Victoria S. - Navigating Career and Coping with Misophonia

Adeel [0:01]: Welcome to the Misophonia Podcast. This is Season 7, Episode 14. My name is Adeel Abad, and I have Misophonia. This week I'm talking to Victoria from Central Oregon in the Pacific Northwest. We talk about life as a fisheries observer, working on fishing boats for days at a time, her sometimes challenging childhood with mental illness in the family, coping methods she's used like medication and alcohol, and how she deals with airplanes and more. After this show, let me know what you think. You can reach out by email at helloatmissiphoniapodcast.com or hit me up on Instagram or Facebook at Missiphonia Podcast. By the way, please do head over and leave a quick rating or review wherever you listen to the show. It helps drive us up in the algorithms. A few of my usual announcements. Thanks for the incredible ongoing support of our Patreon supporters. If you feel like contributing, you can read all about the various levels at patreon.com slash misophonia podcast. And I have to mention, of course, the book Sounds Like Misophonia, a self-help book by Dr. Jane Gregory and I. is now out in the UK and will be released in the United States on November 14th. You can order or pre-order wherever you're located. This episode is also sponsored by a personal journaling app I developed for iOS and Android called Bazel. Bazel provides AI-powered insights into your journal entries and guides you with new writing prompts based on those insights. You can even explore many different therapy modalities and philosophies. It's available for iOS and Android. And check the show notes or go to hellobasal.com.

Unknown Speaker [1:48]: All right.

Adeel [1:49]: Now here's my conversation with Victoria. Victoria, welcome to the podcast. Good to have you here.

Victoria [1:55]: Thank you, Adeel, for having me.

Adeel [1:58]: No, of course. So, yeah, to always start off, kind of whereabouts are you located?

Victoria [2:05]: I'm located in Newport, Oregon. It's on the coast, like the central coast of Oregon. Nice, nice. It's a beautiful area. It's a big fishing town.

Adeel [2:20]: Cool. And so, yeah, related to fishing, you want to tell us a little bit about what you do?

Victoria [2:25]: Yeah, so I'm a fisheries observer biologist. So I go out with commercial fishermen and collect data on their catch. And it's for, like, science support, conservation management, and just making sure they're not, you know, keeping any priority species. So I'm a little, like, authoritative out there. Yeah. quite the experience I get to see a lot a lot of cool species orcas humpback whales sharks yeah and every month it's a new boat too which is good for me because I like the change

Adeel [3:14]: Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, I mean, so maybe talk about what are the kind of the misophonia challenges out there and you're kind of stuck on a boat around a bunch of sailors. Yeah. And a bunch of fish and water flopping around.

Victoria [3:28]: Right. I actually don't run into too many problems out there with that because the boats are so loud. Like there's always hydraulics and the engines running. And so there's just constant loud noise happening all the time. And so I don't really run into too many issues except for like I have to share a stateroom with the other deckhands. And so if they're, like, if one of them's snoring or something, then I bring my headphones and listen to white noise or some music or something like that. Or if I'm, like, watching a movie on my phone and somebody else is watching a movie on their phone and they're not listening to it through headphones, then that's a trigger for me, too. Right. Like, yeah.

Adeel [4:28]: Are these multi-day trips?

Victoria [4:30]: They are, yeah. They can be from a day up to a week. It just really depends. Yeah, and it's all on call, too. So it kind of makes for planning things pretty difficult.

Adeel [4:45]: Yeah, wow. Okay. Interesting. All right. Yeah. That makes sense. The background noise definitely would help, I would imagine. Do you have to wear ear protection at all for that, for the background noise? Yeah.

Victoria [5:00]: no yeah unless i have to go into the engine room which i normally don't have to do but yeah it's just like really loud white noise so it's perfect yeah yeah yeah not too bad okay okay then how about uh you know back on land what's going on yeah back on land um so i i am going back to school um But I'm going back for nursing, but I'm having second thoughts on that. Because I actually listened to the podcast episode with, you interviewed a nurse, I think her name was Lola. Because I was just, you know, it's like I want, I don't know, I like to try new things. And I don't believe in having one career forever. So I was going to try the nursing thing. I was like, gosh, I don't know if I can do it with my misophonia. I wouldn't be able to feed the patients.

