper into your ears. And then there's another one where it's a little, you just turn it kind of clockwise, it kind of clockwise, and it's like less in your ear. So it's kind of like transparent mode on AirPods. Like you can hear a little bit better, but if you want to block out more, you turn it so it goes in deeper. I don't necessarily think it's, it can't, it's just... um it's just silica material so it's still different than you're not getting any special frequency blocking or anything than any other earplugs but that so i thought that that two step feature was was kind of interesting the thing with earplugs is like especially when they go deep in your ear like you you'll hear your chewing your own sounds a lot more so be aware of that

Holli [44:34]: Okay, so maybe don't eat with them in.

Adeel [44:37]: Don't eat, definitely don't eat with them in, yeah.

Holli [44:39]: Oh, well, okay. Well, they came out with a new product. And I'll get that one and I'll, I'm going to let you know.

Adeel [44:49]: Yeah.

Holli [44:50]: I'll have to give me like a month.

Adeel [44:52]: Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Okay. So yeah, the earplugs. Yeah, I've tried those, but for me, it's, I end up just using like your pod pros if I need to.

Holli [45:04]: Right.

Adeel [45:06]: i don't i have the regular airpods they're you know the original so they don't have the what did you call it they have yeah oh so yeah so they have um i don't know if the originals have noise canceling but the pros have like noise canceling and then there's a mode where right um they call it transparent mode i think all it means is there's still noise canceling but there are also like they're they're cancelling like most background noise like airplane kind of noise but they're they pull up the one to 4k voice frequencies when you're in transparent mode so that you can hear somebody that you're talking to got it that's cool so if somebody thinks you're avoiding them you know so at work it's kind of and those work well for you Uh, yeah, they, they, yeah, they, they work well. I mean, I can't, in most situations, I'm like, I'm not going to go to a loud, like a trendy cafe where it's like, you know, wood and metal and it's like, everyone's clanging their coffee and stuff that, that gets, you know, you can't do everything. Um, it's not as good as over the ear where, you know, it's covering your ears completely, but, um, it's not, it's not bad. So.

Holli [46:12]: Yeah, I mean, as someone who does not have that, just putting my AirPods in is definitely a tried and true strategy when I'm out and about. And then I don't, you know, I'm not uncomfortable, but I don't look, I'm not sticking out.

Adeel [46:31]: I generally need some sound on top of sound. Like I can't just put a blocker in or ear plug in and be fine. Like hearing less of it doesn't make it go away. My brain still hones in on it, you know?

Holli [46:45]: Right.

Adeel [46:45]: And I need to run. So, um, you know, also the visual triggers as well. The mesokinesia. I do.

Holli [46:51]: Yeah. Unfortunately.

Adeel [46:53]: I forget if you mentioned it in your video. It sounds like you, I think you did, but, uh.

Holli [46:58]: I did. Yeah.

Adeel [46:59]: Yeah. Again, that was pretty new for people five years ago. I mean, I don't think I've made that connection.

Holli [47:06]: Yeah, it was amazing that other people kind of came out and and agreed that visual triggers were a thing. So it was very, yeah, it was a, it was a cathartic experience and there's not a lot you can really do when it comes to those visual triggers. It's unfortunate, but fortunately I, I guess I don't interact with quite as many people as I used to, which is probably a common symptom of like post 2020. I think that my social circle and my habits and I mean, even my working environment, I just interact with less people than I was back in the day. So I can anticipate that. better and prepare a little better. But, you know, I'm, for instance, I'm single. I will probably start dating again soon. And just the thought. Yeah.

Adeel [48:24]: How are you going to approach that with everything you know now?

Holli [48:29]: Yeah. So any, any. potential of expanding the chance of getting in a spot where you have to be cordial and like possibly triggered um like right now in my overall flow of life my day-to-day life you know i am triggered daily but again it's it it's stuff that i know and i have plans in place and it's very tolerable at this point but when it comes to things like yeah when it comes to just getting out of your comfort zone it is interesting how misophonia is just another layer of be it anxiety or insecurity and it it can just become another reason to not break up the routine and it is something i've been thinking about i'm like oh i should get out there and meet more people blah blah blah i'm in a new city so my social circle's small but it's you know it's easier when people already know you have it versus having that kind of first conversation you're like hey just so you know that's that's me yeah have you had to approach the subject with anybody who you know who didn't already know based on your video or something you mean like I'm sorry can you rephrase that oh yeah yeah if you have your had to kind of broach the subject with like a new friend or something who didn't know from the video or from you know past I mean I I'm in a new city I have a new job you know in the last three years so meeting co-workers that's kind of been the biggest change I suppose um I also got cats since moving so it's interesting how I can tell them that they're triggering me but they don't understand um but yeah I mean my co-workers have been far more respectful and accommodating than my past experiences in a professional environment um And again, just whether it's me putting in my headphones or putting on some music, people seem more down for me to just do what works for me.