Adeel [6:06]: you know there's a lot of typing that goes around too and i mean i would imagine though yeah i guess it kind of depends on the situation but that's maybe also a bad thing where you're kind of like dependent on the situation you don't have a lot of control

Victoria [6:21]: Right. Yeah. So now I'm kind of thinking about going in another direction too and doing like geospatial analysis where I can just work from home and then I really wouldn't have to worry about misophonia too much with that. And yeah.

Adeel [6:40]: Right, right, right. So you wanted to go back to school just for a change, not necessarily like...

Victoria [6:47]: misophonia from your current job is driving you driving that decision but uh with my job it's you know it's an amazing job it's not something that I could do forever because I'm always gone um and you know I like something that's a little bit more lucrative and stuff with like to keep up with inflation um you know I like to be able to afford to buy a house one day so right right right

Adeel [7:18]: Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, so, uh, yeah, no, but yeah, career moves, definitely misophonia is probably gonna, you're probably thinking about misophonia, um, and how that's going to play in. Um, yeah, definitely more, you know, something that can be worked from home obviously would be ideal. Um, have you had jobs before that were kind of in office or, you know, things like that, that were not on a boat?

Victoria [7:44]: Um, no, I was a bartender before, so there's a lot of noises around that, you know, like I, I didn't tend to get too triggered. Um, it'd be so funny, but I'd always like, it's like, we just plan out our lives around this disorder that we have, you know, like every move we make, like every trip we go on or we're, we're going to do for work or whatever. where we're going to live. It's like just constantly thinking about this disorder.

Adeel [8:20]: Yeah. The thing is sometimes people, sometimes we forget because we don't like to think, we don't want to think about it. Sometimes people forget and then they're trapped. I know.

Victoria [8:28]: I actually, right. Yeah. I, I, so some of the coping skills too, or one of them is like, I always bring what I call emergency headphones with me everywhere.

Adeel [8:41]: Mm-hmm.

Victoria [8:43]: Um, just in case I'm stuck in a situation where there's a trigger sound and then I can just immediately put in my headphones to block it out.

Adeel [8:53]: Yeah. Yeah. No, that's fair. I mean, I, yeah, I try to carry my, my AirPod Pros are just a little bit smaller around with me, but, uh, yeah, any kind of headphones would help too. Earplugs even. Yeah. You know, in a pinch of earplugs don't really help me too much. It just like makes the... Yeah, I was talking to somebody earlier. It's just like earplugs kind of make me look for the sound more because nothing's on top of it. It's just quieter. So I'm like trying harder to listen for it.

Victoria [9:24]: I totally agree. I used to try the earplug thing and it honestly just made things worse. And now it's almost like it gave me a new trigger. And now I get triggered by like muffled sounds. like muffled TVs or, you know, if you can't quite make out a song, but you know there's a song playing.

Adeel [9:48]: Right.

Victoria [9:49]: Yeah, the earplugs did not work, but... wireless headphones are nice because like the ear pods because um you know you can kind of like hide them behind your hair and so it's not so noticeable if someone's eating with their mouth open and you're like oh god and you quickly put in your headphones and they're like what are you doing speaking of uh eating with mouth open i mean uh you i think you mentioned in one of your emails visual triggers how do you uh

Adeel [10:23]: How's that? How's that kind of treating you?

Victoria [10:28]: Yeah, visual triggers are actually a pretty big one for me. And I've had the visual triggers since I was a kid. Like for some reason, this like my mom and my dad both do it, but they just like will like wiggle their feet. It sounds funny, but they, so we'll be watching a movie or whatever, and they just won't stop like wiggling. And that would drive me crazy because I couldn't focus on what we were watching on the TV. And I just would focus, zone in on like their movements. And so I'd end up, yeah, end up telling him like, you gotta, like, can you please just, just relax, stop moving, you know? Or try to like block it out. They just, um, yeah, I don't know. They weren't too supportive. They didn't really, they didn't really, uh, understand it at all. And so they're more of like, just get over it kind of thing, which is the worst thing you could tell someone that has dysphonia, you know, like, Oh, get over it. Like I should have thought of that.

Adeel [11:50]: Yeah. Wow. Genius. So was that kind of one of the first triggers? How did that start and progress for you?

Victoria [12:00]: It actually was one of the first triggers. So it started when I think I was around eight years old, which seems to be like the normal age for other people. Yeah. Yeah. And there's just, you know, I was sitting in class doing a test and there's a girl sitting behind me and she was smacking gum or eating or something. But I just remembered being like so annoyed with her to the point where I would just like rush through the test and I just wanted to, you know, get out of there. I didn't care if I was failing or not just to avoid, um, that sound, you know? And then going home.

Adeel [12:47]: So it wasn't a family member. It was at school.

Victoria [12:50]: Yeah. My parents both actually, they ate with their mouth closed. They didn't really have too many trigger sounds until later on in life when I started developing more triggers.

Adeel [13:06]: um so it's just creepy feet at first yeah it's just so you know just so distracting i guess oh yeah yeah yeah i don't even think about it makes me kind of uh grossed out anyways okay so and so did things get worse at school like did it start to affect grades and yeah social life too

Victoria [13:32]: Yeah, social life, grades. I always did really well on my homework, but then when it came to the test, I would just bomb the test because it's like when you have to focus that hard on something and really pull memories out of your brain, that's when the triggers get even worse and intensified. and so like if someone's just like you know clicking their pen or tapping or just even like a loud breather you know i would just i'd freak out and rush through the exam and as quickly as possible you know and guess the answers and just yeah so i really struggled in school And I was just a, you know, C's get degrees student. And but then when I got into college, I, you know, found like the Learning Disability Center and went there and tried to explain it to them. And so I was able to sit in a quiet room kind of by myself every time I needed to take an exam or quiz, which really helped a lot.

Adeel [14:48]: Yeah. Did you explain the misophonia? And so did they use misophonia? Misophonia is the reason or did they, I don't know, use some other?

Victoria [14:55]: They didn't use that. They use just like, you know, like ADD or gets too distracted by people like getting up and walking around or whatever. So they use that because, I mean, a lot of people even still don't know about misophonia.

Adeel [15:15]: Right.

Victoria [15:18]: um it's such a embarrassing thing to to try to you know like talk to somebody about absolutely and explain it like how do i even it's hard to find the right words you know it's like how do i make it so i don't sound totally insane or they don't get like totally upset with me well and then it's it's it's funny like uh as we're not funny but as you get as we get older and like

Adeel [15:47]: Sometimes we just, because it's, yeah, you're right. I mean, it takes so much energy just to think about preparing for it. And sometimes we just like, screw this. I'm not even going to bother, like, you know, trying to bring it up. And then we just try to avoid situations more.

Victoria [16:05]: yeah almost like gosh and i really don't like the name either like misophonia i think yeah it's terrible and it makes it's already a very embarrassing disorder to try to explain to someone and then they give it a silly name like that which doesn't even like I just, I don't know. I think they could have done a better job on the scientific name for it because it's so much more than just hatred of sounds. It's like excruciating pain that we feel, you know, and like the visualizations and everything.

Adeel [16:47]: Yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, in my, speaking like off the cuff here, and I've mentioned this on the podcast before, because of the... visual triggers and the more we're learning about misophonia and how it might be related to i don't know like past events like i feel like in a few years well i don't know some number of years it might have a different name because it just might be realized it's not just about sound there's something else going on so you know there's hopefully there'll be an opportunity to change the name up to be something a little bit more accurate as we know about this. I know.

Victoria [17:22]: I just wish there was a cure, like just one little pill we could take, and then it's all cleared up.

Adeel [17:29]: Well, during school, did your parents try to get you some help at all, or was it just straight up?

Victoria [17:36]: No. I had a pretty rough upbringing, actually. And yeah, so I didn't, you know, I grew up really poor and my mom was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was eight. And so then she, she was gone for like the rest of my, like throughout my teenage years. And so it was just my dad raising me and he struggled with, um, alcoholism and depression. So cause he was so depressed about, you know, what happened with mom. And so he didn't really care to get me the help. And we also just couldn't afford it.

Adeel [18:19]: Did you have siblings too?