Adeel [51:14]: Yeah, yeah.

Holli [51:15]: And I do appreciate that.

Adeel [51:17]: Yeah, that's great. I forgot to ask if you had mentioned, actually mentioned it actively to current company. It sounds like you have. What were some of the negative reactions you got at previous jobs?

Holli [51:33]: just a general, I guess, an eye roll. You know, just the shrugging it off reaction is probably the most common in a professional environment. But I also just kind of do my own thing. You know, I just have to, you get into a place where it's isolating and you have to deal with it on your own. So I think just from the way that it was as a kid where, you know, you might want to say something you don't. And then when you do say something, it isn't received gently or in a positive light. I mean, how could it be? It's hard. It's a hard conversation. It's a hard issue to deal with, but. I do my best to deal with it individually, just internally, but I'm glad.

Adeel [52:42]: that in recent years i have seen a general shift in people just accepting other people's quirks you want to call it a quirk yeah yeah yeah um yeah i guess we're getting close to an hour here let's start to wind it down soon but i'm curious um yeah i guess recently any other kind of like coping methods and so you've got the white noise machine you obviously use your headphones i'm curious if you've tried um to see maybe a therapist specifically about misophonia

Holli [53:14]: No, I have not seen a therapist. They are little hard to come by these days and they're expensive so unfortunately I don't have a regular therapist but having a psychiatrist has helped I did start medication this last year and I I will say it has improved everything and misophonia is just one thing that it has improved but it is amazing how getting the proper care can really make a difference so i definitely advocate for therapy i would love a therapist they're just a little hard to come by right now so haven't haven't gotten one in my in my current location but um yeah the treatment that you can access is definitely helpful having a care team whether it's a massage therapist or you know for me it's a psychiatrist um i even saw a nutritionist for a while that was fun did that help at all or did they have any advice you know i'm just trying to be my best self so yes i think on you know in the under the umbrella of misophonia and how it affects me i can easily tell you that diet and exercise and water you know all of the basic things that they say the the the building blocks of a happy healthy life they absolutely make a difference so if you know if i were to offer advice out to someone who it in a similar position i can't afford a therapist i can't find a therapist um start at ground zero start with a b and c get some fruits and vegetables in there i know it's like advice that everyone says and it's kind of annoying because we oftentimes need a lot more than that but it is a great place to start and if i'm eating really well and getting good quality sleep I have my coping strategies and my symptoms do completely improve. They don't go away. They never go away. But everything is so much better if I am respecting my body and my needs and taking care of myself first.

Adeel [55:55]: Yeah, no, you're, you're kind of like, if you're, if you're not doing those basic things, you're kind of like handicapping yourself to, you're just more prone to stuff. And, uh, you're right. Yeah. If you just, I mean, if you get sleep, lower stress, like that will, um, you will still notice the sounds, but you'll, you'll, you know, get back to equilibrium a lot faster, I think.

Holli [56:14]: Exactly. Yeah.

Adeel [56:15]: So, um, yeah, that's interesting. Um, yeah, I guess, um, yeah, well, any other questions? Any other thoughts you might want to have for folks as we're, hopefully we'll hear more from you in the future on your own, on your channels.

Holli [56:31]: Yeah, anything else you kind of want to share with people as we... Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely excited to continue trying new coping methods. You know, I'm going to probably buy some of those earbud things.

Adeel [56:49]: And I also do want to make...

Holli [56:57]: have more of a focus on my online content and make it palatable. I definitely don't want to trigger myself or anyone else. So I think that as our society and as our social circles have shifted more online, not only does it expand the conversation and make things a little bit more palatable, whether you're the one being triggered or whether you're dealing with someone else who's being triggered. I also just want to promote, you know, nice sounding things for people, you know, check your mic settings, et cetera. But, um, yeah, I'm, I'm just happy that the conversation has expanded again. It's like this whole thing started for me five years ago and already this, this the playing field is different. And I'm very grateful to that. And I feel far more supported than I ever did before. So it's definitely because of people like you. So I appreciate you making this podcast and for inviting me.

Adeel [58:09]: Oh, of course, of course. Yeah, well, yeah, Holly, thanks for coming on. And like I said, it's amazing what you did five years ago, how relevant it is still now, and how, you know, you knew it was back then, because people weren't talking about it in that way. And yeah, we hope to hear more from you in the future.

Holli [58:27]: Thank you.

Adeel [58:29]: Thank you again, Holly. It was great to actually chat about that video and everything else you've got going on. Let's keep in touch. If you liked this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. You can hit me up by email at hellomissiphoniapodcast.com or go to the website, missiphoniapodcast.com. It's even easier just to send a message on Instagram at Missiphonia Podcast. Follow there or on Facebook at Missiphonia Podcast. Twitter, we are at Missiphonia Show. Support the show by visiting the Patreon, patreon.com slash missiphoniapodcast. Music, as always, is by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.

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