Victoria [18:21]: I do have a half brother who's quite a bit older than me. And I think that he has it because there's times where like, like we both get annoyed by the same things with dad, like dad, he, he wears dentures and like his teeth slip around in his mouth when he talks and you can hear it. And so we both get kind of annoyed with that or like, If we're in a movie theater and there's someone behind us who's eating popcorn and smacking their lips and him and I will both turn around and just glare at the person. Look at each other and be like, yep, we're moving.

Adeel [19:04]: Sibling glare. Sibling miso glare. Yeah. Okay, so... Yeah, it's interesting. I mean, well, interesting. Your miso started around age eight. Your mom was kind of diagnosed around when you were eight. Which is funny. Did it happen all of a sudden?

Victoria [19:24]: She was so messed up. She had depression. I went to the doctor for that. And the doctor prescribed her with Prozac. And it just triggered this gene in our family. And she just, it was never the same since. She's a lot better now and she's on medications and she's back to normal. It's, you know, we have a great relationship now, but yeah, it's, it's, it was pretty rough there for a while. And like. being that young, you know, and like having a witness, like your parents getting divorced and like alcohol and poverty and like seeing your mom doing things that are just like very strange.

Adeel [20:13]: You don't see other parents doing, you know, it's all like, Oh, so there was a, uh, uh, your parents split up around that time as well. Okay. Okay.

Victoria [20:25]: Yeah.

Adeel [20:27]: so yeah that's um yeah you're not you know you're absolutely right that sounds really rough i'm sorry you went when your whole family went through that um understandable yeah that you're that you know there's other things going on that you know your parents aren't going to get you help necessarily for something that they don't understand um right yeah And so, okay, so then, well, I mean, let's move forward to kind of like, you know, you got some help in college where at least you got to get a separate room for tests. When you got out into the world, like what was starting to happen around then for you?

Victoria [21:06]: Gosh, it's always been something that I kind of kept to myself up until... um, I was about 25 and then I decided to, you know, Google it. And then I also found the Kelly Ripka, uh, Ripa interview and how she talked about it. And that's kind of how we all just discovered it.

Adeel [21:33]: I thought I was young. 2009, 2011, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Victoria [21:36]: So it was in, like, my early 20s. Yeah. But before that, I just didn't really... Like, I tried to talk about it to my parents or, like, my boyfriend. But they still were just like, you're... You're crazy. And so I just thought that there was something wrong with you.

Adeel [21:57]: Well, it's not something that's nice to hear. Yeah. Not something nice to hear, especially with your upbringing. Right. Yeah, that's... So your... your partner is saying you're crazy. Did you see your friends as well? Like everyone around you?

Victoria [22:16]: Yeah. Friends. They like just, you know, like having a relationship with misophonia is so difficult to like, it's almost like you gotta find someone who also has it in order. to like have a successful relationship and because I've you know like I've I've dumped guys because they just they ate too loudly and they just weren't understanding you know my disorder and or I've been dumped too because they're just like I can't deal with this. Um, but I'm very fortunate now because I have a partner and he, he's so supportive and he works with me and, you know, he's just like, whenever you have a trigger, just let me know and we'll work through it. And I think he might have a little bit of it, but he doesn't have it to the severity that I do.

Adeel [23:16]: How did you broach the subject?

Victoria [23:20]: Oh my gosh, with him? I don't really remember.

Adeel [23:26]: You wore a t-shirt that said, I miss Phonia.

Victoria [23:30]: Yeah, I understand. I wore a hat. I think it might have just been over dinner one night. We were having drinks. I tend to spill it out whenever I have a couple drinks in me. And then I'm like, I have this thing. Because then I have the balls to tell people, you know?

Adeel [23:50]: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I hear you.

Victoria [23:53]: Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah, like alcohol became... not anymore, but it was like a coping mechanism for me.

Adeel [24:04]: Self-medication. Yeah.

Victoria [24:06]: Yeah. Cause it was like one of the only things that would help, um, you know, like if I had to go hang out with like my parents and stuff and cause they are big triggers for us and I would show up and be like a little bit buzzed so I could, I could hang out with them.

Adeel [24:27]: Yeah, it's a little dangerous because if you're a little bit beyond buzz to get into that, you can get into kind of like a ranty-esque extra, you know, extra agitated mode, which is not where you want to be. No. No, not at all. Yeah, you don't want to have to depend on that. Mm-mm. Okay, okay. Well, that's good that your partner here is supportive at least.

Victoria [24:56]: He's got like your own little sounds too. Like he doesn't quite, he doesn't get annoyed too much about like loud eating. But if I, it's funny, like if I'm eating something that tastes really good and I'm, you know, I'm saying like, mmm, this is delicious. That mmm sound drives him nuts and he'll just run out of the room. So I had to quickly learn to stop doing that. But yeah, just having someone that's supportive and not judgmental, you know, it's so refreshing.

Adeel [25:31]: Sometimes that's all you, sometimes it's kind of all you need, right? It's like, as long as the other person knows, like, as long as you know that the other person is trying, that somehow often can tell your brain that you're not under, you're not about to die. Yeah. You're not. No one's out to get you. Right.

Victoria [25:51]: Yeah. It's so strange. I was thinking about it before we had this interview about how. like just some things that we could talk about and there's one thing i discovered and it's i noticed that like if people are joking around with you and like you know giving an example of like certain sounds like then it doesn't bother me but it's when they're when they're unaware that they're making the sounds that's when i'm like that's when i feel it and i'm triggered

Adeel [26:28]: Yeah. Humor is a, I mean, humor is a known coping method. And I think that's, it's just all part of that. Uh, you, something in you, your, your lizard brain, uh, your humor, um, or just kind of the, the understanding in the other person, the empathy can, it can just calm you down and make you feel like you're not under threat, make that lizard brain not be on guard. But yeah, you're right. But if you're on somebody who's unaware and they're making the sound, then I think that part of you thinks that something's about to jump on you. It's literally like being in the jungle thousands of years ago. It's kind of what it feels like.

Victoria [27:12]: I don't know. To me, it feels like it's like a burning feeling in the back of my throat and in my chest that kind of escalates. And... you know, and that, you know, that's where that it's like mixed with anger too. Um, and it's like just builds and builds and builds and builds, you know, and it's like the only release is to, is for that sound to stop or to like, you just want to like scream.

Adeel [27:48]: Right.

Victoria [27:49]: Horrible.

Adeel [27:50]: And it's the onset I'm assuming is immediate, right? Like split second. Dr. Jekyll and Hyde kind of situation, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, one thought I had was when you're, back when, back when your mom was starting to show, you know, signs and stuff, were you, did you, do you remember, like, being in your house and kind of having to listen carefully for the mood to shift or strange things to happen?

Victoria [28:26]: uh not not really really yeah i think i just because i was just too young and still didn't really know like what was going on with her yeah you know

Adeel [28:45]: Just trying to think back to like, yeah, I was trying to see if like there was a, yeah, after the situation where you feel like you were having to listen very carefully to what was going on in another room or something. Because I've talked to, actually Eric was on, there's somebody named Eric, I don't know if you heard that episode, but he actually also had a mom who was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was quite young. And so, you know, when he would go to bed, he would kind of listen for, like plates being thrown in the middle of the night kind of thing when his mother would kind of shift. And so I, you know, I'm just curious if there was some kind of pattern that maybe you noticed.

Victoria [29:28]: Well, now that you have brought that up, I'm kind of thinking that, like, before my parents got divorced and my dad was drinking and he would get angry with my mom. And so, like, after I'd go to bed, they'd be yelling at each other. So I think I'd probably be listening for that.

Adeel [29:53]: Right, right. Yeah, so I don't want to necessarily dwell on bad memories and stuff. I'm just trying to see if there was a pattern there. No, this is good.

Victoria [30:03]: This is therapy. Okay.

Adeel [30:04]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, good, good. I hope it feels that way.

Victoria [30:09]: Yeah. I do remember, though, before I was eight, probably about maybe six or seven, and I was over at my best friend's house who lived down the street, and I was having dinner with her and her parents, and... We're all sitting around eating, and all of a sudden, all three of them yelled at me at, like, the top of their lungs to eat with my mouth closed.

Adeel [30:38]: Oh, my God.

Victoria [30:40]: Yeah.

Adeel [30:40]: Wow. Okay.

Victoria [30:41]: So I don't know if, like, that, like, that kind of traumatic experience is what triggered the onset of misophonia.

Adeel [30:51]: Yeah. It'd be amazing if that was like, well, you know, one incident could do it, but yeah. Or, or maybe more likely it's just, you were, it seemed to be, you were kind of like things were, things were happening around that age and you might, your nervous system might just have been primed to, to, um, you know, to, to be on guard. And that definitely didn't help with that situation of being yelled at.

Victoria [31:14]: Yeah. But I remember that was before, you know, like me getting annoyed with the person behind me, you know, in class. So, yeah, I don't know if it just like made me more aware of sounds after that. Yeah, yeah. Because I have had, you know, experiences down the road and, you know, around my age now with friends where like, you know, I'll tell them about, misophonia and and i'll try to like say like oh you know like you use your mouth open and it triggers my misophonia i don't know i don't know how else to put it yeah yeah and um it's like ever since i tell them that then they'll mention to me later on like like i wish you never said that to me because now i'm noticing sounds around me And now I'm, yeah.

Adeel [32:18]: Yeah, there is, I mean, there's a school of thought that sometimes it is kind of quote-unquote contagious. Some people think it's a little bit contagious. Yeah, I'm not sure if there have been studies or somebody's really looked at all the anecdotal information about that. But yeah, even on social media, people try to be careful about mentioning a trigger because sometimes that'll make somebody who maybe already has signs of misophonia, just kind of look for that more. That's interesting that you're friends. But do they, I mean, do they just kind of say that and then you don't really hear that again?

Victoria [32:56]: Yeah, I think a lot of people, yeah, I think they just, they try to relate, right? And they're like, oh yeah, I get annoyed by those sounds too, but it's, I don't think they really have, you know, like misophonia. Right. Like we do. Because it's just so much more than just, gosh, I wish it was just like a little annoyance, you know? It's so much more than that.

Adeel [33:21]: Right, right. Okay, yeah. So, yeah, you mentioned that, you know, you were thinking back to some things you wanted to talk about. Were there any other kind of like interesting misophonia concepts or or anecdotes that that you had in mind that you want to you want to share i know that uh you mentioned about you know that you had some coping methods you wanted to talk about or ways you ways you deal with it um yeah so the drinking was one but obviously i'm trying not to do that anymore right right many of us many of us have learned that

Victoria [34:01]: um but i noticed like obviously exercising but um yoga like first thing in the morning for just 20 minutes helps immensely um just being like healthier and then uh and unfortunately you know we always want to go like the more natural route but i have taken antidepressants that have helped quite a bit helped the miso yeah

Adeel [34:31]: in what way does it uh because some people have mentioned that um you know they take it but it kind of dulls their senses and you know maybe dulls their emotions a bit hey you know all these things are they have different effects so um it could be it's obviously different for different people but uh did it did you notice that it directly like just did it like make the triggers happen less or your recovery from the triggers was better do you do you know how it kind of like um affected your missile um it was it gave me like less triggers

Victoria [35:08]: And then when I did hear a trigger, it didn't, it just was more of a, and turned it into more of like an annoyance, but I could still, I could stand to listen to it. It got rid of like the, you know, that burning pain and anxiety and fight, you know, flight or fight feeling and the anger, you know.

Adeel [35:34]: Are you still taking medication then?

Victoria [35:39]: Um, so the one that I was on before it was Celexa and that one helped quite a bit with, um, with the misophonia, but I had to get off of that cause you can't take it forever and you know, certain side effects. Um, but now I'm, I just started taking Welbutrin, which has, um, been helping, but not as much as Celexa did. I did take the gen test that my doctor prescribed. It's like they collect your DNA and they match up your DNA with the right pharmaceuticals so that you have the least amount of side effects. And it's for a whole range of, you know, your psychology. So it's like antidepressants or antipsychotic or for mood stabilizers. It's, you know, anything you need. And, and so Uputrin was the one for me to help the most and with the less or the least amount of side effects.

Adeel [36:52]: Gotcha. And you were taking these for like obviously non-meso things, um, Did you, I mean, do you mention misophonia at all when you talk to doctors or therapists?

Victoria [37:04]: Yeah, yeah, I talk to my therapist once a week, and I tell him about the misophonia, and he's heard of it. But there's not really any like coping mechanisms that they suggest. And then doctors are pretty unaware of it. However, I did have the one who said that the antidepressants help with that. with the misophonia. So I'm taking that not just for like anxiety and depression, but also for a full range of things like the misophonia. Um, it helps with ADD, um, helps with like, I don't know. Yeah. Just other stuff.

Adeel [37:50]: But, um, very good. All these, these are, well, pretty common. with misophonia. Yeah, a lot of people come on with ADHD and anxiety, sometimes bipolar. So a lot of these things go together. I mean, it's great news that at least the medication is affecting the misophonia in a positive way. Yeah.

Victoria [38:16]: Yeah, it does. I just get... I don't know. I get worried about the future and how... like just the triggers and how I keep developing new triggers as I get older. And it just worries me that like, like what about 30 years from now? Am I just going to be annoyed with every single sound out there?

Adeel [38:41]: Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I wonder about that too. Cause I mean, it gets, it gets somewhat balanced with the fact that as you get older, you tend to have a little bit more, Or you tend to take a little bit more control of your life. Now, whether that means you just isolate yourself more or you're just able to kind of like, I don't know, design your life a little bit better. It sometimes does balance it out. But you're right. The triggers don't exactly go away or get less. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that part of your brain that's kind of like, warning you and then warning you of the warning and then warning you of the warning of the warning you know that's we don't really know how exactly it works but uh but yeah it's you know many people say that more triggers develop over time

Victoria [39:34]: right yeah i just hope that they can figure out some sort of cure by that by the time i get older and then i'm just annoyed with everything i'm living alone in the shack in the woods which doesn't sound too bad i'd actually like that um but yeah you should buy a chunk of land with a bunch of little shacks and uh

Adeel [39:59]: Yeah. That'll be our community.

Victoria [40:03]: With misophonia people only. We're just always walking on ankles around each other. Right, right. But yeah, I got a new trigger recently, and that's like crinkling bags.

Adeel [40:18]: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Like cellophane or mylar, things like that. Potato chips.

Victoria [40:25]: Potato chip bags, yeah.

Adeel [40:27]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a pretty sharp noise. It is. It's a very unpleasant noise. Was that not a thing not too long ago?

Victoria [40:38]: No. It wasn't. It's new. Maybe it came on like past month or two. And all of a sudden, I'm just annoyed with bags.

Adeel [40:53]: Right, right. And I was on an airplane. Yeah. Oh, gosh, yeah.

Victoria [40:58]: Airplanes are just a horrible place for us.

Adeel [41:02]: Yeah, yeah.

Victoria [41:03]: And, yeah, people on there, you know, crinkling their bags. And I got my white noise turned up to 100.

Adeel [41:11]: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, what do you take on your... What do you usually take? Those headphones that you always take with you?

Victoria [41:22]: Yeah. Headphones and... I really am trying to find a good... noise canceling headphones but there's not really such thing like i can't just kind of dims the noise you know like earplugs do whether nothing actually like completely gets rid of that oh yeah yeah yeah no it's yeah noise counseling is a bit of a strong term yeah it's yeah not quite noise canceling but it reduces it i think they assume that you're gonna play something on top of it Which helps. But sometimes you just want no sounds at all. Yeah, airplanes are just horrible for me. Gosh. I tend to... I tend to move around a lot in airplanes. Like if I'm sitting next to someone who's making those trigger noises, I'll get up and I have a system where I'll get up and go to the bathroom and I'll scope out other seats and look for like an empty seat or a row of empty seats. And then I'll just, I'll move over there. Cause like, yeah. Can't sit next to someone for five hours making that sound.

Adeel [42:49]: I wish I was on planes that had a row of empty seats. They seem to all be full. Maybe I'm just going to popular places. But yeah, that would be obviously great.

Victoria [42:57]: Well, even if it's just a new seat with someone who's not making the trigger noise, you know.

Adeel [43:06]: Right, right, right, right.

Victoria [43:08]: Yeah. A full row that's free is just very lucky.

Adeel [43:12]: Yeah, it's extremely lucky. Yeah, we're getting close to about an hour. Any other recent coping methods or setbacks, like new triggers or something that you've had?

Victoria [43:32]: Another one that I have is typing, which makes things very difficult in the work environment. Right. So I have to be careful about where I choose to work because in an office, you know, probably would not be good for me. Work from home remotely would be perfect. Right. But in school and computer classes was pretty good for me.

Adeel [44:02]: Yeah, I can imagine. School computers tend to have the loudest keyboards for some reason, too.

Victoria [44:08]: Yeah, and it's not all typing. People who type softly, it's fine. It's the people that type very aggressively.

Adeel [44:22]: Well, they're more important people. That's why they type so aggressively.

Victoria [44:29]: You know what I mean? Yeah, I know.

Adeel [44:37]: I tend to have Apple keyboards and they tend to be pretty soft. But yeah, the clicky-clacky stuff is... I don't know. Some people like that tactile nature of it, but yeah, it's not good for us.

Victoria [44:52]: Yeah, it's not.

Adeel [44:57]: Yeah, so I guess, yeah, it's interesting. I'd love to kind of keep in touch about what happens in terms of school and kind of where you go in the future. You know, now that you're older, have you talked to your parents or your sibling about music? Have you talked to them about it? now you know after like having known it has knowing it has a name and you're taking medication like it is is there been some kind of um i don't know um understanding around it or no

Victoria [45:29]: no they yeah they're still just kind of like yeah okay whatever you say and then they continue on with their life and they still keep doing their thing and making those triggers and and i've showed them you know like the interview with kelly ripka ripa why do i keep saying ripka sorry my friend's last name is ripka so i was kind of confused um and anyway but Yeah. Um, they just, they still don't understand.

Adeel [46:03]: What about extended family? Anybody, anybody, you know, that has it other than your half brother or anybody at least even understands it or you talk to anybody about it?

Victoria [46:19]: No, no one really. I think I'm the only one that has it. Like my dad's got it a little bit, but he doesn't want to admit. However, he really doesn't want to admit.

Adeel [46:30]: Okay.

Victoria [46:31]: Yeah. He spent it to me about coworkers making trigger sounds that are really bothering him. Yeah. You probably have misophonia too. And he's just like, no, no, I don't have what you have. Okay.

Adeel [46:48]: Okay. Give him my number. He'll come on the podcast and we'll sort it out.

Victoria [46:55]: Yeah. Oh, I should. That'd be funny. Except for everybody could hear his teeth slipping around and then everyone just immediately shut off.

Adeel [47:05]: Yeah. I don't know if I'd be able to edit all that out. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Victoria, I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, anything, yeah. Anything else you want to share? You've had an interesting background. It's interesting how similar parts of it are with, with other, I know you had kind of, you know, some definitely some rough situations, but, but it's, you know, I've, I've heard some of this stuff before and I'm sure people listening, they might be able to relate. I know they'll be able to relate. Yeah. Any other, any other things you want to, you want to share with people?

Victoria [47:42]: Um, no, I just, I don't know. Just nice to know that you're not alone. You know, listening to this podcast really, it helps kind of, I don't know. Helps with that.

Adeel [47:56]: Normalize it a bit in your head at least.

Victoria [47:58]: Yeah. Yeah. Not feel so crazy. Everybody's crazy in their own way. This is our way.

Adeel [48:09]: Especially the people who make sounds. Yeah, I know.

Victoria [48:13]: They're the craziest.

Adeel [48:16]: Well, yeah, Victoria, thanks for coming on. This is great. And yeah, thanks for sharing everything.

Victoria [48:22]: Yeah, thank you so much, Adeel. I really appreciate you having me on here. And it was really nice to talk with you. And yeah.

Adeel [48:31]: Thank you again, Victoria. Again, I wish you the best in your next chapter, whatever it ends up being. If you liked this episode, don't forget to leave a quick review or just hit the five stars wherever you listen to this podcast. You can hit me up by email at hellomissiphoniapodcast.com or go to the website, missiphoniapodcast.com. It's even easier just to send a message on Instagram at Missiphonia Podcast. Follow there or Facebook. And on Twitter, it's Missiphonia Show. You can support the show by visiting the Patreon at patreon.com slash Missiphonia Podcast. Theme music, as always, is by Moby. And until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.

Unknown Speaker [49:48]: you